AUTHOR'S NOTE: There were some concerns about the violent turn Damon took in the last chapter (maybe the one before that) and I've tried to address those concerns in their conversation. I hope I did a decent job. Enjoy, and please keep the reviews and follows and all that coming, it's so awesome to know you're all reading my stuff, seriously. So thank you bunches :)
Damon clamped a firm hand on Elena's knee to prevent her from bolting in Stefan's wake.
"Damon, I can't just -"
"Let him go, Elena."
"But - I can't do that, I need to see if -"
"Let him go."
She looked at him, big brown eyes bright with unshed tears. "He needs me."
"He needs time. He needs space. Trust me, Elena." He squeezed her knee gently, met her gaze with his. "Trust me. He needs this."
"But... oh, God, what am I doing?" Feeling utterly defeated, Elena dropped her head in her hands. "What am I going to do?"
"I wish I could answer that for you," Damon murmured, stroking a hand along the crown of her head and down her back. "He needs some space now, but he'll be back." The Salvatores always came back for Elena Gilbert. "He loves you, Elena. Tell him you love him, and he'll forgive this - whatever this is - he'll be over it in an instant. Tell him you pick him." It took a whole lot of willpower, but Damon managed to censor the bitterness from his tone. "Tell him you pick him, and you guys can live happily ever after."
Now Elena jerked away and stood, suddenly incredibly grateful to the vampire blood coursing through her veins. She needed that strength right now as everything spiraled out of control.
"You've got to be kidding me Damon. I spent the last two nights with you, really with you, and you're going to tell me I picked Stefan?" She wanted to break something. Possibly Damon's face.
"Oh, come on Elena. I'm not an idiot. I know why you chose me as your road trip buddy. you wanted to test the waters, see what it'd be like to be with the bad Salvatore. Don't humor me and act like it was more than that." Jesus, he was handing her an out. All she had to do was nod, agree with him, and she could walk away. No strings - no chains. No guilt.
Except the girl never let herself off the hook. She was an expert at self-flagellation, practically thrived on it even as her misplaced guilt threatened to suffocate her. Maybe she thought her feelings for him went deeper than they did; she was the kind of girl who didn't do meaningless sex. Which only made it worse - she'd attach meaning to something because her moral compass would dictate it. No one night stands for Elena. So here she was, trying to tell herself it was more.
Elena could literally feel her blood pressure rising. When she spoke she kept her voice even and mild, but anger lit a fire in her eyes.
"Do not presume to tell me how I feel, Damon. God, you're one to talk. How can you look me in the eye and play the victim here? How can you act like I'm the one who used you when you literally screwed me and walked away? You're the one who chose to spend the night with me and then act like nothing happened in the morning. You're the one who made me feel like a game, like a conquest. You came, you saw, you conquered. Well congratulations. You did it. You slept with your brother's ex girlfriend, bravo. You win."
somewhere in the middle of Elena's speech Damon's jaw clenched - in an effort to keep it from dropping open. "I did not use you," he said finally. "How could you think that? For even a second? I've wanted you for a year, Elena. And out of those 365 days of wanting you, I've loved you for, oh, 360? You're crazy not to see that. Not to know that."
"Aren't you a charmer," Elena responded in a venomous tone. "First you tell me how I feel, then you tell me I'm crazy? God, Damon, you have no idea what's going through my head. And the only reason I'm not slapping you right now is because last time I did that, you strangled me."
He winced. "Yeah... did I mention I'm sorry about that?" He looked a little ill and was desperately glad the bruising around her throat was all but gone.
Exasperated, infuriated, Elena paced the room in an effort to burn off her anger. "Oh, well then everything is just fine. It's not at all a big deal that you almost killed me if you're enough of a gentleman to feel bad about it."
"The key word in there was 'almost,'" he pointed out, his tone walking the fine line between hopeful contrition and the slightest shade of amusement.
Elena whirled around and jabbed her finger in his direction. "You always do this, Damon. Every time I think that maybe, just maybe, we stand a chance - you always manage to screw it up. It's what you do! you sabotage things. Every time there's a bump in the road you lash out."
He was quiet for a moment as he studied her. "What if there was no bump?"
"Ha." Elena let out a huff of breath. "That'll be the day."
He ignored that. "Okay, Elena, you say you don't want me to tell you how you feel. So maybe you should tell me."
"You want to know how I feel right now? Let's go with, incredibly pissed off."
Damon arched an eyebrow. "I hadn't noticed. Well how about I tell you how I feel." He rose from his seat on the coffee table and took a step toward her. The intensity of his expression was unnerving. "I feel confused. I feel convenient. I feel like a fucking science experiment."
Elena opened her mouth to respond; Damon pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. "You can deny it all you want. We both know the purpose of this whole trip was for you to blow off some steam. To take some time away from all your Stefan drama and indulge your hormones. You needed space to figure out what it is you want from my brother, and in the meantime you thought i'd make a good distraction. A vacation from reality. What happens in Colorado stays in Colorado."
Now he skimmed his thumb along her bottom lip, felt her shudder of response but got little pleasure from it. Slowly, he withdrew his hand, still watching her closely.
"Tell me I'm wrong, Elena. Tell me this was something more. Because from where I'm standing, things are really goddamn blurry. One minute you're looking at me through those beautiful eyes of yours, and I can see it - I can see how you want me, even if you don't want to want me. The next minute all I see is disdain. One minute you're using those clever hands of yours to explore every inch of me, the next you're using them to slap me." His voice became low, husky, sexy. "One minute you're under me, moaning my name. The next, you're beside me and whispering Stefan's. So go ahead, Elena. Try and tell me these past few days really meant something to you. Explain to me how you can fall asleep with your body wrapped around me like a fucking ribbon and dream of my brother."
Elena drew a ragged breath and tried to focus on Damon's words and not the images they inspired. "I don't know what you're talking about, Damon."
His laugh was entirely devoid of humor. "Two nights, Elena. Two nights in a row you said his name in your sleep. Two nights ago, I pulled you out of your nightmare and you thanked him for saving you. Last night I pulled out of your sexy, sated little body... and then you fell asleep with his name on your lips. You can act like you want me - like you care about me, like this all meant something to you and I wasn't just some fun diversion. Just know your subconscious is telling a completely different story."
Elena was puzzling over Damon's words, her forehead creased with a frown. "Two nights ago... when I dreamt about the car crash. I said Stefan's name?"
"Your exact words were 'you saved me, Stefan.'"
"And last night? What did I say then?"
"Just his name. Look, you've obviously made your choice, Elena. So when my brother comes back, you can tell him. Tell him you love him, and you want him forever and ever." Damon's tone was mocking. "And when you're done with that, tell him I said goodbye."
"Excuse me? Where the hell are you going?"
"I only came back to make sure you were okay. Since you're obviously feeling fine it's time for me to leave." Damon turned for the door and Elena grabbed his arm.
"Don't you dare, Damon. Don't you dare leave. You have no right to make me feel the way I do and then walk away from me."
Slowly, deliberately, Damon removed Elena's fingers from his shirt sleeve one by one. "I have every right. At this point it's self preservation, Elena." Suddenly he looked exhausted, his anger depleted and replaced by a sad sort of resignation. "I can't stay here. I want you to be happy, Elena, more than anything in the world I want you to be happy. And safe. Stefan can make sure you're both of those things. I'm not sure I can say the same for me. I'm sorry, really. But I can't keep watching and wanting and waiting for something that will never come. Those things you said earlier, about me not being worthy of the name Salvatore? About Stefan being the man, and me being the monster? Yeah, it hurt to hear those things. and I think it hurt because all those things you said? They're all true."
"I was deliberately provoking you, Damon."
He gave her a small smile. "Well, mission accomplished. The way I feel about you, Elena? It's incendiary. It's a pool of kerosene just waiting for a spark of flame. You make me insane, and you make me dangerous. I can't control myself around you. So I have to walk away."
"You're right, you know."
Damon's gut clenched in pain, but he only nodded.
"No - not that stupid speech you just gave me. You were right when you said the key word is 'almost.' I said you almost killed me. The Damon I used to know would've finished the job. The Damon I used to know would've just snapped my neck and walked away. I can't believe I'm forgiving this so easily, but damn it Damon, you'd hurt me. You'd hurt my feelings. I felt like our time together meant nothing to you. And it meant - it means... it means so much more than I want it to. So much more than I'm comfortable with. Having these feelings for you... believe me, it's not a choice my brain is making. I'm not a total masochist. I don't enjoy inflicting pain on myself. But I can't turn it off anymore. I've spent so long trying. Even before Stefan left I felt something." She let out a dry chuckle. "Sometimes I think life would've been so much easier if he'd never come back. I almost sympathize with Katherine. lovin - " she wanted to bite her tongue and hurried on. "Caring for either Salvatore brother is hard enough. But both? It's too much. And just when I think I've figured things out you throw up a roadblock the size of Mount freaking Everest."
She dropped into an armchair and put her head in her hands, letting out a long sigh before continuing. "I was going to let it go, you know. Your weird, distant behavior the whole drive home - I wasn't gonna make an issue of it. I thought maybe, maybe it had to do with Jeremy being around. That when it was just you and I again we could actually talk, even if it meant me finding out that all my suspicions were true, that I was just a game to you.
"But then you told me you were leaving. Just up and leaving Mystic, leaving me, after you'd taken everything from me. No, after I gave everything to you. And you just made me so mad. So I said all those things to you. I know it was completely juvenile, but damn it you hurt me. So I wanted to hurt you back."
"And how'd that go for you Elena? Hmm? How did your little temper tantrum play out between the two of us? Because I'm pretty sure it ended with my fingers around your - " his voice caught, and he found himself struggling to go on. "Why would you ever want me, Elena? How could you ever trust me?"
He dropped down onto Stefan's bed, feeling defeated, then abruptly rose.
"Can we go somewhere else? It's weird, talking about this, here."
"Your room?"
"Anywhere else," he murmured, his eyes lingering on her face.
She rose and reached out a hand. After a moment, Damon took it, holding hers with aching gentleness as though he was afraid to break her. She gave his hand a sharp, firm squeeze, leading him down the hall to his room. The moment he entered, Damon went for the decanter of bourbon on his dresser, pouring himself a healthy three fingers. He arched a brow at Elena; she shook her head, heady enough on the rush of his blood without the extra kick of alcohol.
"You were asking me how I can trust you again," she prompted, leaning against the bedframe and watching him carefully. "Maybe I can't. Maybe I'm one of those poor girls who lets her boyfriend beat her and winds up telling the cops she fell down the stairs. What do you think, Damon? Do I fit the profile?"
"Hell no," he muttered, almost wishing she did. A meek version of Elena would be infinitely easier to handle. But no - he didn't want her any other way. He loved the whole of her, myriad flaws and talents alike.
"Tell me, Damon." He was sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands, looking utterly beaten. "Is it ever going to happen again?"
He threw his hands in the air, getting up and pacing the room, his usually lithe, graceful movements jerky and jittery. "How can I know? I never thought I'd hurt you, Elena." His voice was full of anguish, his eyes heartbreakingly sad. "I just - they weren't my hands anymore. Not that that's any excuse, there's absolutely no excuse for it. But God, everything faded away except these words I couldn't bear to hear. All the things I think about myself coming out of your lips - all the terrible, twisted, hopeless things. I just had to make it stop. You're never gonna stop pissing me off, Elena."
She sent him a look, and he managed the ghost of a smile.
"You're difficult - infuriating even. You've always gotta go your own way and won't let anyone else get hurt if you can serve yourself up instead. Trying to keep you safe is a major challenge. And that's keeping you safe from all the other shit - curses and Katherines and Klauses and all that. If I can't protect you from them, how can I possibly protect you from me?"
"You didn't answer the question, Damon. It's simple: yes, or no? Will you hurt me again?"
"Probably," he said, looking down.
"Physically," she clarified. "Will you hurt me again, physically?"
He dragged his eyes up to meet hers, looking lost and impossibly young, like a boy stripped of all his defenses, confused and vulnerable and hurting. "I want to say no. I want to say it'd never happen, Elena. But how can I say that when it did? God, why would you want me after this? Are you sure you didn't get brain damage when you fell?"
"If I had, your blood would've healed it by now. Look, Damon... You've made mistakes. A lot of them. I mean, a lot."
"Not making me feel better," he muttered.
"Not trying to." She crossed the room to sit back on the bed, watching him as he resumed his agitated pacing. "The thing is, you learn from them. You tell yourself you don't care, that you don't feel remorse for the things you've done. The man in front of me - the man - is crumbling because he hurt someone."
"Not someone," he murmured, finishing his drink and going for a refill. "You, Elena."
"It's killing you. What you did."
"Understatement."
"But you don't think you've learned from it. You think you'll let yourself do something like this again, knowing how much it hurt me and how much it still hurts you."
"Not intentionally! But damn it, I make stupid decisions all the time. I'm reckless and impulsive and yeah, self-sabotaging. You don't need that in your life."
"You're wrong, Damon. I do. I do need you. Part of me is so unbelievably angry with you for losing it like that. And another part of me knows the anger I feel towards you, towards what happened? It doesn't hold a candle to the beating you're giving yourself. You're guilty of a lot of things, Damon, but I don't think masochism is one of them. If hurting me just ends up hurting you - hurting you even more than it hurts me - do you think you'll do it again?"
"Jesus, I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt myself. It's you I can't bear to..." He looked down at his hands, saw with a distant sort of surprise that they shook. "I love you. You know that, right?"
She gazed straight into his eyes and nodded.
"Because I love you, I can't let myself be with you. I can't make you vulnerable to me, not knowing what I'm capable of. When you really love someone, and you know you'd just be toxic to their life... you cut and run. Because at the end of the day, that's the right thing to do. That's what a man truly in love with a woman, that's what he'd do."
She studied him for a long moment, then shook her head. "Why don't you let anyone see the good in you, Damon?"
"One: because there's not much, and you'd need a fucking microscope to see it in the first place. Two, because when people see good, they expect good, Elena. Today is a perfect example of why showing people there's any good inside me would ultimately set them up to be disappointed. Because it's pretty obvious that that microscopic speck of 'good' isn't actually there. Not if I can hurt the one person, the one thing in my life, that really truly matters."
"You hurt Stefan all the time," she teased, trying to lighten the mood.
His mouth curved the slightest bit, but he accompanied the action with a little shake of his head. "I can't be trusted, Elena. If I can't be trusted with you, I can't be trusted, period."
He looked so damn broken, and she wanted desperately to fix him. But that wasn't what he needed.
"Listen to me, Damon. The more you complain about this, the more you're turning yourself into a victim. You're not the victim here. I am. I'm the one who was hurt. I'm the one who was wronged."
"You think I don't know that?!" The agony in his voice was almost palpable. But Elena silenced him with a glare.
"Stop it, okay? Stop this little pity party where you beat yourself up and put me in a position where I end up comforting you. That's not how this goes. You don't get to do that."
Now she stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of him. She lifted her hands, cupping his face and tilting his head down, her gaze locked on his.
"You did something seriously, seriously wrong. Maybe I shouldn't forgive you. Maybe I'm stupid to do that. But I've made stupid decisions before. I'm a teenager - I'm supposed to. But damn it, Damon..." She grabbed his hand, then pressed his palm to her chest and held it there. "Feel that? Can you feel my heart racing? That's what you do to me. I've fallen so damn hard for you that I can barely breathe. And it's selfish of me, but I don't want to let that go. I did everything I could to push you over the edge. I triggered the vampire part of you because I needed a reaction, any reaction other than that cool indifference. I sure as hell got one."
His eyes were wet with tears. One spilled over, and she delicately used her thumb to brush it away.
"Here's the point: I have faith in you. So much. You should have some faith in you, too. I don't want hear anymore of this 'what have I done, I'm such a horrible person' crap. If I can deal, you can deal. And I want this, Damon. I want you. So badly." Her voice hitched and she rose to her toes, pressing a damp kiss to his mouth.
"You're right, about the victimizing thing. I'm sorry. You're the one who was hurt here, not me. And you shouldn't be comforting me. I did something completely, entirely, unbelievably wrong. If that's what you want, Elena - for me to deal with it and move on, if that's how you'd prefer things, then okay. I'm in no position to call the shots on this. Just, please know how fucking sorry I am for hurting you. And you know what?" He looked her right in the eye and gave her his first real smile since returning to the house. "I'll never do it again. I swear to you, Elena Gilbert. I can't promise I won't piss you off or even make you cry somewhere down the line - probably not all that far, either - but I'll never lift my hand to hurt you, not ever again."
A smile bloomed, pretty as a sunflower unfurling its bright face under a blue sky, and his heart tripped in his chest. God, she was beautiful.
"I believe you, Damon. I have absolute faith in you - I mentioned that, right? You're so much more than you want the world to see. So much more than you'll even let yourself see. But I can. I know who you are, and what you are. That's why... that's why I want you, Damon."
Oh how he wanted to believe it. He wanted her to belong to him - God knew he already belonged to her. But the sound of her voice whispering Stefan's name in her sleep echoed in Damon's brain.
"It's honestly insane to me that you could ever think, even for a moment, that you were a game to me. And I can't help it, Elena, doubting this, whatever this is. How could you possibly want a guy who you think is capable of playing with your heart like that? You're too smart for that shit." He swallowed back his next words, refraining from telling her that she only thought she had feelings for him because they'd shared such an intimate physical connection. It would probably earn him another slap, and while he felt shitty enough to invite one, he was done tossing words around like an inept juggler. She'd just be pissed if he told her he deserved it, because she was right - he'd simply be victimizing himself. Welcoming pain because he'd inflicted it and wanted to feel less guilty, less monstrous.
Instead, he spoke the simple truth. "I know I was an ass this morning. but Elena, put yourself in my place. Last night was the best of my entire life." His voice became ragged, choked with emotion. "And all I could think was, finally. You were finally mine.
"But you weren't. You still aren't. Don't you remember telling me it was always gonna be Stefan? I've been kidding myself for so long, trying to tell myself that maybe I have a chance - that you and I have a chance. That we could be together. But I was wrong. Because even when I was holding you, you were thinking of my brother. So I'm sorry for being such a dick today. No matter what you choose to believe, I swear to you that these past few days meant everything to me. Damn it, Elena, you mean everything to me."
He took a long breath, dragged restless fingers through his hair.
"That's why I have to go. Because yeah, you mean everything to me. But it will never work the other way around. I'll never be your everything. Stefan will always, always be there. I should've accepted that the first time you said it. But for you, and for him, I'll accept it now.
Damon took the hand that had been raking through his own hair and tucked a stray tendril of Elena's behind her ear. The expression on his face was heartbreaking, his eyes twin pools of sadness reflecting his pain, his resignation that she'd never be his.
"I have to go, Elena. You'll work things out with Stefan and it'll all be okay. You were right when you said I'm a coward, that I'm not half the man my brother is. Maybe if I was I could stick around. But I'm just not strong enough to stay, to see you with him. Not after everything that happened between us. Not when I know... Not when I know what it's like." He paused to collect himself before adding, "It's too much. I can only take so much, Elena."
"I don't want you to take anything, Damon." Her voice was very quiet and very firm. "I want to give. God, I wish you'd confronted this earlier. It would've saved us a lot of trouble. I could've explained and we'd have avoided all this unnecessary crap."
"What's there to explain? I think the situation is pretty straightforward."
Elena shook her head and gave him a sardonic look. "Apparently it's not as straightforward as you thought. Come here," she murmured, tugging his hand and pulling him to sit beside her on the bed. "Just sit with me and let me explain. And after, if you're not satisfied, you can leave. Although i'd really prefer it if you didn't. If you leave me... I don't know if I could handle it, Damon. I need you here, I need you with me. You're my rock. You're the one person in my life who always puts me first, who always protects me no matter the cost. That's not why I care about you, although it's a great bonus - when it's not a pain in the ass. No, I care about you because you're a good man, a beautiful man. Your heart is so beautiful. And your soul. I..." she took a deep breath, knowing she had to look at him when she said the words. Even if they weren't quite the words he wanted to hear. "I - I'm falling hard, Damon. It wouldn't take much to push me over the edge into... into love. It's so much, you know? I don't know what to do with how I feel about you. It scares me more than anything I've ever faced. Because it's so big, Damon. I'm... I'm completely consumed by you. I've tried to shake it, to shrug it off and convince myself that it's just, well... lust, I guess."
He found it infinitely endearing that the admission made her blush. She saw the glimmer of laughter in his eyes and scowled.
"You're such an ass," she muttered.
"But an ass who you lust after," he answered, not bothering to disguise his grin. "I can live with that." The smile faded as thoughts of his brother returned. "What is it you want here, Elena? What is it you want from me?"
Everything, she thought.
"I... I don't know."
Damon's jaw clenched involuntarily. "In every other aspect of your life you're so fucking assertive it's frightening. You know what you want and you go for it. Why does this have to be so different?"
"Because I care too much! Because you're too much! I never know which way you'll turn, what kind of stunt you're going to pull on some reckless impulse." She raised a hand to stop him from interrupting. "I'm not talking about today, Damon. We're done talking about that. But other things, things like - with Ric, and, God, I know you feel crappy enough about this as it is, but Jeremy, too. Do you know how unbelievably frightening that is? Having such strong feelings for someone so entirely unpredictable?"
"So Stefan is your safety net."
"Yes - no!" she threw her hands up in frustration. "I don't know!"
Damon shook his head slowly, maintaining eye contact all the while. "That's not good enough, Elena. Not anymore. Why did you even ask me to go on the trip with you, anyway? Why not Stefan?"
"Believe it or not, I didn't overanalyze it the way you are. Well, I did. But not until after I'd already asked you. I wanted to be with you, okay? Simple as that. I didn't think about repercussions or Stefan or any of it until later. I just... I wanted you."
Damon gritted his teeth. Her use of past tense was hardly encouraging.
"I still do," she whispered, as though she'd read his mind. "I don't want to want you. But that doesn't seem to matter."
"Wow, don't flatter me with this confession of undying love," he answered, shooting her a look.
She managed a small smile in return. "I'm giving you total disclosure. I'm done lying about my feelings for you - lying to you, lying to myself. I just don't know what to do with those feelings."
"What about Stefan, Elena? What are you going to do with your feelings for him?"
"The two have nothing to do with each other."
Damon let out a disbelieving laugh. "Oh, okay then."
"I'm not joking, damn it. He left me. He just left, and then... God, I'll never know, really know, what would've happened that night on the bridge. If Klaus hadn't called his bluff and caved... would he have let me die? I want to think the answer is no. But part of me wonders. It was such a cold, calculating thing to do. Something I'd never have imagined Stefan being capable of. And yet..." she trailed off. "Whatever. You don't have to believe me; that's entirely your prerogative. But how I feel about Stefan isn't what's keeping me from being with you."
"How am I supposed to believe you when you talk about him in your sleep? I told you, Elena. Your mouth and your body, they can lie, but your subconscious can't."
"I said that about Stefan saving me because he did, Damon. That night. When my parents died. He's the reason I lived, okay? I didn't remember that until he told me. I blocked out those memories. It's apparently typical of trauma victims. Something your brain automatically does to protect you from remembering what happened. The doctor asked me how I got out of the car and I had absolutely zero memory of it. He said I may never remember, and I didn't for such a long time. But then Stefan came clean about it, and I guess it worked as a trigger.
"I remember..." she swallowed, and the pain she felt reflected in her eyes. "Dad made him save me first. Stefan tried to help dad first and he - my dad - he just shook his head and pointed back at me." Her voice was thick with unshed tears. "So Stefan got me out. It's still foggy. I think lack of oxygen made me pass out, so I don't remember him actually getting me out of the car. But I remember being there in the grass and Stefan pumping my lungs and I remember wanting him to just leave me alone, to just let me go back to sleep, to go back into the darkness... But he didn't, and he forced me to breathe until I was throwing up lake water. And I was so out of it. Probably shock or something. I looked at him and asked him who he was. He told me his first name, and I said the same thing that I did in my dream. 'You saved me, Stefan.'" The tears were falling now, but she wasn't aware of them. "I don't remember the rest. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital, and he was gone. I had no idea how I survived until he told me that story."
Damon brushed a tear from her cheek. His heart ached for her.
"See, the thing about my nightmares? They're more like flashbacks than anything else. I get to relive everything I remember from the crash. Before Stefan came clean about saving me, the dreams ended with me blacking out under water. But the few times I've had them since he did tell me, that part of the night has become part of the dreams. I say it in the dream. Apparently I say it out loud, too."
Suddenly exhausted, Elena closed her eyes, then opened them again as images from that horrible night flashed behind her closed lids. Her voice came out sharper than intended when she spoke again. "So, are you satisfied now?"
"Did you have the nightmare the second night, too?" he knew he should just drop it, but he simply couldn't. Because no; Damon wasn't quite satisfied. She'd put one question to bed, but the other remained. And it was that second night that they'd actually been together, physically. That she'd curled up beside him and dreamt of his brother.
"The second night I had a vision of the freaking future," she snapped.
Damon arched a brow but didn't speak.
"Damn it, Damon. I don't remember the details, but the upshot? Stefan walked in on you and I, and he turned to leave and I called his name. Okay? I was dreaming of you. Every time I fall asleep I seem to wind up dreaming of you." She didn't sound all that happy about it - her tone was acidic, like she blamed him for haunting her dreams. If that was the case, she certainly couldn't expect an apology any time soon.
"I know how that is," he murmured. "Even if I'm dreaming about a threesome with two hot chicks you make a cameo - not the sexy kind but the 'Ew, Damon, you're gross' mood-killing kind - and ruin it."
In spite of herself, Elena smiled. "Well, my apologies. How rude of me to interrupt your fantasies."
"I forgive you," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead and breathing her in.
"Do you think he's going to come back soon, Damon? I feel like I should find him. Or at least call him." Her stomach churned just thinking about the inevitable confrontation.
"If he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him." He saw the heartbreak in her expression and sighed. "Of course, I probably could. I've had the privilege of knowing the guy for a fucking century. If you wanna call that a privilege." His tone suggested that he didn't.
"I just need to know he's okay, Damon." There was an unspoken plea in her eyes.
"And then what? After I find him and bring him back, what then?"
"I - "
"You know what? Forget it. I'm gonna go find my brother, and we're gonna get shit-faced." He got to his feet and pulled his keys out of his pocket, twirling them around his finger. "I'm not going to lie, Elena. I'm not going to give you an ultimatum or tell you you have to make up your mind or I'm out of here. I wish I could, but I spent a century and a half pining after Katherine, and the way I felt for her doesn't begin to touch what I feel for you."
He bent over her and took her chin in his hand, tilting her face up so she'd meet his eyes.
"I'm also not going to tell you I'll wait forever. Every man has his breaking point. I have no idea when I'll reach mine. But if history is any judge, you've got a good while," he added, grinning. He sobered quickly and continued. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... figure things out. Take your time, if that's what you need. You're worth it, worth the wait. But know that if you want this, if you want me... be sure. Because if I'm ever lucky enough to have you, there's no fucking way I'm letting go. I love you, Elena. So yeah. Take your time. Just try not to take too much."
His lips crushed down on hers before she could form a response. The kiss fried her nerve endings, rendered her incapable of coherent thought. When he pulled back he saw, with no little satisfaction, that her eyes were clouded, dazed. Drugged by his kiss.
Before she could recover, he was gone.
She pressed a finger to her still-tingling lips and cursed Damon Salvatore for making her love him.
But those lips were curved in a smile.