The Obsessive Smashers Show!
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get away with it.

Dry note: This story is as funny as the number of witty lines that a politician will say in their career. And that's not a lot.

The Obsessive Smashers Show!
Episode Six: Roy

"Roy, a loved swordsman who is currently ranked as the first Smasher!" said the narrator.

"I'm not going to lose this grand final match to you!" said Link, looking angrily at Roy.

"Well… you will… because uh… they're giving a million dollar sponsorship deal to the runner up," said Roy.

"Really?" asked Link, "Because I could really use that kind of-"

Roy sissy punched Link in the stomach, hurling him out of the stadium.

…

…

"By the way, I was lying," shouted Roy, cupping his hand over his mouth, "Just needed to let you know."

"But what some fans may not know is that Roy is being questioned for charges of fraud!" said the narrator, trying to sound shocked.

Some old footage of people in a theatre gasping appeared on the screen.

"For years, Roy has faked numerous degrees in professions he knows nothing about, from Accounting to Experimental Acupuncture!"

"Hey Roy, you're a podiatrist, right?" asked Bowser, walking into Roy's room.

"Yep" said Roy. "Can I have my fifty dollar consultation fee?"

Bowser passed a bill to Roy.

"In fact, it has been estimated that he has made several million dollars from ripping people off!"

"And twenty dollars extra for GST?" asked Roy.

Bowser handed a twenty dollar bill to Roy.

"And the supplementary tax cha-"

"Can you just check out my foot already?" growled Bowser angrily.

"Fine," sighed Roy, "What's your problem?"

"Well, my foot has been hurting for the last few days," said Bowser, taking off his shoes, "And if you can see here, a bit of blood on the side, do you know what's happening?"

"Uh…" said Roy, improvising, "Your foot has… the flu… give it… these tablets…"

Roy took a packet of cough mixture out of his pocket, and handed it to Bowser.

"You're… you're not serious, are you?" asked Bowser angrily, "W- why are you giving me cough drops… for my foot? Are you a real podiatrist?"

"Here, I'll show you my degree!" said Roy, looking through the alphabetical filing system of his 'degree drawer'.

Roy took out a piece of paper, and showed it to Bowser.

"Oh oka-" said Bowser, suddenly stopping, "Print a degree dot com?"

Roy covered the web address on his degree with his hand.

"That's it! I'm calling the fraud investigation office!" said Bowser angrily, dialing a number in on his mobile phone.

Roy's phone rang.

"Hello?" said Roy, picking up the phone, "Roy, anti-fraud law enforcer, how can I help you?"

"Y- y- you're the fraud police?" asked Bowser, shocked.

"Well I have natural skill!" boasted Roy.

"Unfortunately, the fraud game has its drawbacks!" said the narrator.

Roy answered the door, as somebody had knocked on it.

"Hello, I'm Detective Cadwell," said a man wearing police uniform, "And I am putting you under arrest for 182 counts of fraud."

"Really?" asked Roy, filing through his drawer, "Because I'm a detective as well! I've made about ten thousand dollars through my detective work!"

Roy showed the detective his shoddy degree.

The detective looked at the degree.

…

"Put the handcuffs on him," said the detective angrily. "There's nothing you can say or do to get out of this, so don't try!"

…

…

"Uh… twenty percent off acupuncture?" chuckled a nervous Roy.

Two policemen picked up Roy, and threw him into the back of a police van.

"Now shut up," said the detective, who was driving the van.

…

…

"Fifty percent off acupuncture?" asked Roy.

A policewoman, looking angrily at Roy, took out the pepper spray.

…

…

"Eighty-five percent off acupuncture and a free credit consultation?" asked Roy.

The policewoman sprayed pepper spray into Roy's eyes.

…

…

"Ow!" said Roy angrily.

EDN.

(of chapter)

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

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