Don't Drive Faster 3

Disclaimer: We don't own them. We only wish we did. Especially Ranger.

Authors' Notes: First, thanks to all who reviewed. We appreciate it. Second, be warned. This chapter is NOT Cupcake friendly.

I've been in this guardian angel gig for a couple of centuries now. For most of the women I've watched, the most dangerous thing I've had to worry about has been childbirth. After all, dangerous situations are how an angel advances in rank, and dangerous situations were few and far between for women until recently. Then I got assigned to Stephanie Plum, and I thought it would be more of the same. Sweet little girl, born to two normal parents in a typical Burg household, with a well-behaved older sister, who was expected to become a typical Burg housewife. Not a challenge, I thought.

Okay, so her childhood was filled with more than the normal amount of scrapes. Like the dive she took off of the roof. And with Morelli in the garage. Well, anything involving Morelli- although I did enjoy the Buick incident. Seeing Morelli's angel, Elmo, splattered flat on the windshield, cursing me out was priceless. He shouldn't have distracted me during the Tasty Pastry incident. Payback's a bitch, ain't it?

I thought she was past that. She went to college, got married and settled in to a typical Burg live. Even after the divorce, she had a respectable job, an apartment, and a hamster. Then the shit hit the fan.

I wasn't trained to be the angel of a bounty hunter, but I learned damn quick. I wanted excitement, but not in the form of homicidal stalkers, and not in the form of car destruction.

I've actually gotten used to cars dying. It's not fun, but it's better than dealing with the fallout. Used car salesmen's angels get this damn smug look.

Which leads to now. Half the Trenton PD is currently standing around the pile of cement and metal that used to be a functioning motorcycle. Damn it! I liked the bike.

Carl Costanza walked up to us, a huge grin on his face. "Shit, Steph. Next time let us know when you're gong to be near a construction site. I don't think anyone bet that the Duc would get cemented."

Steph turned bright red, though I'm not sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Fortunately, it's not my job to save her from this type of situation.

"It's not my fault!" Steph exclaimed.

Carl opened his mouth to reply, but his eyes refocused on something over Steph's shoulder, and he shut his mouth with an audible snap. Damn. Now what do I have to deal with? I turned to look. Double damn. Morelli. And Elmo. They're both pissed.

"Sera." Elmo's voice sounds remarkably like Morelli's, suppressed rage and all.

I just arched an eyebrow.

"Why the hell aren't you keeping a better eye on your charge?"

Oh no, he didn't. I can't speak. With that one sentence, he managed to cut the last shred of my already taxed patience. He took advantage of my silence to continue.

"How many cars has she blown up? Can't you even keep your eye on one substandard bounty hunter? And why are you encouraging her? You are just taking advantage of her profession to advance yourself."

The small part of my brain that wasn't consumed with rage noted that Steph was receiving a similar lecture from Morelli.

Apparently we've been together too long, because we're beginning to think alike. Morelli and Elmo hit the ground at the same time, clutching a rather sensitive portion of their respective anatomies. I didn't realize an angel could turn that color. Or make those noises.

I'm not sure how long I stood there just fuming, but I calmed when I felt another angel pop in behind me. I turned. Alejandro. That means Ranger is- just approaching Steph. I relaxed slightly. This had the potential to be a good show.

Alejandro walked towards me. He took one look at the figure writhing on the ground and put his arm around my shoulder, shaking his head slightly. "Sere."

Alejandro is a lot like his charge, both in looks and personality. Fortunately, he doesn't piss me off nearly as much as Elmo does. I think it has something to do with the fact that I didn't meet him until I started to advance quickly through the ranks, whereas I have known Elmo since Steph and Morelli were kids. He just can't get used to the idea that I outrank him now.

We turned to watch the show.

By this time, Ranger had just reached Steph. He placed a hand on the back of her neck, causing Steph to whirl around to face him. He took a step back. "Easy, Babe."

He turned her away from Morelli to face the pile of cement and raised an eyebrow.

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Babe." He steered her away from the crowd towards his car.

She went on to explain exactly what had happened, sounding more and more upset as she went along. By the end of the tale, she was nearly in hysterics.

I looked back at Morelli, who had finally managed to get to his knees, hands still on his crotch. "Off to earn another car from Manoso, Babe?" His tone left no doubt to anyone just what he thought she would do to earn it.

Beside me, Alejandro stiffened, and Steph turned away from Ranger's car and glared. Every observer could tell that if he was within her reach, Morelli would be on the receiving end of another boot to his balls.

"Fuck you, Morelli!" Steph spat out, and got in to Ranger's car.