One More Secret

Chapter 5

~Haruhi's P.O.V. ~

Roko and I just walked side by side; not saying a word. He seemed tense, and I was scared to break the silence.

"So…please don't tell anyone ok?" He said, and I nodded.

"Don't worry, I won't." I smiled and he looked down and side-smiled.

"You know…if it weren't for you…I'd probably be an unfunctional, anxiety, freak." I looked up at him surprised.

"Oh um…thanks. You're just…not like the others."

I didn't know how to respond exactly. When he said that something fired through me like…it made me happy to know I'd made a difference in such a wonderful person's life. If I were to ever like this person…would it be wrong? I mean…it is a dude. But he thinks I'm a dude too so…unless he is a she. Or…he's gay…no, stop. I have such a wondrous mind, I fantasize way too much about to many things.

"You ok?" He snapped me out of my thoughts and looked slightly amused.

"Y-yes…I was just thinking." I said quickly.

"About what?" he asked with a raised eye brow. He couldn't possibly know what I was thinking!

"About…how uh…cute Nagisa is! She's an awesome dog." I said blushing and he laughed.

"Thanks." He gave me an I-know-that's-not-what-you-were-thinking-about look. But he ignored it and we both made our way back to the apartments.

We came up to our doors and he was about to enter when I grabbed his shoulder.

"Hey…you are ok right?"

"Yeah…why wouldn't I be?" he said warily.

"I'm talking about your home life…you are ok right? Everything is ok?" I looked into his eyes and they were full of pain, but only for a spilt second.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My mom just works a lot to support us. That's the only bad thing about my life really." He smiled and said good-bye then entered his apartment. Some how…I felt he was lying.

I know because he told me he would be an unfunctional, anxiety, freak if it weren't for me.

~ Roko's P.O.V. ~

I slid down the front door after I closed it and tears emerged in my eyes. He asked if I was fine…why? Then it hit me. I had basically said I would be nothing without him. I faced palmed. I was so entirely stupid! You don't say things that might hint even slightly to something you're trying to hide. Did I have some sort of trust towards him or something? No…I can't trust anyone, because no one is trustable.

I've made the mistake of trusting people one to many times. I got up and went to my room and slammed the door shut. I was mad, frustrated, scared, weak, and some other feelings I don't know how to make over the others.

Nagisa whined but I ignored her and sat on my bed and started crying. I pulled my legs close to my chest and hugged them, crying into my knees. Nagisa licked my cheek, trying to cheer me up. I didn't want be mean, but I tried to ignore her.

What was wrong with my life? My father…I missed him. I don't understand…but I hate him. I miss him…but I utterly and bitterly hate him with everything in my heart I didn't miss father…I missed who father was before he left. Before he did what he did before he left. I recalled the times we had together as a child.

I watched my father play the piano with perfect precision. He played a song by Yiruma called 'River Flows In You'. My favorite piano song ever and father learned it just for me.

"Father?"

"Yes Roko-chan?"

"How'd you learn to play the piano? Could you teach me?" I asked, hope sparkling in my eyes.

"Well, which one would you like me to answer first?"

"Go in order."

He chuckled and told me a story.

"Okay, so I was just a little chap right?" he had stopped playing and now faced me, making hand gestures as he spoke.

"And we had this huge grand piano in our house. It was my father's piano in fact. He had played in a very famous orchestra once. Then he departed and stood alone and played."

"Well, I swore to my father I would make him proud and follow in his foot steps. He died in a car crash not to long after."

"I opened the grand piano cover, and sat down. I started pushing the notes, getting a feel for them. And before I knew it, I was playing a song. And I kept practicing and practicing, until I perfected the notes and many songs. I was almost as good as my father when I was your age."

He poked my belly and I giggled. Father told such great stories. I was only six at the time.

"Would you like to learn?"

"Yes of course! I want follow in my daddy's foot steps too!"

He scooted over and led my hands as I played the piano. Within a few weeks, I could play a few songs. It only took me a few months to learn.

"You're a natural born pianist, Roko-chan! I'm surprised; it must run in your blood to."

He ruffled my hair and I giggled.

"Thanks daddy! Let's do a duo song."

"Hm…ok; how about this one?" he started and I followed his lead. I loved this song. It was on my father called 'Remember the Breeze'. He had made it himself.

Remembering this made me cry harder. Yes, I was a professional piano player at the age of six/seven-ish. I was a natural; I had a feel for it, though after my father left I stopped. We sold the piano in order to keep our heads a float, and my mom was depressed. So she went to bars, and eventually became a bar tender. Yeah, she was so successful huh?

Though I mean no offense to people who work at bars, but she's just not fit for it anymore. She was going to collage, and planned to go into the medical field. But she quit after father left, and everything went down hill. And she doesn't even know half of it.

I have no connection with her anymore. I rarely see her. We haven't had true mother daughter time in years. It's like she forgot about me. I was forced to grow up to soon. My life has pasted by my eyes like cars speeding down a highway, and you're on the side, still, watching, and I have never been as upset about it as now. I wasted everything. My mom had thrown her life away. There wasn't much fixing her life. I had to make something of myself; I have to do what they didn't.

Suddenly Haruhi flashed through my mind. He's changing me. I hate boys, the male gender, yet…he's different. He has a certain feminine side to him. A gentle caring one and I liked it. He comforted me. When he hugged me good-bye I felt a flutter of safeness, and my life wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. I never wanted him to leave for he's the only friend I've got other than Nagisa.

I hugged her and laid down still crying. Thinking about Haruhi, father, mom, everything made me cry more. I eventually passed out sobbing. I cried myself to sleep, something I haven't done in a long time.

Wow, this story is fun to write XD. yet...it's just sad at the same time! idk y i write such depressing things. lol.

anyway, thank you for reading this far! i appreciate it XD maybe drop me a little review maybe? *puppy dog eyes*

XD anway, I'm not begging...maybe. lol, see ya in the chapter hopefully :D