Disclaimer: I don't own em…

It had been three weeks now since James had come back into her life and Nikita had not been herself ever since. Things at Section were the same but it was the little things that got to her. Michael was even more distant than usual and James was making every effort to talk to her every time he saw her and would sometimes even stop by her apartment.

This behavior seemed to be condoned which was what confused Nikita even more. James made no attempt of hiding his attraction to Nikita. Yet this was completely ignored by both Madeline and Operations. Considering all this Nikita proceeded with caution. She would never accept any dinner invitations but wouldn't run away from James either whenever he approached her at Section. Seeing him was still difficult at times but since she still didn't know what Section was planning she went along with it.

For now it didn't matter to Nikita that James' story was full of holes. It didn't matter that she knew she was being set up for something. All she wanted right now was piece and quiet. So she would go on her missions and perform well. She would debrief to Michael and not care that he was most likely part of the lie, part of whatever it as Operations and Madeline had concocted this time. She also knew she was lying to herself but as Walter once told her, you have to know when to lie to yourself to maintain your sanity…stay alive. So when James stopped by again one night after the mission, she planned to do just that…lie to herself.

As soon as she heard the knock on her door she knew it was James. Before she would expect to see Michael but he had stopped coming right about the time James showed up…not that she cared she reminded herself.

They sort of had a routine whenever he stopped by. James had made himself quite at home already. He'd go to the refrigerator and get the drinks or set the tea. There'd be some music in the background and they'd sit down and talk. It was mostly about their life before Section. Life in Section was not a favorite topic of James so Nikita for now didn't want to push him on that. She also told herself she didn't care.

"Remember that night I stole that blue car and we went for a ride?" James started when they were settled down.

"Yeah, you told me it was yours. We almost got caught that night."

"Right, by the way sorry about that. Better late than never eh? But do you remember what we talked about?"

"Well I think we talked about a lot of things. As I recall we stayed up all night."

"I told you I would never let anyone hurt you. I also asked you to marry me…" he stopped to look at her. "You accepted…"

She looked down not wanting to face him. "That was a long time ago; we were different people back then. I was different." Her thoughts immediately went to Michael. How would he react to this news? Would it be news to him? His behavior towards her as of late suggested to her he already knew.

"I think about that every night Nik. It's what keeps me going. Dreaming…hoping that one day you'll accept when I ask you. Has it been too long? Has too much happened?"

Nikita was feeling cornered now, she didn't want to do this at all. "James…I can't. That part of my life is gone."

"Is it because of what happened with Vic? Listen we did the best we could in that situation."

She felt her anger stir up again. Vic had always been in the back of her mind. "The best was not enough. He killed Andie and he got away with it no questions asked."

"Wait, you don't know? Vic is dead. He died during a drug deal gone awry."

She really didn't know and her face showed it. "He's dead? Oh…" she was lost for words again.

"Yeah, I think it was after you…well died. It was kind of bittersweet I suppose." He moved closer to where she was sitting. "Listen, we don't have to go fast. We can move things slow. There's no reason for you to trust me at all, still I hope you do."

She eyed him as he slowly started to caress her hands. A part of her was happy to see him. On the other side she was scared of falling for him and ending up hurt. She could take things slow as he mentioned. Slow, that was the way it would be. Slow and on her terms. The next thing she knew they were in her bedroom and she found herself lost in his brown eyes.

She woke up the next morning and noticed she was alone. Her heart sank for a split second but then she noticed the shower was running. He was still there. She then felt guilt. As usual her thoughts went to Michael, more than once had she tried to stop her feelings for him but she just wasn't successful. She'd always worry what he was thinking about, what he was doing, if he was thinking about her too? Things had changed though; James had come back to her.

She remembered his words last night. They'd take things slow. That didn't work out. Everything she had once felt for him came rushing back with the first kiss. Did she still feel that way about him? She couldn't answer that. Was it just because she couldn't have Michael…did she settle for James? Her thoughts were interrupted by James himself, he had finished his shower.

"Morning. Hope I didn't wake you." He said as he moved closer to her side of the bed and sat down.

"No, it's fine." She said eying him. "James, just tell me right now if something is going on."

He opened his mouth to reply when her phone rang. They both knew who it was. "Go ahead answer, he's waiting."

"Ya, so am I James." She then reached for her phone. "I gotta go in. They'll probably call you in as well so I'll see there then." She said as she got up to dress herself.

There was no reply on James' part, he just sat on the bed watching her dress and finally walk out the door. "I'm sorry it had to be this way Nik. I really am." She wasn't there to hear this but that was his intention.

The first person Nikita went to when she got to Section was Birkoff. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Nikita hey, Michael wants to see you in his office."

"Oh, what's up?"

"Dunno, I just do what they tell me to do."

She nodded and left to see Michael making sure to knock this time before she entered. It had to be all professional now she reasoned to herself. She couldn't do this thing with James while trying to get Michael to open up to her.

"You called?" she said nonchalantly.

"Yes. Sit down." He only said.

She notices he didn't secure the room as he would have with most of their conversations. It had to be all professional then she realized. She didn't speak again until he did.

"There has been increased Red Cell activity in Northern Europe. A team will be assembled to deal with this."

"Why isn't Operations briefing us on this?"

"That is not important. Madeline will fill you in on the specifics for this mission. You'll leave in an hour."

"Who's on the team?" she asked expecting the worst.

He paused, "It will be James and you."

She raised her eyebrow as there were bells and whistles going of in her head. "Just us? Is there anything else I need to know Michael?" She knew he would never tell her unless she asked him.

"You'll be portraying Sergei and Rona Helbinski. That'll be all."

"Michael, he can't be ready for this kind of mission already." She was trying her best to conceal her concern but wasn't sure she was successful at that.

"He'll have to be." He was done briefing her and made it known.

She got the hint and left for Madeline's office.