She lay securely in his arms, her head tucked between his shoulder and his neck, her hand resting lightly on his chest, his arm wrapped around her resting on her waist, while his other hand covered hers on his chest, leaving only the tips of her fingers showing. As she waited for his breathing to signal that he was asleep she looked at their hands. It was times like these that she felt so small, so vulnerable, but not weak, not a victim. As she stared at the calloused hand that held hers close to his heart, she felt protected, something a few years ago that would have agitated her, but now only filled her with warmth.

She thought back to all the times she ignored her hearts attempts to tell her what she refused to acknowledge. The heart palpitations when he leaned in just enough for her to get a nostril or two full of his scent. The dizziness she felt when he would bully her with his much larger body to keep her safe or make her listen to him. The multiple times her knees literally weakened just by him walking into the room. Her first experience was when he walked into her lecture. She had noticed the door to the lecture hall open, but with the lighting she could not see more than a form, then he slowly started to approach and the form started to have detail starting at the shoes and working up as the light opened up what the form hid. She now understands all the signals that her body was trying to send her, but back then she was sure she had some kind of underlying medical issue or rare disorder that was causing everything. She smiled slightly as she remembered arguing with her doctor when he explained she was perfectly healthy and that maybe she should keep track of just when her 'episodes' occurred, was there a common factor that triggered them.

It took her a while to admit that she only had symptoms when a certain Special Agent was around, but she still continued to deny what it was, rather explaining it off with anthropology. She leaned her head back slightly and starred at the profile of the man that had patiently been there all that time waiting while she figured it out. While her eyes outlined his profile, a tiny smile graced her lips, the kind of smile that just appears for no other reason than you are just pleased and happy with what you are watching. While her science would creep back in now and again making her wonder how long her and Booth would last, all she had to do was look at him and know it would be 30, 40, or 50 years.

Positive he was asleep, she carefully slipped from his grasp and from their bed and stood only a moment as Booth readjusted and clenched at her pillow burying his face in it. He had gotten use to getting out of bed at night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water and rarely woke anymore when she did. She picked up the baby monitor and tiptoed from the room.

Once in the hall she quietly checked on their daughter and then hurried up to the attic where she found her box of memories. She reached inside and grabbed a couple of the books, assuming she had grabbed the same one she had been reading and she headed for the kitchen and a nice cup of tea. She settled back in her favorite reading chair, pulled her lap blanket across her legs and opened the book to a time in their history when she thought her life had ended.

The simple words "He's dead" were all that were written on the page. Her body seemingly became paralyzed as her mind drifted back to that night, the one night she wanted to die.

"I'm sorry we did everything we could" the surgeon said as he and his fellow surgeon looked at the small gathering of friends. "He just lost too much blood." There was no reaction at first, it felt unreal, Booth couldn't be dead, not Booth, he survived being a prisoner of war, being blown up, being kidnapped, he couldn't be dead.

A quick intake of air by Cam as her mouth slacked open and she starred at the doctors in disbelief, then the gasp from Angela trespassed into her brain as it was still trying to process what the doctors said. "You're saying Booth is dead?" she wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself fighting to hold her tears at bay, as she fidgeted and looked from one to the other to answer her.

"Dr. Brennan, we are truly sorry."

"I want to see him!" She straightened her body in such a manner that she was defying them to deny her.

"Oh Sweetie" Angela wrapped her arms around her friend "I don't think that is a good idea."

The doctors looked between each other "The FBI has taken possession of the body; it is being prepared for transport."

"That isn't normal protocol. What about an autopsy?"

"I'm sorry I only know the FBI has taken control of his body, it is out of our hands." The surgeon said again before him and his colleague turned and left the small gathering standing in shock.

She stood staring at the door the surgeon's disappeared into as the weight of their words started to crash down onto her. Tears running down Cam's face, Angela's head on her shoulder sobbing, Dr. Hodgins hands on Angela's shoulders, his own eyes filling with tears. "Parker, someone has to tell Rebecca and Parker." She shrugged Angela off and started to back away, tears finally escaping her eyes. "I need to tell Parker his father's dead" she turned around only to come face to face with Hacker.

"Temperance we are taking care of notifying his family." Hacker held her upper arms as he spoke to her. "Let me have someone take you home."

"Thank you Andrew, but I am fine. on my own" she left before anyone could protest.

Closing the door to her apartment felt like she was closing a chapter of her life, an unfinished chapter. Booth was dead, her partner, her best friend was dead and she was teleported back in time to when her parents vanished from her life. Leaning against her door her breathing becoming erratic, till the breaths were short gasps as if she couldn't get enough air. One hand still on her door knob and the other wrapped protectively around her mid section she slowly started to sink to the floor as the tears came faster and faster and guttural sounds of pain escaped her lips. She felt as if part of her had been ripped away and there was an indescribable feeling in her chest where her heart resided.

As she remembered the past she never noticed Booth enter the room. He stopped in shock as he saw tears running down her face. She swiped at the offending tear and then looked up at him with red rimmed eyes. "You died"

"What?" he moved to sit on the ottoman in front of her chair

"You died and left me alone." She held the diary slack in her hands.

Booth glanced down at the words and the date, "Oh Bones" he leaned forward and palmed her cheek. She instinctively brought her hand up to cover his.

"For two weeks I thought you were dead"

"I know" his eyes darted between hers. He knelt down in front of her "I'm so sorry …"

"You made me start believing in things that were against my science" blinking back tears "like love … and then you were gone." Booth closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers. "It hurt; it hurt worse then when my parents disappeared. I worked and I worked and … it kept hurting. It just … hurt. so. bad."

"Bones …"

"What Sweets did was use me as an experiment, correctly assuming I would rationalize everything and he erased everything I learned from you, by not telling me." She lowered her head and shook it slightly back and forth "The thought of never touching you again, never hearing your voice, never …" a sob cut through her throat and she raised her eyes back to his "They say your world turns upside down for three days and then rights itself, but two weeks and it still had not righted itself. Then you were there alive and … and … you were alive and I thought you were dead."

"Baby shhhh, I am here" Booth stood up and scoped her up in his arms, carrying her to the sofa where he sat down cradling her in his lap. He held her trembling body to his and rocked her all the while reassuring her he was fine, they were fine and promising that he was still willing to allow her to hit Sweets if it would make her feel better.

"Hacker knew didn't he? He knew you weren't dead?"

"Yeah"

"Who was on your list?"

"You, Pops, Rebecca, obviously Parker, Jared, and Cam."

"Cam knew?" She tipped her head and looked at him; the pained look in her eyes hurt him more than a knife being twisted in his gut.

"I'm so sorry baby." He reached his hand to cradle her face "I didn't contact you because I thought you knew, I swear if I had known I would have called you."

"You said you were following protocol"

"I was, but I thought you knew. There was no reason to take the chance. I thought you knew." His eyes pleaded with her.

"I don't even remember writing that" she glanced over at the diary lying next to her vacated chair. "I was so angry with you in the days after that" here eyes coming back to rest on his "You took a bullet for me. You died because of me."

"Whoa whoa whoa, listen to me; don't you dare blame yourself, it was my choice." He gently kissed her cheek "you might not have survived and I can't live without you." He kissed her again, lightly on the lips.

She looked at him with a 'are you serious look' "You deduced in seconds that I might not survive being shot so you had to jump in front of the bullet."

"Well no ..." she acted like she was going to say something when Booth intentionally interjected "not finished yet. I deduced that years before that night, that night I reacted to save the woman I love."

"Booth..."

Standing up with her in his arms, he held her for a brief second then gently lowered her feet to the floor "Come on, let's go back to bed, we can discuss this tomorrow. She started to protest and he quieted her with a kiss "Tomorrow Bones" She relented, took his hand and followed him back up the stairs.