"you man stealing, wannabe bloodwhore!" Tasha screeched as she stomped out onto the deck.

I sat there in shock, I had never heard Tasha react like that to anything, no matter how angry she got she was always so reserved, keeping most of her opinions to herself, especially if they were negative.

Rose was faster to compose herself then I was, she released my hand and stood up, I felt the loss of her contact immediately.
"What the hell is your problem, you dont know anything!" she growled back, her fists clenched at her sides.

"You are my problem, he left you to fullfill his duty as my guardian, now we've been back for barely a week and youre already trying to steal him back from me." Tasha accused, pointing a finger at Rose.

"Listen to yourself, you sound like the insecure jealous girlfriend which last time I checked you werent! He was my mentor and friend, hes been gone for two years, excuse me for wanting to catch up with a friend, and besides I have a boyfriend!" Rose growled, emphasis on the last word as she slapped Tashas hand away then stormed around her and back into the house.

My eyes widened in realisation to what she had just admitted... She has a boyfriend? Shes with someone else?

It was like my heart broke all over again, I had never even thought that as a possibility... how stupid I was to think that I could come waltzing back into her life and act like nothing ever happened... Of course she has moved on, of course she found someone else... Someone who makes her happy, who can give her everything that I couldnt... I mentally kicked myself as I wondered who it was...

Tasha stood there with an angry yet confused look on her face, like she hadnt even considered that possibility either.

I didnt say a word to Tasha as I stood up and walked past her, to say I was mad at her for the way she had just acted was an understatement, she completely went above and beyond this time.

"Dimka, Im sorry, I shouldnt have done that." She spoke just as I walked through the doorway to the living room, I paused without turning around. I had to take a couple of deep calming breaths before I turned back to her. She was still my charge afterall...
"Whatever you say Tasha, Im going back to the room." I stated as politely as I could manage, before turning around and leaving as quickly as I could, nodding and giving my thanks as I passed Christian and Lissa who seemed to be acting like they hadnt heard a thing. I didnt see Rose as I left so I wasnt too sure where she had gone to... probably to be comforted by her boyfriend, whoever that was.

I couldnt take the emotions boiling around inside me, If I went back to our room now there was a high possibility that I would trash it, especially if Tasha came back before I was ready to see her again. So I headed straight to the gym, the one place where I could let all my frustration and anger tear out of me without looking like Im purposely destroying property.

Thankfully there was no one else in the gym at this time of night so I threw off my shirt and headed straight over to the punching bag. Im not sure how long I actually spent there, but by the time my head cleared and I felt a hint of my anger disipating the bag was covered in holes, the insides spilling onto the floor and my hands were raw and bleeding. I hadnt even thought to wrap my hands up before going at it. I cursed at myself in Russian for that stupid move, my hands were starting to really sting now, adding to the pain of my still sore muscles.

I had almost finished cleaning up the mess Id made when I heard the doors swing open and then close again, I didnt bother looking up since I presumed it was just another guardian from court. But I thought it odd when I didnt hear any other sounds so I lifted my head towards the door, freezing in my crouched position with the brush and shovel in my hands.

Rose stood at the door, one hand still pressed on the metal as she was turned to me, her mouth open slightly as her eyes wandered over my face and down my topless chest. I guess I must still have the same affect on her as she does on me... well my body does anyway...

How is it that we keep running into each other like this? For the second time in one day... its like we were drawn to one another, though that could just be my hopes thinking that... I feel it in my heart and mind that we are meant to be together, its just our society, our way of life and my stupid mistake... and shes got a boyfriend now, who she probably loves...

"Sorry, Ill be out of here in a moment..." I mumbled turning back to finish cleaning up.

"No its fine, I was only going to use the-" She paused midsentence, as I turned to look at her to see what had caused it she was suddenly beside me, "Your hands! What have you done? Come on, Ill get the first aid kit." She said pulling me up by the shoulder. I didnt argue, they did hurt afterall and I would have had to wait until I got back to the room to sort it out.

She led me into the supply room, pointing for me to sit in the chair against the wall while she reached onto the shelf and pulled down the first aid kit.

As she pulled her seat closer to mine and sat down, taking both my hands in hers and examining my knuckles I couldnt help but smile, it reminded me of the time I had found her the same way and we were in this very same predicament, only this time reversed. It was the first time I had ever broken my own self control with her and admitted to myself that there was more to my feelings than just that mentor-student relationship, I remembered it perfectly...

*flashback*

"I know your character. I know you're going to be a great guardian." I said confidently. I knew without a doubt that it was true, Id seen it in the way she cared for Lissa, and most other moroi.

"I'm glad someone does. Everyone else thinks I'm totally irresponsible." She had responded, looking down at the floor.

"With the way you worry more about Lissa than yourself…" I shook my head. "No. You understand your responsibilities better than guardians twice your age. You'll do what you have to do to succeed."

She seemed to think about that for a moment, her eyebrows knotting down as she frowned. "I don't know if I can do everything I have to do."

I raised one eyebrow in confusion.

"I don't want to cut my hair," She explained.

I was puzzled, she thought it was compulsary? "You don't have to cut your hair. It's not required." I replied.

"All the other guardian women do. They show off their tattoos."

My mind was suddenly filled with images of this amazingly beautiful girl with short, cropped hair like other female guardians, I honestly didnt like it, I couldnt stand the thought of it. I released her hands and leaned forward. Slowly reaching out and holding a lock of her shiny, soft, dark hair, twisting it around one finger thoughtfully. She froze, and for a moment her breathing stopped. I let her hair go, slightly surprised—and embarrassed—at what I'd just done.

"Don't cut it," I said gruffly when I eventually found my voice again.

She finally remembered how to breathe, "But no one'll see my tattoos if I don't."

I couldnt help it, as I moved toward the doorway I let a small smile play over my lips before simply replying, "Wear it up."

*End Flashback*

I watched her face, a smile dancing over her lips as she wrapped one hand up in a bandage. "This seems familiar doesnt it?" She said, keeping her eyes on what she was doing.

I didnt say anything, just nodded my head softly.

"Looks like you're the one losing control now, Comrade." She chuckled refering to the fact that I was the one that injured myself rather than her, as she moved over to start on my other hand.

"Im glad you listened to me back then." I said before I even realised the words were falling from my lips.

She paused in her wrapping, finally looking up at me. I could see emotions flicker through her eyes so fast I didnt have time to figure out exactly what they meant before she laughed lightly, "I doubt Id suit short hair anyway."

"You'd suit anything Roza, you're so-" I had to cut myself off, pursing my lips together to stop the rest of the sentence coming out. I knew I may have crossed a line when her hand tightened around mine, besides she had a boyfriend and I wasnt the sort of man to go around stealing women from other men. It wasnt right no matter who it was.
She finished doing my hand up in silence, standing up to put the kit back up on the shelf when she was finished. I stood up as well, trying to shake off the awkwardness of this situation, the feeling of being alone in a small room with just her, being so close and yet not being able to hold her in my arms like my heart screamed at me to do was complete torture.

I moved towards the door, opening it but pausing for a second, "Thankyou Roza." I smiled genuinely at her.

She looked torn as she stood against the bench watching me, like she wanted to say something important but didnt know whether she should or not. "Dimitri, wait. I need to tell you something before you hear it somewhere else..." She paused to take a breath, "Its Adrian...Im dating Adrian." She practically whispered, looking like it was something she really didnt want to admit.

And in truth, it was something I wish she hadnt told me. I wasnt prepared for the onslaught of emotions that tore up through my heart, the anger that he has what I want, the sadness that she is even with him, and then the anger at myself. I could barely handle knowing my Roza is with someone else... but Adrian? Hes not good for her, hes an alcoholic, smoking, arrogant playboy royal! She shouldnt be with a guy like him. She deserves so much better!

I didnt know what to do, I refused to speak for fear of what would come out of my mouth but I couldnt stand here and be civil while these feelings raged a war inside me. I had to get out of here, I had to go before I snapped completely.

Without even looking back at her I tore out of the door and stormed my way across the gym, I heard her voice calling out to me but I refused to stop. Slamming through the doors, I ran as fast as I could. Through my rage, the controlled part of my brain told me to atleast run the perimeter of court, if I was going to run in a rage then I might as well be useful while I do, and theres no way I can be around anyone right now... except maybe a strigoi... It would give me an excuse to beat the shit out of someone without feeling guilty afterwards.

I was out of luck, well.. no, it was a good thing that there were no strigoi around. I had run the entire edge of court atleast 5 times before my body started feeling tired. I had finally managed to calm down and think reasonably.

Roza was dating Adrian... She obviously must feel something for him if shes willing to overlook his drunkenness and his womanizing ways...And not to mention I have no right to be angry or jealous, I left her. She deserves to be happy, she deserves to have a family... one of the things I would never have been able to do.

I guess if shes moved on... then I should too... shouldnt I?...

I tried to imagine being happy, being with someone who I could love and cherish and have a family with... only every time I tried to... I could only imagine it with her. She was always beside me, no one else was ever in her place. If I imagined kids, they would always have her flowing dark brown locks and her deep brown eyes... she was always the one smiling at our child with me... my Milaya...my Roza...

But I had to let her go, I had to force myself to move one, like she had been forced to...I had to move on... somehow.

I finally dragged myself back to the apartment I was staying at with Tasha while we were here. Unlocking the door and walking in, I plonked myself straight down on the couch and let out a lengthy sigh. I must have been louder than I thought because a few minutes later Tasha walked out of her room slowly, her hair messy and her eyes slightly puffy as though she had been crying.

"Dimka... Im sorry." She whispered, looking as though she was on the verge of tears.

I couldnt help but feel sorry for her, even after the way she acted I couldnt bring myself to be mad. I patted the seat beside me where she immediately, and gracefully sat down, folding her legs underneath her.

"Its ok, dont worry about it." I said, a small friendly smile on my lips as I looked at her. Her raven black hair sat straight, stopping around her shoulders, her deep sparkling blue eyes still shining with fresh tears, she smiled a still sad smile, the scars on her cheek deepening slightly, but never taking away from the subtle beauty that no one could dispute she was.

Shes been my friend since I was 11, meeting her at Saint Basils, only she was older than me, quite often sticking up for me and helping me out. I had never thought of her as anything except one of my dearest, oldest friends...

Could she be the one I could move on with? Ive lived with her for two years, guarding her with my life... but I spent that whole time thinking about Roza, about where I really wanted to be... I never gave her a second thought even after all the times she hinted at wanting more...

I opened my arms and pulled Tasha into a hug, resting my head ontop of hers and her arms circled around my back.

She was beautiful and strong, she was friendly and helpful... Could I move on and be with her...

I honestly didnt know... But maybe it was time to try?

Dont shoot me, It has to be done! :)
You dont know what you've lost untill its gone afterall...