Sam flopped back into the backseat again as Dean jotted down some pertinent notes on the Nebraska case. A few moments later, Dean heard a soft snore coming from his brother, and then, Jen's voice.

"He's right, you know."

Dean furrowed his brow, still staring at the paper, and pointed at Jen who had appeared beside him.

"Oh no. We discussed this. I am not sharing any feelings or talking anything out, no matter what Sam says."

Jen was silent for a moment, and then she spoke again.

"You should sleep."

Dean sighed. Jen had been great about letting Dean handle this his way, or at least, some combination of their two ways. She didn't push him and she didn't drill him with questions. That helped. Still, she did what she could get away with, and gently forcing him to get some sleep was one of those things.

"I know. I know." Dean rolled up the paper and the notes and shoved them down in the door pocket. He took a deep breath. Dean didn't like sleeping anymore. If he could stay focused and busy, he could avoid it all, but the moment he shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind, it was all right there: the pain, the torture, the pleasure, the guilt. If he took a couple of shots before bed, he could keep it at bay, so that's what he did most of the time. It worked again in the morning when the nightmares would wake him up. Jen couldn't be there all the time, so whiskey was a good back-up.

However, Jen was there tonight, and she didn't like the drinking. Since Sam was snoring again anyway, Dean figured he might as well give in to Jen's way this time. He looked over at her, trying to approximate his brother's patented puppy-dog eyes. "Sing something?"

Jen smiled. "Of course."

Having taken care of that detail, Dean adjusted himself sideways in the seat and lay down, head in Jen's lap, as she began.

"Goodnight my angel time to close your eyes, and save these questions for another day …"

Dean tried to focus on Jen's melody, but as usual, the memories surfaced, forcing themselves to the front of Dean's mind. Tears filled his eyes and a few slipped out though he kept his eyes shut as tightly as he could. Jen continued to sing even as she gently ran her fingers through Dean's hair. The next image hit his mind's eye and he shuddered through a clenched sob, but that ended up being the worst of it. He could tell she was helping him somewhat. The memories were more faded than they were without her, easier to push aside. After only another minute or two of images and sensations, everything began to fade as Dean truly began to lose consciousness, drifting into a deep sleep. The last thing he heard before he was out was Jen's voice inside his head. "Sleep well, Dean."

Jen was gone before the boys awoke in the morning. Then they headed out to Nebraska, intending to burn a ghost.

Sam thought that he would be able to handle this, but he wasn't, and Jen could tell. Hours after Dean's latest confession to enjoying torture, Dean was flirting with every available woman in the bar that were hanging in, and Sam was playing around with the half-full bottle of his first beer of the evening, mind racing. Jen decided that something had to be done.

Her first stop upon entering the bar was Dean who was at the bar buying a drink for a cute redhead.

"Hey, don't I know you?" Jen spoke flirtatiously, placing a hand on Dean's arm. Then she focused her thoughts into Dean's mind.

I'm taking Sam for a walk. Don't worry about us, just stay here and enjoy yourself. This one really likes you.

Jen spoke again before Dean could respond to anything. "Oh, no, I'm sorry. Thought you were someone else." Then Jen swiftly moved toward Sam in the back. He was tipping his beer bottle back and forth, lost in thought. Jen sat across from him.

"Do you usually sit alone?"

Sam startled a second, nearly letting the beer fall over, as his head shot up, then he gave Jen a half-smile.

"Only when you aren't around to join me." He replied.

"You want to take a walk?" Jen asked simply.

Sam's brow furrowed. "Dean?"

"He's in the midst of seduction, so I think he'll be busy for a while."

Sam nodded sharply. "Then, yeah, a walk sounds great." Sam looked at his beer and then tipped it back and downed it with a slight grimace.

The two headed through the crowd and out the door. Jen took the lead, swinging a left, and led Sam to a small open space with a few trees and benches.

Sam started asking questions before they even got there.

"How long have you know? What he did? What it was like?"

Jen noticed Sam's deliberate avoidance of the word Hell.

"From the first time I saw him when he returned. He hasn't hidden anything from me."

Sam scoffed. "Lucky you."

Jen stopped and turned to Sam. "He doesn't have to talk about it to me."

Sam looked over at Jen and met eyes for a moment. His anger calmed. He understood. "I guess that's true."

They walked a little bit longer in silence.

"I can't believe he was there for forty years. I mean, he was … there longer than he was alive here."

"Yes, that's right."

"And thirty years of torture? I can't even imagine."

"I'm not sure anyone could."

Sam stopped again. Jen turned and looked back at him, waiting.

"But, I don't understand how he could have enjoyed torturing. I understand getting off the rack, but what he said earlier, it just … doesn't … that's not Dean. It just isn't."

Jen looked at Sam sadly. She knew that was the thing that would get to Sam, but she wouldn't have been able to stop Dean from talking about it anyway. He needed to say that for himself. That left Jen to explain to Sam.

"Sam, it's much more complicated than what you heard. The emotions involved in that kind of situation are almost impossible to parse down to something simple like 'enjoying' torturing. Think about this: you were hurt, and you want to kill Lillith, and not just kill her, right? You want to see her suffer?"

"That's different. She's the one who took him."

"But, you would probably also take out all her demon minions and anyone who got in the way, right? Would you say that's accurate?"

Sam looked away. Jen knew she was right, but Sam didn't want to think about himself that way. Jen continued.

"Dean was in Hell. It's not like most of the people down there were stellar citizens. Most of them sold their souls for power, money, or to hurt people. It was the only outlet he had. It felt like pleasure to him, but really, it was just self-justified revenge and survival."

If there was one thing Sam typically responded to, it was a good psychoanalysis. Jen had made him stop and think now and brought him out of the knee jerk reaction. He was silent for another moment and kicked the ground as they walked.

"I just thought that when he came back that things would be the way they were. Dean would be himself, and we would be a team again."

He paused in front a park bench and turned to look out over the empty space. Jen remained silent, things were swirling in Sam's head too fast to get ahead of, so she just listened.

"I tried so hard to get him back. I tried to make deals. I tried spells. Then, he's finally here, and it was supposed to be everything I wanted."

Sam sank back onto the bench and leaned forward, head in his hands.

"I wanted my brother back, but it's like a part of him is still in the pit, and probably always will be. They still managed to keep him from me. They still win. She still wins."

"That's not true, Sam." Jen knelt in front of Sam, taking his hands and forcing him to look her in the eyes. She knew that part of what Sam was saying was true, but she had to be the voice of confidence if Sam was going to get over this. She needed Sam to get over it. She needed the two of them together. "Dean is back and he has put as much of Hell behind him as he can. Sure, he won't be exactly the same, but it's still Dean."

Sam shook his head. "He's so different. He over-analyzes. He hesitates." Sam sighed and looked up at Jen. "I just don't know if I can count on him."

Jen remained silent. She knew there wasn't anything she could say to convince Sam. Too much happened while the three were apart; too many things changed.

She moved beside Sam on the bench and placed her hand on his back.

"Try, Sam. He needs you."

Sam nodded. "Okay. I'll try. I will."

Jen smiled at Sam and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

Jen listened carefully as they walked back to the bar. Sam had been too quiet lately, and she was curious about that. She reached out carefully feeling into his mind. Then she found it: a wall. It was thin, but carefully constructed, probably helped along by Ruby. Sam was blocking things from her, and she wasn't sure what to do about it. She wasn't sure there was anything she could do about it.

Please, Sam, stay away from Ruby. Jen could direct this request to Sam's subconscious, but she couldn't be certain it would ever be heard. All she could do was hope and worry. Maybe it would be enough.