Don't Drive Faster

Chapter 8

Author's notes: Um…oops? Sorry it's been since August since we updated, but for some odd reason, school took over. Between my nursing classes and Colleen's pro com classes, we've been going slightly crazy. So here's a nice long chapter (for us anyways) to make up for it. Also, we still don't own any of the characters except the ones you don't recognize. (Damn it!) The shoes we describe actually exist. And if a Mary Sue is someone who does things that the author wishes to do, then Karen is Colleen's Mary Sue.

Sometimes I think Iris (Lula's angel) has been talking to Maybin. Or at least their tastes in clothing are similar. She looks like a black Dolly Parton with Nymphadora Tonks' hair and a Britney Spears-gone-neon wardrobe. She's currently wearing a Day-Glo orange miniskirt and tank top, which clashes nicely with Lula's lime green getup. The Day-Glo burns.

If you couldn't guess, Steph and I are at the bonds office, dropping off body receipts and picking up new skips. Connie is grinning, and so is her angel Imelda. Frankly, that scares me.

"Stop smiling like that. The skip can't be that bad, can it?" Steph asked.

Lula started grinning too. "She ain't that bad, but I'm going with you to make the pick up."

Steph grabs the folder and I read it over her shoulder. "Karen Diosi, 58, works at Macy's, assault and battery….with a hanger?! Did she really beat a customer with a hanger?"

"She's going through the change," Connie explained. "She was helping a customer

when-"

"She went batshit crazy!" Lula interrupted.

"And she still has a job?"

"Apparently they're desperate for warm bodies. She just got put on probation. Her managers were understanding."

"Let me get this straight. Vinnie's paying me to go to Macy's?"

"You bet, girl." Lula answered. "And I'm your backup. Only we're taking my car."

"Are you sure? I got a new car."

"You did? When did you have time to go car shopping? Weren't you working with Ranger last…damn girl, you sure you was just working?"

"What kind of car is it?" This from Connie.

"Black." Four sets of eyes stare at her. Okay, she can only see two, but Iris and Imelda are good at making themselves felt. "It's a convertible, all right?"

As Connie and Lula descend on Steph to quiz her about her "payment plan", their angels come over to me. They're (slightly) more sympathetic.

"You let her accept another car from him?"

"After what happened the last time he got her into bed?"

I just love being berated in stereo. At least they care about what's good for Steph, not what's good for them. And Ranger could be good for Steph. If he ever gets his head out of his ass.

"He says there's no price." They look at me. "I know. I'm not that naïve. I would have kept Steph from accepting it, but neither of us realized he had slipped the key in her hand until he was out the door. And Alejandro, damn him, didn't warn me. It sucks when we work at cross-purposes." And he and I are going to have a nice little conversation in the future about running tabs and deal making.

My mental Steph alarm goes off, she's evidently trying to escape the inquisition Connie and Lula have going. I swear, it won't surprise me if they bring out the thumb screws one of these times. Especially if they ever find out about the DeChooch deal.

The four of us (Steph, Lula, Iris and me) pile into Steph's new car. Technically, it's a four seater, but that's only because there's a bench seat and about six inches of space back here. I'm squished, and I'm smaller than a human. I don't know how they'll fit a skip and three angels back here. I'd fly, but I don't really want to leave Steph alone in a new car with a skip. Maybe if I fly above their heads?

Iris can't fly. I guess she'll have to ride in the trunk with the skip's. Iris is a lot of fun. She's pretty street savvy- she had to be with Lula's previous profession- and despite her charge's proclivity to leave Steph in the lurch, she's probably my best friend among angels. Mary Lou's angel and I were friends when they were in school, but she's too preoccupied with taking care of the spawn. She's lower ranked than I am now, but she's higher than where I started, and she passed along a few pointers. Between her and Imelda, angel margarita night (usually corresponding with human margarita night) is a lot of fun, even when I'm the designated charge-minder.

I take advantage of the trip to fill Iris in on last night's takedown. After Tank and Ranger walked in, things went a lot smoother. Tank and a random Merry Man cuffed the skip and practically threw him out the door, while Ranger took charge of Steph. She was still high on adrenalin, and she kept insisting that the brawl wasn't her fault. For once, she was right; shame no one believed her.

Once we got out to the parking lot, Titus looked unaccountably smug. It seems Tank won the "How will Bombshell turn this one into a clusterfuck" pool. Assholes. It's not that I mind them betting on Steph, I just mind them betting on her ability to cause chaos.

Ranger gave us a ride home, and it was rather uneventful, except for one marathon make-out session.

We get to Macy's as I'm explaining to Iris how hard it was to drag Steph out of the car without her inviting Ranger up. Neither of us is ready for that step.

Ironically, we enter Macy's through the shoe entrance. I guess that means that we have to shop for a bit before we track down our skip. I don't mind, some of the shoes are cute. Steph just found a to die for pair of FMPs and oh, Powers That Be! Lula's holding a pair of sandals with four inch clear heels that light up. They're cool when you're seven. They're not cool when you're thirty. Give me a good pair of combat boots any day.

A couple of pairs of shoes (and queries about the skip's location to the clerk, but that's unimportant) later, we had for "young designers," stopping along the way to browse in the dresses and makeup. I have no idea how they plan to do the takedown with bags full of purchases. They can use them as weapons, I guess, but that runs the risk of ruining the shoes.

We finally get to young designers, and we see the skip come out of the fitting room with an armful of clothing, muttering under her breath. She looks just as frazzled as she did in her mug shot. This is not going to be pretty.

"Mrs. Diosi?" Steph begins.

"Restrooms are over there, the fitting room is behind me, men's stuff is upstairs, there's a price scanner on that column, and it does display the correct price, and if it doesn't have a red sticker, it's not on sale." She doesn't even look up.

Steph starts again. "Mrs. Diosi, I'm Stephanie Plum with Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, and you missed your court date. We need to go down to the station and get you rescheduled."

This time she does look up. Her mouth curls up in a weird little smile, and her hand slides under the service desk.

Oh, shit.

Her hand comes up clutching a green plastic thing with a sharp looking metal spike on one end and something white/clear and plastic coming out the top. And she has a wooden hanger in her other hand.

Fuck.

Suddenly, she's around the desk, banging Lula with a hanger and trying to jab Steph with the green thing. "Mess up MY fitting room, why don't you! Put full price clothes on the clearance racks! Demand discounts!"

This woman is fucking nuts.

Suddenly, her angel comes after me and Iris. At least she's not- FUCK! Where the hell did that glaive come from!?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Steph, you NEED to get more bloodthirsty! I don't get a weapon unless you want one!

Iris and I dodge the crazy angel's glaive. At least when she's coming after us, she's not helping her charge.

Karen's angel starts to wave the glaive in some sort of complicated pattern, obviously one last intimidation technique before she cuts us both down.

Luckily, Iris is much better back up than Lula. She smirks, pulls a big gun out of thin air, and shoots the bitch. I hope that thing has a stun setting. I'd hate to be responsible for a kinda-sorta-not really dead angel. That makes for some bad karma- something I don't need, considering Steph's luck.

Thank the Powers That Be, Lula's trigger happy enough that Iris is decently armed- and by decently armed, I mean that the gun she pulled out of thin air is longer than her arm, polished silver, and very, very scary looking. Lula might not be much in the way of backup, but Iris sure as hell is.

Iris and I are interrupted from our contemplations of the fallen angel by the skip's mad screech. Apparently, a really "smart" customer ignored the battle, and only noticed Diosi's name badge. She obviously intended to ask a question about the ugly dress she held; what question, we'll never know, because Diosi immediately changed her focus from Lula and Steph to the customer.

Fortunately, Steph took advantage of Diosi's distraction to stun her.

"Damn it Steph, whadja do that for? Now we gotta carry her out to the car!"

Steph just shoots Lula a look. "Grab her legs."

I glare at Iris. "Don't look at me. I'm not carrying her. What if she wakes up and starts swinging that ninja thing at me again?" Iris is so helpful.

The Lula and Steph drag Diosi out to Steph's convertible and shove her in the back seat. I shove Diosi's guardian into the trunk with Steph and Lula's bags, and Iris and I get into a stare-down about who is riding in the backseat.

Iris wins. I don't mind. I spend the trip to the station flying over the car.