~Nothing is Right~
~Chapter 3: Put it Together~
A/N: A lot of music in this one.
Songs Used: Crystal Castles-Through the Hosiery
Crystal Castles-Baptism
My home is just another place for me to lose pieces of myself. To have no control of what happens to me at all. I just can't do anything. I have no energy to live, no inspiration. That has passed, all have gotten up and left me. I don't know what I am now.
"Tor"
I just walk away from their voices, i cant tell the difference anymore.
I make my room a secluded island for me to own. If this is taken from as well. I might as well not exist. Life sure knows how to cause pain. I lock myself in here. Its the only thing that can possibly make sense at all by now.
Come to think of it my room is my home and everything else is unknown to a place at heart for me.
I want to save myself to be my own resurrection. And it will be for Jade.
For the past two weeks it just feels like a dream that just won't end. I don't hold the cure for insomnia. Trina stopped asking to make breakfast for me because I stopped responding. I am not trying to receive help, I am trying to recover on my own. My parents even stopped bothering seeing how I won't speak. Today I have the house to myself, which everyone was in doubt to let me. But I guess they realized how much I need privacy.
You want it all but don't care what you want
Feel complete, uh it's good
You sleep by my side, it's understood
It's not too late you wanted it good
Crystal castles is my medicine, I let them shout throughout the empty house. I let them shout through an empty me.
Through the hosiery
To the armory
To the nothing
"How do you feel when you can't feel nothing?"
My room is my sanctuary, giving me tranquility. The music is the daily dose that I need.
Feel so good, You said it before
To your feet, you fall to the floor
Deep inside you still want more
Deal or not, you look to the door
I can't resist myself to sing along, to actually let myself fall into the rhythm.
"Through the hosiery
To the armory
To the nothing
How do you feel when you can't feel nothing?"
If anyone I knew before were to see me now, they would claim this isn't me.
"You can't get, you're waiting for me
You put it in, You need discipline
Cover my head, but you can't beat nothing
Blood on my hands, you can wait on something"
Once I discovered true music that soaked into my veins. I wasn't afraid of change.
"Through the hosiery
To the armory
To the nothing
How do you feel when you can't feel nothing?"
Surprisingly I hear a knock through the loud waves of rhythm. I open my room door to see nothing there.
"What the hell?"
Drink some more, feeling opened up
We're holding it in, now look what you've done
The knock comes again for me to realize its coming from the front of the house. I run downstairs leaving everything open. The music travels through the air, I am careless to turn it off.
I unlock the door to see red hair met with brown eyes.
One more go, you can't hold it back
Drink some more, get it off your back
"Cat?"
"Tori" I can't hear say it but I read her lips.
"What are you doing here?" I yell over the music
You can't get, you're waiting for me
You put it in, You need discipline
She stares a while before responding
"I just wanted to see you"
By a sudden reflex I give her a confused look.
Cover my head, but you can't beat nothing
"Why would you see such a broken thing?"
This time she gives me a confused look.
Blood on my hands, you can wait...
The song fades out, and she ignores my question to ask another one.
"Was that Crystal Castles?"
"Yeah, I am surprised you know that."
"Ha well I am surprised you listen to them."
I finally open the door wide enough to let her walk inside, once I close it. I look at her to see her staring at me with soothing eyes.
"How is it with Robbie?" For some reason it's an instinct to ask.
"It's fine, I just haven't talk to anyone else in awhile."
"Neither have I"
"I miss my friends, especially you and..." She pauses as to question herself if she should speak her name.
"Jade" I finish for her, she nods with an upcoming frown.
I don't know if I should hug her, I haven't really touched anyone like that in a while. Even if it is a friend. I haven't even hugged my parents hell I don't even talk to them. I actually do feel bad because I know they are doing what they can. Though I can't get pass the feeling sorry for myself, I know I should.
"Sorry" is all I can say, its like a hug I guess.
She shakes her head before saying.
"Why are you sorry? What is the wrong you have done that caused this?"
I shrug my shoulders because I just can't find an answer.
"Do you want to listen to more music?" I ask breaking a cold silence, she nods.
I take her up to my room, I bet in her eyes it looks so unfamiliar.
"You can look through the list of songs if you want." I give her permission.
She walks over there and it takes her while to pick a song but I know when she has once it starts to play.
Hold my head under water
Take a breath for the Father
Learn to love. Lessons repeating
The Chronicles are so misleading
I smile at her so she knows she has chose perfectly.
This is your baptism
and you can't forgive em
This is your baptism
and you can't forgive em
She starts to sing along and surprisingly her voice goes with everything.
"Hold my head under water
Take a breath for the Father
Learn to love. Lessons repeating
The Chronicles are so misleading"
I throw my voice in with hers.
"This is your baptism
and you can't forgive em
This is your baptism
and you can't forgive em
and you can't"
"This is your baptism
and you can't forgive em
This is your baptism
and you can't"
I sit back and let her sing the rest with passion flowing inside of her.
"Hold my head under water
Take a breath for the Father
Learn to love. Lessons repeating
The Chronicles are so misleading"
"I can't tell you how impressed I am."
"Well I can say the same for you."
Cat, I never knew she would be the one to slip back into my life. And not like this.