A/N: Woo, so here i am with a chapter for Back in his Bed. YAY. I'm finally done. I intend to start on Chapter 6 tomorrow tho since skl is a week away. sigh How sad is that? Bah w.e I hope you enjoy the chapter tho. I feel as tho a couple things are missing but I'll fix it later.

Thank you to all who reviewed.

I didn't ake as long as last time :D

Thank you to Anna who proofed the first half of this chapter for you!

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Disclaimer: I own nothing...JK does so HA!

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Back in His Bed

Chapter 5: Closed Heart

When Lily got home later that day she half expected to find more flowers but it wasn't anything from James that was waiting for her, no indeed it looked as though his efforts had cooled down for the time being.

On the other hand, the note that was waiting for her had come from a far worse source.

His mother.

Dear Lily,

Oh my dear, how are you? I wish you had been able to come to me with this. I have no idea how this must be for you but if you need anything at all you come and see me. The boy didn't tell me anything about how he handled the situation with you only that he was handling it. Merlin, does he think I don't know he messed up with you? He loves you, and although I know you don't think he does and I cannot help but wish …

I had hoped that one day he could have confided in you and I still hope he does. I know you don't want to accept James's proposal, not in this way and I am not going to pressure you to make a decision. I love you, you're like a daughter to me and don't want to see you hurt especially by my own son.

Stay strong and follow your instincts. Richard doesn't want me to meddle and I'm not.

Don't hesitate to come to me whenever you need us. We may be James's parents but we care about you too.

Call on us soon,

Angela.

By the end of the letter Lily was crying. She never really considered how much Angela cared for her or how much this baby would need her in her life. Since her own parents were gone and Petunia not really caring what happened to her, she only had Alana as family.

Oh lord, what was she supposed to do now?

Not that marrying James would solve a lot of problems; in fact it might cause a good few as well.

Should I or shouldn't I?

…

It seemed almost impossible to tell only parts to a story but Lily had gotten through it with her friends and Rourke. She hadn't lied but she hadn't told the entire truth either. Alana was another matter.

She'd known the other girl all of her life, she had been the big sister Petunia never was and she knew Lily well enough to know when she was hiding something. It had been one of the reasons why she hadn't gone to see Alana before this. She might just start to cry and never stop.

She told of the anniversary party of Richard and Angela including the mind numbing kiss James had given her and the fact that there was another woman in his life. She then followed up with him finding out and his mother writing to her.

Alana stared at her now and while Lily may not want anyone's opinion on what she should do regarding James she would at least like some support in whatever her decision may be.

"I see," she said hesitantly.

Well now, that was a vague answer Lily thought but understood. It was a lot to take in. Except for Alana, who had married for love and was extremely happy with her life she knew it would be difficult to understand the difficulty of what she was going through.

"How do you feel the fact that he's already moved on to somebody else?" She asked delicately.

Lily gave her a feeble smile. "A little Angry, a good bit jealous but most of all heartbroken." Came the truthful answer.

"Do you know for sure he's sleeping with her though?"

"Well no, but he practically hinted as much. I saw the woman as well and her very confidence in her appearance meant that she knew she could attract any guy she wanted. She was sex candy. Her very essence seemed to scream, "I am made for sex come and shag me."

Alana spurted out laughter. "Come on, surely not?"

Lily sighed, "Okay maybe not." She said but cut in quickly to disabuse Alana of the idea that the woman couldn't have been that bad. "She was skinny with big boobs and a tight bum so she was more like sex on a stick."

"Oh honey," Al said hugging her close for a few minutes. That was her cousin for you. She always knew when Lily needed a hug most.

"I know you don't want me to say what I think you should do so I won't. All I'm going to say is that we're here for anything if you need us." She said; her hand coming to rest on Lily's comfortingly.

"Thank you Al." Lily said gratefully.

"What are family for if not for support?" she asked haughtily then smiled. "You're lucky to have James' parents support though."

Lily smiled weakly. She knew that. God, she was so emotionally wrecked. If everything would have just been a little simpler.

Alana looked thoughtful for a moment before saying. "In the six months since you've gone out with James how many times has it been since we met him?"

"Well you've met him at least four times and he's never met Rourke." She said the continued dryly. "Though he could off at least remembered the name of my boss and your husband don't you think?"

"I suspect that when he saw you with another man all rational thoughts left him completely." Alana replied, the both of them going back to that night four days ago.

Had it only been that short a time since that night?

"I doubt it." Lily said understanding where Alana was going but not agreeing. "His reaction was out of pure possessiveness than any sort of jealously. He would have had to care if he had been jealous."

Alana looked doubtful. Surely it couldn't be just that could it? James may have changed now but from the stories of his earlier teenage exploits to gain Lily's attention he had to care at least a little for her. She didn't think he would have been with her this long if all he cared about was the sex.

"And he doesn't?" Maybe he was afraid of real intimacy?

"No. Something … changed him though; he's different from when I knew him at school. Even Sirius, Remus and his mother admitted that something happened to him." Lily said before continuing sadly. "I used to hope one day that he would tell me about it. You know? But as I said before, he didn't love or trust me so he hadn't."

Alana looked at her cousin. So many things didn't make sense to her. She wanted to help them but she knew Lily has closed her heart off from further hurt and she personally didn't know James Potter well enough to determine what could be driving him.

"If I ignore him long enough maybe he'll go away." Lily mused and Alana rolled her eyes and seeing that Lily sighed. "Well it was a thought."

"Not a very good one." She said smiling before looking at Lily seriously. "I think you should seriously decide what you want to do. Putting it off wouldn't help you find the answer. It's good that you don't want anyone else to cloud your judgement but I think your judgement where James is concerned is already shrouded in a thick fog."

"You don't understand him like I do. He doesn't—"

"Would he love this baby?"

"Yes." Lily didn't have to think about the answer.

"Would he try his best to give it the most normal life possible?"

"He would."

"Would it be one of the most important things in his life?"

Lily nodded.

"Then I say go home and think about the reasons why it would be a good idea to marry him and then compare them with all the reasons why you don't want to. You're a list girl, use what you know and see then where your decision lies."

It sounded simple, Lily knew but somehow she didn't want to do anything that reminded her of the James she knew.

Five years ago this was not where she saw her life but would she change anything if she could?

She doubted it.

…

Lily went to bed early. She saw no use in staying up to ponder the list that she did eventually write when she'd gotten home. She had already spent the past couple of hours thinking about and coming to terms to what she should do. Reaching to the decision she had made had been hard to do, especially because she still loved him in spite of everything.

Sacrifices had to be made because she had to made her decision based on what was best for the baby.

So now curling up in the comfort of her bed seemed like the right thing to do, however, when she slid into bed sleep was far in coming.

Indeed, although eight in the evening, hardly wasn't her usual time to sleep; she was worn out emotionally and mentally. Contemplating a million different things at once would do that to a person but still her eyes couldn't seem to stay closed.

She tossed and twisted a few times but no matter how she turned to become comfortable it just wasn't working and when the knock at her door sounded five minutes later she was still nowhere near relaxation.

Was the world against her? She thought as she rolled off the bed and sat up. Couldn't she go to sleep and ignore all her worries until tomorrow or maybe the next ten years? She straightened her cotton shirt and slipped on her dressing gown over it.

The knock came again and she hurried to the door. Glancing through the peephole gave her a startling indication of who the person was.

"James," she said pulling the door open and staring in surprise.

Merlin, he would show up when she looked her worst wouldn't he? She knew she looked like a wild woman with her hair out of its normal neat style springing out of her head naturally.

Her hand itched upward to try and pat it down but she strained not to. Just standing a mere two feet from him had the power to make her intensely aware of how she looked.

She was not a vain person but around him any woman would always kept wondering if her hair was neat, if lipstick was on, whether she looked good in that particular skirt or not.

Merlin that annoyed her about him.

…

James stared at the vision standing in the doorway. Merlin she took his breath away standing there like that.

The memory of when he first sank his hands into that mass of springing curls sprang to mind and they itched to do it once more.

Pulling himself out of his reverie he cursed. Damn him and his weakness for her. What was it about her that made him constantly long to hold her, touch her, be around her? Merlin she annoyed him.

"Good evening," he said, though a little more briskly than he intended and he noted the upswing of an eyebrow. "Don't you know it's unsafe to just pull open the door without knowing who is on the other side?"

"I think I'm fairly good at determining what is safe and what is not." She said shortly then muttered. "I saw you through the peephole."

James nodded but said nothing as he glanced around. He noted that none of the flowers he had sent where anywhere around her flat.

He'd hazard a guess that maybe she'd taken all of them to her bedroom but somehow he didn't think that she did, not with that annoyed emotion radiating off of her.

He highly doubted that's he threw them away because that was not her style. So what happened to the flowers he had personally picked out? He probably wouldn't know until her asked her, which he wouldn't.

Damn it, if she wasn't the most contrary female he had ever know in his life. Other women would have accepted the flowers graciously and would have been moved enough to talk to him again.

Not that he'd ever had the inkling to talk to anyone of them again much less see them on a personal level but he usually ended his relationships on a good note.

Except of course Lily's…and Fiona's though that particular association was hardly anything to cause him any concern much less call it a relationship. The woman had irritated his soul. Though what confused him was that she had appeared to be his type. He hadn't slept with her, no matter what he had implied to Lily.

The woman left him cold and he'd had no urge to try anything with her. She'd pouted prettily and promised him various pleasures but he hated a woman so sure of her sexual prowess and his thoughts had kept drifting back to Lily.

Of the soft, untutored way she had come to him on that first night they had made love.

"Have you reached your decision?" he asked and hated how formally he sounded.

"I have," she said mockingly.

"And?" he was growing impatient with the game.

"I have conditions to be met," she said hesitating just a bit, "and if they are then I will marry you."

James narrowed his eyes. Where was this going?

"Do you expect to keep a mistress when we're married?"

Did she think that lowly of him? The thought burned, galling him.

"I take my promises seriously and that would include my vows." He said and she nodded—though it annoyed him that she seemed a trifle surprised—before she said something else.

"I have to ask that we not consummate our marriage," she said and stopped at his stunned silence. That condition was not acceptable. She could not possibly be serious.

"If we're intimate, pointless emotions would be involved that I don't want in our marriage." She continued not pausing at his no-response.

"And what pointless emotions would those be?" he asked sarcastically. "Passion, fire, excitement or is it love that you were referring to." He said not thinking for a minute that she was sure about this.

"Yes."

"Yes? …what?"

"Yes, I'm referring to all of that. I don't want to live my life hurting from this loveless marriage." She said quietly. "I'd prefer it if we could be at least friends, that way the baby would not feel the animosity we obviously have between us."

Animosity? Him?

"I think not," James said insulted. He held no real animosity for her. Not really. She just expects too much from him. She has no right to demand anything from him. No one does.

"You don't like me or trust me so I hardly think it would be such a feat to not sleep with me." Lily said.

"Bloody hell woman," he exploded. "And you expect this to last all through out our marriage?"

"Yes I do. We wont be married forever James as I am sure you cannot wait to be rid of me again but until we provide a stable home for our baby and he understands well enough that the both of us don't belong together then that is when you can go around being a free man again."

James stared at her coldly, understanding to a point but not being able to accept what she was saying.

"I also think we should elope." Lily said.

"Elope? Have you gone mad? I can't elope, what would my mother think of that." James asked. He may not have wanted a lavish wedding but to run away and get married, it was something star-crossed lovers did.

"Your mother," Lily stressed, "would be supportive."

"How would you know?" he asked scornfully.

"How would I — oh I don't know? Maybe because she told me she'll understand whatever I decide?"

"What? What are you on about?"

"You—without me I might add—told your mother that I'm pregnant. What possessed you to do such a thing without me there? Don't you think I respected your mother enough to want to at least be present when she finds out she's going to become a grandmother?"

"I saw no point in you being there," he said.

Yes, Lily thought, he wouldn't see the point. Showing again how little he considered her in his life.

She was after all, just the mother of his child right? She felt a sudden chill and tightened the sash of her dressing gown a sense of loneliness creeping over her. That's what her marriage to James was going to be like, she knew, cold and lonely.

"Whatever, your mother believes that I will choose what is right for this baby and this is my decision based on those conditions. You're a believer of rules and agreements James, do you accept this proposal?"

James had no intention of living in a sexless marriage, especially not to a woman who tempted him at every turn. He may not want another woman besides her at the moment but that feeling will pass soon enough. She was still in his blood and he no compulsion of letting the feeling lie.

So although he was going to honour his marriage vows he wasn't about to force himself to leave her alone when she aroused feeling in him.

"I do," he said and he did accept her conditions. He would give her the wedding she wanted but he hadn't promised not to try other means of persuasion.

He wasn't above seduction and she still wanted him, he knew.

Interesting, things may not turn out so bad after all.

"Good." She said then made a movement as it expecting him to leave right away but he stopped that thought process immediately.

"We'll get married tonight," he said halting her movements towards the door.

"What?"

"Tonight," he said triumphantly. "I know a bloke who would draw up a special licence, that way we could bypass waiting the few days for it."

"I—I suppose we could," Lily said vaguely feeling at sea with this sudden change of direction.

Hadn't she been going to sleep a few minutes ago? Now she was getting married?

"Good, I'll go contact him, I suggest a change of clothes." He said briskly giving her a once over and she felt her control of the situation being taken away from her.

"I'll be back in an hour with the licence, be ready. We'll be going to Harrow; there is a small chapel that does weddings there. I'm sure it'll be satisfactory. Be ready nine o clock sharp." He said and left.

Her life was going ahead at full speed and when the time comes she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to stop it.

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And so they got married with Lily in her best white suit and then in front of strangers they were declared husband and wife.