Author's Note: HELLO! IT'S YZMA9962 HERE WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER IN YZMA'S STORY! Read on!
Chapter 4
"Okay, let's see," Yzma began after her triumphant scream. "Now that I'm back, what do I do? Ohhh. I know… I'll find help. To the secret closet!"
Yzma ran behind the final hill on the roller coaster and opened a door, which was cleverly hidden in the stonework. She leaped into the extremely messy closet that she had intended to clean right after she labeled her potions. Yzma rummaged through everything at the front and looked for anything that could be of use to her. "Hmm. Kronk's soccer ball. No! Let's see. Oh! I was wondering where my brownie recipe was! Don't need it now." Yzma continued to talk to herself as she dug through everything and gradually threw it aside making the closet messier than ever. "A script to 'Kronk's New Groove.' Wasn't I supposed to sail over to the capital to film that? Oh well! Ummmm. Oh! Plans for the new roller coaster dated… Twenty years ago?! I must be getting old! Ehh… who am I kidding?! I'm the youngest woman ever! Anyway… What have we here? Some sparkly gravy boat? What's it say? 'Warning: do not rub unless you have three highly unlikely and impossible wishes that can only be solved by a gigantic miracle or a big blue genie who always complains about itty bitty living space.' Won't need that! Ah ha! What is this?"
Yzma was holding a large yet thin package that is usually used for picture frames.
"Well. I wonder what this could be. A note! And it says…" Yzma had to squint to read the small, crude handwriting. "'Yzma, my plan to get rid of Snow White failed because of "the most powerful thing ever: love." I decided that your plans are also always failing and you could probably use this since I have decided to retire and kick it at the Evil Villains Retirement Resort. You can ask it just about anything, but it prefers a question that rhymes. Don't ask why, that's just the way it is. I'm sure that you won't read this until it has been in your horrendous closet for quite some time so you'll need to make sure it gets a good five minute soak in the creepiest part of your secret lab. Of course that could be your closet. Anyway, I hope you use it for the most dastardly cause your little mind can think of. Enjoy it with every ounce of your evilness being self. Thanks, The Evil Queen. P.S. You really should label your potions. P.P.S. I just may emerge from retirement and wreck havoc on whoever it was that forgot to give me a name! That is, if the supreme evil court can't help me. That's all.'
"Well, whatever this is, it certainly sounds interesting. I think I'll open it," Yzma concluded.
Yzma practically touched the tape and it gave way because the package was so old. She then peeled back the three cardboard flaps that concealed the package. Yzma peeked inside to see a wad of bubble wrap that appeared to be concealing something that had an oval shape to it. She removed the packaging and pulled out a mirror.
"A mirror?" Yzma exclaimed. "What does she think I will do with a mirror? Maybe if I give it its five minute creepy soak it will become clearer. The very back of my closet should do."
Yzma climbed over a mountain of her belongings and finally placed the mirror at the very back of the closet. She then hurried back over everything and shut the door. When five minutes had passed, she opened it and began her journey back in. At the back of the closet, Yzma retrieved the mirror and brought it outside.
"So now what?" she asked the mirror. Then to herself she said, "Well the letter said to ask it anything but that it preferred a rhyme. So I guess I'll do that. Ahem.
Mirror, mirror in my hand
Show me villains beyond this land.
"I guess I should wait a few seconds."
To Yzma's surprise, a green masklike face appeared and stared at her. It then vanished and showed a hundred images of people moving and talking. Each frame was in a place completely foreign to Yzma, but one thing was clear about every person that was shown: they were all evil villains. One in particular, however, grabbed Yzma's attention. She concentrated on that frame, and it slowly filled the entire mirror.
"Hold up!" Yzma yelled from the auditorium. The show halted. "Hello everyone. I'm sorry to stop you again but I just need to clear things up here. Alright. So you see the Evil Queen and I were friends ever since the EVC (Evil Villains Club) was started WAY too many years ago for me to attempt to count. Anyway, she and I were fantastic friends and we constantly were sharing our evil experiences. She eventually told me about her plan to give her niece or stepdaughter or whatever a poison apple that would put her to sleep forever and could only be broken by true love's kiss. I told her it sounded great but she really should think about reconsidering. After all, that true love's kiss is a real killer. I mean come on! Look at all this!" Yzma pulled out a clipboard and began going over a list. "The Frog Prince, the Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty! They all have one thing in common besides little magical fairies or witches. What's that? THE SPELL IS ALWAYS BROKEN BY TRUE LOVE'S KISS! I mean seriously? Come on! Talk about cliché! I offered her one of my potions but she refused because she was afraid I'd send her the wrong one because they weren't labeled. So anyway, she and I were good friends and she wanted to give me the mirror that she never used for anything better but to ask if she was the prettiest woman in the land."
"Uhh, Yzma?" Kronk chimed in. "The Evil Queen is on the phone and wants to talk to you."
"Put her on speaker phone," Yzma replied.
Kronk pressed the speaker button and the Evil Queen began talking in a voice muffled by the phone. "Hey! You know what?! We are really good friends and you really need to get over that fact that I wouldn't listen to you! I mean, I'm the one that should be mad because it was ME who had to suffer the defeat. But no! You're up here acting like I just shot the full moon out of the sky and that it just meant everything to you and you loved it so much and so much enjoyed seeing it and wanted to make it a full moon forever but…"
"Evil Queen, this full moon example thing is really way too long, I don't think…" Yzma was cut off by the Evil Queen.
"Yeah! Whatever! The point is I don't get why you keep stopping that show of yours to tell the audience something they probably already know! Show of hands! How many people already know who Snow White was? You see!? Lots! And you won't ever give them a chance to say they already know something so that you can save your breath and Power Point time explaining everything that they already know!
"Evil Queen! I was mainly explaining that we were friends and then I just got…"
"Carried away! That's what! You've always been like that! I first noticed it I don't know when, but I'm sure this audience noticed it when you did the whole "that box inside of another box" thing with that flea and then…"
"Well you know what? You could just plan for the obvious every now and then! Come on! Who is NOT going to suspect an old lady with a wart on her nose just suddenly showing up at their kitchen sink window ready to…"
"Yzma, shut up! The girl was a dimwit! I can't believe that she…"
Kronk yelled to Yzma, "We've got a second caller on line two! They're aggravated with the current service."
"When did we even get a phone?! Yzma yelled to Kronk as the Evil Queen continued to blabber in the background.
Kronk shoved the phone in Yzma's face and turned the speaker on. "It's for you!" he yelled above all the commotion.
"Yzma, would you and the Evil Queen shut up?!" Medusa from the Rescuers called out. "Snoops and I are trying to watch this show! GET ON WITH IT! Can't you control a simple show?! How hard is it to just every now and then…" Medusa began running her mouth alongside the Evil Queen's.
"Call on line three from someone called Lady Tremaine!" Kronk screamed above all the racket.
"What now?!" Yzma exclaimed loudly.
"Hello, Lady Tremaine here, the Evil Stepmother," Lady Tremaine began calmly but loudly, "I just wanted to know if you're going to be continuing the show that I can't remember where you left off on. Wasn't it something about a lady from Devil's Bayou trying to get a huge diamond? Or was that the other channel? I CAN'T TELL BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH RACKET!"
"How do I get myself into these things?" Yzma asked desperately.
"I would be the woman from Devil's Bayou and you must have been watching my movie, The Rescuers, which is really quite eccentric…" Medusa yelled.
"All you ever think about is yourself, Yzma, and I know that's part of the evil villain code to be selfish and all, but the EVC says that you should be considerate to other villains because…" The Evil Queen continued to critique Yzma.
"What on earth?! Slam a glass slipper on the floor!" Lady Tremaine screamed!
"Oh my gosh! These spinach puffs are amazing!" Kronk said.
The phone rang yet again and Kronk, with a mouth full of spinach puffs, answered it. "Hello?"
A man with a dark voice was on the other end. "Yes, I, Jafar from Aladdin, was just wondering what all the commotion is about? Could someone please explain?"
"Well, uhhh, we're kind of busy here. I'll have to put you on speakerphone," Kronk explained.
"Kronk! Noooooo!" Yzma yelled over three loud and angry voices.
As soon as Jafar heard all the commotion, he too began to yell. "What in the name of a grain of sand is going on? I just wanted to know what all the commotion is about? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN!"
The Evil Queen began to fill him in as she continued to point out all of Yzma's flaws. "Well that idiot "best friend" of mine is having a show and I called to tell her that she was wrong for talking so bad and down and angry about me and so she started…"
"Get your spinach puffs right here!" Kronk advertised. "They're right out of the oven."
"I would adore a spinach puff!" Lady Tremaine called out. "I try to get my scullery maid to make them but she always fails and then makes up some pitiful excuse. She is by far the worst…"
"I absolutely hate spinach puffs! They are sickening!" Jafar said.
"Yeah," the Evil Queen replied, "well maybe if you would keep listening to me you'd develop a taste for one! As I was saying, that idiot, Yzma, is now taking so many calls, that she…"
"Now wait a moment here Evil Queen," Yzma jumped back into the conversation. "Kronk is the one that keeps answering every single call we're getting not ME!"
"I don't care who did it! It's your fault! If you hadn't started this mess in the first place we wouldn't be…" The Evil Queen began again!
"This place is worse than Snoops trying to control a little girl!" Medusa yelled. "And that is a horrible sight to see!"
"Last call for spinach puffs! They're hot and guaranteed to help you calm down!" Kronk broadcasted.
"Kronk! Do something!" Yzma pleaded.
"Well actually you are the one that ended up firing me in the first place, not that I was ever paid or anything, so I really don't think that I should…" Kronk responded.
"Does anybody even know who's talking right now?" Lady Tremaine asked.
"Well I'm talking to the Evil Queen," Jafar called.
"I'm talking to Jafar," the Evil Queen responded.
"I'm trying to get Yzma's attention about a diamond and chemistry combo sale on black Friday that we should attend," Medusa yelled.
"I didn't know that," Yzma replied with sudden interest. "Where is it?"
"It's about one hundred and seventy miles south of where you're located. I could pick you up in the swamp mobile if Snoops will watch Penny." Medusa communicated over everything.
"That's BRRRRRRILIANT!" Yzma yelled back. "When should we meet?"
"Yzma, you are aware that I am still talking to you aren't you?" the Evil Queen said.
"You know what Evil Queen, I don't want to hear it right now! Go talk to someone else!" Yzma shouted.
"Evil," Jafar called, "what was that about a sale on gravy boats?"
"I HAAAATE GRAVY!" Yzma protested!
"This doesn't concern you, Yzma!" the Evil Queen said.
"Ten seconds ago it did!" Yzma protested yet again.
"Yeah?" the Evil Queen began. "Well you said you didn't want to hear it! Now Jafar, as I was saying, the sale is on black Friday and it starts at…"
"Oh boy! I just found out there is going to be a spinach puff baking contest! I've got to sign up!" Kronk announced.
"Oh, Kronk?" Lady Tremaine called. "Would you be able to give my maid your spinach puff recipe?"
"Sure thing," Kronk replied, "but not until after this contest which is also on black Friday. And only if you share one recipe with me in return."
"In that case, I think you will LOVE my maid's pie recipe! It is a combination of over twenty pie flavors blended to perfection."
"Sounds great!"
"No, Medusa," Yzma said, "I don't think three in the morning is good because I'm going to be up late. How about five in the morning?"
"Splendid!" Medusa responded. "I'll be there as soon as I can! And remember how much it will be…"
"So whatever made you so interested in gravy boats?" the Evil Queen asked Jafar.
"Actually," Jafar answered, "it began not too long ago when a friend of mine from the Arabian black market, Gazeem, told me about an ancient but true legend of…"
TWO REALLY, REALLY LONG HOURS LATER…
"THAT'S ENOUUUUUUUUGH!" Kronk yelled surprisingly bringing foreign silence to the auditorium. "Look, we've been putting this show on hold for hours! And I'm sure the audience agrees that it is PAST time to find out what Yzma saw on the mirror."
"What mirror?" everyone but Kronk said at the same time.
"Do you see?" Kronk said. "Even Yzma has forgotten."
"I told you that she was…" the Evil Queen started.
"Evil, shut it!" Kronk firmly stated. "Now everyone, hang up!"
And just like that four dial tones could be heard from all four open lines.
"Thank you Kronk!" Yzma exclaimed. "I thought we'd never get going again."
"My pleasure," Kronk kindly said.
"But you just wait until I get back from that black Friday sale with Medusa, it is going to be so riveting and…"
"COMMENCE SHOW!"
Finally, the show resumed.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading! Please review! It's the only thing that will keep the story going. Thanks!