Again, this is a work of fanfiction, I am not S. Meyer, and in no way do I gain anything monetary from this story. I do, however, have a lot of fun, meet cool people, and get to improve my writing.

I was going to hold off on posting this a bit longer, but I felt bad about the awful cliffhanger. Don't get used to uber-fast uploads! Plus, a few of you started stalking my inbox and asking. So here you go. (Keep laughing, CDH! You know you can't have a finished chapter just sit there!)

A warning about this chapter: I briefly explore some images and concepts relating to self-harm that may be challenging or disturbing to some. I assure you, it is swiftly dealt with, but it's in the last Billy POV.

Many thanks to my brave and intrepid pre-readers: Taoist Elf, little furry cannibals, WolvesCanEatMe, leelator and Bragi151. Parts of this chapter were originally an afterthought of chapter 10 (very early draft!), but it was clear that simply wasn't enough to give the situations and characters their due.

Massive thanks and much love to my awesome and remarkable beta, (chef) Diamondheart, without whom you'd be treated to a nice but oddly worded and punctuated story once again. She is the shine on my apple.

FYI: Sublimation was nominated twice for "The Best Kick in the Balls" in the Underdog Awards at The Air_The Sun. Unreal. Check it out:

http:/community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/theair_thesun/55775(dot)html

Please enjoy.

sub·li·mat·ing

Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin sublimatus, past participle of sublimare

Date: 15th century

1 a : sublime 1 b archaic : to improve or refine as if by subliming
2 : to divert the expression of (an instinctual desire or impulse) from its unacceptable form to one that is considered more socially or culturally acceptable

.

Billy POV

.

It was late. Meetings should not go this long, and I was worried that something was wrong. Jake and Sam only had to update the treaty and get back, but the amount of time needed to do that and make the trek back had come and gone. Cullen had better remember his obligation. The pack may be strong, but this is not their burden.

And how would Jacob handle… well, it was inevitable once he began to grow, wasn't it? He would find out about Bella and the Cullens, and how he reacted to the news would determine the fate of his relationship with her. I could not believe that he was capable of turning his back on her; but then, I never phased, and I never knew what it was like to have a spirit inside of me. Would it tell Jake what to do?

I watched the news to pass the time and, seeing reports of another victim of a gruesome animal attack, I knew we were losing the luxury of time. The attacks were getting closer, too, and the reporter dramatically stuck a pin into a map inches closer to Forks and La Push than the last. The distance was a mere jog for a vampire.

The news ended and a late night talk show was starting when I heard footsteps on the ramp Jake built for me. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to look relaxed when the boys walked in, their faces masks of calm determination.

My son was becoming like Sam already, and it pained me.

"Well, how did it go?"

Sam and Jake exchanged silent glances before turning back to me. "Billy, the meeting was successful. The treaty was updated and we received assurances from the Cold One that he and his family will return to deal with the leeches. He sends his regards."

Sam, sensing my surprise at the ease of his report, continued with a smirk. "Jake has a particular talent at forcing negotiations forward." I looked to see Jake, rocking back and forth on his heels and toes, whistling and looking at the ceiling as if he heard nothing. I kept watching his act until he turned to me and gave a serene little grin; the same one he used when he thought he'd snuck the motorcycles by me.

Still my son.

I pointed out the deliveryof sandwich supplies; left by Sue earlier in the day. She'd had been kind enough to drop off the bag of groceries for Jake and me even though she was sick with worry for Harry and the kids. We were on high alert for Seth, but… well something wasn't normal.

I watched them as they ate silently, the matched set of buzz cuts bent over their plates, trying their best to eat with restraint. They were too tired to care much though, and I wasn't one to fuss over the table manners of anyone in their position.

Sam finished and departed quickly, telling Jake to get a good night's rest since they had a meeting with the elders and the pack the next morning. Patrols were covered for the night and Jake needed the rest badly, so he helped me to bed and I could hear him collapse into his own moments later without bothering to change, not that it was a meaningful act anymore.

…

A phone ringing, and a bump in the hall awakened me as Jake staggered to the kitchen to answer it. He came to my room moments later, ashen and horrified, bringing me the phone and looking out the window. I could plainly hear the howls in the night.

.

Sam POV

.

Emily got back from her mother's and had only begun to unpack when I got home. We were in bed, still wrapped around each other when the phone range. I would have ignored it, preferring the warmth of her embrace and the peace her company gave me except that I heard them, too. Howls. Loud, pained, frantic howls mingled with the even tone of two others: Jared and Embry, but who were the others?

I kissed Emily's damp brow, her eyes still closed, and marveled at the consuming need I had for her- being apart for just two days had left me edgy and I'd needed to reaffirm my connection with her as soon as I walked in the door. I was happy to be her slave and she felt the same. We were bound to one another.

Carefully I pulled away from her and took the phone out of the room with me.

"Hello?"

"Sam? Can you hear them?" It was Old Quil. His voice was thick with emotion.

"Yes, that's not an attack call, what happened? Who am I hearing?"

"It's the Clearwater kids, Sam. Both of them."

I fell back into the wall and sank to my knees. Leah.

"Jesus... what do I do? Why does it sound so bad?"

"You need to phase and do exactly what you would do anyway as Alpha. But, Sam... there's more." His rich voice, so often vibrant with stories and legends, cracked and grew frail.

"Harry... when L-Leah... Sue is with him, and I d-don't know if he'll make it." He drew a jerky breath and sighed. I didn't know what to say or do.

"Go, Sam. Check on those kids and make sure they're okay. I know it may be bad, but you need to command them until they are calm. Get them back, their mother needs them."

Oh god, Sue. "Fuck. Did she see it?"

"I don't know. Now stop talking to an old man and go get those kids back here." He hung up and I rested on my knees in the hall listening to the dial tone, my palm and forehead against the door to the room where Emily lay.

…

I did as Old Quil told me. I stopped their run and handed off their return trip to Jared and Embry. The four of them could finish the patrol together and still allow Jake and me to get at least a half night's rest. We could work on their ability to phase in the morning, as their grief and hurt was too raw to allow anything of the sort tonight.

Both the Clearwater siblings were reeling with the changes to their world. While Seth naturally grieved for his father, once he was capable of rational thought he was able to accept our support and draw resolve from it. He had always looked up to Jacob as an older brother figure and gravitated toward him; Jake's close relationship with his own father seemed to be a comfort to our youngest wolf.

However Leah, always self-contained – she had never shown the pain of my abandonment – was a walking open wound on the inside. She knew I was there, in her mind, and all the guilt and remorse I'd always felt about her collided with her feelings of rejection about me and the grief over her father, swirling to make a vile pit in the pack mind

Commanding her was harder than I expected. She took it as another way I could hurt her and I hated every second that I had to force my authority over her. As soon as I could, I left to return home and told Jake to return with me. We phased as soon as we could, leaving Jared and Embry to guide the siblings back with them as they patrolled.

I stopped at Jake's house for a drink on my way home. There was a note on the table letting Jake know that his dad had gotten a ride to the hospital from a member of the extensive Clearwater clan.

I left again to jog home in a daze. I entered the house and found Emily seated at the table with a cup of tea, waiting for me. I sat with her, and took her free hand.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, knowing that there were new additions to the pack, but unaware of the realities of them.

"Yes. They'll be okay."

She sipped her tea. "Who was it?"

"Harry's kids." She lowered the cup.

"He only had one son... and Leah!" Her voice shook a little. She never forgave herself for stealing her cousin's fiancée.

I squeezed her hand, and she began to cry. "Oh god, Sam. Was it... bad? She never says anything, it must be terrible..."

"It's bad, and sharing headspace isn't helping. And she thinks it's her fault." I leaned forward to rest my head on my arms.

"What's her fault, us?" She scoffed gently. "She'll have to know eventually. She'll need to know about imprinting."

"Not that. Well, not just that. She thinks she killed her dad."

.

Jake POV

.

Friday came and I woke to a quiet house with the soft flannel pushed against my nose and neck again. I had planned on sleeping without it, but after hearing about Harry and having to feel so much anguish from Seth and especially Leah, I needed to cling to what little comfort I could get from the fabric.

It was cold comfort, to be able to smell her and not have her with me. Sam had come straight from Emily's arms, and though he was hiding some kind of conflict within himself from us about it, at least he was able to return to her afterwards. What I would give to just see Bella right now.

Bella is a pretty girl, but no guy is going to fall over himself staring as she walks by. She has a slim build that could probably stand a few cheeseburgers, a soft face, and hair that usually was either a bit messy or pulled out of her way so it didn't fall in her face while she worked. She was no bombshell.

But if you watch her move, or her face when she listens to someone, she hides so little, reflecting her thoughts with an openness that most people don't. She cares about those around her, and works hard to do what she can for them. She is like the little piece of real jewelry in a box of cheap crap- sparkle might catch your eye, but if you pay attention you'll see where the value really is.

It hurt so much to know now why she had suffered so much. A vampire had held onto her- had entranced her into loving him. Maybe he loved her back, too, but I just couldn't see how it was anything healthy. You don't declare your love for prime rib; you eat it.

Maybe it wasn't just the broken heart that had hurt her so much, either. Her openness had been damaged. She'd hidden all this away, unable to tell anyone the truth and therefore carried a heavy secret all alone. Hell, I had secrets now, but I had people, however few, that I could go to. She'd had no one she could tell, not even me. That kind of burden can… well it could break you.

I sighed. Wallowing wasn't going to get me far today, so I rolled the shirt and put it back in the drawer, giving it a pat to settle it before closing it up. A note on my door said my dad would be home by around ten in the morning, and not to put any plans on hold for him so I ate and showered, pulling on clean shorts.

It was stupid, really, to worry about making sure your clothes were really clean when they were just going to get flung on a branch and get rained on. The next time I put them on I'd probably have a thin coating of forest grime on me. My shorts would be cleaner than me.

Sam told me the night before not to go anywhere until he contacted me. It was only nine in the morning, so I had some time to kill.

I wandered out into my garage and ran my fingers over the tools, feeling all the indentations in the steel and the smooth places on wooden handles where my hands and my father's before mine had polished them from work.

The cars I had finished were gone, so dad must have handled the return while I was gone. Even that little piece of shit import. I felt along my arm where the random chunk of metal had bit deeply into my skin when I attempted to change a belt.

I felt nothing. No scab, no soreness.

A quick inspection of my bicep revealed nothing more than a faded pink line where the deep gash had been. I thought about my tantrum and how my arms had been covered in blood- nothing. Not even a scratch remained from using my body like an axe to pound large trees into toothpicks while Sam and the leech chatted away only hours before.

I sat, stunned, on the dusty futon and stared at my hands. Random pieces of pipe were leaned up in a bin and I reached for one. I bent it easily with my bare hands, coiling it like a toy until it strained and broke with a loud metallic crack.

"Kinda weird, isn't it?" I jumped and looked up to see a tired Embry leaning in the doorway from the house. I tossed the pipe into my metal scraps and leaned back on the futon. He walked in and sat next to me.

"What are you doing back? Everything okay?"

Embry nodded. "Seth and Leah are okay. They're in the woods around Sam's place and they both ate and drank during the night. They slept a little, too, but I wouldn't call it sleep so much as passing out. No one can take that kind of stress for long except you, you freak."

"They've had a lot to deal with." I stood and leaned on my workbench, hating what I was about to ask. "How is he?"

Embry didn't have to ask whom I meant. We both knew it was bad for Harry if the elders went on lockdown like they did, canceling meetings with us and leaving the rez for a night to sit in a hospital.

"He didn't make it. He…went a few hours ago." We were both silent for a long moment. "Your dad is helping Sue make some arrangements and trying to figure out what to do about her and the pack."

"I don't get it, what about Sue and the pack?"

"Dude, Harry is gone, and both of their children just phased. The elders who know about us are just your dad and Old Quil now, and frankly, Old Quil is, well… really damn old. They need someone else in the group, so, your dad asked whether we'd be okay if they told Sue and had her join. " He shrugged and said nothing more.

"Well? What the hell did you say?"

Embry gave me a disgusted look. "What do you think we said? Both of her children are in the pack, and one is the only female ever to phase! Sue needs to know what has happened to her family; it wouldn't be fair not bring her in." Embry sighed, exhausted and emotionally drained from the night. "Anyway, Leah's gonna need her. It will help her understand about Sam and Emily."

"Understand what about them?"

"Imprinting, finding your soul mate and forsaking all others even when you were fucking engaged to them." He waved his hands around like a magician. "You just look a certain girl in the eyes and poof. Sam dropped Leah like a hot brick when he met Emily and it's why she hates him so much."

The thought sank in, and I wondered about the rest of us. "Who imprints?"

"Wolves. We can all imprint, though I'm not sure if we all will. Jared did with Kim, that's why he's such a pussy when you tease him." He slapped his knees and stood. "I just hope I can play the field a little longer before I do. It's hard being such a stud." He flexed and dodged the bent pipe I chucked at him.

"Dude, I'm beat and I have patrol this evening. I'm going to raid a fridge and sleep until Paul kicks me awake." He waved as he walked around the edge of the shed, the gravel barely registering his exit.

I sat with my arm in the air, waving, even after he was gone. I had heard the word 'imprint' in the minds of Jared and Sam and seen the force of their bonds, not understanding the nature of it. I still didn't get it, but they were almost branded by the girls they thought about. It was like the girls owned them.

Bella didn't own me, and I certainly didn't own her and I had no desire to. She was not a possession, but my heart's desire.

What if your heart's desire changed?

It couldn't. It wouldn't dare. If I was going to imprint, it had to be with her, or else it would destroy both of us.

…

Sam came by later to find me still brooding on the futon. We ate again before heading out to meet Seth and Leah and relieve a very exhausted Jared. Sam instructed me to teach them how to phase before he left again, reluctant to share space with Leah. She said nothing until he was gone.

After a few hours Seth managed to pop into human form briefly and Leah achieved it a bit later, hiding in the trees. I tried to keep their minds focused away from their grief, making them concentrate on helping their mother by being stable enough to attend the funeral Sam said was scheduled for Monday.

As sunset approached Sam made one of his brief appearances, this time bringing a pair of shorts for Seth and a simple sundress for Leah, which he hung on a branch near where she had been practicing. She came out of the trees, barely acknowledging him as she headed for Seth.

They clung to each other for support and Sam and I withdrew, feeling like intruders spying on their family tragedy. We walked until we could only just hear them talking quietly to one another, and Sam stopped, turning to me.

"Embry is going to take them home while you and I run patrol, and afterwards we have to make a report to the elders. Sue will join us once they're resting at home."

"So Sue knows now?" I waved my finger in a wide loop. "About all of this?" Sam nodded, clenching his jaw while he swallowed hard.

Embry arrived and the three walked away, Seth and Leah behind him holding hands and exchanging sad glances.

Sam and I took off after they were out of sight and headed out to the pick up a gridline to start the patrol. We had only been running for about half an hour when Paul, who had spent the better part of the past two days phased but silent, started nudging at us to get our attention.

He had a trail. Not just a vampire.

What the hell are you doing tracking Bella?

With Paul's eyes, I saw Bella absentmindedly picking her way into the woods by her house from the driveway. She reached with one hand to balance against the thick trees as she stepped over a branch, the other arm slung in the pocket of her sweatshirt.

Shut up, and pay attention. Smell that? Paul was scanning the air and I caught whiffs of the leech they had tracked days before, its trail leading off the peninsula.

Stay with her, Paul, we're on our way. Sam had barely gotten the words out when I bolted, heading straight through the trees on a direct path toward her house, ignoring any set trails. I let Sam take the point when he caught up to me and I squinted through the dirt and muck his hind paws kicked up in my face.

Where is she going?

I'm not sure, Sam. She's just wandering. If she keeps on this general direction she'll get to a little clearing soon.

I watched in horror as Bella, completely unaware of very real danger she was in, meandered in the dark, an occasional frown creasing her brow as she lost herself in thought.

Man, she is not normal.

Can it asswipe, and just stay close to her. I snapped at him.

Sam and I ate the ground, our breaths loud and harsh to our sensitive ears. Paul crept silently near Bella, orbiting her as she strolled along. The smell of the vampire grew stronger and Paul started watching for any movement or shift in the outlines of the tree trunks.

There was a movement about halfway between where Bella was and the clearing she was approaching. Paul focused on it, careful to stay downwind. A dark-skinned leech was watching Bella, setting a course to intercept her path somewhere in the clearing.

Bella emerged from the woods and blinked, surprised by her surroundings. She tiredly rubbed an eye as she turned to glance back at where she had come from. She stepped further into the clearing, appearing to gain her bearings.

Sam and I came alongside Paul, careful to circle around to double check the area for any others, and dispersed to take flanking positions when we advanced on the scene.

As Bella stepped further into the clearing, the leech entered. His long and coiled hair was anchored at the ends with beads made of ivory and they made tapped faintly as he moved towards her. I felt the growl start in my chest and I had to quash it.

"Bella?" All three of us jumped at the idea that she knew these bloodsuckers, and it actually hurt me to know that she was at risk right now.

"Laurent?" Jesus Christ, she knew its name.

They spoke quietly, Bella asking about some trip he'd taken. He replied that something about the local diet not agreeing with him. It made me sick.

Can we now? Paul was itching to move.

Not yet. I told him.

Bella continued to speak with the leech, who had moved closer to her with his languid feline grace. He was stalking her and she didn't even know it.

They continued their uncomfortable small talk. I was trying to listen, but something in Sam's mind distracted me, how he could never wait like this if it was Emily and I missed part of the exchange between them. I was determined to track every move that son of a bitch made. I did hear him say that someone was coming for Bella, confirming the pack's suspicions.

Now?

Not. Yet! I snapped at Paul.

The leech moved closer to Bella and I could see his face as he sniffed the air around her. His tongue flicked out like a snake, sensing, tasting...

Bella's body stiffened and she froze. Good girl. Never run from a predator, they only lunge. He said something, calling her mouthwatering and I could no longer hold still. Bella's hair had begun to shimmer with her trembling and Paul was on the verge of combustion.

The leech extended an arm, moving to embrace Bella and she shrank from him, trying to keep him talking. I was done with their talking.

NOW?

NOW!

The three of us emerged from the woods in a single rush and moved to flank Bella. The bastard's red eyes went wide as he raised his gaze from his meal to his doom and he hissed as he turned to bolt for the forest.

Too bad we know these woods better than any leech, because he didn't stand a chance.

Paul and I raced by Bella to follow him, Sam close on our heels. Paul and I caught up to him quickly and I leapt from a mound of rock to tackle him when a creek bed slowed him down. He screeched when my teeth sank into his thigh, my wolf snarling in encouragement.

His sickeningly sweet poison slicked my mouth like oil as I pulled and twisted my jaws, removing a large portion of the back of his leg to cripple him. The sound of shredding sheet metal and snapping cords filled the air and mingled with my and Paul's feral growls. Paul had grabbed an arm and yanked as I did, bracing his massive paws on the leech's shoulder and a great crack echoed as the joint gave way.

The arm hit the ground with a dull thud and I saw over my muzzle, buried in the rotten filth I tore off, that Sam had phased to human and was digging in the pocket of the shorts he had strapped on. A few fetid mouthfuls later, I saw that he had a small fire started, feeding twigs and hunks of dry wood he scrounged to the growing flames.

The vamp was weak now; gasping in pain and Paul stepped back to toss the first piece of him onto the fire. I set a paw on the stump of his torso we had left intact, weeping foul fluid from all the holes we put in him. Ropy clumps of his dreadlocks were strewn around the wet ground.

"The girl..." He started to laugh, neck spasming and tossing his head to and fro, making those ivory beads click. "That girl, she's already dead. Don't waste your-"

Who's dead now? I braced my paw on his sternum and reached forward. I dug my teeth into his neck, which was slightly softer than the rest of him, and snapped his putrid head right off, silencing his filthy mouth forever.

No one, especially no leech, talks about my Bells like that.

I walked to the fire with my trophy and dropped it right on top, the fire flaring with the addition of the dripping venom.

Jake, she's still back there. What should we do? Sam asked.

I got it. I said flatly. I needed to check on her myself.

You can't phase right now. Even if it wasn't forbidden to reveal it, I'm not sure she could handle that right now.

All right, I'll get her back. I had to see her face. I needed to know.

I drew in a breath and stepped around to return to the clearing, shielding my mind from the others. What had Embry said? You look in their eyes? If I was going to imprint it had to be with her.

I walked into the clearing and saw Bella in profile. I imagined allowing her into my soul, giving her my will, and taking anything she would offer me. It wasn't much different that what I had already done, but I didn't care. I always felt a pull toward her, always the sense that wherever she was I should be, too. Now I could truly protect her from the things that had hurt her, not just help her heal her wounds.

I huffed a breath out, steam rising to mingle with the purple curls of smoke from the incinerating vamp. She heard me and turned, shaking from fear and cold, her lips nearly gray and her partly exposed legs covered with blotchy patches of red.

My eyes drifted up, seeking hers, and I took one long blink before deciding my fate.

This was it. I could still turn away and wait. I could, but I wasn't going to; I cracked my eyes open and gazed directly into her warm eyes, wide with wonder.

…

Nothing.

There was no sweet enslavement, no welcome release of my will to her. There was my love, care, and desire for her. I could smell her skin, rich and feminine, full of life, but it was just… her.

She shivered. Immediately I remembered my second reason for coming back. Her lips were pale and quivered with cold, but… oddly enough I didn't sense fear any more from her.

Dude, I told you she was off.

Fuck off Paul. Burn the leech.

What's taking you so long? Get her home before she freezes, Jake. Sam had phased again and was helping to pile the stinking mass onto the makeshift pyre.

I shook out my fur and sat, doing my best to look imposing but not threatening. She took one cautious step back and I nodded, knowing that she would see my movement in the dim moonlight. I stood and took a single step towards her, pointing and nudging the air with my snout I the direction she had entered the clearing from and sat again.

Another step. I nodded again. We played this game, slowly making our way towards her driveway. She had relaxed a little on the way, still cradling the arm in the sweatshirt but the other she had allowed to swing freely rather than hug around herself defensively.

We were nearly there when she turned and spoke quietly, "You aren't real, are you? You can't be."

I snorted, thick steam curling and caught by the faint light filtering through the trees from the yard light by her house.

Her muddy boots slogged a few more feet before she turned again. "If this is a dream, then nod again."

How do I answer? I could nod and let her think she had a nightmare, perhaps removing myself from her world, one that deserved to be free of all this unnatural danger.

Who was I kidding? There were more out there, and I would risk everything to keep her from them. She was already up to her ears in risk, and there wasn't anything I could do to make it just go away. Maybe if she knew something was here, watching over her… maybe if she had some idea…

I laid on my belly and did nothing else, watching her. I waited for her to acknowledge my answer.

She watched intently, and let out a low breath. "Okay then," She turned back to the thin light and took another step. I rose to follow, still keeping some distance between us. I didn't want the distance; I wanted to phase and run her down, to grab her and hold her tight.

The gravel scraped against itself as she walked over it, a few stones scattering from her dragging footsteps. The blotches on her legs had faded and she was now a solid peach-gray on every exposed bit of skin. She swayed, weak as a kitten and unable to climb the stairs to the porch. I whimpered and she turned to look, but the sudden head movement was more than she could handle. I leapt forward and caught her, my suddenly human arms filled with an unconscious and frigid Bella.

Shit.

Charlie was home and I could hear him snoring. I had to get her into bed, and get her warm, but I had to do it without waking him, or just as importantly, Bella. We may have been intimate once, but I don't think waking up to me naked would be the best reunion.

Bella had left the door unlocked when she left, so I slipped in and took her up the stairs without making any of them creak. When I got to her room my head was swimming in the potent aroma of her. She was so alive to me, so vital, though the gray face she had now was scaring me. I set her muddy boots in the corner, not caring about the mess they would make, and tucked her into her bed, climbing in with her. Under any other circumstances this might be a dream come true, but now it was to protect her from a deepening hypothermia.

She was stiff and too quiet, her breaths shallow and raspy from the cold air. I wrapped myself around her, contacting every surface I could. I watched as her face returned to it's normal cream color, her breathing evening out to a deeper cadence.

My heart wrenched in half with the reality of knowing that I might break her heart.

I might destroy what I have rebuilt. In the blink of an eye, I could tear apart what we had, such as it was- and it wasn't even up to me. I would have no control over it.

Her sweet face was soft, finally peaceful and at rest after warming up. I pulled my arm out from under her carefully and unwrapped my legs from around her, settling her back in and tucking her blankets around her tightly. She sighed with content and snuggled deeper into the pillow where my head had lain.

I went to the door and just as I was about to step out, she murmured. "Jake…"

I saw that her eyes were closed, her heartbeat bumped steadily. She was still asleep, and she said my name.

My name. It was a dagger thrown at me. What would have made me overjoyed a few days ago now felt like an accusation. She might be smiling in her sleep, but she had no idea how tenuous our grip on each other was.

I felt the tremors start. Too many feelings coursed through me, too much panic. I flew down the stairs and out the door, pausing only to close it quietly. I ran to the tree line and jumped, phasing mid-air and landing in the first pounding strides of a ferocious run.

Where the hell were y- I blocked out Paul, who was just now kicking dirt over the fire where the last embers flared with a few hanks of the leech's hair coils, the beads contrasting with the dark strands. I ran for home, I needed something to anchor myself to. Anything that could block this out.

My shorts were on the tree limb by my house where I left them. I grabbed them angrily before pulling them up and heading into the garage. My stomach growled. The wolf was hungry.

"Growl all you want, asshole. Fuck you." I was losing my mind. I wanted to strike out at the spirit. I wanted to hurt him and get myself back.

.

Billy POV

.

Thump

Thump

Thump

I heard the sounds by the side of the house, but…

CRASH

I jumped in bed and heaved myself up with the grab bars Jake had installed everywhere. It was graceless, but I managed to get into my chair and pushed myself out into the living room. Empty.

The front door was partway open, like someone had left in a hurry, so I headed out and let the ramp launch me into the driveway. I nearly overturned when I cornered too fast, heading around to the side of the house where the noise was coming from.

There was a baseball bat lying in the yard and two felled trees with massive areas pounded into splinters in them. There were bits of broken brick scattered on the ground by Jake's window.

I heard the sound of thundering footsteps from the trees that still stood, and one more came down, smashing the few dry bits of leaves that still clung on the branches. Limbs broke off and flew in the air whizzing by, the top of the tree mere yards from me.

Jake emerged from the mess and I gasped in horror.

He was covered in blood. Everywhere. It dribbled and smeared across his face from his forehead, down his arms and from what looked like cuts in his chest that were already closing. It was his blood.

He methodically walked to the tree and sank a fist in, turning it inside the heavy trunk. He pulled out his hand and it was cut in a dozen places, oozing and sticky. He took a deep breath and did it again, using the tree like a punching bag. It all happened so fast that he already had the baseball bat in hand and was swinging it to his head when it finally registered in me what he was doing.

"Jake! Stop this now!"

The bat connected with a crack and he staggered for a moment, only to start winding up again.

"Why should I? It's his fault, and I want him out!" My son – my warm, bright, loving son – was unrecognizable; his face a demonic mask of rage, blood and anguish.

I wheeled over the small rocks and uneven ground and set myself so close that to hit himself he'd have to hit me in the process. He stared at me and stepped back, preparing to swing again. I advanced, not letting him get enough room.

"God damn it! Get away from me!"

"No Jake, not until you stop."

"He's going to ruin everything! I'm worse than the god damn leeches and I won't be able to stop it!" He walked to the house and bashed his head into the bricks, causing another stream of blood to pour from his head and drip from his nose before the wound closed. The bricks were half powdered from the impact.

I spoke gently but firmly to my son, the way you speak to a small child. "Jake, I know whatever is hurting you, we can handle. This is not the way to do it." I pushed myself closer to him. "Come inside. We can talk about this- whatever it is."

Jake stood still, trembling just slightly. "I'm going to hurt her, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm a worse monster than they are because I don't want to stay away from her even though I know it will probably kill her." He slid down the side of the house and closed his eyes, leaning against it with his shoulder and head pushed against the brick. "It will kill me to hurt her, too."

"Jake, what are you talking about?"

Jake began to blubber, the strain of the last few days finally catching up to him. He'd had one decent night of sleep since he phased, and that was a couple days ago. I knew for a fact he'd barely eaten today, and it was nearly two in the morning now.

"Embry… one look… hot brick…" He was making no sense at all until one word made it all clear.

"Imprint…"

The moment it left his lips I lurched in the chair and nearly fell out. Jake was at my side immediately, balancing me back into the seat and making sure I was all right.

"Jake, lets go inside." He was past knowing how to tell me no anymore. He pushed me back to the house, silent and defeated.

When we reached the living room I pointed for him to take me into the twin's old room. A corner of the room had been converted to a small workbench for me, my wood pieces carefully arranged by size and type. Works in progress were set on the bench itself and my tools in their cases alongside.

I taught Jake to carve at a young age, to teach him control and concentration long before I knew how badly he would need those skills. The patience he learned and the strength he gained in his hands translated well to the garage, and there he had spent much of the last few years, but it was time to return to the bench.

"Jake, you have lost control of yourself." I gestured to the chair pushed in the corner, his old chair he used when he carved. "Have a seat. I'll bring you food. You are not to get up until you have produced something."

He balked at me and started to argue, but I waved my hand in front of my face as if to say I was hearing none of it. "I know you're tired, and I know what happened. You will sit here until you have control of yourself."

With that, I wheeled myself from the room without giving him a tender word. He didn't need them yet. Right now he needed to be told what to do and he would only hear it from me.

I made him some sandwiches and set a few apples on a plate, balancing it all on my lap as I wheeled back into the room. He was hunched over in the too-small chair, his leather tool case unrolled to his right. He was examining a couple pieces of wood with bleary eyes and I turned on the work lamp before leaving again. It was going to be a long night, and I called Sam to let him know what had happened.

An hour later I heard him humming softly, a sure sign of progress. He hummed the lullaby his mother and I sang to him when he was small and could not sleep. I returned to his side.

"What happened?"

He told me about the fight, which Sam had reported to me. What Sam did not mention was that Jake had escorted Bella back to her house, as a wolf, and had to warm her cold and fatigued body with his own. He blushed as he explained that he didn't want to wake anyone by running a hot shower, and I waved away his concern.

"But Dad, it didn't happen. Why didn't it happen?"

"Do you really want it to?" I was at a loss why he would want such a thing. Didn't he see Leah?

"But now, when I do, I'll hurt Bella!"

I would have smiled if I hadn't seen the torment in Jake's eyes and the dark shadows under them. He warred with himself, and started fingering the sharp carving tools in a way I did not like.

"Jake! Stop." He bowed his head, and dropped his hands into his lap. I placed an arm gently on his shoulder and touched my head to his. "Jake, listen to me right now. Are you listening?" He made a tiny nod.

"Good. Now, I will explain what I am about to say, but you have to accept it this very minute, because I will not have my son harming himself any longer. Do you understand?" Another nod.

"Okay." I leaned back slightly and he turned, just meeting my eyes. "You. Will. Not. Imprint. Do you understand?"

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I think I know what Embry said, and the fact is, he's a brand new wolf too, and with so much happening there has been no time to properly teach you both much. He assumed that since Sam and Jared imprinted, that you all will."

Jake's face, ragged, worn, and smeared still with blood, started to lighten. "Why not?" He didn't dare believe, but he couldn't face the possibility that I was wrong any longer.

"Because you are The Alpha."

His face fell. "No, Sam is the Alpha, and he's imprinted. So what the hell is all this for?" He grew angry and carelessly tossed the bit of wood onto the bench.

"No Jake, you're not listening. Sam is Alpha, but you are The Alpha. You are of the bloodline that leads the packs, and as such, you will not imprint." Jake sighed, not convinced.

I picked up the wood he tossed and turned it over in my hands. "Jake, have you ever thought about the qualities that make a leader?" He shrugged.

"Charisma?"

"Maybe."

"Being smart?"

"It helps."

"Honesty?"

"Sometimes."

He shook his head, frustrated again. "What then?"

I examined the graining in the wood as I thought about how to explain this to him. "Good leaders are defined by their ability to make decisions and take action knowing that not every single person involved is going to be perfectly happy with the outcome. It also means that leaders who make life and death decisions sometimes have to balance their own wants and desires against the good of the people he leads.

"Sam is a good leader and up to now he has been what this pack needs. He's been a teacher, a mentor, and guide. The problem is, he hasn't had to make any hard decisions. He has patrolled and guarded us but by and large he has done what the elders have told him to do and hasn't had any real problems."

I let him think for a moment. I reached over and picked up one of his tools, making a few beginning cuts on the wood. He watched every move my hands made then calmly sat back in the chair.

"Okay, so Sam is an untested leader. What does imprinting have to do with any of this?"

"Sam is bound to someone, and that someone can tell him what to do and he is powerless to resist it. As Alpha, if his imprint told him to stay behind in a fight, he would, leaving the pack without its strongest member and vulnerable to attack."

"But even if he's not Alpha, like Jared, what's to make him not do what his imprint says, regardless?" I was proud of my son now. He was figuring it out.

"Because if the true Alpha is in command, he can command them to stay and do their job. It relieves the wolf of their free will and they can focus on their task without feeling torn in two directions. Right now, the pack has two masters, and that will not do when we find ourselves in real danger."

Jake slumped his shoulders. "I'm the Alpha, then?" His voice was flat with resignation.

I handed him the bit of wood on which I had made some preparatory marks. "No, not yet. When you're ready, you'll know when to take it."

Jake swallowed hard, staring down at the wood. "Will I have to… fight?"

I chuckled. "Not likely. Sam knows, and he is well aware of the risk we are taking with him leading. Think of yourself as being in training. Now get to bed."

Jake stood gratefully, slowly heading toward the bathroom tossing the wood piece in the air and catching it like a lucky penny. Suddenly he halted, looking closely at the piece and bolted toward the front door.

"Where are you going?" I yelled after him.

"I have to get something! I'll be right back!"

I wheeled myself to the screen door and watched as he flung off his shorts, leaving them carelessly on the ground. He returned within a half hour, his face and arms dirty and smudged with soot, carrying a handful of what looked like little rocks. He went back into his sister's old room and sat at the workbench and began to work on the little piece of wood.

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The concept for Sublimation began as an imprint based one-shot, but something about the scene I envisioned (which has yet to be written in entirety) made me wonder if there couldn't be more. When I dropped the imprint from the scene, the story became far more interesting to me and I could really flesh it out.

LucyFerina: I promise to write the original thought as an outtake just for you.

The Jake POV and second Billy POV were influenced by Johnny Cash's cover of 'Hurt', originally written and recorded by Trent Reznor. These parts are dedicated to MrsTrentReznor. Check out her story What Was She Thinking? if you haven't already.

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So much for wandering in the woods. I know your stomach is in knots, but I promise, it's coming. My hit counter is busted again, so please leave some love. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.