Fly Away Part I

This is the story of my second love deception. The first had been with Elizavetha, but I quickly moved on after I realized she didn't love me back. But this is a much more painful story, I think.

Today, I have tried to convince Friedrich to come along to train with me. It's not a big deal, but for me it is, since training together is what I think to be the closest thing that could happen between us. So here I am, waiting by the door of his study, where he strictly forbids anyone to come in. And since I don't want him to be cross at me, I do a better job staying outside. It's really long, the time I wait, and he seems to be writing something. Of course, if I spy on him, he will think I'm a creep and will kick me away.

It's a very long letter, and I wonder who he must be writing to. I thought he only knew people in the castle. I finally give up, since it's time to eat and no doubt he wouldn't want to go training. He prefers the arts much more, like philosophy or music. Great, the things I'm really bad at.

For once in a while, I was allowed at the main table where the king and the prince would eat. It's a rare occurrence since my manners are quite terrible. I mean, wiping your mouth clean with your uniform isn't a big deal, is it? Well, this time, I try to adopt a nice behavior.

I've forgot this tense atmosphere. Father and son aren't talking at all; it's only the metallic clattering of the silver flatware. Sometimes one of them coughs. Friedrich seems more tense than usual. At some point, he bites his lower lip and frowns, then he suddenly stands up and leaves. The king merely looks up from his plate. I stand up, and call for his name, but Friedrich doesn't stop.

"Leave him be. He won't ever learn; it's useless to try.

-But…" He sends me a glare and I understand I must shut up.

I'm done soon after and I leave, heading to his room. I don't knock at the door, since he would probably not answer. I rush in, to find him lying on his bed. I remove my boots and I sit cross-legged next to him. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence.

"What is it, prince?

-Please don't." I'm surprised by his answer, since he never answers as bluntly as he just did.

"Don't call me like that." I sigh.

"What is it? You don't want to be the prince anymore? The people need you, Friedrich."

He blushes at the hearing of his name. Well, how else does he want me to call him anyway? He stays silent.

"Say, I'm sure you would make a perfect king after all. You don't have to listen to what your instructors say. You can be the king you want to be. You can choose, you know?"

He stares intently at the ceiling and doesn't pipe a word. His azure eyes seem dull, and his breath leaves him slowly, until his ribcage is almost flat. His lips tense and curve downwards and he closes his eyes until tears slowly stream down his cheeks. It's a silent cry, the one that make you feel so much empty that breathing is hard. He sighs silently and more tears pearl out. I don't understand, and now I'm absolutely incapable of reaching him. His voice is very breathy and feeble when he speaks again.

"I'm sorry, Prussia. I won't be your king… Never…

-Why?" I say in a reassuring tone, but I'm lost too and I think it's showing in my voice.

"I'm leaving, Prussia. I don't want to live here anymore."

This is hard to hear. Does he hate being here with me so much that he wants to run away?

"You can't? What will you do… alone?

-I'm not alone. Katte will come with me."

I'm wordless now. I gape at him, shaking my head, trying in vain to find an answer in those empty eyes. Katte is a friend of his, a very close and intimate one. That's true, I haven't thought of him yet. They spend so much time together. He's eight years older, but they get along very well. He's beautiful, talented, and very fond of poetry and flute.

I've been really an idiot. Of course, humans don't have the time to learn to love a several centuries-old nation, someone so different from them and scary at the same time. Of course he would love this man. I've been foolish all the way. I feel my shoulders lowering, as my head slowly lulls down. I feel really angry too.

"Then leave. If it's what you want, then, leave." I get out.

I feel that I've said the wrong thing. Maybe he would have waited for me to convince him to stay. I'm the only one to blame. He, the almost daily beaten young man, is perfectly allowed to dream of another life. And I've been selfish. So selfish.

Uwah! This chapter is very depressing, but this is a very important point in Friedrich's life, and I think it could help to deepen their relationship. It will take around three chapters that I will publish very quickly, and then we could come to less (?) depressive things.