A/N: Trigger warning for eating disorders and slight physical abuse.
...
The first thing that happens: Sam says, "Holy shit, Luce, what happened to your face?"
The second thing that happens: Rachel says, "Is that a bruise?"
The third thing that happens: "Dude," Sam brushes her hair away softly. "That looks like a giant hand on your face."
Lucy flinches and smacks Sam's hand away and he says hurriedly, "Oh, my god, did I hurt you? Shit, I hurt you. Shit, I'm sorry."
"Okay, um. Number one, I tripped in the living room, number two, yes, it is, number three, I know it does and I have no idea why, and number four, yes, a little bit, and it's fine."
"You tripped?" Sam says, and raises his eyebrows so that they disappear underneath his hair. "Must've been a fall."
"It was, yeah."
"But are you alright? Should we take you to the – no! My dad's a doctor, should we take you to him?" Now Rachel's talking about two miles per second, and Lucy interrupts her with a, "Geez, calm down," while Rachel's figuring out the shortest route to her house from the school.
"Please, just – I'm fine. It was just like, a freak accident or something."
"Well, no." Sam corrects, and he falls into step on one side while Rachel falls into step on the other. "A freak accident is a spaceship crashing in like, the middle of Central Park or something."
"Well, then it was just an accident." Lucy says, and when they reach the door to her first period, she turns and looks up at Sam as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth.
"Would you calm down, please? You're acting like I got hit by a truck or something – "
"Don't say that." Sam says lowly and Lucy softens. "And go like, knock on wood later. Or whatever. But you have a bruise on your face, and that's – I don't know. It's weird."
"It's not." Lucy says, and then bites her lip. That's a lie, because it's weird how she can cover up so many things at a time with such practiced ease.
…
Taking notes is literally one of the worst parts of Lucy's life, especially since her teacher talks like Rachel would if she was on speed and started rambling.
She rests her head on the heel of her palm and leans against it before she hisses quietly at the soft throbbing that pops up seconds after.
She doesn't know what compels her to listen to this particular conversation (since there's always someone that's talking, really), but she guesses it's either a sick twist of fate or God trying to tell her something. (She goes with the first choice.)
"I wonder if she just like, saw that she was so ugly and then socked herself in the face."
"It does kind of look like a hand, huh?"
"Yeah."
"You guys are dicks," and then laughter.
She gets her palm and smashes it against her jaw until it hurts.
…
It's just occurred to her that it's Thanksgiving break, like officially, and Lucy says that out loud while Sam tunes his guitar and Rachel is (presumably) thinking of a song to sing that Sam will know how to play.
"I know. It's weird." Sam says, and then plays a chord before he asks, "Do you know what you're doing?"
"Um, going to my sister's." Which, she doesn't actually know, but it's what they've done ever year since Frannie left for college and she figures that there aren't any good reasons for them not to do the same this year.
"That sucks." Sam says, and Lucy is inclined to agree, because forcing her to be in the same house as twenty aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws is like asking her to write a suicide note and then pushing her off a bridge. (That was a really weird analogy, but whatever.)
"You listen to The Naked and Famous, right?"
"When I'm in a hipster mood, yeah." Sam snorts, half-joking, and Lucy smiles while Rachel laughs. "But like, if you're asking me to play it – I mean, I can – but it's going to have to be acoustic, and I'm going to have to kind of wing it, so – "
"That's fine. If you're alright with winging it for a second." Rachel says.
"Yeah." Sam nods, and then counts off quietly and plays a few bars before Rachel's voice comes in.
Lucy wonders if there will ever be a time when Rachel's singing won't leave her feeling like she's floating, falling, flying, exploding, and being crushed all at the same time.
…
"So, what do you even do for Thanksgiving?" Sam asks, wiping Big Mac sauce off the corner of his mouth (his parents were working late and none of them wanted to risk burning the house down by cooking something, so they hopped in Sam's truck and drove to the closest fast food place). "Because like, you're Jewish, and vegan, so..."
Rachel shrugs. "We do what everyone else does; cook dinner, give thanks, eat dinner, visit my grandparents. We just have turkey and tofurkey at the dinner table." She pushes her empty salad container aside.
"Oh." Sam says, and then nods, and then takes a sip of Pepsi.
…
Lucy hates the holidays with a deep, fiery, burning, scalding, evil passion. Mostly because she hates her relatives with a deep, fiery, burning, scalding, evil passion, and the holidays are basically just an excuse for everyone to get together and have dinner and occasionally open presents together so they can seem like a loving, caring, bonded family.
Which, they're not, because most of their concerns aren't what to bring to dinner or what to get little Johnny for his birthday, it's trying to figure out which aspects of their lives are better than everyone else's and what they can brag about.
Their favorite game to play is Point Out All of Lucy's Shortcomings in a Subtle Yet Overly Obvious Way, and Lucy would be offended if she wasn't so angry at the fact that literally no one seemed to see something wrong with the fact that grown men and women were picking on a seventeen year old.
"I'm gonna go find Fran." She mumbles to her mom and then slips from the table and into the kitchen.
Fran's pouring a glass of water, and when Lucy says, "Hi," she jumps, and some of it splatters on the counter.
"Oh – hey, Luce." She chuckles, and reaches for the rag slung over the handle of the oven. "You scared me – Jesus, what happened to your face."
"I fell. And sorry." Lucy says, and then pulls a stool up the the counter. What's up sounds too casual, which is weird (except not really) because it's her fucking sister, but she says it anyway, and when Fran raises an eyebrow with a slight smile, Lucy shrugs.
Fran sighs. "Not much. Just – " She shrugs, and Lucy offers a small (barely there) smile.
"Yeah."
"You're looking thinner." Fran says.
"Yeah."
"Good for you."
"Yeah." Lucy nods, because there's nothing good about an eating disorder, no matter how much thinner she does look.
"Did you like dinner?"
I didn't eat it is what Lucy thinks, but she says, "I – yeah."
"It was...good, right? I've never – that was the first time I ever cooked a turkey, so..."
"It was fine. Yeah, it was good."
"Good." Fran smiles. "How's um – how's school going?"
"Fine, um. Yeah it's – " Lucy shakes her head, shrugs. "It's whatever. How's...uh. Life?"
Fran nods. "Good. We're – " She stops, and then smiles over Lucy's shoulder. Lucy twists around and watches Tom (her brother in-law, really, but that's weird to say) shoot his wife a smile before turning back to the dinner table and throwing his head back in a laugh. "We're good."
"That's good."
Fran nods and Lucy chews on her lip before Fran says, "I miss, you, kiddo."
Lucy nods and smiles – a real smile – before nodding and saying, "I – yeah. Thanks. I miss you, too." Which isn't a complete lie, because she does sometimes, like when she comes home from school and the house just seems so empty and so cold and lifeless it just –
Fran leans in close. "Can I tell you a secret?"
Lucy blinks. "Sure."
She watches her sister bite her lip before she whispers, "I'm pregnant."
If Lucy was drinking something, it would have been all over the counter and in Fran's face, and if she were eating something, she would have been choking and coughing while clutching at her throat.
"That's – wow." She manages to squeeze out of her throat and Fran grins a huge grin when she responds, "I know!"
"It's – is it a girl or a boy?"
Fran shakes her head, and then places a hand on her stomach. "We want to be surprised."
Lucy nods.
It's a bit of a wake-up call because her sister's having a baby and holy fucking shit she's going to be an aunt.
In a way, it is a little sad, because Fran got married at 20 and is going to have a baby 23 and it all just seems so fast and so sudden that Lucy's having trouble trying to grab back on to reality.
What makes it even more sad is that Fran got married at 20 and is going to have a baby at 23 and that's exactly how her (their, whatever, Lucy's really not eager to claim them, anyway) family would want it.
Lucy kind of feels like Fran's sort of settling into a Housewife Life before her actual life has even really began.
But that's not something she can say out loud, so she just settles with an, "I'm happy for you," because – well.
That's really the only thing positive that she can say.
…
Turns out, she really didn't have to keep the secret that long, because before everyone started heading home, Frannie and Tom announce that they're pregnant.
Her mom starts crying and covers her mouth before moving over to embrace her sister while her father and Tom share a handshake (like they were closing a business deal) and trade smiles.
"Lucy, you're going to be an aunt!"
She smiles.
…
my sister's pregnant.
What
my. sister. is. pregnant.
Lucy pushes her glasses up onto her forehead and rubs her eyes before grabbing her vibrating phone and opening her messages.
I dont kno if I say congrats or sory
*sorry
me either.
And she really didn't because on one hand, she was going to be an aunt, but on the other hand...
She was going to be an aunt.
How about 'tht's cool'?
It's not cool, not really, but Sam's trying, and, shit, she appreciates it.
Idk Luce how r u feeling tho?
She's feeling kind of scared, actually, and she's feeling like Frannie is throwing the life she wants away for the life she's supposed to have and she feels like this child – no, her future niece or nephew – is going to cement her sister to a life that she's not sure that she wants.
Those are horrible things to think and feel, but they're also thoughts and feelings that have a little bit of truth to them, Lucy thinks.
i don't know
She remembers when they asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up in preschool and she said, "I wanna be just like my big sister!"
She's really not so sure about that, right now.