A/N: WOW, been a while huh? Yes. I know i've apoligised before but yes, i will be spending mroe tiem on this As soon as Simply Friends is finsihed. And with that said i only have 1 more chapter for it! So it will be soon. In the meantime, i hope you enjoy this chapter. There are a quite a few things i had hoped would come out the same writing as it was in my head. some did adn some didn't but i hope u like it anyway!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! There see.

Anyways hope you R&R,

Love Ya

Sash.

Back in His Bed

Chapter 3: Self Secrets

Lily pushed her way out of the doors of the Healers office and stepped into the humid English heat. Slipping her shades on the bridge of her nose she turned left and began to walk down the street that would lead her to a little Greek restaurant, where she would meet Ferreira.

Of course, her friend had no idea what Lily had wanted to talk to her about and since Hannah was still out of the country, an ideal announcement wasn't in the cards. On the other hand what was upper most in her mind, other than telling her best friends that she was expecting was the fact that sooner or later James would know she was pregnant as well.

After the anniversary party two nights ago Lily was having a hard time and with Rourke on her case as well, she wasn't sure what to do. Her mind was spilt into two sides and her heart was in turmoil.

She was pregnant and as Rourke had pointed when she told him of her dilemma, it takes two to tango and whether or not she wanted to, she had the responsibility to let the father know he was going to become a father.

Hell she knew all that.

But with everything that went wrong, that fear of her baby getting hurt emotionally wasn't as easy to go away as that.

Her heart to heart with Rourke—her only male friend who wasn't connected to James Potter—had given her a number of confusing thoughts, more so than if she had tried to work things out on her own.

After that emotionally draining kiss on the moonlit patio, her entire being had felt raw and bruised. But by the time she and Rourke had left, she had been calm enough to ask Rourke about what she was doing.

Knowing her actions were wrong was one thing, hearing it from a man's point of view was quite another.

"Lily, all I can tell you is, I would want to know. I mean heck, I've seen this bloke's attitude but if he really is mean and condescending then he wouldn't want anything to do with you or the baby. However, from what you've told me about him before all this, I think he would want to know as well.

You loving him, may colour your opinions where he is concerned since he hurt you, but would he really hurt a person who was part of him?"

No, he wouldn't, Lily knew and although she hadn't told her cousin's husband, he knew by her expression alone what her words couldn't say.

God, now everything was confused. Her will not to tell James she was pregnant was being eaten alive by her wanting to do the right thing. Rourke had reminded Lily of that. Her inner demons were hers alone and her baby needed its father. She'd stifled a sob, but there was nothing else she could say.

The outside dining courtyard was almost full when Lily walked in. Her grin was not forced as she soon saw Ferreira Bond, who was already seated when she was shown to the table. It was so good to finally see her friend after such a long time. The relief she felt was great too; her shoulders were carrying such a heavy burden just seeing her dark haired friend gave her some of the support she needed.

"I missed you, never ever go away again." Lily said laughing and embraced her. They both knew she was joking. Her work depended on her traveling to various places.

"Sure darling, whatever you say." She said after they sat down. Ferreira tilted her head and studied Lily. "Your letters hinted that something was the matter and seeing you now I know something is wrong. What is it?

Suddenly nervous, Lily tried to stall. "Shouldn't we wait until after we eat?" and at her words a waiter showed up giving her some reprieve.

After they ordered however her friend was not to be deterred. "Lily out with it, you're worrying me. Hannah said she didn't know either but she wanted me to get it out of you before she returned from Rome."

"It's not that easy to talk about."

"I gathered that Li, we're here for you, no matter what." She stated fiercely then sobered. "Is it about James?"

Knowing she couldn't keep it from Ferreira's prying eyes anymore, Lily nodded. The other girl sighed. She should have known it would be too good to last. She like everyone else thought the relationship would survive since it was more than three months long.

"I broke up with him a while ago."

"A while ago?" Ferreira echoed but couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice. She had expected it to be the other way around. Lily broke up with James. Something had to have caused it.

"Two weeks and three days ago, to be more precise." Lily specified. Then waited silently until Ferreira digested that. Two minutes later the entire story poured out. The baby, the hope and then the ultimatum.

"Do you think I was wrong?" Lily asked.

Ferreira didn't answer. She couldn't. Swallowing all this was really difficult. For one thing her sweet Lily was pregnant. Oh my god how crazy was that. Pregnant, her best friend was having a baby.

But as soon as the amazement faded concern filled its place. What advice could she give? Her biggest crisis had been reorganizing a near bankrupt organization, which to her didn't really compare to this.

She completely agreed with Lily on getting out of the relationship. Staying would have just killed her personality; the fire in her soul. Telling him about the baby…

"I don't know Li," She said before pausing, "James may stick at relationships but a baby would be different with him, I think."

"So you think I should tell him right?" Lily asked even despite the fact that she wasn't now realizing that even though everything was wrong between the two of them, her relationship with James will never come between their child's needs.

It seemed stupid to continue thinking that there was a possibility of not telling him. She was purposely deluding herself that way.

Her heart probably knew from the beginning, despite her doubts to the contrary. Telling Ferreira had only been the first step, since her friend's support would give her the courage she needed to just tell James the truth.

"Yeah, I do." She said as the waiter showed up with their food.

When he left, Lily gave her friend a rueful smile. "I know I've been fighting the inevitable and I suppose that part of me wishes that he would accept me as well as he would accept the baby. The two are different things and whether or not I want too, the baby's welfare is more important."

"You're thinking for another person's life now, doing what's best for them is always the right thing." Ferreira said but the awe still hadn't abated. "Oh my God," she said with increasing volume, "you're going to have a baby." She squealed at that.

Lily laughed. After Rourke and her cousin Alana being the only people who knew, it came as a relief to have one of her very best friends with her all the way. She couldn't ask for anything more, however, wanting and needed were two completely different things.

"I know. It is pretty unbelievable." She said smiling as she rubbed her free hand over her still flat stomach.

"How far along are you?" the question came halfway through their meal.

"Six weeks, give or take a couple days." Lily said and then paused with food halfway to her mouth. "Uh, don't tell Hannah yet okay? She'll be back soon and I want to tell her myself, face to face."

Ferreira pursed her lips. "It's not as if I'd willingly tell her if you want it to be a secret but Honey, you know she'll demand answers."

"Yes well talk around the topic if you have to." Lily said grinning.

Ferreira laughed at that. There was no way Hannah would be put off for long; they both understood that patience was not a virtue where their friend was concerned. Lily knew she had to tell her, but it would be better for her emotionally if Hannah was here with her when she found out.

She didn't want to be a disappointment to her. Hannah and Ferreira were closer to her than her than her sister and their opinions meant a lot to her. Lily knew that right now Ferreira didn't judge her actions and for that Lily was unbelievably grateful.

When the meal was over her friend took her hand as they walked past the diners and headed for the side exit before the hedged fence that made a tall leafed corridor separating the patrons who were exiting and eating.

Outside they faced each other and smiled. "Buck up Lil," Ferreira said. "You're pregnant; you shouldn't allow yourself the added stress. I want that little bloke in there come out kicking and screaming."

Lily rolled her eyes, "You just want me to name you godmother."

"Of course." Ferreira said before they both laughed out loud. She could always count on her friends to make her feel better.

…

The man, under the shade of the huge Oak tree, who had just been about to sit down and have lunch, remained frozen as the women's conversation floated towards him. His gut tightened with building tension and he straightened.

Now his appetite was shot to pieces and James wasn't even sure he heard right. But somehow, he got the feeling that his ears were not deceiving him. Lily Evans was pregnant? Still shocked, he moved away from his table in the corner of the restaurant and by passed the other diners to the tall hedge near the exit—closer to where the two of them stood.

"Bye Li, call me out after okay?" Ferreira said laughing. "We'll go on an ice cream raid."

"I wouldn't have much of a choice Fer," said the voice that was all the too familiar to him. Acting on pure instinct James opened the gate and heard, "Good luck Lil. I get the feeling that you'll need it."

He stood there behind the hedge where Lily stood as Ferreira walked away, and then looked on as Lily stared straight ahead for a few minutes, before he stepped out onto the pavement.

"Okay," she said out loud and spun around suddenly and walked straight into him her hands bracing against his chest.

James did not appreciate the irony of her bumping into him. The rage inside him was mounting irrationally. Grabbing hold of her wrist as she leaned away from him, James noted inanely how delicate she felt.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. It's a stupid habit of mine, bumping into people." She said before looking up at him. He would say the shocked expression on her face when she saw him was priceless but he had a feeling it was no less the level of shock he felt to find out she was carrying a baby.

Another man's baby.

"You're pregnant," he said baldly, not letting go of her wrist. She trembled slightly before a look of defiance came upon her features.

"Let go of me," She said instead trying to tug her wrist away. He firmed his hold, not wanting to give her the chance to get away.

"Are you or are you not pregnant."

"I don't appreciate your highhanded antics. Let go of my hand." Lily demanded tugging her hand back but getting nowhere. To find him there standing before her was more than astonishing. For a moment, panic had settled in her stomach before she realized she couldn't show any kind of weakness.

"No, we're going to talk now." He said his voice raising. It was at that moment they both realized that they were getting curious glances from on lookers. "We're going to settle this now." He said, giving no indication that he expected anything other than compliance to his demand.

This was so not how she wished to tell him the truth. Him overhearing whatever he heard about her pregnancy was more than just her bad luck. He would either be mad to hear it indirectly from a third source or be even more mad that he hadn't been the first to know. Merlin, how was she going to come out of this altercation with her sanity intact?

"Fine," she said but he still hadn't released her hand.

"My flat, in one minute." He said gratingly. "I trust you remember where it is?"

He then dropped her hand and spun away heading for the restaurant's maitre d'. Not bothering to care what he was going to do, Lily rushed from sight. She knew she couldn't hide from him, that running away would make things harder for her. So she wouldn't, she would go tell him, and then let him decide the role he wanted to play. There was nothing else for it.

Darting quickly behind a tree she apparated to the compound that held a huge building that was designed for a number of luxurious apartments. It was, she knew, way above her budget to live in such a fancy place, although, as she made her way to the entrance, she pleased to realise she didn't miss spending time here at all.

What she had really missed had nothing to do with her surroundings and that was the fact that saddened her more.

When she reached the landing the led to his door, she felt a strange sense of déjà vu, much like when she'd bumped into him literally on the pavement. She was once again standing outside his flat preparing to talk to him about something that would change their lives. She was so not cut out for this. The seesaw of emotions that she was feeling made it hard for her to catch her breath.

And then before she even reached the door, it swung open to reveal James. He'd had arrived before her. She almost laughed; she had expected no less after all.

"It took you long enough." He said but she didn't reply. Talking to him like this is was nearly impossible and it only made you feel as though you were talking to an immovable object. It would have been a waste of breath to let him know, no normal person; other than him of course; could reach an intended destination in one minute.

She stood outside waiting, not giving any sort of indication of what she wanted him to do.

He swore under his breath. "Come inside." It was an order not a request. Lily would have fought him on it but in her now weary state, she thought it best to just tell him and leave.

She stepped inside but the sight that met her was different than before. It startled her to see that every single part of the flat looked different from when she had been here last.

"Sit," he said pointing to a chair before taking the opposite one, on the other side of the coffee table to face her.

"Now answer me," he said not bothering with pleasantries. Lily would have shuddered at the cold stare that was emanating from his eyes but she knew if she can't accept the hatred now, then how could she stand it for the rest of their lives?

Fate had their lives intertwined even if he didn't want to see her again, which was more than crystal clear. He'd changed his entire apartment in the space of two weeks.

She knew without him telling her that he wanted no reminder of anything that she had had possibly touched while they were together, but the action hurt her terribly. He really did feel nothing for her, not even friendship.

How had things come to this? She sat down before taking breath to calm herself.

"I'm pregnant," she said. "What you overheard was true."

"Isn't it too early to tell something like that?" he asked coldly.

"I don't think six weeks is a long time James." She said tonelessly. Then all at once he jumped up from his seat.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded, stalking closer to loom over her.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked confused, she didn't understand his reaction.

"Don't try to lie to me Evans. You can't possibly be six weeks pregnant because then that would mean that its mine."

"W-what?" a shudder passed over her. He didn't think that the baby she was carrying was his. Her hand went to cover her mouth, hoping it would keep back the bubble of hysteria that was threatening to swamp her.

"Who is the father of the baby? Tell me damn it." He cried, harshly.

Looking into his angry face Lily felt a shiver start inside her. The back of her eyes were burning but she knew she shouldn't cry.

"I'm six weeks pregnant. Who the father is not longer matters, because if you have to ask then ultimately it's none of your business." She said and got up. He could think whatever the hell he wanted. There was no ways she was going to take any kind of abuse from him. "You must really hate me to believe I had not only found a new bed partner after we broke up but I had been sleeping with other blokes as well."

She gave a watery laugh, "I knew all along that it was better not to tell you about the baby. Follow my instincts, ha. See you whenever James." She said brushing past him towards the door.

A hand grabbed her wrist, "wait."

"Get your hand off of me." She demanded. Her emotions were getting too wild to control and she practically screamed it at him.

"No, wait a minute." He said but she could no longer take the torment and grabbed her wand to point it at him.

"Let go of me James,"

"Lily calm down, you're in no condition—" he started, still not letting go of her hand before Lily cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do." She said. "Ever. Again. You have no rights in this matter anymore."

"Now hold on just a minute Evans. You show up two nights ago, to my mother's house with a pretty boy hanging off your arm and you expect me to believe that there has been no one since me?"

"You're one to talk, sleeping around with every tramp you've seen these past two weeks. I'm not like you and I don't need to explain who my friends are to you Potter," She said before punching his hand away to leave. "But for your information he's family."

"Lily, okay fine. I believe you." He said and she spun around to face him furiously.

"Oh you believe me, how magnanimous of you James Potter." She said then gave a short laugh. "I forget that your lordship's arrogance is unrivalled, oh silly Me." She said unable to keep the angry tears at bay. "You're a condescending jackass James." She tossed that at him before turning to walk out again.

"Will you wait," James demanded following her to the door. His hands reached and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. She wrestled in his grasp.

"Unhand me now Potter, or I swear I'll—" but the rest of the words were cut off by his lips and her traitorous body leaned in.