Ronin Special #1
What Might have been
By: Ghost of the Dawn
Chapter 4: Kento- Part 2
Robyn woke up alone among bunched up sheets with cartoon print. This morning, the same as she had the past few mornings, Robyn took a moment to lay there and recall what had happened and where she was. Everything swam back to her all at once. All the mornings of waking up in different places and different beds with different lives and different people. Every life was unknown to her with just a small glint of familiarity. Just a face she knew from a person she didn't know; and yet she did.
It was confusing and frustrating and frightening. But none so scary as what had transpired last night. Robyn thought it over with a frown, feeling awkward and embarrassed even though she was the only one in the room.
Yes, she had been startled and yes something bad could have happened. Kento was strong and could have forced himself on her if he wanted. But the more Robyn thought about it, the more ridiculous it sounded to her. Yes, Kento was strong. Maybe the strongest person she knew. All of them were strong and she had seen with her own eyes the power they were truly capable of. At the same time, she considered all of them quite harmless. Kento was at the top of that list. She feared him even less than Ryo's temper and Cye's piercing glare.
Realizing this, Robyn also realized how badly she had overreacted that night. If she had been thinking clearer, she could have handled the situation better than fleeing the room and never coming back without an explanation. It was this whole ordeal. It was grating on her sanity, making her loose her better judgement.
Robyn sighed heavily. Her poor choice of reaction might make it awkward today. At the same time, she both wished she could do it over and was glad she wouldn't have to do it again. For now she had another day to tackle and with a deep breath, Robyn got up to meet it.
She found the two boys down stairs in the living room. Both had dry cereal in their laps and were watching Saturday morning cartoons Both completely ignored her when she came into the room.
"Hey guys," she called. "Where's Ken-- where's your dad?"
Still no response from them. Their eyes were glued to the screen.
"Hey!" Robyn raised her voice a bit to get their attention.
"Dad's at work, jeeze Mom," one of them said in an annoyed voice as if Robyn should have known better.
But Robyn ignored his tone, relieved she wouldn't have to deal with their father and how she treated him until that night.
Going into the kitchen to get herself some breakfast, Robyn though all about what she was going to do when that time came. The tv kept blaring in the background, but she heard none of it, lost in her thoughts. A small voice however, did reach her.
"Mom, do we get to go to Grandma's today?" asked the little boy in the doorway as he tiredly rubbed one eye.
Robyn decided to assume it was Li. He just looked too sweet and soft spoken to be Jet. She had completely forgotten she was supposed to drop the boys off at Kento's mother's house. She glanced at the clock to see it was nearly ten now.
"Yes you are," she replied. "In about two hours. So as soon as you're done with breakfast, go upstairs and pack so you can spend the night with Grandma and Aunt Channy."
Li's eyes lit up and he happily ran off to chatter at his brother. Later, when Robyn came out to check on them, she found the TV still on, but the living room empty. Apparently, the boy's definition of "finishing breakfast" was leaving half eaten bowls on the floor
Robyn turned off the tv and could instantly hear the boys stomping and talking excitedly upstairs. She let them be for the moment as she cleaned up after them. Back in the kitchen, Robyn noticed signs that Kento had grabbed himself something to eat that morning. It was possible that he even helped the boys with breakfast before he left.
It made Robyn feel bad. He had just let her sleep all morning. She should have gotten up and made him a good meal before he went out for another hard day at work.
Robyn laughed at herself as she thought that. I really am turning into a housewife, aren't I? What am I going to do if I make it back home and I'm no longer married to any of them and I don't have to take care of them any more?
Her mirth at herself ended there. She had thought "if". It was no longer when she got back, it was IF she got back. Robyn deflated at that realization. Suddenly home felt impossibly far away and she missed it so much that her heart ached. She was home sick for her life and her room and her boys the way she knew them. A moment of despair moved over her and Robyn dropped her head to the table. She had no way to get back to them and that hurt worst of all.
"Mom, are you sleeping?" a little boy's voice whispered.
"Mom! Time to get up! We're ready!" a second voice demanded.
Robyn lifted her head to see the twins looking expectantly at her, bulging backpacks hanging from their shoulders.
Robyn swallowed her personal grief and went back into parent/baby-sitter mode.
"Okay, let me see what you packed."
After inspecting the contents and pulling out extra toys and packing more underwear and toothbrushes, they were all ready to go a little before noon. As Robyn piled them in the car, she fervently hoped Kento's parents still lived at the same house. She doubted she could find it with the directions of two five-year-olds if they didn't.
Luckily, it seemed to be the right place. The second she stopped the boys had already unbuckled themselves and jumped from the car. Robyn followed slowly behind as they ran up to the front door and rang the bell. Even Kento's mother was quicker than Robyn. She swept the boys in a joyous hug and then let them loose to run about her house.
The two women smiled at each other as Robyn finally made it up to the door.
"Hey Sweetie, how are you?" Mrs. Faun greeted warmly as she put her arms around her. The embrace felt warm and safe and Robyn relished it.
"I'm fine. How are you doing?" Robyn had no idea if she should call her "Mom" or not.
"Plenty busy," Mrs. Faun laughed back jovially. "But good. Come inside. I haven't talked with you in so long."
Lured by her bright demeanor, Robyn followed her into the house and the two settled on the couch. Chun Fa ran by with the boys at her heels as they happily raced upstairs. Robyn hoped Chun Fa really would look like that when she got older. She was so adorable!
"So how is everything?" Mrs. Faun asked. "Are you keeping up okay? I know having one boy can be taxing enough. But two boys for a new mother can downright run you ragged."
"They are pretty energetic," Robyn agreed. "But they're good kids. And Kento helps where he can."
"Of course, Dear," Mrs. Faun replied, kindly patting her hand. "I know he worries about you. He knows you aren't used to a house full of screaming kids. It can be tough going from a single child to a full house."
"It's fine, really," Robyn insisted. She felt guilty for taking sympathy when she wasn't the one who deserved it. She only had the boys for one day, unlike their real mother.
"Like I said, they're good boys. And I really appreciate all Kento does. That's sweet that he worries about me, but I'm fine."
"That's good to hear," Mrs. Faun smiled. Then her face went a bit more serious as if she were now going to talk about business. "Speaking of Kento, how are the two of you doing?"
Robyn furrowed her brows a bit. She had a feeling she may not be catching the exact meeting of the question.
"We're fine," she said carefully.
"Yes, but I know having kids in the house can change the relationship. Not leave you as much time as you used to have for each other. I just wanted to make sure you're still able to take care of all his needs."
Robyn's brows furrowed further as she tried to comprehend what was being told to her. Then those brows shot up as stark realization hit her and she was instantly embarrassed.
"He's a healthy young man," Mrs. Faun went on. "And as his wife there are certain duties to the husband that can sometimes get overlooked when children are in the house. I just want to make sure you are still meeting all his needs as a man."
On the outside, Robyn's face was calm, giving away nothing. Inside, she was agasp in horror at having this kind of conversation about Kento's bedroom life with his mother.
I knew their family talked about a lot of things openly, but I didn't they were THAT open!
"I mean, when the two of you first got married, I would see Kento and he would be positively glowing and I knew you had a healthy relationship."
Please stop, Robyn begged in her mind. Please just make it stop.
"So you can understand my concern. Your attention can't be on the children all the time. Part of keeping the household together is keeping the husband happy. Even if you feel you can't, trust me, one can always find the time. Look at me. I still have two children at home, a full time business to run, and Kento's father and I still find time for it a couple times a week. That isn't asking too much is it?"
Robyn felt a bit ill as a mental picture forced itself into her mind. She couldn't even remember the rest of the conversation after that. She was too much in shock; it was all just a blur. She couldn't even recall what sort of response she managed to get out after hearing such an uncomfortable lecture.
When Robyn was finally allowed to leave, she didn't head straight home. She drove around for a bit, trying to recover. The motion of driving soothed her for a bit. But her thoughts kept bouncing from Mrs. Faun's lecture to what happened last night and Robyn did not want to go home.
Unfortunately, the truth of the matter was she had to go back. She didn't know where anything else was. Where Mary Anne lived or if any of the other guys were close by. Not that Robyn really wanted to discuss this with any other living being. Ever.
Finally, Robyn accepted her fate and drove back to her temporary house. When she reached the door, Robyn paused for it was ajar. Her first thought was one of fear and that someone had broken in. But then she noticed Kento's car was parked outside and his shoes were by the steps.
Still, Robyn lingered in the doorway. She thought back over everything again. Kento was here and they were alone. He was a healthy young man, according to his mother, and there were no children in the house to interrupt this time.
There was also blood on the doorknob.
All previous fears were forgotten and replaced with a new one and Robyn flung open the door.
"Kento? Kento! Where are you?"
There was a bit of blood also smeared on the wall leading up the stairs. Robyn dashed after the trail and ran into their bedroom, heart feeling on fire from her fear. The bedroom was empty and she kept running into the adjoining bathroom. There she saw a sight that haunted her long after it was over.
Kento's body slumped in the bathtub, still fully clothed, one arm hanging off the side. The tub was almost filled to the brim with water dyed deep pink with blood.
Robyn didn't recall moving. She was just suddenly kneeling next to him, gripping his arm and the side of the tub. her body was shaking all over.
"Kento? Kento, are you okay?" Her voice sounded too high and not her own. "Say something!"
She shook him and Kento lifted his head. He turned it in her direction, but his gaze was far off and cloudy.
"Kento, are you hurt?" Robyn demanded. She madly ran her hands over his chest, searching his soaked uniform for bullet holes or the source of the blood. "What happened? Please talk to me! Please--"
She was cut off by Kento's hand on her cheek. His voice was calm and hollow as he spoke.
"It's not my blood."
Robyn just stared at him, unsure of how to feel or react.
"Baby, I'm okay," Kento continued. "This blood isn't mine."
Robyn went stiff, the emotions fighting inside her. The fear that enveloped her was now letting go but it was blocked by the larger wave of relief rushing in and confusion was running every which way. It was too much pressure on the heart and it broke through in the form of tears. Robyn's body shook as they poured out and her chest heaved, trying to hold back the sobs.
Kento's body came alive and he leaned forward, pulling her over the side and clutching her head to his wet chest. By then, Robyn had surrendered to her emotions and had started crying. She hated crying in front of anyone. But there was something about those strong arms around her that made her feel so protected that all her feelings would be safe if she let them out. Robyn stopped fighting and sobbed openly against his chest.
Kento held her, rocking back and forth as well as he could with the bathtub wall between them.
"Shh, Baby. It's okay," he murmured in a deep, soothing tone as he stroked her hair. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm okay. Please don't cry. Everything's okay."
Robyn tried to get herself under control, but she had never been so frightened. More than all the other demons and fears that plagued her dreams, she feared losing him--any of them. Even just the scare of it was almost too much too deal with. But there was nothing really to cry about now and Robyn fought to gain control of herself. She pulled back and hastily scrubbed the tears away with her palms.
"What happened?" she sniffed. "Why are you here looking like this?"
Kento reached out and brushed a few strands away from her face. He tried to give her an encouraging smile, but it came out looking weak and forced.
"I had a hell of a day, Baby," he rasped.
Robyn grabbed his hand and pressed the palm to her cheek. "Tell me."
Kento looked at her for a while, his face betraying nothing. Then he sat back in the pink water with a sigh. Robyn let go of his hand, but continued to watch him intently. Kento closed his eyes.
"My partner was shot today. Neither of us saw it coming. There was blood everywhere. There was no time to call for anyone. I picked him up and dragged him to the hospital a few blocks down." He opened his eyes and they looked haunted. "He didn't make it." His voice remained calm and sounded empty as he spoke.
"I saw a man's life bleed out of him right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do. I don't remember much after that, but I think I freaked out a bit. Last thing I remember was being told to go back to the station and hit the showers and clean up." He paused and looked around his surroundings as if realizing for the first time where he was. "I guess I just went into shock and ended up here."
It was a short version of what was, Robyn was sure, a much longer story. But Kento had never been one for details and Robyn definitely wasn't going to push for more right now.
"I'm sorry," was all she could think to say.
Kento closed his eyes again, gripping the sides of the tub.
"I'm so confused, Babe. I don't know what to do."
Those words flipped a switch in Robyn. Something that had always been inside her, waiting for moments like these, turned on and she moved into action.
"First thing we need to do is clean you up," she said in almost a professional manner.
Reaching into the pink water, she pulled out the plug near his still stockinged feet. As the water drained out, She reached for his uniform and started to unbutton it.
"Next, get you out of these dirty things."
It was almost like taking care of a child. Kento must have still been somewhat in shock. He didn't do anything unless she told him to. Robyn finally managed to peel the wet material off his back by the time all the water had drained out. She ran the shirt under the faucet as she informed Kento his pants were next. Once she had his dripping wet uniform, she told Kento to finish taking off his clothes and get in the shower while she took her bundle to the laundry room. The uniform was dark. Robyn hoped the blood stains wouldn't show as she rain it through the wash.
Going back to the bedroom, Robyn could already hear the shower running. The rest of Kento's wet clothes were on the floor and she gathered them up. Robyn paused before leaving again. She was standing next to the shower door and she could see the form of the body behind its semi-transparence. She sucked in a breath and glanced over in its direction, her eyes instantly taking in the shape.
It's only to double check to make sure he's whole, she told herself. I just want to make sure there really aren't any bullet holes. That's all. That's all. But after she was done looking, she still felt guilty as she left the room.
The phone rang. It was someone from the station wondering if Kento was there and if he was okay. And also apologizing that someone told her husband to get in his car and drive when he was obviously in shock. When she finished the conversation, Robyn was a bit proud of herself. Kento's mother was right in a way. It was her job to take care of him just as it was his job to take care of her. And while Robyn wasn't yet prepared to take care of all his needs, she was still capable of being there for him when he needed her.
The shower switched off and Kento's voice drifted out to her.
"Was that for me?" he called.
"Yeah, they just wanted to know if you made it home," Robyn replied. "Your captain said to take it easy and he didn't want to see your face until Monday at least."
"You won't hear a complaint out of me," Kento said as he walked into the room, wet and a towel around his waist.
At any other time, Robyn may have been on edge about being alone in a room with a half naked man. But she wasn't afraid of Kento any more. Especially now when he looked so lost.
He sat down on the bed next to her and Robyn's eyes instantly went to his broad back. She watched the water droplets run down the sharp lines of his shoulder blades and the dip of his spine. It looked perfect and strong, all wrapped in smooth, bronze skin. But the picture Kento painted as a whole was not so perfect and strong. He seemed small and confused and Robyn couldn't help but reach her arms around him and hug him from behind.
"It will be okay," she said, even though she wasn't sure to what she was referring to. It just sounded like a good thing to say at the time.
Kento remained hunched there, quiet for a while. He didn't react at all to her touch.
"I didn't know this guy very well yet," Kento said quietly. "But he just got married a little while ago. Was younger than I--his wife was pregnant. How awful is that for her now? Yet, all I could think as I was driving home was of you and how glad I was that it wasn't me dying from a bullet wound on a hospital floor. And I feel so bad because I still am thinking that right now while his widow is probably crying over his body. What is wrong with me?"
"Nothing," Robyn said simply as she continued to hold him. "It's normal to be glad you're alive. And it's normal to feel guilty that you lived and others didn't. It's okay to feel that way."
Robyn had her eyes closed now. His back was so strong and warm. She wanted to stay pressed against it forever. Maybe it was awful of herself to think this, but she was happy to talk about his feelings and confusions as long as he wanted so long as she got to continue to press herself against that wonderful back of his.
But it was not to be. With a weak "Thanks, Babe." Kento got up and went to get himself dressed again. Robyn stayed in the room where she was, but politely declined from watching him. After a while, she felt his body lay down on the other side of the bed and heard him sigh deeply. Robyn did not move or look at him, unsure ofwhat else she could do to help.
"Babe," she heard his voice whisper to her. "Come here."
Robyn turned around to find Kento laying on his side, looking at her. She crawled over to him and Kento lightly took her arm, pulling her down next to him. The two lay side by side, looking at each other quietly. Robyn searched Kento's face for some sign of what he was thinking; of what he wanted from her. But his gaze, while on her, seemed far away and troubled.
"Kento?" Robyn asked, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Kento moved forward, pulling her to him and pressing his face into the crook of her neck as if to hide there.
"I'm scared, Babe," he said in a voice that tugged at her heart. "You know I wanted more kids. Wanted to fill this house with kids. And I also wanted to be a cop but... what if I'm next? What if something happens to me? I can't leave you here alone. What should I do?"
Robyn wrapped her arms around his head and shoulders, running her fingers through his damp hair soothingly. She understood this fear. The one of knowing something might happen to you, but feeling only worry for the others around you who might suffer from it. It was a horrible feeling and she wished she could somehow relieve him of it.
"I wouldn't regret," she said softly. "It would hurt so bad to loose you, but if you died doing what you loved and if you still loved me when you died, I wouldn't regret."
Kento pulled away to look her in the face and Robyn was surprised herself with her own words. But she meant them. Kento smiled weakly at her.
"You're so good to me, Baby. I love you so much."
He kissed her on the forehead, then lightly on the mouth. Then he went back to resting his face against her neck. Robyn kept her arms around him, pulling in closer so she could rest her cheek on his hair.
"I love you, too," she said to him. She meant those words also. And she was startled by how easy it was to love him; even though yesterday she had promised herself to stay emotionally detached from this one. Kento hadn't even been around that much and she was still falling for him. Robyn realized then that it would have been impossible to expect her not to. These young men in her life were the only things that she loved. That she had ever loved.
These worlds that she was being thrown into were ideal worlds. They were the kind of lives she had secretly dared to hope to have for herself one day. A life with someone she loved that was stable and happy and normal. Now she was suddenly getting it thrust at her over and over again; only in it long enough to get a taste before being thrown into the next world. Why? What did it all mean?
If the powers that were throwing her around were trying to get her to fall in love with them, she already loved them. If that was the only reason, she couldn't see the point. There had to be something else going on. Aside from her just falling in love with them, there had to be some higher motive for whomever was doing this to her to go through all the trouble.
With these new thoughts, Robyn almost felt like she was on the verge of an answer, but Kento was already breaking into her thoughts. Without warning, he put his arms around her and pulled her tight against his chest. Robyn could hear his hear beating and fell the rythem of his breathing. It felt like he was all around her, but she wasn't worried this time.
"Are you going to be okay?" she asked gently. "I could make you something to eat if you want?"
"Maybe later," Kento said softly. "I just want you in my arms for a bit longer if that's okay."
Robyn smiled and allowed herself to cuddle up closer to him. He was strong and sturdy and solid; and the ultimate truth was that Robyn felt safe in those arms. He could hold her all week if he wanted to. Robyn had never let any man touch her before this all happened. Now however, during these past few days, she was getting very much used to being in the arms of the men she cared for. Even in these frightening worlds she felt safe here and loved. The reality of it was that those were the two things she had always wanted.
The sad part was that going home meant she would be saying good bye to this. As that thought struck her, Robyn felt confused. That was her goal, wasn't it? To go back home? That's what she wanted most. Despite what she was feeling now, home was where she wanted to be; needed to be.
Robyn was feeling drowsy now despite it was the middle of the day. But the body next to her was so warm and her head was swimming with doubts and questions. Even though in the back of her mind she was alarmed at the sudden change, she didn't try to stop it. Robyn eventually succumbed to sleep, clutching the front of Kento's T-shirt as if in hopes of taking him with her where ever she happened to end up next.