WARNING
I do not own the characters of Dragon Age. Some dialogue, words and phrases were created by Bioware and belong to them. This fic was written with the purpose of providing a fun time to everyone.
ALL THAT REMAINS:
FENRIS
by
Airshadow
Magic.
It seemed that his life was cursed to be surrounded by Magic. From his time as slave to now, the darkest forms of this art had haunted him, but what had happened with Hawke's mother surpassed all the horror that he had witnessed in his life. Fenris had spent hours sitting on the edge of the window that overlooked the backyard. For years it had been his favorite place when the cursed Danarius spent the summers in Kirkwall. There, he could monitor his former master's chambers and was close in case of need.
His mood darkened, as usually happened every time that the cursed memory of his former master popped up. In moments like those, Hawke normally would say a witty phrase or two to make him smile.
Hawke... His Hawke... His no more... She deserved something better than him and the Abomination.
The Tevinter elf stood up and left that place - maybe a stroll in the backyard would help. He wasn't in mood to leave that magnificent ruin in which he had made his lair, but he needed fresh air. The garden was started to look neglected, and every month looked more like a forest, but he liked it that way. Fenris sat in a corner and rested his back in the wall. He was falling asleep when some shrieks and desperate flapping of wings woke him.
It was a hawk attacking a dove. The bird of prey had killed its victim and was pecking it very close to where he was. When it noticed him, it flew away, abandoning the remains. He quickly moved to check the dove, even though he knew that nothing could be done.
"Always the innocent die and the powerful thrive," Fenris thought bitterly while he watched the lifeless bird on the ground. He couldn't blame the hawk for behaving in that way, as it is what they do... But some monsters as Danarius or Quentin... Still he remembered what that dammed Blood Mage had done to Hawke's mother, destroying many lives trying to become true his twisted dreams.
"Magic," he said sourly, "What has it touched that doesn't ruin or corrupt?"
Almost immediately the image of Hawke appeared in his mind; still he felt amazed that innocence shone in those eyes and that her soul hadn't degraded. She always was ready to help of those less fortunate than her, something unthinkable for the Magister's apprentices or the Tevinter's mages. Magic and Hawke, they were two concepts that were hard to put together, but on the other hand were in fact a whole.
In spite of that, Fenris couldn't forget what had happened in the Foundry District. It was the most disturbing and terrible abuse of Magic that he had ever seen. Still he could hear Dionne's sobs, and the vision of the broken remains of Lady Amell yet hounded his mind. The Lyriun in his body started to glow while the anger burned his soul. If the Maker existed, why was he blind to these injustices, and deaf to the innocents' cries?
He wanted to know, but Sebastian didn't have an answer either. The only things that he said were the same arguments than the Chantry always gave. The only good advice that he had given him in all those days was stay to Dionne's side.
His heart screamed with anguish. He loved her. He would give everything to make her happy, even give her up! But how could he comfort her if he didn't know the way to do it? All his life before his markings were gone, and the last years had revolved around surviving, running away and hiding. He had never expected that a beautiful woman would treat him as an equal, let alone love him.
When she cried in his arms in that dammed place, how he wanted to have something to say to console her. All he could do was take her away from there and take her home. Since then, he haunted her Manor's front door, undecided whether to go inside or not. He, the former bodyguard of one of the most powerful Magisters in Tevinter, and one of the few who wasn't afraid to face a High Dragon, could only act like a coward and a fool when he had to deal with feelings and emotions.
The worst was that nobody understood...
"Do you know something, Broody? I don't know, what are you waiting for? If I were you, I would launch to boarding now that the over-zealous Junior isn't around."Varric had said three days ago.
"I knew that someday you would hurt her!"had told him the Abomination some days ago. Luckily for him, he had left the manor in one piece.
Isabela launched into charging as soon as she saw the opportunity in the horizon. But before long, the pirate queen realized that nothing would be accomplished.
"You are a party pooper!"she had screamed in frustration before leaving him alone.
Yes, nobody understood...
He heard a noise inside the manor that triggered his survival instincts. He wasn't expecting any more... Visitors. He took the hilt of his sword and carefully walked through the hallway that connected the backyard with the interior. His back was stuck to the wall in order to avoid an unpleasant surprise.
"Fenris... Are you in Home?"
'Venhedis,' thought the elf when he recognized Sebastian's voice. The last thing that he wanted was to have more guests. He released the tilt of his sword, and few seconds later he found himself face to face with the exiled prince of Starkhaven.
"There you are; how have you been?" Sebastian said with a friendly smile.
Fenris would never admit it openly, but he was relieved knowing who his visitor was. Life running from an especially cruel Master, plus always sleeping with an eye open, took a toll in your soul.
"I'm fine," The ex-slave answered with a snort, but it was a clear lie.
"You clearly are not," Sebastian replied calmly. "I don't understand you: You love Hawke, and Hawke loves you... What are you doing here? She clearly needs you."
"It's easier to judge when you aren't in the situation," responded the ex-slave. "I go to Hawke's side and what next? Talk with her about her feelings or how her mother was murdered?"
"You don't need to say anything..." Sebastian kindly replied "Sometimes just you need to stay there. Fenris, whenever you need to talk, you know where to find me. See you later."
The exiled prince left the place while Fenris shook his head.
- o0o -
"Master Fenris?"
Fenris was just picking information from Bodahn about what had happened in and around Hawke's state, when heard that timid voice. When he turned his eyes and looked into Oranna's green ones. It was a little exasperating that she still insisted to call him 'Master'. For him, it was almost as though it was comparing him with Danarius.
"Oranna, please don't call me 'master'," Fenris replied trying not to sound menacing or rude; he knew that the shy elf was easy to scare. "You are free now, so you don't have to address me in that way."
"But... but..." Oranna stammered "That is not polite... I would be disrespecting you and mistress Hawke."
Fenris sighed in resignation. This would be one of those situations where no matter how many times he would try to change it, it never would happen. Besides that, he wasn't in mood to argue, he wanted to see Hawke... His sweet, hurting, lovely Hawke.
He walked down the corridor towards her bedroom and noticed that her mother's door was closed. He knew its meaning, the overwhelming grief what Hawke was feeling. Although the stretch between the stairs and her room was short, for him was painfully long. Slowly, he walked the corridor, feeling his legs grow heavy as lead ingots with each step.
Finally, he arrived there. The door was open and he saw her sat in her bed, wearing her finery. He hesitated, but soon walked towards the sleeping room's doorstep. Maker, why was so hard to said something comforting?
"I don't know what to say, but I'm here," he said as soon as he arrived at the spot. His own words sounded as usual: confident and self-controlled; but under his skin, he felt the opposite.
Dionne looked at him; her eyes had traces of tears. With a choked and faltering voice she asked, "Am I to blame for not saving her?"
He moved close to her and softly answered her, "I could say no, but would it help?"
She looked at her hands as if she was questioning her own power and abilities Fenris sat down close to her and embraced her. Hawke started to sob once more while she leaned her head on Fenris's shoulder.
"You are looking for forgiveness," The Tevinter elf said while he gently moved his hand across his beloved's cheek and hair, "But I'm not the one who can give it to you." Then he kissed her forehead and added, "But I'm here for you. I never will leave you unless you want me to... because now and always, I'm yours."