This is sort of an update but sort of not.
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As most of you know it is (going to be) a long story and i was thinking of novelizing it. I have no idea if i will but if i do i need original names!! If you have a name for Kasumi, Ayane, Hayate, or RYU (the only ones i need to replace) LET ME KNOW!! PLEASE
and if i pick your name (regardless to whatever happens to the story) i will write a doa oneshot of your choice even if it's a pairing i don't like. (see, i'm desperate!!)
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While writing chapter nine my computer crashed and I lost everything so I re-read my story (a lot) before I attempted to re-write it. And I was like "wait a minute, why didn't anyone tell me that I wrote that, it doesn't make sense!"
So this is just a few corrections I'm making, scenes I'm changing and a peek at chapter nine.
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This is the first scene I'm changing
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Flashback
"Kalona sama!"
Sereo stopped short and turned quickly towards the man sitting on a tree stump. The man was wearing a tight red shirt and had on tight black pants that hugged his muscular legs. He was wearing black boots and had a sash tied to his left bicep, he was looking away even as he heard Sereo speak his name. He looked down and the wind blew his unruly hair back. Sereo just stood in awe, looking at him in disbelief, could this really be Kalona?
Kalona looked to Sereo and stood, he was 6'2 and had tan skin, it was built and in perfect physical condition, he had brown curly hair and piercing brown eyes. He did not appear to be aged but held the grace of an elder. Kalona crossed his arms and watched as Sereo stumbled forward and bowed to him as quickly as possible, almost causing the other to laugh.
"It is really you"
"Hai, Sereo"
"You have appeared to me, for what reason Kalona Sama" Kalona nodded
"I have, and the reason is Kasumi, she is the one you have been sent to kill, but I have a different mission for you instead"
"Hai"
Sereo immediately felt to one knee with his hand on the floor in a fist in front of him. He looked down at the floor respectfully as the wind blew by once again.
End Flashback
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I'm changing this because I didn't like it
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Sereo stopped running and reached for his weapon. He stopped as his hand gripped the handle of his blade. He shifted his stance cautiously ready to attack, or most likely defend.
"I can sense you." He called out into the seemingly empty field.
"Ninja have gotten weaker."
Sereo watched in anticipation as a figure appeared in front of a tree. Sereo could see him, but he was hidden by the shadows. The man was slouched against the tree crossing his legs at the ankle and supporting himself on his left foot.
"I've been watching you for a while, you were sent to kill her."
Sereo said nothing as the other pushed off against the tree to stand up straight and start walking towards him. The shadows still hid much about the figure except for a vague outline. The figure came out of the shadows, but Sereo still could not see much of him, only that he was tall, and muscular.
"I do not wish to fight you." Sereo didn't believe him. All of his life he was trained for one thing and one thing only, the fight, so his companion must have been raised the same way. They were going to fight; otherwise they would never have met.
"Then what do you wish"
"Calm down Sereo…" The figure said before it ceased to exist. Sereo could feel the man behind him, the breath on his ear, the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart where their skin touched.
"I could kill you easily either way."
"What do you want?"
"You were planning to help the Shinobi instead of killing her, you've made that obvious. You want to help her because you think it will atone for your crime."
Sereo did not respond. He remembered his crime, only it wasn't a crime to anyone but him, they honored him for it.
"Your sister, remember?" There was no response other than the clenching of Sereo's fist." The one you killed in cold blood?"
"Enough!"
Kalona took a step back but Sereo did not move from his original spot, but his hand dropped from his sword.
"I need you to send her to me."
"Why?" He took a step forward and turned to face the man and see him for the first time. His eyes widen and instead of drawing his sword as he originally intended he closed his eyes dropping to his knee in respect. Sereo could not believe what he had just seen. It was Kalona Sama!
Kalona stood at 6'2 with tan skin and piercing brown eyes that showed the wisdom of an elder and the playfulness of a youth. He did not appear to be aged yet he carried the aura and grace of an elder. Kalona crossed his arms and looked down towards the man on his knees in front of him.
"Kalona sama."
"Stand" Sereo slowly stood and looked towards the other.
"I need you to send her to me."
"How?" Kalona didn't answer his question.
"Do what you wish as for training her, but when the shogun calls take her with you, and when the moon fills, blood will spill into the Earth."
"You're going to kill the Shogun?" Kalona turned away from Sereo and walked away once again leaving his question unanswered. Sereo took a step towards Kalona who lifted his right hand dismissively.
"How will I-"
"We will meet again."
And with that he disappeared into the shadows.
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This scene is in the Chapter War
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"So what is your skill?"
"I don't really know" she confessed "I got inspired to draw one day after my sensei died and it was this one."
She opened the book to the middle and showed Ryu a picture of his village. His father was walking towards the frame.
"That's my father," Kasumi nodded looking solemn, looking too old for her age. It reminded Ryu of himself when he was younger. She was living a life similar to a ninja, but at the same time completely different. She put the picture down in its previous place before speaking.
"Hayabusa Ken, he's dead, when I found out I stopped drawing knowing it to me more than a mere coincidence, but now I just can't stop. I can feel a force compelling me to. I have to continue."
"How old are you?"
"11"
She closed the book. Ryu looked at her in silence just thinking. His thoughts were interrupted when she cleared her throat.
"It is nearly sunset; I know that there is somewhere you must be." Ryu nodded and got up. It wasn't wise to underestimate someone because of their age, even at the age of eleven. Ryu had killed at a young age, so she could definitely be skilled in her art at this age, whatever her art managed to be. He had turned to leave when he had felt her move, but he stopped when she spoke.
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Well, she's only eleven, and he died twenty years ago, so that didn't make sense.
I'm changing that to this.
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"So what is your skill?"
"I don't really know" she confessed "I got inspired to draw one day after my sensei died and it as this one."
She opened the book to the middle and showed Ryu picture of a woman. It was the woman he had worked with a while ago, one that had almost gotten past his barriers to his heart. His throat felt dry seeing a picture of her so… lively. He vividly remembered her with the bullet in her forehead but not with a smile. It also reminded him of the other woman who had managed to sneak past the walls around his heart. He spoke, he tried to say her name and not have it come out as a hurt whisper as it had the last time he said it.
"That's…" He couldn't even utter her name, instead his voice faded into nothing before he could start to say the name. Kasumi nodded looking solemn, looking too old for her age. It reminded Ryu of himself when he was younger. She was living a life so similar to a ninja's but at the same time completely different. She put down the picture in its previous place before speaking.
"She's dead. When I found out I stopped drawing, knowing it to be more than a mere coincidence, but now I can't stop, I can feel a force compelling me to. I have to continue."
"How old are you?"
"Eleven."
She closed the book. Ryu looked at her in silence just thinking about the past, and what was left there, who was left there. His thoughts were once again interrupted when she cleared her throat.
"It is nearly sunset; I know that there is somewhere you must be." Ryu nodded and stood. It wasn't wise to underestimate people because of their age, even at the tender age of eleven. Ryu had killed at a young age, so he could definitely be skilled in her art at this age, whatever her art managed to be. He had turned to leave when he felt her move, but he stopped when she spoke.
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Other corrections and notes:
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Ryu wears the ribbon like he does in Ninja Gaiden, around his wrist where it miraculously never gets cut of or damaged.
Kasumi only refers to Ryu as Hayabusa san (Some scenes had her say Ryu, but she only says Hayabusa san for purposes of another scene later)
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That's all I have to correct, hopefully there will be another update soon,
I'll give you a peek of the next chapter so I don't feel as bad for this not being an update.
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Peek of First Strike
"They're here." Yuki whispered as she looked into the trees surrounding them. The others nodded noticing the changes as well. She reached around and dipped her hand into one of the two pouches that were on her waist. She pulled it out and it was covered in a thin film of a clear shiny liquid. Yuki then lowered her stance and brought her hands together rubbing the liquid over them.
Hayate lowered his stance and drew his sword, he could sense a person in the bushes, and two in the trees, but where were the others? Ryu knew that there was only five, but he sensed six people. He rested his hand on the hilt of his blade and waited for the natural signal that would start the fight.
Ayane turned towards the bushes next to them when she heard a twig snap, but it wasn't an enemy. Kasumi bit her lip and braced herself in case her sister attacked her believing her to be an enemy ninja. Ayane reached for her Dual Blade energy sword as a battle cry was heard.
The first of the Tsube to attack was Kippei Ten; he jumped off of a tree branch with a battle cry. Hoping to kill with his first strike the muscular nineteen year old brought his sword down to hit the leader of the Mugen Tenshin. Hayate however simple parried the blow and Ten was forced to step back. They looked at each other judging the other, looking for an opening, a weakness, their chance to kill.
Hayate recognized Ten from the Chokaku, he was the youngest there. He looked tall sitting but judging now he looked to be 6'3, and the way he carried himself made him seem even taller and Hayate feel small, even though he stood at 5'11".
Ryu had been targeted by Ishibashi Kenji. Both long haired men had seen each other before Ten had even moved from the tree. Ryu brought his hand down from his sword, stepped back, and grabbed his nun chucks.
TDS: you can review telling me you hate me for now updating if you want cause I do seem to be really bad at it, I've got too many stories to maintain at once so it's hard. Same drill so tell me a favorite scene/least favorite scene etc.