Dean was driving far too fast and could barely focus on the road. He couldn't believe what he had just seen: Sam using strange psychic powers and working with Ruby. It was simply too much, especially after getting back from 1973 and his parents. He didn't know what else to do though, so he pushed a little harder on the accelerator.

"Pull over, Dean."

Jen's voice. Dean wasn't surprised. It actually took her longer than he expected.

"I don't have to do that. I am just fine."

"I disagree."

Dean chuckled. "Shocking, Ms. Opinionated has an opinion. Well, what do you think about your little Sam and his demon? Huh? Did you know that was going on?"

Jen sighed. "Yes and no. I had a good idea, but I was serious when I said I hadn't spoken to Sam in months, and that includes his thoughts. He's still pushing me out, so tonight, I knew no more than you."

Dean could hear the sadness in her voice even without looking at her and he knew that Jen was telling him the truth. That didn't change the fact that he was pissed, and he deserved to be after what Sam did. Jen's voice, a little quieter now, entered Dean's ears again.

"Please pull over."

It wasn't often that Jen pleaded that way for something, and Dean knew what he was doing was dangerous, so he finally agreed and slowed the Impala, pulling off next to an abandoned field. When he finally stopped and switched off the engine he let the tirade that was building inside of him begin.

"I can't believe what Sam is doing! And he promised me that he wouldn't, lot of fucking good that did. I mean exorcising demons with his mind? That isn't right. That isn't human. That is not my brother back there. I don't know what he is anymore."

Dean was acutely aware of how his voice shook, as well as the lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes. Still, the only thing he could feel right then was the anger. Jen slid closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"He's still Sam. I may not hear his thoughts, but there's a lot I can know without that, especially about you two. He's still your brother, Dean."

"I don't know, Jen. It's just so wrong. Especially now after talking with Mom about what she wanted for us. This is part of it, isn't it? This is why mom never wanted this for us."

Dean already knew that he was going to lose this fight against himself, and sure enough just as soon as he started talking about Mary the tears in his eyes gave way and began to fall. Without hesitating, he turned to Jen, holding her tightly, and she reciprocated. For a moment, Dean lost all thoughts of Sam and could only think of his mother in 1973: young, beautiful, and still subject to the same fate that he couldn't stop. Between sobs he kept whispering to Jen. "I couldn't save her. Why couldn't I save her?"

Jen's voice drifted back into his ears, or was it inside his head? Perhaps both.

"I'm sorry, Dean. You could never have saved her. What's done is done, and time finds ways of fixing itself. Castiel misled you and used you for information that he couldn't even get, and he shouldn't have done that."

Dean's sobs were calming, but the tears were not. "Then what was the point of it all?" Dean asked. There had to be something to come out of this other than the crushing grief of missing his parents and the feeling of helplessness that he couldn't push away.

"I think it was an opportunity. You got to meet your parents in a way most people never would, and you got to meet your grandparents, your namesakes. That's something even I couldn't give you. It hurts now, but those are memories you'll always keep."

Dean understood what Jen was saying, but there was just one huge inconsistency that he couldn't seem to reconcile. He pushed back off Jen and looked at her through his tears.

"She said it was the worst thing she could think of, our lives, brought up as hunters. She just wanted to be safe. The fucking yellow-eyed demon destroyed her dream, and we still don't even know for what. Shit, the Angels don't know what the big endgame is. What am I supposed to do with that?" Dean looked to Jen for answers, not knowing if she would have any.

Jen looked at Dean, then brought her hand up to his face, wiped his tears with her thumb and cupped his chin. "Your mother was incredibly young when she said that to you, and lots of things changed in the years that followed. I knew your mother. I started keeping an eye on your parents within months after what you saw, and I know that Mary would be proud of you. It may not be the life she imagined back then, but she would be glad that you have saved and helped so many people and she would be proud of the person you have become in the process."

Dean looked at Jen still questioning. He knew that Jen wouldn't lie to him, but how could she be so certain of how his mother felt or what she would have thought about their lives so many years after she died?

Jen dropped her hand and picked up Dean's. "Shut your eyes. Let me show you something." Dean obeyed. "Some of this you'll remember. Some of it happened so fast that it only seemed like a moment to you." Then, a memory flooded Dean's mind.

Dean was standing in his old house in Lawrence. He recognized the scene, Sam was pinned to the wall, Jen was grasping both their hands, and the figure of Mary has just appeared out of the flames in front of them.

"Dean." Mary said, pausing before she walked over to Sam, "Sam."

Suddenly it was as if time stopped and Mary turned her head to Jen. No one moved, but Dean could hear his mother's voice.

"You. I remember you. Though I didn't realize who you really were until you came back here. I can see you now, really see you. You were always there, weren't you, watching me, and now watching them."

"Yes." Jen's voice responded though her lips did not move. Mary continued.

"So, they grew up hunters after all."

"Yes. They are good hunters, they have helped so many people."

"I know. I can see it, all of it. They are so amazing. I would never have imagined I would have such good, strong, amazing boys. I'm sorry I had to leave them, but I think the world is better because of it. Tell Sam someday that I'm sorry about Jessica."

"I will."

"I've been holding on. Wondering what happened. Imagining the worst. Now I know. My family has done a lot of good, and I can repay them tonight. I can destroy this spirit, can't I."

"Yes, but you are its equal, it will destroy you too."

"I know what I need to. They will be okay, John too. Tell him I love him, and always will. Tell Sam and Dean too, someday, somehow."

"They know. But I'll tell them anyway."

"Thank you."

Mary moved again and spoke aloud to Sam. "I'm sorry."

Dean's memory faded to black. Tears stung at his eyes, still closed, hearing his mother's voice and seeing her once again. Dean and Jen were both still for a moment. Then Dean opened his eyes and the tears in them spilled over and he looked at Jen.

"But what about Sam now, with this crazy psychic exorcism stuff? You don't know what mom would think of that. I don't know what I think of that."

The anger from before returned to Dean, and this time it brought with it some fears about his baby brother. Regular old human beings didn't exorcise demons with their minds, so what was Sam now? How far could this go? What might happen if others knew?

Dean pressed his lips together, his tears nearly exhausted and the rest of his concerns pushing forward instead. "What do I do, Jen?"

It was a question Dean had asked Jen many times, and still continued to ask even knowing what her answer would be.

"You need to figure that out for yourself, Dean."

Dean nodded at Jen. She never did give them answers easily. He would just have to take this up with Sam himself. Jen returned a nod at Dean and then slowly vanished from sight. Dean took a moment to gather himself, then he turned back to the wheel. He had to face Sam, he might as well do it sooner than later.

Sam focused on writing down the information Travis was telling him. He was glad Travis called when he did. He wasn't sure how to make Dean understand. He certainly didn't want Dean to leave, and he was just barely holding himself together to convince him to stay. Just as he hung up with Travis, Dean spoke.

"So, we're going to Missouri?"

Sam breathed out a sigh of relief. Dean was staying. Sam looked up at his brother and then he saw the probable reason that Dean gave in so easily; Jen was standing beside him. Jen looked right at Sam, and he knew that she was there for him. Now that Dean had seen what Sam had done, Jen knew too. However, Sam didn't see any of the malice in Jen's eyes that he had seen in Dean's. He just saw his best friend, ready and willing to help him, as though they hadn't been apart for the last three months. The tears that Sam had pushed back before came up and filled his eyes. He couldn't speak through the lump in his throat so he simply nodded at Dean's question, frozen in place. Dean spoke again.

"Well, then, I'm going to run out, get some supplies, food, you know. I'll be back." Dean quickly left the room.

Sam had not taken his gaze off of Jen since he saw her. She gave him a small smile and walked toward him. Now, with Dean gone, Sam's composure finally broke and the tears began to slide down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around Jen, and she held him just as he let a sob slip out.

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered between sobs. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. I've got you now." Jen whispered back to Sam.

Sam really was sorry, not only for this incident, but for the whole last three months. He was sorry that he had pushed Jen away, and now he let those barriers back down and knew that she could hear his thoughts again. He felt guilty for so much of what happened, but if Jen noticed that, she didn't make it apparent. She just stayed put until Sam was ready to lift his head, stand back, and look at Jen again. The tears were still burning in his eyes as he asked Jen the question he was most worried about, and the main reason he hadn't said anything up until now.

"Dean doesn't hate me, does he?"

"Oh, honey." Jen reached to take Sam's hands. "Dean can't hate you, he's your brother." She paused a moment. "He is scared though. Between this and the Angels, it's a lot to take in. You can understand that, right?"

Sam nodded. He understood, although that didn't make it any easier on him. He was scared of what he could do, too. Still, it was something he had to deal with, and therefore that's what he would do. Jen slipped her hands out of his and waited for him to speak next. Sam looked up at Jen and tried to smile.

"Thanks. You know, for not completely abandoning me."

Jen looked at Sam carefully. "I would never abandon you. I'm always here if you want me to be."

A moment of silent understanding passed between them. Then Jen spoke again.

"Now, you boys enjoy your trip to Missouri. I'll be around."

Sam smiled, for real this time. "I know you will."

Then, Jen was gone.

Sam stormed out of the motel room. He simply didn't understand how they could kill a man because he "might" turn into a monster. Especially with everything that he was dealing with, this case was becoming very personal for Sam very fast. Dean didn't say a word either. Sam would have thought that Dean might at least think about standing up for his little brother, but no, apparently not. Of course, right now, Sam wasn't sure how Dean felt about him.

With Sam's thoughts racing out of control, and anger building up to nearly explosive levels, Sam sank onto a bench just out of the way. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands pressed to temples, and he spoke quietly.

"Jen? Are you there? Please?" Sam remained a little nervous that she won't show. It was the first time he had called her in months, but her voice echoed in his ears almost immediately.

"Of course I'm here."

He looked up and Jen was standing right in front of him. He swallowed hard and spoke. "You don't think I'm crazy for wanting to give this guy a chance, do you?"

Jen responded quickly. "No. I don't." She sat beside Sam and continued talking. "You know that I believe in saving lives and avoiding killing whenever possible, no matter who or what might be killed."

Sam sighed. "It's so easy for Dean, and Travis, and every other hunter. They see this clear boundary between human and not, but I can't do that, because I don't know what I am." Tears began to fill Sam's eyes and he blinked them back as well as he could. "That's why I didn't want to tell Dean. He looks at me differently. I mean, he said …" The words caught in Sam's throat for a moment and a tear escaped down his cheek. His words came out only as a whisper. "He said that he would want to hunt me."

The tears in Sam's eyes refused to be contained any longer and began to fall, though he tried to wipe them away. Jen's arm wrapped around his shoulders, but she remained quiet. For a moment they sat in silence, until Sam asked Jen a question that he was certain she wouldn't answer, but he had to ask anyway.

"What should I do?"

"So, we're talking about you now, not Jack." Jen stated simply. Sam wasn't sure he was thinking that until she spoke, but he nodded quickly, realizing the truth in her statement. She continued. "What do you think you should do?"

Sam pressed his lips together, trying to think and maintain what composure he still had. He knew Jen would respond that way, still, he wasn't quite sure how to answer.

"I don't know. I mean, the exorcisms work. I can save people." Sam trailed off somewhat. Jen broke in quickly.

"But?"

Sam should have known that was coming.

"But, it, well, I, I guess it still feels wrong, somehow, and Ruby, well, she seems to be on our side, but I know Dean doesn't trust her and you don't trust her, and the angels don't like this, but, it's still inside of me, and I can't get rid of it. Shit." Sam buried his head in his hands and tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to keep from shaking too hard. Jen squeezed his shoulder and spoke into his ear.

"Deep down, you always know what to do. I believe in you, Sam."

Sam listened and breathed slowly and pulled himself back together. He sat back up, squeezing his eyes shut and then looking up into the sky. He nodded slowly to himself. "So, if it feels wrong, it probably is."

"Make the decisions that make you feel good, Sam. That's the best you can do."

Sam sighed. He knew that part of the reason Jen spoke in riddles was that she wasn't allowed to give direct advice due to her knowledge of the situations. It didn't make her answers all that helpful. Still, she was there with him again. He'd take just that for now. He still had a lot to think about and he still had Dean to deal with, but right now he had other things to do.

"I suppose that applies to Jack too?"

"Yes, I think it does."

Burning Jack alive was far from the highlight of Sam's day and he couldn't seem to shake the awful feeling of it. At least Dean seemed to understand how difficult that was for Sam, but his trying to talk about it all wasn't really helping. Sam was glad that Dean listened when he said that he didn't want to talk about it, but still, Sam could feel Dean's protective eyes on him all the time, waiting for something to go wrong. Nothing did, that is, until that night.

Falling asleep wasn't a problem, both boys were tired out by the last case, physically and mentally. It was staying asleep that Sam couldn't quite get to work. The nightmare was terrifying. Sam could see and feel himself changing, like Jack did. He tried to stop it, but he couldn't. Still, he knew he was himself even though he looked hideous. That didn't stop the brigade of hunters charging him. Right in the front, machete in hand, was Dean, and he was adorned with Angel wings. He shouted as they advanced.

"God wants you dead!"

Then, Sam heard another voice from farther away. "Come, Sam. Come towards my voice. You'll be safe there."

He listened to the instructions and turned toward the voice and ran as hard as he could. The hunters chased him. He heard the voice again.

"Come, Sam. You'll be safe. Keep coming through the blue light."

Then he saw it. There was a doorway surrounded by shimmering blue. The hunters were gaining but he reached the door first. As he stepped through the world around him began to fade. The voices got farther and farther away and soon he realized that he was waking up in his motel bed and that Jen was sitting beside him.

Still, the nightmare was close in his mind and he could still feel the pit in his stomach as tears filled his eyes. He pushed himself up to sit and wrapped his arms around Jen, leaning his face into her shoulder just as he choked back a sob. He could hear her voice inside his head, and he recognized it as the voice from the dream that led him back here.

I'm here. You're safe with me. No one will hurt you here.

Sam let the tears cascade for a little while, letting out some of the tension he had been holding onto from the ordeal. After a few moments, the initial emotion slowed, and the underlying issues began to sneak back into his mind.

Does God hate me? Sam directed his thoughts to Jen.

God doesn't hate anyone. Jen responded clearly.

Dean seems to think he does.

Dean heard from an Angel that, by the way, doesn't actually speak to God himself, that someone up there wants you to stop using your powers. That's far from God hating you.

Sam thought for a moment and couldn't find fault with her logic, even though the bad feeling still nagged him.

What about Dean? Even as he thought it, Sam knew that Dean's reaction bothered him so much more than the Angels'. Tears pushed into Sam's eyes again and he pushed his lips together, working to keeping from falling apart with his brother just asleep on the other bed. He wasn't able to hold out for long. Sam had already lost his brother once, and now that he had him back, he couldn't bear to think about losing him again, to this. Jen's arms tightened around him.

Dean could not hate you. You're his brother, and his problem is that he doesn't want to lose you again either, to death or to the dark side, and certainly not at the hands of an Angel. Dean loves you more than anything, and always will.

Sam heard what Jen said and it all made sense to him. He was still worried, but at least for now it seemed like things were going to be okay. Jen was here. Dean was here. Sam hadn't had his family back together like this in too long, and in her usual way, Jen knew the last thing Sam needed. As he began to drift off, she began to sing.

Can you fix this, it's a broken heart
It was fine, but it just fell apart
It was mine but now I give it to you
Cause you can fix it, you know what to do

Let your love cover me
Like a pair of angel wings
You are my family
You are my family