~Hurt~

It rained when I exited the park and made my way back to my apartment. But with my mind preoccupied, I didn't care and walked through it. He disrupted it; he disrupted my life, my happiness, my freedom. All gone in just minutes. I hate him. I hated him for the power he'd held over me still after all these years. Hah! And yet…I could never fully hate him. I don't know why, I just can't will myself that way. What had been between us was just too natural to ignore, but he managed to fight against it. And for a time so did I, but I knew all along what it was. And I was the first to confront it, to admit it, to…confess…it. Sigh. The wound had been reopened. And that overwhelming ache from long ago had returned. This time I knew for sure it would never heal. No amount of time and help would be able to fix me this time. I'm a scarred woman, and it'll be plain enough for any man to see. I'm damaged goods, and that's all thanks to Arnold.

I came into my apartment building all soaked in my outfit, my shoes hanging in my right hand. The concierge, a nice fellow in his late 50's lifted his gaze from the front desk, and his eyes opened wide. "Miss Pataki, are you alright?" He asked worriedly as he got up to approach me cautiously. I merely nodded, but in mind I knew I wasn't. But I guess from my expression he understood not to question me further so he just pressed the elevator button to open for me, which to my relief it did immediately. I went in, avoiding his gaze still drenching the place, but he didn't mind. He just pressed the number for my floor, wished me to have a good evening and went back out into the lobby. I scoffed lowly. 'A good evening? Not likely'

Once the elevator doors shut, I had a moment of weakness as I slid down from the wall and cried. It hurt so much. I felt like I was about to crumble. Ding! I reached my floor, but still I sat there just staring into space. Ding! The elevator rang again indicating I reached my floor but still I sat there unmoved. So the doors closed shut, but it didn't move either. I felt just like the elevator at this moment, hanging in limbo. At least the elevator would remain that way until someone would need it, but that wouldn't be the case for me.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it was Phoebe who found me. For someone so calm, she was in hysterics when she called my name. And I didn't know why. It was she who snapped me out of my daze and helped me to our apartment. I hated doing this to her. She deserved a better best friend than me. I felt so foolish letting her see me like this. But I couldn't help it. I felt like I'd been drained of life after my encounter with my first love. It's like I had relapse on Arnold all over again, and it barely took a second of being near him for it to consume me.

When we entered, I went to change in my room. Minutes later, she approached me with a hot cup of tea. I accepted it with a shaky smile as she sat down next to me on the bed. Phoebe was still the same. Intelligent, loyal, a little shy but was more mature. The only difference was that she now had longer hair and the slight roundness of her face had slimmed down as she shed her baby fat while in high school. But she's still the ever smart girl whom I took under my wing and hadn't left it since.

She somberly uttered, "I just got off the phone with Gerald"

I sighed heavily knowing that she knew why I was sulking in the elevator.

"Arnold told him he saw you today…."

I knew she wanted an answer from me, but I was not in the mood to talk about it. She sighed and continued, "Helga…you're my best friend and I love you but…don't shut yourself up like this"

I was getting nervous. Nervous because I hated talking about him. "Phoebe, please…not now!" She looked at me earnestly and placed her hand on mine. "Alright, for now, but we will have to talk about this." I nodded and finally looked at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed indicating that she had been crying.

"Phoebe…were you crying?" She gasped and lowered her head. She turned into the shy girl I once knew from long ago and answered meekly. "Yes"

Worried that something might have happened to her I asked, "Care to tell me what happened? I mean I'll understand if you don't want to"

Over the years Phoebe and Tall hair boy or should I say no longer tall hair boy had an on and off long distance relationship. But things became much more serious between them since he came into town permanently to be close to her. I knew there were certain things concerning no longer tall hair boy she'd rather not discuss with me and that's okay, but if he'd ever hurt her. He'd have me to deal with.

Geraldo and I have understanding about that already. So, for the moment we're cool.

Phoebe replied softly, "Well…when you told me earlier you were going to the cleaners and that it wouldn't take long, I thought nothing of it. You often did this kind of thing and you came back. But…today you were gone for hours, and you never called. That was so unlike you. So, I started to worry. It was already getting dark when I decided to go searching for you, when I found you on the elevator. I thought something had happened to you, but physically you look unharmed. But when I saw the look on your face it scared me. It was the same look you gave me when I found you that day as you sat there on that bench, staring out that window waiting for…him." Understanding came to my face. I sighed, disappointed in myself. 'So… this definitely wasn't about Tall hair boy! Great!'

Phoebe continued, "You were so out of it back then that I couldn't reach you. I screamed your name and you didn't even flinch. I was so terrified then that I would lose…" She choked on a sob and I quickly wrapped my arms around her, trying to bring her comfort. She whispered, "It's like you were in another world and you were leaving me behind. I was so scared back then. Scared that I would lose the best friend I ever had. And today when I saw you like that, it just frightened me that this time it might actually happen for good." She paused for a moment and caught her breath, "I'm not sure if you know this but you are more like a sister to me, I just don't want to lose you."

In all these years, I hadn't realized how much this would affect Phoebe. 'I feel so selfish. When it comes to Arnold, I just seem to forget the world and everyone else in it.' I thought.

I didn't remember much or asked about that day when Phoebe and my parents found me in my seclusion twelve years ago. Everyone pretty much avoided that topic as well. Dr. Bliss was the only one I felt comfortable to talk about my state of mind back then, but to others around me, I withheld discussing anything concerning Arnold. After being deemed cured I just went on with my life, and never once looked back. I never thought there would be a need to rehash the past since I was focused on the future. I never thought that my past would stare me right in the face as I walked the city streets. And as a result, he would turn my life upside down in the span of seconds, not even minutes. That man today reawakened this being inside of me that had been long gone from my conscious mind.

This little girl with the pink jumper and the one eyebrow resurfaced once more, bombarding me with thoughts of him. She insisted on making me spout sonnets on impulse and relayed fantasies of me and this man at every waking hour; encouraging me to surrender to my desires. The thirst, the longing and passion were locked within the corners of my mind waiting to burst free from its captivity. I fought it and willed it back. I would not let it rampage my life again. It would not control me. My decision was made. I would fight it, with all that I had.

I held Phoebe in my arms to reassure her. "Phoebe…you won't lose me okay? I was just." I sighed, I felt so guilty. "I was just in shock at seeing him that I couldn't think straight. Just give me a few days to work this out on my own. I'll be fine, I promise."

I felt her pull away and she looked at me critically, then she nodded. "Alright Helga…I believe you." Good ol' Phoebe, I can always rely on her. 'Truly I don't deserve her'

A/N: Here's another chapter! So far, I'm on a roll. Thanks to each and every one of you who reviewed. I feel fortunate to have you enjoy what I've worked hard to put out. I appreciate it very much!XD. BTW, the next chapter is in the works it's titled 'I WANT TO RUN TO YOU' you know what that means, so be on the look out for it. But in the meantime, please review! Thank you.