Sam walked out of the school for the last time with Mr. Wyatt's words ringing in his head: "Are you happy, Sam?"

He wasn't. That was the problem. Hell, Sam couldn't remember the last time he would really have said he was happy. This case didn't help that, now knowing what happened to Barry and Dirk. Tears pushed into Sam's eyes and he blinked rapidly walking quickly around the corner. Somewhere in his memory banks he recalled a secluded bench, and sure enough, there it was, nestled between overgrown bushes. Sam sat back and tipped his chin up to the sky, squeezing his eyes shut as all the guilt about Barry and Dirk and Mr. Wyatt's advice surfaced and tears slipped down his cheeks.

Funny, with everything that had been going on recently, with Ruby and Dean and the seals and Angels, Sam hadn't wanted to talk to Jen, but now, with his past hitting him smack in the face, she was suddenly the only person he wanted with him. She was there back then, he knew she was. Sam can't recall having seen her, but he knew that she had been watching them all their lives, so she had to have been there. Maybe she knew something that would him feel less terrible about what happened.

He opened his eyes and whispered her name. "Jen."

A moment later she was beside him, her hand gently on his back. He reached over and grasped her other hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I shouldn't feel this bad. I mean, I barely even knew them." Sam spoke, still trying to blink back the tears that were continuing to fall slowly.

"This kind of emotion has no rules, no should's or shouldn'ts, you know that."

Sam nodded to Jen's words as his throat got tight and he tightened his lips and shut his eyes against the small shudder of his breath catching in his throat. Jen moved her arm up around Sam's shoulders and squeezed his shoulder gently. When Sam's muscles relaxed again, his eyes blinked open and the tears started falling. This time, he didn't try to stop them, and he let Jen wrap both arms around him and hold him while he cried.

Sam spoke through the tears. "You were there, weren't you? What could I have done?"

"I was there. I saw all that happened, with you and Dean, and Sam, you did the best and only things you could have done given the circumstances."

Sam sniffed. "It doesn't feel that way. It feels like I should have done something more for Barry or something different with Dirk. Like maybe they'd be alive today. Like it's somehow my fault." Sam whispered his last thought and a breath caught in his throat as a small sob.

Jen reached up and whispered in Sam's ear. "It's not your fault." Sam heard her words and then heard them echo in his head, and he knew that was Jen's doing. It began to work; the guilt started to fade taking with it the deep pit in Sam's stomach. Sam finally turned to Jen and put his arms around her holding on tightly and allowing his head to fall against her shoulder. He held to her for a few minutes longer as his composure slowly returned and whatever guilt remained retreated to a far corner of his mind.

When he finally felt okay again, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, forehead, and temples, trying to remove the traces of all these bad feelings from both his body and mind. He looked over at Jen apologetically.

"Thank you."

Jen smiled at Sam and then looked at him more seriously. "I'm still here for you, you know. Anytime you need me."

He knew what she meant. He knew that he had been pushing her away, and even after this, he still didn't want her involved in what was happening with Ruby. He simply nodded at her. "I know." He could see the sadness deep in her eyes, but he wasn't going to let her in right now. Not yet. Not until Lillith was taken care of. He quickly stood up and looked around.

"I should really get back. You want to walk with me?"

Jen's smile grew at the invitation. "Of course."

Sam and Jen returned to the motel together, and Dean was glad to see them walk in the door, especially Jen. Dean smiled at Jen and she returned one with a bright sparkle in her eyes. Dean could almost feel her relief that Sam allowed her to be with him for this. He didn't know if that meant things had changed completely, but he could hope. After a bit, Sam took a bathroom break, and Dean took a moment to ask Jen something he had been thinking about for most of this case.

"You were there. Weren't you?"

Jen looked at Dean and he could tell that he was right. It was only a moment, but it was one that he remembered well.

"You don't know anything about me. I save lives. I'm a hero. A hero!" Dean shouted back to the girls in the hallway. Still their expressions were clear: they were no longer friends of his. Well, fuck them. Dean didn't need them anyway. People never understood.

Dean reached the end of the hallway, fuming with anger and using that to push back the tears that tried to prick at his eyes. He didn't see her at first, but she reached out and grabbed his hand as he walked past. He turned to look at whoever dared to touch him and was shocked to see a girl about his age.

She had long, dark brown hair and dark eyes that stared right into him and Dean couldn't look away.

"I believe you." She spoke quietly.

"What?" Dean replied, still in shock.

"That you're a hero. I believe you." Her eyes remained locked on him for another couple of seconds, and then she released his hand and turned away down the hallway. Dean didn't move for a moment, and then when he came back to his senses he walked toward the hallway she had turned down, but she was gone.

Dean's phone rang. It was his father.

Dean looked as Jen as he recalled what happened and he knew she saw as well.

"That was you, wasn't it?" Dean asked, though he was already convinced.

Jen nodded. "Yes. That was me."

Tears slipped into Dean's eyes but didn't fall and he reached to Jen and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "Thank you. That meant a lot to me." He only held her for a second and then let go. This wasn't something he wanted Sam to ask about, and Jen understood that.

Sorry I've been away for so long, life is, well, life, you know.