I hesitated only for a second before making my way to where I knew Sage was staying. I stood in front of her door for a minute or so, before I worked up the courage to knock. When I did, she opened almost immediately. She stood holding the door open, just silent, until I decided to spoke.
"I guess we should talk, huh?", I asked and she stepped aside and let me in without a word. I stood in the middle of the room, feeling a bit awkward. Sage sat down in the nearest chair and nodded to the other one that was to her left. I sat down in it and angled myself so I could look at her. She did the same.
"Talk.", She said and looked down at her hands. Okay I wasn't the only one who was awkward and nervous here.
"Well, I came here to apologize for the kiss. It was wrong of me to just jump you like that. I'm sorry.", I studied her tattoo, it seemed kind of faded. It didn't glimmer as much as it used to.
"I forgive you.", She looked up at me and we locked eyes. "I understand that you probably became very unaware of your actions when everything came back to you. I remember that it was a weird feeling for me.", She spoke.
"Yeah, I guess so.", I looked up at the ceiling. "I don't regret kissing you though. I could never regret that.", I smirked without thinking about it and I could see how she looked at me out of the corner of my eye. When she didn't say anything else, not even a scolding for my flirt, I looked back at her. She looked deep in thought, and she was studying my face. What was she seeing?
"What?", I asked, and she snapped back to reality.
"Sorry, just, got lost in thought I guess.", She said and smiled. It was definitely forced.
"Anything you want to talk about?", I asked, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't going to slip out of this one.
"No, not really.", She answered and looked at her hands. Something was up.
"Are you sure?", I pressed and she looked up at me again.
"It's just, I've been struggling with a decision lately.", She finally admitted and I nodded.
"Care to tell me what kind of decision you're struggling with?"
"No, it's personal.", She said and looked scared for a second.
"Okay then. Good luck with that.", I said and started going for the door. I couldn't just sit here in silence with her. It made me feel like we were okay, which we weren't. As long as I was hopelessly in love with her and she refused to admit her love for me, it only hurt to see her. It hurt and burned and made me feel like crap.
"Are you going already?", She asked, sounding disappointed. Too bad for her.
"Yeah, I guess.", I shrugged.
"Oh, okay.", She seemed really sad that I was leaving. I couldn't stand her being sad.
"I could stay for a while longer, if you want to.", I said and she looked hesitant for a second, like this was the wrong decision, but at last she nodded.
"Please stay.", She said and just like that I was hooked. I was not going to leave if she wanted me to stay. I went back to the chair and sat down. This time it was Sage who started talking.
"Since I got all my memories back, I have been thinking about everything you did for me when I was gone. Thank you for that.", She smiled and I smiled back. It warmed me deep into my soul to get a 'thank you' and a smile from the most beautiful girl on the planet.
"No problem, I did my duty as a good member of society.", She rolled her eyes and my smile grew even wider. She was so pretty.
"But really though, thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be sitting here today.", She said, eerily serious.
"You're welcome.", I answered, dead serious. I didn't even need her to thank me. I didn't regret one second of saving her. It had all been worth it. We both stared into each other's eyes, frozen in the moment. Everything faded away and it was just me and her. It felt wonderful. Sage was the one who broke our little bubble, when she averted her eyes and looked at her feet instead of my face. I sighed and leaned back. She was so scared of her own feelings. We were lost in our own thoughts for a couple of minutes, I was thinking about how our life would have been if we had both been humans, or moroi, or dhampirs, or whatever, and how our life could have been then. I ended up being pretty sure that everything would have been much easier then. We would probably already be together instead of what we were now. Because right now, we were both constantly trying to dodge our feelings and push them aside so we could try and move on with our lives. We just couldn't handle it. Or, I probably could, but she couldn't. And I couldn't be alone in this. This was too strong, too different. I had never experienced something like this before, and I had a feeling she hadn't either. We needed each other's support in this, but I was only met by silence from her part.
"It's silly-", I said "but I miss you even though you're sitting here next to me.", I looked over at her and she turned her head to me.
"I understand what you mean.", She admitted and smiled sadly. "I feel the same thing about you.", I knew that this was a huge thing for her to admit. She wasn't the type who spoke about her feelings, she rather kept them inside of her, where they could be her secrets and where they couldn't do her any harm.
"How are we going to fix that? Suggestions?", I asked and then we both fell silent as we were thinking. I had some few ideas in mind, but they were not the kind of ideas Sage would approve of, of that I was certain.
"This was so much simpler before.", She mumbled and I looked over at her. She was hesitant again, like she was struggling hard to make a decision in her head. I had seen this look on her a lot of times now, and I wanted to know what she was struggling over. Maybe I could help.
"We need an ice breaker.", I muttered and got up on my feet. I found a record player and some old dusty record that I started. Soon the room was filled with the sound of some old love ballad. I stretched out my hand to her and asked; "Shall we dance?". She looked scared and worried at first but then she seemed to push that aside and she took my hand. We started dancing a slow waltz-thingy, my hand on her back and her on my shoulder. My other hand was holding hers and I held it to my heart. It was awkward at first, but soon we were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes. God, this was fantastic. Finally being so close to her, Sage having a smile on her face and even looking like she enjoyed my company. Oh how I had longed for this moment. It was something different than just wanting to kiss her and for her to be mine, this was pure heaven. It was more like we were the only two people in the world. Right now, we were alone, in our own world where we made the rules. It was all about feelings and not just attraction. We were close on so many levels, it was hard to explain. Right that second, I realized that all I wanted was to spend eternity with her. I wanted to run away with her and never leave her side. It was a feeling so strong, it left me breathless. I could see in her eyes that she felt it too. She was taken aback by the intensity in her own emotions. I saw how she had to draw some deep breaths and close her eyes for a second to calm herself. What was to become of us? Two lovestruck persons with everything against them, who couldn't bring themselves to make reality of their wishes and dreams because of the danger that went hand in hand with it. It was almost like it was taken straight from a soap opera. But the thing was, I really felt like we could do this. I really felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. We could figure this out, somehow. We had slowed down to a sort of swaying motion right now instead of actually dancing. This was nice too. She suddenly put her head on my chest and let it rest there, probably listening to my heart beat, and my heart was racing. I was used to being confident around girls, but with Sage I became nervous and my stomach got filled with butterflies. It was strange, but wonderful. I started humming along to a song and Sage giggled lightly.
"I chose a good ice breaker, right?", I asked.
"Yes. The best.", She mumbled back and continued listening to my heart which had somehow slowed down a bit by now.
"Good, that means that I'm not entirely hopeless nowadays.", I muttered back and smiled.
"Apparently not.", She answered and we continued to sway until the CD was over and we were stood, embracing in the silence. Neither of us wanted to let go. We just stood there until we were too tired to stand. Then we let go and sat back down in our chairs. Sage was smiling wide all the while.
"Are we okay now? You think we can function normally around each other again?", I asked and raised an eyebrow. She thought for a while before nodding.
"I really think so. We're good now.", She smiled a bit more, but it wasn't as bright. She seemed to have something else in mind.
"Awesome. That's one of my wishes that just came true.", I said, trying to cheer her up a bit.
"What other wishes do you have?", She asked, she really seemed interested.
"Oh I have a few. My number one wish is something you already know I want.", I said. I was of course meaning us. I wanted us, together for as long as we could keep things great. She seemed confused at first but then she nodded, slowly.
"Yeah, I know.", She mumbled, kind of sadly.
"But I'm pretty sure that that certain wish won't come true. I'm still keeping my hopes up though.", I said and looked up at the ceiling. I figured it was best to put myself out there. She should know. We got lost in thought for a little while longer, until I realized that i couldn't handle this anymore. I needed to get away, at least for a couple of minutes. I needed air.
"I'm just gonna go get some air.", I said as I got up from my chair and made my way to the door. She nodded, deep in thought and I went out without another word. This was crushing me. I was destroying myself. Why did I even ask her to dance? That had been so wonderful at the time, but afterward it was just horrible. I was starting to feel broken and unwanted and I just wanted to leave. But I wasn't going to. I was going to try and push all those feelings away and throw myself back in there. Maybe that was what I needed. Some pain to forget about everything that couldn't be. I went back in the room, only to be met right inside the door by Sage who looked resolved about something.
"What-", was all I got to say before she kissed me. Like, really kissed me. Not just a peck on the mouth or anything, this was a full-blown kiss. I didn't even hesitate. I put myself into the kiss and let out several months of want and need and we didn't stop until Sage ran out of air and needed to breathe. She pulled away and looked at me with glowing eyes.
"I made my decision.", She said. I just nodded.
"I noticed that.", We kissed again, but not for as long as before. We pulled apart and just looked at each other and a million unspoken feelings passed between us in that look. I just hoped this would work. I could see in her eyes that she felt the same. I hugged her and she put her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and dreamed away. Away to a place where everything was easier. Away to a place where we could be together forever without the threat of outside forces that wanted to pull us apart.
"Can't we just pretend that we have a future, at least for a while?", She suddenly asked, as if she had been reading my thoughts.
"I wouldn't want it any other way. Maybe we can make it come true someday too.", I answered. I really believed what I said. We were going to do this. Nothing was going to stand in our way, and if it did, we were going to overcome that. Nothing would separate us. Never.
A/N: So, this was it. This story has come to an end. I just want to let you know that I really enjoyed writing this story and it was a bit different to write Adrian's POV. Anyway, I have an idea to write a sequel to this one, but if I don't, I will probably write a totally new story after reading The Indigo Spell. You can always check my tumblr ( .com) where I will post updates when I start writing something new. I love every single one of you who have been reading this story and liked it. I hope that you will read my future stories too! :)