Kaidan walked as fast as his legs could managed. Corridors blurred into the edges of his vision, he had no idea where he was going, only that he had to go.
Away from that room filled with so much happiness, away from the questions, the sympathy...
He skidded to a halt and punched a wall in frustration, the blow glow from his biotics flaring up, denting the metal inwards. The large creak and groan from tea damaged wall snapped Kaidan out of his daze.
He'd lost control.
He feebly kicked the wall before sliding down, his legs splayed out in front of him, his forehead pressed against the scant relief the cool wall produced. His head throbbed angrily at him.
Yeah I know He muttered. He massaged his temples.
He'd broken his one cardinal rule. Never lose control.
After BAat and the mess that outburst had created, as well as a broken heart, he promised himself to keep his biotics under control, to keep calm and only use them when he needed, even then he held back all the power he had.
He cringed at the thought of what could have happened if he had lost control near Brynn. What if he had lost control holding her child? Her precious daughter?
He pressed his head into his hands, his good knee rising up to press against his chest. He barely noticed the pain from his injured leg as the tears came think and fast.
It didn't help that the leg was a reminder of everything he had lost. Everything he still had to lose.
The ear splitting shriek of a Reaper, the laser hitting the ground, the view of a Mako flying in the air. The sickening crash as it landed, dust flying everywhere. The brief glimpse of Garrus rolling away before the pain exploded.
Gunshots so many gunshots, and then a hand reaching down, grabbing him under the shoulder, lifting him up, that brief glance into bright blue eyes fringed with long eyelashes, the relief at seeing them, numbing the pain.
Kaidan glanced up out of his hands. Stopping short the memory threatening to emerge in his head. If he saw the rest... well any weak hold he had on his sanity would disappear completely.
He hugged his good knee to his chest, staring at the wall opposite, the dull dark grey colour calming him down. Or it was more likely to be boring him. Still a better option than anger.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear him approach. Not until a pair of legs dressed in form fitting Alliance fatigues strode into his eye-line.
He glanced up annoyed, this was an unwelcome distraction. Why wouldn't the Alliance busybodies leave him alone for 5 minutes?
He stopped short of a controlled angry retort when he spotted the grinning Vega. Not even the glare he threw at him could dampen the Lieutenant's ever present god mood. And his glare wilted even the toughest Alliance Marines. Vega was a mutant freak.
Vega gestured his head to the dent in the wall. "What did the building do to this time Major?"
"Who says that was me Lieutenant?" Kaidan answered gruffly.
Vega's smile dimmed slightly at the tone in Kaidan's voice. Kaidan offered himself a small smirk.
"Well you are the only one in this part of the hospital who has the biotic punch to do that." Vega stroked the burn mark "You really put some weight behind this didn't you?" The question was innocent, but there was an edge to his voice.
Kaidan sighed. He knew all too well the question that would follow. The question that would always follow when someone found him alone and angry. Or paralyzed with fear and sadness.
"Is Lola okay? I mean she was fine when I checked on her last... " Vega glanced at Kaidan's eyes trying to read the expression in them.
"Well if she was fine the last time you checked then she's still fine" Kaidan almost growled the word.
How could Vega use the word fine? Fine described someone reaction to an average movie, an average plate of food. A harmless word whispered when you hug them close in a quiet moment. He frowned.
"Well that's okay then." Vega shrugged the previous worry off, the smile returning to his face, although it was slightly forced.
"Anyway, I was just looking to find you Major. Someone who looked mightily important wandered into Lola's room. I figured I'd give you the heads up, I didn't recognize this particular officer."
Kaidan frowned. Most Alliance Brass were tied up with the logistics of the scattered warship sin Earth's skies. The aliens who were desperate for aid seeing as they couldn't go home. The brass were content Shepard was in good medical hands and promised to leave Miranda alone to deal with Shepard's many injuries. Why would they suddenly come and visit. The only Alliance officer who would visit was Hackett and he was currently in Vancouver.
"Do you have any other information other than they looked mightily important?" Kaidan asked, his usual confident voice returning. Trust Vega to give him something to take his mind off his temper issues.
Vega shook his head "Unless you count that she looked pretty slamming for an older woman."
Kaidan shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. "I guess that explains you running away rather than asking who she was."
Kaidan struggled to get up, before Vega held out his hand. Kaidan glanced at then grasped it firmly, feeling the rough scars on Vega's wrists. His own personal memento from the Reapers.
He brushed the dust off his fatigues, may as well look presentable. That's when his nose crinkled up at an unusual smell.
"Are you wearing... aftershave Lieutenant?"
"What? No!" Vega answered, too quickly.
"Trying to impress me? You know you really aren't my type Vega." He wrinkled his nose.
"In your dreams Alenko. Although I did catch you watching me working out the other day..."
Vega jumped out of the way as Kaidan swung an arm at his shoulder. Vega grinned.
"You're lucky I missed Lieutenant." He gestured at the wall "You are built like a brick wall but I'm pretty sure I could break some bones." He grinned.
Vega rolled his eyes. "Anyway I should go, I have a workout session." He flexed his muscles, but it looked to Kaidan's eyes like he was primping. The jigsaw pieces fitted together as Vega strolled down the corridor.
"I guess it is a good thing I did miss." He called after Vega "I'd hate to break you before Jack had a chance to."
Vega stopped in his tracks briefly, a flinch in his shoulders. A hint of a blush creeped from his face onto the back of his neck.
"Watch yourself LT, I've heard Jack likes it rough, and her biotics will definitely break you."
Vega rushed from the room, Kaidan's laugh following him.
Kaidan stopped as the laughter echoed back at him. Another laugh in his ears. Echoing in his memory.
"You don't get out much, do you LT?"
He grimaced as another memory threatened to well up.
He turned on his heel and marched off, determined to find out who the mystery visitor was.
Don't think about anyone Kaidan.
But he couldn't help thinking of Ashley giving her life to defend them. The brave always died, and Ashley learnt how to be brave from the first soldier to respect her regardless of her family history.
The same soldier lying broken in a hospital bed.
The tears trickled down his cheeks.
The brave always die...