Sam looked over at Dean. "Ok. So...so we're good?"

Dean paused a beat. They were certainly not good, but that was Sam's way of ending it. Sam didn't want to talk about what happened and what he said, and you know what, Dean wasn't sure he did either.

"Yeah, we're good." Dean spoke then quickly moved to get in the Impala. They drove off, away to somewhere. Dean didn't know where yet, just away from here. He pushed down on the accelerator and sped down the road.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about what Sam had said.

Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back … You're not standin' in my way, anymore!

The thing was, Dean knew that he hadn't lied at all while under the siren's spell. He did feel like the Sam he knew was gone, there were too many secrets. That made him believe that Sam had told the truth too, and furthermore, Dean knew it. He knew he was different since Hell. It didn't make him a worse hunter though, it didn't. It couldn't. Sam might believe otherwise, but Sam was wrong. He had to be wrong.

Dean clenched his jaw and glanced up in the rearview mirror and saw dark eyes looking at him from the backseat, Jen's eyes. Dean glanced behind him but the seat was empty. He glanced at the mirror again, and there she was. She gave him a small smile. He felt a little better.

Jen had practically saved their lives on this one. She led Bobby to them just in time, and Dean knew that she came very, very close to breaking the rules to do it. She was around last night, but with Bobby crashing with them, and everyone exhausted, there wasn't much she could do. Still, Dean knew she was always watching.

It was a quiet drive. They stopped a couple of times for food and to check out local papers, trolling for the next crazy event. Nothing popped up, and they landed for the evening in nowhere Nebraska. They funded dinner on a few rounds of pool, and then headed back to the motel room relatively early, or at least before midnight.

Sam hopped on the computer, but Dean's mind was still racing.

"I'm going out for a walk." He announced. Sam barely nodded at him. He grabbed his jacket and headed out. It didn't take long for Jen to fall into step beside him. Dean spoke without looking at her.

"He's right, you know. I'm not the hunter I was before the pit."

"Different doesn't necessarily imply worse."

"It sure feels that way sometimes." Dean stopped and lifted his hands running them through his hair. There had been a pit in his stomach ever since the siren died, and now the pit was settling in and working towards Dean's chest and throat, tightening everything as tears pushed into his eyes. "I just wish I knew if he really meant that, if he really thinks that I'm weak. Does he really think I'm holding him back?"

Dean turned to Jen, asking silently for her to tell him what's going on inside his brother's head, because fuck if he could figure it out. He could see in her eyes, though, that she didn't know any better than him. He turned away and started walking again.

Tears filled Dean's eyes and his chin trembled as he walked. Tears escaped down his cheeks and he wiped them away, still moving. He looked up again and through blurry vision he saw Jen now standing a few feet in front of him. He stopped and looked at her. She remained still and silent.

"We tried to kill each other, Jen. How could we let that happen? How could I let that happen?"

"You didn't let anything happen Dean. You just couldn't stop it."

Dean shook his head. She always said things like that, but it was so hard not to feel terrible about what happened.

"That doesn't change the fact that it did happen. It doesn't change the fact that Sam is hiding something, from both of us, and it sure as fuck doesn't make anything better."

Dean shouted at Jen as tears began to stream down his cheeks again. She ignored his shouts and stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around him. Dean finally gave into his own emotions and held Jen tightly, burying his head in her shoulder.

He hated this. This was exactly the kind of reaction that made him believe what Sam said.

You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell, boo-hoo.

Jen voice echoed in Dean's ear. "Sam doesn't understand. He's still so young, especially compared to you."

Dean knew what she meant. His forty years in Hell had put a number of rifts between him and Sam, and the time difference was one that Dean felt far too often.

No. Dean had to pull himself together. This was unacceptable and not helping.

"Shhhh." Jen whispered in his ear. It felt like a breeze through his head, but it did seem to blow away the tightness and allow Dean to regain control. As he wiped his face, he looked up at Jen.

"What can I do?"

Jen sighed. "I don't know, Dean. We'll just have to wait and see."

"But, you'll …?"

"Yes, I'll be here, with you, even if Sam won't let me in."

Dean nodded. He could do this. He had to do this.

"Okay, thanks."

Jen smiled as she began to fade into the night. "Always."