DISCLAIMER: I do not own Alex Rider, it all belongs to Anthony Horowitz (despite my fervent wishing!)

And the mask begins to break . . .

'Whatever may happen, one danger and one salvation will be shared by us both'

(Aenead Book II, Virgil)

Consciousness came back to Alex far too quickly. The fire in his leg renewed itself and he groaned, realising the painkillers must have worn off. Throwing off the duvet, he lifted himself to a sitting position and glanced around his room. Sunlight was seeping around the edges of his blinds and he wondered if it was still the same day or if he'd slept through the night. He looked down, noticing he was wearing pyjamas. When did that happen?

He gently dangled his legs off the side of his bed, looking at the distance between the door and him with a sinking heart. At least the floor of his room was tidy, almost obsessively so, bringing order to the chaos of his life. He didn't think he could manage dodging clothes and such like when he couldn't even put weight on his leg. There was no sign of Ben or Snake, so presumably they were downstairs. Well, there was no way he was calling for help, so he was just going to have to get downstairs by himself. He'd faced worse, after all.

Gritting his teeth, he slid slowly off the bed and balanced on one leg, clinging onto the wooden frame of the bed. He cautiously placed his injured leg on the ground, testing the extent of the pain.

"Shit," he swore to himself, immediately lifting the leg up again. Not a good idea. He was going to have to hop then. He made his way around the room, using the walls as support and hopping desperately around obstacles such as the desk when he couldn't reach the walls. By the time he reached the door, he was panting, out of breath, and his leg was throbbing with every heart beat. Damnit, he really hoped he hadn't torn the wound. He didn't want to lift his pyjama bottoms to check – ignorance is bliss, after all.

It was a long and hard struggle to get down the stairs, and at one point he sat down on the steps and slid down, holding onto the banister and keeping his injured leg in the air. He could faintly hear Ben's voice from the kitchen and knew rationally he should ask for help. But Christ, he was so dependant on him already, and he wanted to prove to himself that he still had the strength to exist alone. He stayed on the bottom stair for a short time, getting his breath back and working out a new strategy to get to the kitchen (or lounge – which was easier?).

It was while he was resting there that he heard footsteps outside the house and a clinking of keys. Damn, it was probably Wolf. Exactly the person he didn't want to see, especially when he was as vulnerable as he was.

Sure enough, Wolf walked through the door a couple of seconds later, ready to take his shift at guarding the house. The soldier stopped in the doorway when he caught sight of Alex, pale and breathing heavily, half collapsed at the bottom of the stairs.

"Damn, Cub, what happened to you?" he asked in surprise, striding forwards to help.

Alex shook his head. "I'm alright," he replied tiredly, knowing that Ben was surely going to hear the conversation and realise that Alex was out of bed. Obviously, no one had informed Wolf of the events of yesterday (or earlier today? He still hadn't figured out how much time had passed).

Just as Wolf was reaching out an arm to help hoist Alex to his feet, Ben appeared in the hallway, a scowl already on his face.

"How in hell did you manage to get down those stairs?" he asked in frustration. Alex smirked when he realised that Ben wasn't even going to ask why he hadn't called them. The older spy was getting to know him very well. Too well, a voice in his head whispered.

"I slid," Alex answered, a slight blush on his face as he pushed the voice to the back of his head. Ben wasn't a danger to him.

"What's going on?" Wolf demanded, still standing over Alex.

Ben sighed. "Alex aggravated his thigh wound yesterday playing football."

Ah, so it was yesterday. He'd slept a long time, then, and with no nightmares too. That was probably why he felt so rested today; it was the first time in a long while he'd managed a whole night's sleep.

Wolf raised his eyebrows. "And the reason he's collapsed at the bottom of the stairs after having slid down them is . . .?"

Alex sat in silence, happy at that moment to be ignored. It was better than having Ben snapping at him, which was sure to follow when he found out he'd disobeyed his physiotherapist, and lied about it to Ben.

"He can't put weight on it and is too bloody stubborn to ask for help." Ben glared down at him and Alex stared at the wall. It would be nice if one of them could help him to the lounge; the position he was in wasn't the comfiest.

Wolf barked out a laugh. "Sounds familiar," he said, and Alex wondered again what had happened to take the unit off active duty.

"Well, it won't happen again, will it Alex?" Ben said threateningly. Alex looked at him innocently and tried to stand, wobbling slightly. He grabbed onto the wall as Ben growled at him and grabbed him round the waist.

"You are too bloody stubborn for your own good," the older spy grumbled, repeating his earlier words out of pure annoyance, as he helped him hop into the lounge and sat him on the sofa. Snake looked up in curiosity from his position at the table and got up.

Alex sighed. Lecture time.

"Will you let Snake look at it?" Ben asked, his voice softer than his face would suggest. Concern still seemed to be the main emotion, despite his obvious frustration. "He can decide if you need to get a doctor to look at it or not."

It would have been a lot easier if Snake himself was a doctor, not just a unit medic, Alex thought to himself, but he found himself agreeing with Ben. He spoke up, however, when Snake dropped to his knees before him.

"I'm not doing it here!" he protested, his face growing red.

Ben just looked at him. "Fine," he said after a pause. "Go upstairs and put some shorts on to preserve your dignity. We'll follow you up in a couple of minutes."

Alex blushed even harder, but continued arguing. "Who's we?"

"Snake and I," Ben said immediately. Alex looked at his face and guessed there was little point protesting further. At least Wolf wasn't coming.

He sat forward and was about to get up when a potential problem with that idea arose. "Um, Ben," he started. "I can't get up the stairs by myself," he mumbled, frustrated with his inability to do anything.

"I can carry him," Wolf piped up immediately, smirking, and Alex immediately vetoed that one very loudly. He was not being carried again.

"I'll help you up," Ben sighed. "Snake, you follow us up in a second, ok?" The soldier nodded, silent as usual. Ben gently wrapped an arm around his waist and lifted him from the sofa. Alex floundered for a second, then found his balance. The two of them slowly made their way into his bedroom, an easier job than before as Alex was fully conscious this time – though still in pain. Ben settled him on the bed and searched through his draws for a second before managing to find some shorts. Alex was resigned to the lack of privacy he was going to get because of this injury, and let him look.

"Here," Ben said, holding out the shorts. "Do you need any help changing?" His tone was conversational, bland, trying not to embarrass Alex. He flushed anyway.

"I'll be alright," he replied, taking the shorts and not looking Ben in the eye. He hated this: hated the injury, the embarrassment, even the level of trust he had in Ben.

Ben nodded. "I'll be outside. Call me when you're ready, ok?"

Alex agreed faintly and waited for the door to shut behind Ben before sliding off his pyjama bottoms. He winced at the sight of the wound; it was red and inflamed, but the stitches seemed all right, thank God. He'd need Snake to check, however. He quickly pulled on the shorts, taking care not to brush the wound and cause further pain. He took a couple of breaths to compose himself before calling out to Ben.

"Snake's just coming," said Ben when he came in. The man winced in sympathy when he saw Alex's leg. "You alright?"

"Fine," Alex said shortly, perched on the edge of the bed.

"Looks painful," Ben added quietly, crouching in front of him. His hands hovered over Alex's leg, but he didn't seem to want to touch it.

"I've had worse, Ben," Alex sighed, knowing that the concern wasn't going to go away.

Ben nodded sadly, and stood up again. "I'll have to get Snake to look into getting some crutches for you or something."

"If I must," Alex muttered. He hated them with a passion. Nothing screamed 'vulnerable' like crutches, and if he was vulnerable, he was a target. It didn't matter that he was at risk anyway; it was a philosophy he'd developed over years of state schooling and living in London. It was a fantastic city, and he loved it, but that didn't mean there weren't dangers lurking in shadowy alleys, just like every place.

Snake walked into the room then, without even knocking on the shut door. The soldier was like that; he went where he liked and did what he wanted and nothing anybody said seemed to affect him. He existed almost in a world of his own at times.

Ben stepped back to allow Snake to bend down in front of Alex and push his shorts up slightly, allowing him to see the wound in full. He frowned, his hands examining the stitching that was slowly dissolving. His touch was gentle, in contrast to his gruff exterior, and Alex began to see why Snake made a good medic. He had the ability to really concentrate on the injury and there was little that would distract him when he was working. He could've been a doctor, Alex thought, but guessed that the abandonment of his mother at sixteen pushed him into the army instead. At least the army had given him the opportunity to do a Biology degree later on, if he believed what Ben had said before.

"The wound hasn't pulled apart," Snake said finally when he had finished inspecting his leg. "Your stitches seemed to have held alright, but it's going to need rest." He looked up at Alex, and the spy resisted the urge to pull away. He was close (too close), and the scrutiny was uncomfortable. "Did your physiotherapist say football was ok?" Snake asked.

Alex's expression didn't change, despite something within him wanting to squirm and run away. Ben frowned. "Yes," Alex lied smoothly.

Snake stared at him for a couple of seconds. "They shouldn't have," he said shortly. "You need to rest this wound, or the stitches will tear. You were incredibly lucky they haven't already."

Alex shrugged. He wasn't about to tell Ben he'd lied to him.

"Does he need crutches?" Ben asked, and Alex breathed a sigh of relief when it looked like he would drop the current subject.

Snake nodded. "It would help," he said, getting to his feet. "I'm going to grab some bandages and I'll wrap the wound up again. I'll find some crutches for you later."

He disappeared from the room, leaving the door open behind him. Alex didn't look up at Ben.

"Are you going to admit you lied to me?" Ben questioned, his voice steady. Alex blinked, cursing Ben's perceptiveness under his breath.

"What do you mean?" he replied innocently, lifting his head to meet the older man's eyes.

"Your physio is the best MI6 could find," Ben hissed. "He wouldn't have made a mistake like that."

"Well, he did," Alex pointed out. He didn't know why he insisted on carrying on with the lie, but he wasn't going to give in now.

"Please don't lie to me, Alex," Ben said tiredly.

Alex lifted his chin. "Why not?" he asked, his voice raising. He barely registered the fact that he'd admitted he'd lied to Ben.

"I think I deserve more than that," Ben replied.

"Why?" Alex repeated. "Why in hell should I listen to anything you say?" All the thoughts he'd pushed to the back of his mind - all his insecurities - were coming to the forefront.

"Because it's my job to look after you!" Ben snapped back.

"That doesn't mean anything," Alex cried. "My uncle never gave a shit about me, and we existed perfectly fine. Why do you even care?"

Ben looked like he couldn't decided whether to hug him or hit him. "Because I care about you," he said, his voice choked.

"Why do you have to care?" Alex said again, softer this time.

"Alex . . ." Ben said softly. "You need someone to care for you."

"I was fine before," the spy snapped, turning his head away.

"You had Jack," Ben replied.

"And you're not her, Ben!" Alex said loudly, fighting against the images bombarding him-

(-red hair waving in the breeze, her smile lighting up the room, soft hands holding him as he cried, telling her about Ash and his parents and every other betrayal-)

-and trying not to think about the greatest betrayal of all - her betrayal. She left him: left him alone to be tortured and hurt and abused. And he knew it wasn't logical, but when was love ever rational?

Understanding came over Ben's face. "I'm not trying to replace her, Alex," he said gently. "I know you miss her."

"No you don't," Alex said roughly, his voice hoarse. "You have no idea."

"Alex, I-"

Whatever Ben was about to say came to an abrupt end when Snake waltzed back into the room, complete with an emergency First Aid kit. Ben settled for placing an arm on Alex's shoulder before he quickly shoved it off. Ben stepped away, and Alex felt a flash of guilt at the hurt look Ben hadn't quite managed to hide.

He turned his mind to his injury instead, inhaling sharply as Snake wrapped a cotton bandage around his leg. The gentle pressure sent blades of pain up his leg and he bit his bottom lip. Snake didn't look up, just tightened his grip on the upper part of his leg which he was holding to keep the leg still.

Snake kept silent for a couple of minutes more, before standing up. "There," he said. "That should offer a bit of protection. Don't put anymore weight on it for a while though," he warned.

Ben nodded as if Snake was speaking to him. "I'll help you downstairs, Alex," he said, his calm voice showing none of the tension of their earlier conversation. Such was the life of a spy. "You can sit on the sofa and watch TV, alright?"

"Fine," Alex muttered. Snake had disappeared by this point, as was his way, without saying anything. With Ben's help, the two of them made their way downstairs after the Scot. Ben lowered Alex onto the sofa and Alex carefully lifted his leg up so that it was resting on a cushion, leaving no space for anyone else to sit down, sending a subtle message to Ben.

Ben, of course, ignored this and sat down in the armchair. Snake, sitting at the table yet again, seemed to take one look at their serious faces and left. Neither Wolf nor Eagle was anywhere to be seen. Presumably, it was Eagle's day off, and Wolf was probably outside patrolling. Alex could see that Ben was about to speak, so piped up desperately in the hope of delaying the inevitable conversation to come.

"Where's Eagle then?"

"Looking for a flat," Ben said immediately, his face grave. "Look, Alex-"

"He's moving to London?" Alex replied, interrupting.

"I've already told you that," Ben said steadily. "Stop changing the subject."

Alex sighed, resigning himself to the fact that Ben wasn't going to be deterred. He was already regretting the words he'd spoken in the heat of the moment. He had no desire to rehash the conversation with Ben again.

"I really don't appreciate you lying to me," Ben said seriously.

"I know," Alex admitted.

"Will you tell me why?"

"Why I lied?" Alex clarified. Ben nodded. Alex thought for a second, but saw no reason not to tell the truth. "I wanted to be normal," he said quietly. "I wanted to see Tom again."

"You could have seen him without playing football."

"I know," Alex repeated. "But I wanted to forget, for a few hours."

"Alex," Ben said, his face grave, "forgetting won't make it all go away. You need help."

Alex shook his head.

"Please, Alex," Ben pleaded. "Just talk to someone."

Alex said nothing.

"Talk to me if you won't talk to Doctor King," Ben said, his voice becoming a little desperate. "I care about you," he added, quietly.

"Stop saying that!" Alex snapped suddenly. Ben froze for a second, his face calculating.

"Alright," he said at last. "But surely it's better to know you're not alone?"

"I'm always alone," Alex muttered, but Ben overheard.

"You're not alone now," he promised.

"That doesn't mean anything," Alex hissed, "and you know it!" Ben stared. "When it comes to it," Alex continued, "it will always just be me. Alone."

"Alex," Ben said hopelessly.

"Don't," Alex said harshly.

Ben got up suddenly and walked over to the sofa, crouching in front of it. He placed his hand on Alex's knee and looked him in the eye. "You will always have me, ok?" he said firmly.

Alex pushed him away. "Get off me," he said, his voice hard, but his body trembling slightly.

(-help help help help alone alone alone alone blood blood blood dying dying dying-)

"Let me help," Ben said insistently. His expression was serious, his voice matched Alex's tone completely. He wasn't going to back down.

"No," Alex said shortly, bluntly. He turned his head away.

"Listen to me, Alex," Ben retorted, grabbing his chin. Alex flinched, his body shaking, the memories coursing through him. "You cannot do this alone."

"I can try," Alex replied, trying to sound strong but far too aware that he was failing. He couldn't do this, he was falling to pieces, and Ben was too close, too close. He needed space, he needed to think, he needed to be alone. Alone meant people couldn't get hurt anymore.

"No," Ben said, not letting go of Alex. "Talk to someone before you self destruct."

"I. Am. Fine." Alex growled, trying to pull himself together, but not succeeding.

(-"I will make you hurt, Rider. I will make you scream-)

A choking sound erupted from his mouth as the flashbacks overwhelmed him.

"Talk to me, Alex," Ben repeated, his voice amazingly calm. "Describe what you're seeing to me."

Alex shook his head, but felt a gentle hand take his and squeeze. "Try," the soft voice uttered again.

"It- It hurts," he mumbled, attempting to push the images to the back of his mind. "It's dark."

"It's not dark here anymore," Ben reassured him. "Keep talking."

"She's dying," he said, a small sob breaking through his control. "Whatever I do, she keeps on dying."

(-"Why didn't you save me, Alex?" she screams. "You let me die!"-)

"I'm listening."

"There's- There's a lot of blood," Alex carried on, narrating the images floating in front of his eyes. He was no longer aware of where he was or whom he was talking to, but he kept going. "She's screaming. She's screaming a lot. My fault."

"It's not your fault, Alex," Ben said softly.

"Should've helped her," he muttered feverishly. "Should've stopped them."

"How could you have done that?" Ben said steadily. Alex wasn't listening. "Answer me, Alex."

He blinked up at Ben, the firm voice breaking through the memories. "I- I don't know," he said, tiredly.

"You did everything you could," he told the young spy.

"You don't even know what happened," Alex pointed out.

"Then tell me," Ben replied instantly.

So Alex did. Slowly, haltingly, he told Ben about that day: about the screams, about the blood, about the fighting and the drugs and the overwhelming knowledge that she had died (died) and he had done nothing. And if he had to stop and wipe his eyes on a tissue every so often, and if Ben's eyes had gone a bit red too, well, neither of them mentioned it.

When at last Alex couldn't speak anymore, his voice hoarse, Ben wrapped him in a hug and they sat there, both just breathing. He hadn't even touched on his captivity or torture yet, but he wasn't quite ready for that. It was a myth that you felt lighter after telling someone, but he supposed he did feel a bit better. Comforted, maybe, and not quite so lonely.

"Thank you for telling me," Ben said at last, pulling away. Alex didn't look him in the eye, embarrassed by his earlier emotions. He was a spy; he wasn't supposed to collapse like that. Ben looked at him and seemed to know immediately what he was feeling. He got to his feet and Alex was grateful for the space. "Don't ever feel embarrassed for trusting someone," Ben said quietly.

Alex nodded, reaching for the TV remote. At that moment, he just wanted to forget what had happened.

"If you ever need to talk, Alex, I'm here," Ben said, undeterred by Alex's silence.

"Ok," he answered faintly.

"I'll make sure the others give you some space for a bit, alright?"

"Thanks," Alex muttered, and he didn't even know if he was thanking Ben for his thoughtfulness or his willingness to listen or just for being there.

"Anytime," Ben said, a meaningful look on his face. Alex got the message. "I'll make some lunch. Any preference?"

Alex shook his head.

"You need to eat," Ben said in resignation.

"I know," Alex replied obstinately, but sighed a moment later. "Pasta, please."

Ben smiled at him, and Alex thought that perhaps forcing himself to eat was worth it if it made Ben happy. He'd done a lot for him, Alex admitted to himself, and he knew he'd given very little back.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, wishing to voice his little epiphany but not knowing how.

"For what?" Ben asked in surprise.

Alex shrugged and Ben smiled again, that little gentle smile that meant perhaps, I'm here for you, or maybe even, I won't leave.

"It's alright," he said. "I'll cook some pasta for lunch then, and book an appointment for your physiotherapist tomorrow."

At that point, Alex couldn't even muster up the effort to be annoyed. He hated physio, but that was tomorrow and right now all he could think about was today.

"Fine," he agreed.

"What's for lunch?" Wolf called as the front door slammed open just that second and he marched into the open plan lounge and kitchen. Ben mouthed a sorry to Alex and he shrugged again. He wasn't really feeling up to dealing with Wolf after his little break down so he switched on the TV and hoped that the soldier would leave him alone. At least Eagle wasn't in.

He could just about hear Ben and Wolf talking quietly in the kitchen, and presumed Ben was warning Wolf to give him some space. For once, he wasn't bothered about them talking behind his back. Instead, he turned his attention to the TV and idly set his mind to watching something trashy on E4. The school setting of the programme reminded him of his upcoming return to school the following week, and he prayed he wasn't still on crutches then. The humiliation of going back to lessons whilst still injured was something he didn't want to face; the rumours were going to be bad enough anyway.

He was interrupted from his musings by Ben ten minutes later.

"Pasta's ready," he called from the kitchen. "Do you want to stay there or sit at the table?" he asked.

Alex thought for a second, but decided he wasn't that interested in the TV anyway. "Table," he answered, glad that his voice had returned to normal. He swung his legs onto the floor and Ben immediately came over to help him hop to the table.

"You ok?" he muttered.

Alex nodded and sat down, looking unhappily at the meal in front of him. Wolf and Ben sat opposite him, already starting to eat. He really had no desire to eat when flashes of memories were still echoing in the back of his mind, but he glanced at Ben and decided he could bear it, for Ben. As the first forkful of pasta entered his mouth, he glanced at Wolf and Fox, both thoughtfully keeping silent. He thought that they would certainly make a strange family, but that didn't mean they couldn't be one, at some point along the line. If Ben had done one thing for him that day, it was to give him hope.

(for a future that was maybe not quite as lonely as he'd imagined)

A/N: Speedy update :) I'm so impressed with myself. I'm sorry this is a bit shorter than normal, I was struggling to get something out before I go on holiday (tomorrow) with no internet. I will however try and write a chapter while I'm away and hopefully upload it when I'm back (a week or two).

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please please please review! It really makes my day! (I'm trying to reply to everyone's so if I haven't, let me know and I will!)

Dreams x