The next day, I was torn apart. I had told Eddie about my encounter with 'Sydney Andrews' and he had been shocked. He kept muttering things that sounded like 'This can't be good' and 'What the hell am I gonna do now?' but he spoke more to himself than me so I knew better than to answer. We sat there, both deep in thought. I didn't know about him, but I was thinking of whatever could have happened. Who could've taken her? Why would someone take her? I didn't understand. After a while of thinking, Eddie spoke.
"I think we should spend some time building theories."
"Awesome idea.", I said grimly and Eddie opened up his laptop and opened a new document. I never took him as the organized type but by the way he made a headline and labeled every theory, something made me think he really was a neat person deep inside.
"I have a theory. Strigoi took her, something went wrong, she got a blow to the head and she forgot a major part of her life. When the strigoi realized that she was useless, they put her in someones care and left.", Eddie stated.
"Yeah, but why wouldn't they just drain or turn her if she was useless?", I pointed out the obvious.
"You're right.", He sighed. "Okay, second theory; The alchemist tampered with her memory in secret because they didn't want anything to do with her anymore.", He seemed confident.
"Okay. Plausible, even though I don't understand why they would make up a whole different life for her instead of just wiping her memory and sending her home.", I was really picky today. Nothing but the best for my Sage.
"Stop picking on me. I'm trying my best here.", Castile seemed annoyed. I made a big deal of pretending to think for a long time even though I had about a thousand different theories made up in my head since the day she disappeared.
"How about this; The anti-royal groups took her, pressed her for details about Jill or whatever, Lissa gets the law passed, They realize Sage is worthless, they wipe her memory and arranges so that she gets a new anonymous life so she can't tell who they were or what they did to her.", Even though this was one of my best theories, it still didn't quite add up. We were missing something here.
"Good one. Still not spot on though.", Eddie muttered and wrote it down. We kept doing this theory-exchange for an hour or so before Eddie started complaining that he was hungry. He left me alone while he went away to grab some food and that was when my feelings got another punch. I was sitting in an armchair and for once, my thoughts were blank. I was sitting in the silence and just enjoying the fact that I wasn't in a dark place in my mind. It was glorious. And when I was in the middle of enjoying it, the ghostly Sage appeared again. One moment I was alone, the next she was stood in front of me. She gave me one hell of a scare.
"Jesus Sage, you scared the crap out of me.", I said while I was clutching my chest with my right hand. I was not in the mood for a heart attack. She just gave me a sort of half smile and shrugged a bit as if saying 'I'm sorry'. Then she reverted to looking sad and gray. I hated her for looking like that. Here I was, having one Sage being the complete opposite of what I was used to, and one Sage being all sad and depressing. No one was my Sage. They weren't the one I was trying so hard to find. I suddenly remembered that this gray Sage couldn't speak and was relying on me to ask questions, so I took a deep breath. Here goes.
"Was it strigoi that took you?", I held my breath. I didn't want to know, not really. She shook her head firmly and I exhaled. Okay, so no strigoi involvement. Moving on.
"Was it moroi or dhampirs?", she shook her head once again. That left one option.
"So it was humans?", that seemed highly unlikely. But then again, alchemists were humans. She made the gesture that I know knew meant 'kind of' and I was suddenly certain. The alchemists. Those sons of bitches. I was going to kick them into the next century. Once I had Sage's memory back so that she could be proud of me, of course. I sighed and the Sage before me looked at me with curiosity. She was intrigued and probably wondered what theory I had made up just by our very short conversation.
"So yeah, I have a theory. I think I know exactly what happened.", Best to be honest. At least she couldn't nag and pull my thoughts out of me now that she didn't have a voice. But even though she was pale, mute and was very much like a ghost, she was still the closest to my Sage that I had ran into during these horrible six months. The only thing missing was her aura and vibrant energy.
"You do know that you're the closest to the Sage I remember, right?", I asked. I needed her to know this, even if she wasn't her. She nodded very small. It was like she was shy. She was very much like my Sage.
"And you do know that I'm super awesome and that I'm gonna get you back, no matter what?", This time she rolled her eyes and I saw her fight the urge to smile. That was the Sage I knew and loved.
"I'm mean it though, I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna find a way to get the real you back, both for your sake and mine.", I made a sharp turn and became serious. She copied me and nodded once, without even a hint of doubt. She really believed in my ability to find a solution. It warmed something deep inside me. Shortly after that realization, she waved weakly and disappeared. I was left, feeling alone once again. As always, when I felt alone, the shadows grew. All of a sudden, I was surrounded by darkness. It was as if someone had put a thick black blanket over my entire body, I couldn't breathe. Everything was darkness and I could barely think straight. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't hear and I couldn't think. Everything was just pain and panic and in that moment I was sure that it would kill me, and if it didn't I would kill myself just to never have to deal with this horrible pressure and numbness ever again. As sudden as it appeared, the darkness vanished. At first, I was relieved. Then, I looked around me. I wasn't in my hotel room in San Francisco. I was in Palm Springs, in my apartment. I was lying in my bed, my sheets tangled in my legs, and the room was bright. I looked over to the clock I knew that I used to have by my bedside and saw that it was four in the afternoon. Panic started to flood me. Was this real? Had I dreamed everything about Sage's kidnapping? Had I finally lost it and stopped seeing the difference between dreaming and being awake? I didn't know what to think. Which world was the real one? What was a dream and what was reality? How would I even know? I rose from my bed and put on some clothes I found lying around on my floor. When I walked out in the apartment, I got the strongest feeling of deja vú. The apartment looked exactly like that afternoon Sage disappeared. Everything was the same, even the dirty dishes I had forgotten beside one of my easels. Nothing had moved at all, I even saw the dust bunnies I usually kept forgetting to clean up that was there in the corner by the sofa. I kept walking through the apartment, but I watched every step I took. I acted as if there was a bomb or some hidden alarms that I didn't want to set off. I took it extremely careful since I didn't know what this was. Was it a dream or reality? The silence was cut off by my phone who started ringing and scared me to death. The display showed 'Sage' so of course I hurried up and answered.
"Hello?", I said, a bit hesitantly. I couldn't believe what was going on.
"We're on our way to your place now, you wanted a ride with us, right?", I heard Sage's beautiful voice say and I almost dropped my phone in surprise. It was really her.
"Um, who are 'we'?", This couldn't be. She had said the exact same thing when she called me that day when she disappeared.
"Jill, Eddie, Angeline and me of course. Adrian, have you been drinking?", She sounded worried. I crouched down and put my head in my free hand. I was panicking. Something was wrong.
"No I haven't. I'm just a bit tired, that's all.", I finally managed to choke out. It felt like my feelings were fighting over who was superior. It was like I had a full on boxing game inside me. The panic of reliving the same moment I had did before, the joy of hearing Sage's voice and knowing it was her and the worry of what was going on. I kept getting the different feelings in flashes. Panic. Joy. Worry. Panic. Joy. Worry. Panic. Joy. Worry.
"Oh, okay. We should be there in five minutes or so. Please be ready by then, we're on a kind of pressured schedule.", I heard Sage's voice inform me in the phone.
"Okay.", I just mumbled to reply and I could hear her sigh on the other end of the line.
"Goodbye Adrian, see you in a few.", I had a hard time breathing again.
"Bye.", It came out as a whisper and before I knew it, she hung up. I stared at my phone for a while before noticing the date. It was the day she went missing. But was this reality or a dream? Was I awake or asleep? How would I ever know? I soon decided to just go along with whatever this was. It was better to play along if it was a dream, and if it was reality, I couldn't just sit here being panicked. So I went outside and looked for Sage's car. I waited in the shade of the building and something struck me, I felt the heat. If it was a dream, I wouldn't have been this disturbed by the dry heat and gazing sun, right? But I was disturbed. I felt like my clothes were sticking to my body and that I was thirsty. It scared me. Everything did. When I finally saw the car, I could barely believe my eyes. She parked in front of me and I could see her through the car window. Right when I reached out my hand to the door handle, I fell. I fell back into darkness. It was that same black blanket again, covering me, making it hard to exist.
When I was back to my senses, I was sitting in the same chair as before in San Francisco. At first, I breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a dream. This was reality. Or at least so I thought. It was still scary that I had been having doubts about reality and what was real. Was I loosing my grip on the world? Was I going crazy for real? This had been more than just darkness. This had been something more powerful and intimidating. Something dangerous. What if it happened again and I lost track of reality for real? What if the next time, I didn't feel relieved when I returned to reality? What if the next time, I thought reality was a dream? What would happen to me? I would be locked up for sure, locked up at a mental facility or something, mumbling things about auras and booze. I didn't want that destiny.