i updated again, yay! i was having major writers block for this story. the last chapter i had written a lot longer before i uploaded it. so this is the first time in awhile ive actually written on this story XD but unfortunately, it just gets more depressing then i originally planned. what the crap is this a depressing story!? I'm not a depressing person, i promise XD only in this story...

ANYVAYYYY, hope you enjoy it! thanks for the faves, reviews, etc! keep it up guys! :D

One More Secret

Chapter 9

I woke in the morning, blinking away sleep. I rubbed my face and dirt fell off. I looked around realizing I was surrounded by pine trees, and I was sleeping on the ground. How the hell did I get here…?

I thought for a moment before I remember slowly the events of last night. I wiped off my face and clothes as Nagisa started to wake up. Suddenly I realized I had a small headache. Great, just what I need right now.

I got up, stumbling slightly and leaned against a tree. I looked at my phone. It was 1:34 in the afternoon. I groaned and Nagisa nudged my leg. I smiled slightly down at her.

"I'm fine Nagisa…let's go home." I said quietly. I figured my mom would be gone when I got there. She always was gone.

I walked slowly across the open stretch of grass to the back of the apartment building. I didn't care where I entered, but I had to get Nagisa in so I went through the front door. I checked it and it was open, not so surprising and I let myself in. then, I was greeted with the not so happy face of my mother. I jumped and knocked against the wall. I winced when it made my head throb as it got worse.

"I see your finally back." She said bitterly.

"Yeah…why aren't you gone?" I said dryly.

"Oh well…that's what I'm here for." She said calmly. I warily looked at her up and down, not so sure I should stay anymore.

"You told me last night I was never, I wasn't a mom anymore and I couldn't control you. This is to true but…when you left something hit me." She said and sighed like she was sad.

I stared at her, eyes narrowed.

"I've lost all control over you…and my life. So…I quit my job to stay home with you more often." I glared at her, jaw clenched so tight it hurt my teeth.

"Now you'll always see me and that dog…" she glared at Nagisa.

"I'll allow staying on some conditions." Oh great, I knew there was catch.

"You work for my boss now, or used to be boss. Don't worry, you'll just be dancing you know…strutting your stuff. And…when I beat you, you can't run, or tell me to stop." I gaped at her for a moment before exploding.

"You can't just come in here and mess up my life! I paid the bills here, I kept it clean, and I take care of myself! You can't just walk in and decide you can take over! I'm not working for your stupid bitch boss! And you will never lay a fucking hand on me!" I shouted balling my fists up, and Nagisa started growling.

My mother got from her seat and walked over to me. She smiled sweetly down at me, and took my face gently in her hands.

"Sweaty, it hurts me when you yell and curse at me." She whispered then let go and smacked me across the face so hard I stumbled back.

"So you get to feel the pain you give!" I grabbed Nagisa's caller and held her back, popping her on the nose knowing she would try to attack.

My mom punched me in the stomach and kicked the back of my knees, making me fall to the ground and smashed an empty beer bottle over my head. Pain scorched through me, and I gasped as kicked me in the back. She continued kicking me a few more times then bent down and grabbed me by my air, lifting my head up.

"Am I hurting you to bad? Want me to stop?" she asked nicely. I stayed silent, gazing at her but not seeing her.

"Good girl." She said and dropped my head then grabbed a jacket from the coat rack.

"By the way, tell anyone what I did and am going to be doing to you will cause savvier consequences, and moving again. So there's no getting away…and this place better be spotless by the time I get back." She said as if she were just talking like a normal mother would be saying 'be safe and don't open the door for anyone but me; love you.'

She left slamming the door and I stayed there for a moment, my eyes so glazed over they stung and blurred so I couldn't see. My head throbbed so loud I could hear it, but I never cried. I hurt too much to cry. I dragged myself up slowly, and stumbled to the bathroom where I threw up what Lisa kicked out of me. Of course I hadn't eaten in a few days, so there wasn't much to throw up; so most of it was dry heaving.

Nagisa laid there, not knowing what to do about my current poor position. After a few minutes I got up and took several different pain medicines before getting to work on cleaning the house. I made sure everything was dusted, cleared, washed, stainless anything I could. And when I could no longer clean I fell onto my bed.

I checked my phone seeing it was almost eight now. The apartment was spotless as she'd asked me. I had several texts from Haruhi as well as calls but I didn't bother answering them. I threw my phone at some unknown corner. I had to stop talking to her, getting close to her. I couldn't, it was dangerous. I knew it was dangerous from the start…now it was ten times worse.

The thought pierced my chest so bad it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't want to be mean to Haruhi, or ignore her…she was mine. I didn't want to hurt what was mine…but why am I claiming her? I'm claiming her without so much as a thought of it being wrong. Was I…lesbian? The thought didn't creep me out at all…in fact it comforted me and I felt something lighten in me. I was lesbian…and I was in love with Haruhi Fujioka.

I had to hurt the person I was in love with…I didn't want that. But for her safety and mine…I had no choice. I cried dry tears. Nothing was coming out, and my throat hurt so badly. It was cramped up, and then I felt tears follow the pain of my throat. I realized I'd been crying a lot lately. My life sucked…I didn't want this anymore. I wanted to not exist.

I wanted to go somewhere and dig the deepest hole I could. Literally dig until I ached and cramped up and fell down and died of dehydration, starvation, and weakness. But alls I could do was cry myself dry, until my throat hurt, and my body shook and I fell asleep yet again from exhaustion. But I couldn't sleep, I stayed awake. And I laid there even as the sun slipped down into the ground for sleep, and I lay awake. I was scared to go to sleep.

I gazed around at my glass figures on the wall. I would probably have to sell those before my mother found them and smashed them. I would rather them go to a safer home and I keep the money cause I felt I would need it.

It was hours until I heard the first thing that was my alarm. I hit it fiercely, then stumbled out of bed and got ready for school.