~Nothing Is Right~
~Chapter 2: Trapped~
~Monday~
I have lasted a week without Jade's voice and soothing touch. I don't like waking up to the fact that she isn't here. That she cant be here. She is being held from me.
I pour my morning coffee and wait for Trina to come downstairs to make breakfast. Yeah she actually feels sorry for me so she does all that she can. I tell her not to worry about the pity. But I guess its just an instinct for sisters even for her.
I sit on the couch and take my first sip of my bitter drink. I guess happiness has been drained from me. I am started to feel more comfortable being in the dark. I don't really smile anymore. I just cant even if I try and trust me I do try.
I watch documentaries about random things. Recently they have been about serial killers and drugs. I am not trying to be over emotional. It just comes without warning.
"Pancakes?" Trina asks over the open space behind me. Knocking me out of a trance.
"It's whatever" I respond then turn my attention back to the TV.
"Do you mind checking the mail? I think something came for you" Trina shouts out while getting ready to cook.
I look over at her to see she is busy, so I do what she asks of me. I slightly open the door and snatch the envelopes out of the mailbox. It makes me grateful that it is in a short reach. I quickly close the door once I drag the mail in. I look over each letter until i see something that catches my eye. I rip the envelope open to read.
"Jade is going on trial this Thursday." I tell Trina, I am surprised to have said it out loud.
Trina stops all that she is doing to look at me with those damn pitiful eyes. But I don't say anything else. I set down the rest of the mail on the counter next to Trina.
I drag myself back the couch and drink the rest of my black coffee.
"The most brutal murderers are the most saddest of people." I overhear the TV say.
It causes a tear to jerk out of me. I forcefully wipe it away with the back of my palm. I don't want to fall apart in front of Trina she doesn't need to witness that. Besides she would never leave me alone afterwards.
"Breakfast is ready Tor, I am sorry I have to head out"
I look towards the kitchen table to see one plate set up with a cup of orange juice sitting on the side.
"Its ok, thanks"
She kisses me on the cheek before running out. On my way to the table, visions of Jade come across my path. I just want to go one day without this. I realize the letter is still in my hand I hurry to set it down on the table.
"Blueberry pancakes, eggs and sausage. You know me too well."
I have gotten into a weird habit of talking to myself. But it helps me so I don't concern with it too much.
After I am done eating I wash my plate and put it away, the least I can do.
~Tuesday~
I don't only see her in my dreams but I wake up to her on the TV screen.
"Investigators are looking more into this brutal case of murder. The place where the murder took place has been discovered to be the suspects former residence."
"Jade" I whisper so low I can barely even hear myself.
"This Thursday the trial is being held."
The TV shows me Jade, she is visibly strong. With no facial expression to give her hidden emotions away. But still I feel that she is scared. She still gives me hope. She is already in handcuffs and that stupid orange jumpsuit, which hurts me.
It finally goes on to something else but I stop paying attention. I don't think I have any left and its barely morning.
"What do you want for Breakfast today?" Trina asks me through my bedroom door.
"Don't worry about it today, I'm not hungry."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Do you want to talk about anything?"
"No"
"Ok well love you, see you later."
"Love you too" and at that I hear her footsteps walk down the stairs.
She knows by now how to take a hint. Which I am glad for, I'm just not ready to talk at all.
For the rest of the day I lay in my room and listen to the radio.
Soothing songs come and go and so do depressing songs. I like the variety, it keeps me interested.
"Tor I need to talk to you please cut the music down and open your door." My moms voice carefully ask.
I obey her without question even though I don't want to talk.
She walks into my dark room. She takes a while to process it and when she does she gives me a caring mother look.
"Tor I'm sure you heard about the..."
I nod before she can finish.
"Do you want to go?" She awkwardly asks.
I can at least understand a little bit why. I mean if I was a mom and my daughters girlfriend murdered someone just recently and was about to go on trial. I surely wouldn't know how to feel.
"I am not sure yet" I try to stay calm on the surface. But if she stays in my room for any while longer. I might break down.
"Alright well let me know by tomorrow. I still need to speak to your father about this." She finally says before leaving, just in time.
This are one of the moments I wish my dad wasn't a policeman. The other moments are when he used to scare away any boyfriend I ever managed to have. But I understood he was only trying to protect me.
But now I just don't know if I can understand anything anymore.
~Wednesday~
Trina wakes me up by opening the blinds to actually blind me. I squint my eyes and roll myself deep into my blanket. It shields me from the uninvited light that let itself in my room.
"Mom told me to wake you and tell you to come down they need to speak to you."
I nod and get up without stumbling, she runs out the door. I hurry up and close my blinds. I feel in place again. I get dressed to head downstairs.
I end up having to eat breakfast with the family.
"Tor have you made your decision?" Mom questions me.
"Yes"
"What it is?" My dad asks that time.
"I want to be there for her."
They both nod at my response.
"Then we will take you."
"Thank you"
~Thursday~
I honestly think about not waking up. Just laying in my bed for the rest of the days. Rest of my life. I try to disguise the pain for a while longer. I wonder if I will make it today.
I get dressed and head downstairs, time is walking by so slowly past me. I take a moment to let everything process before sitting down on the couch. I don't turn on the TV or anything. I enjoy the silence. The wind travels throughout the room attempting to relax me.
I lay my head as far back until the cushion stops me. I close my eyes to picture her. But I see nothing, it's just blank, I am just blank. I have to see her one last time for my sake.
On the way to the court I have my headphones in. Crystal Castles make their way into my ears, and into my brain. Nothing seems clear at all.
I'm wasting my days as I've wasted my nights and I've wasted my youth
you're waiting for something you've waited in vain because there's nothing for you
Suffocation
The skies and trees run past me and still they cannot get away. We are the same in that sense.
I am on my way to see my Jade. Things are out of order, including myself. Drowning in self pity, with a desperate need of repair. Just one of the many things I cannot receive. Happiness refuses to make itself over to me. I am on my way to see it be sent far away from me. My dear Jade.
Sitting in the court room gives me an odd sense of well being and then the hope is drained.
"All stand"
Jade is brought out and I ignore everything else except her. My eyes meet hers halfway, there is a deep pause and I just want to cry. I prevent myself from screaming out to her. I keep the distance that I have to.
"How do you plead yourself?"
"...Guilty"
The jury signals the end with his gavel. As they start to take her away. My flames of passion let themselves be shown.
"No Please Jade. Don't take her away from me! I can't do without her! She is all I am God Dammit DONT TAKE HER FROM ME!"
My parents hold me back with force I am not strong enough to fight against. The policeman do the same with Jade.
"I Love you Tori" Is the first and only thing she can say before she is gone.
"I love you too Jade" I whisper back to the space that she left from.
I don't let my tears fall. No I just stand there and stay as strong as I can. Even if its hard to bare I am going to keep her promise. I keep going on without her.