It's about a week later since their horrible ordeal, and her eyes still haven't healed. The Ready Room and Captain's Quarters have been her only home; since she isn't permitted to stay on the bridge for longer than needed when off duty, and in her state it would be pointless to go anywhere else. The only other place she's been in is sickbay; once for a check-up, and another to visit Tuvok who, at the time, was still recovering. Not a lot of people have seen the face of Captain Kathryn Janeway in a long, long time.
So, she spends her days in her quarters, and sometimes the ready room if she feels up to it. Her only companions are her guides that change three times a day, countless cups of coffee, and an amount of paperwork, documents, and such that are read to her by voice. Sometimes she commands a novel to be read to her, but it's not the same as seeing the words on page yourself. Other times her guides try to chat with her, and those times are really the only times she does anything that makes her happy. Frankly, she's getting quite board with being this way. It's frustrated her greatly.
As Kathryn changes into her uniform, Ensign Samantha Wildman leafs through her clothes drawers. She's her guide for the morning bought, which ends at 1100 hours. Kathryn doesn't know why she's letting the younger woman look through her drawers; for all she knew Samantha could be sticking her nose into her underwear.
"This is a fabulous sweater! Where did you get it?" The Ensign asks from somewhere in front of Kathryn, which she knows is the spot where her drawers are.
"If you could describe it for me, Ensign, I would gladly tell you." Kathryn tries her best not to sound tired, but it comes out that way anyways, to her dismay.
"Oh! I'm so sorry." Samantha corrects herself. Kathryn smiles slightly at her apology. "Well, it's white... Cashmere for the fabric, I think. And it's got gold beads and a pattern on the sides."
"Ah yes... That one. It was given to me a long time ago as a present from my mother. I can't remember quite where she got it from, but the fabric really isn't cashmere. It's Bajorn silk or something like that."
"Oh. Alright." Kathryn hears the rustle of clothing and the clunking sound of the dresser drawer as Samantha slams it shut. Her footsteps get nearer as Kathryn pulls her uniform turtleneck over her head.
"May I look in your closet?"
"I really don't see the point in all this, Ensign Wildman. But yes, you may look in my closet." She puts on and zips up her uniform jacket, then points to the direction of her closet. Her finger rests at a spot on the wall a ways from the doors, but she's close enough that Samantha gets the idea.
"Thank you, Captain!"
Kathryn nods and backs away towards her bed. Feeling around behind her, she keeps walking until her fingers touch the cotton fabric of her sheets. She takes a one or two more steps backwards until her calves touch the end of the bed, and sits down.
Her ears listen to the other woman comment on all her "beautiful clothes", but her mind is somewhere else.
It strays to that night, where she sat in just a nightgown on her bed while Commander Chakotay kissed her chastely but passionately, his large hand cupping her cheek. She doesn't know why he did it then, or what it means in term of their relationship. All she knows is that she longs to feel that feeling again; one that she's forgotten about for so long. For a moment she forgets that Samantha is even there, and her hand travels to her neck to rub the spot between her shoulders. She lets out a long sigh. For a moment, it's just her, and him.
"Oooh, look at this. Wow, Captain, I never expected you to wear such a thing!"
The ecstatic voice of the blonde Ensign jolts her back to reality. Kathryn feels a rising heat grow on her cheeks, and hoped they didn't appear as red as she imagined. She mutters back a disconnected reply. Good thing Samantha seemed so wildly engrossed in her clothing.
"It's short... and black. Seems very tight. And the sleeves! I thought hand cuffs were out of style?"
"They weren't when got it. I haven't worn that dress since... Since Neelix's Christmas party two years ago. I think I wore it with those black pointed-toe heels." She hears Samantha rummage through her closet; the rustle of clothes, clinking of metal fasteners, and the banging of hangers against the closet wall. Then Samantha as she stands up, probably with her heels.
"Ah, yes. Good choice, Captain!"
They chat about clothes, and shoes, and Samantha's daughter Naomi. Ensign Wildman would take out a dress, or a pair of shoes, and describe them to her. Then Kathryn would tell her where she got them and where she last wore it. Simple girl talk that Kathryn hadn't enjoyed in a long time. At the moment, it distracted her from other thoughts she would rather not have resurface.
This continues until Samantha finally says,
"Commander Chakotay ordered me to bring you to the Mess Hall today for lunch. I'm sure Neelix will have something good-"
"He ordered you to bring me there, did he?" Kathryn interrupts. She feels her cheeks heat up again. What was he planning now?
"W-well he seemed very stern about it, so I thought I better carry it out."
"Hmn. I suppose now that I'm off duty, I'll have to comply."
"Anyways, he's your next guide and said he wanted to meet you there."
Kathryn's interest peaks. Ever since that night he's been avoiding her. No visits to make sure she's comfortable, no meetings to discuss the happenings on Voyager. Now, suddenly, he's on the roster as next in line to be her guide. Perhaps it was his own doing, or perhaps his turn was up. She doesn't know, but she sure as hell wants to find out.
"I... see. Did he say what he wanted to do after lunch?"
"No, no he didn't. Sorry."
"No harm done. I was just curious." Kathryn replies, raising a hand. She hears Samantha put the dress she had been holding back into the closet and her boots hitting the carpet as she walks away. Kathryn slowly stands, careful not to fall. The doors of her closet close, giving a reassuring thud as they shut together.
"We're running late!" She hears Samantha call from the other room. Kathryn didn't even realize that she had left. She was probably at her desk, checking the chronometer there. The thumping of boots are heard again as Samantha rushes over to take a place at her side, her hands grasping Kathryn's forearm in a helping gesture.
"Time for lunch, I take it?" Kathryn sighs. "Well, we shouldn't keep the Commander waiting."
Her demeanor suggests that she's unimpressed by Ensign Wildman's responsibility, but inside she's very nervous about seeing Chakotay again. What if he pulls something? No, he would never do that, would he? Maybe he wants to talk about this. I hope he doesn't; I'd rather just forget it even happened. Like all the other things that has happened between us. You should stop denying yourself this. But you have to. For the sake of the crew.
Samantha throws out another apology before leading Kathryn out of her quarters. She believes that she's gotten quite good at walking around, but in truth without a guide she'd probably bang into every crew member and bulkhead on the ship and then find herself in a Jeffries tube. She prefers it this way anyways, so she doesn't complain. Easier than hitting people with a walking stick.
Samantha tells her that they're going into the Turbo Lift soon. Knowing the area well, Kathryn immediately veers right. She's made the walk to the turbolift probably every morning since she first captained Voyager.
She hears the doors open and close behind her as the Ensign leads her in. She unclasps her hand from her bicep and Kathryn turns to the front, placing her hands behind her back.
Samantha tells the lift which deck they're going to, but Kathryn hardly hears it. She keeps running scenarios over in her mind of what he might do, and what the consequences might be. And protocol. Never forget about protocol.
All she hears is the familiar whirr of the lift as they move towards their destination.
A/N: I've finally decided to make this story a multi-chaptered one! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and waiting so patiently for me to complete this! Third chapter will be up real soon, so keep posted!