"Jazz?"

"Mm?"

"Why are we out by the lake again? I forgot..."

"*Le sigh* You wanted to draw, remember? So I came with you and we went for a little swim. Ok?"

"Oh. Ok."

Chloe continued to sketch out the lake before them while her hair dried, curled up against the warm skin of her bondmate's shirtless holoform.

"Gotta admit though, babe, ya love me like this.." Jazz stated cheekily, winning a laugh from his mate.

"Oh you know me too well Jazzy! Of course I do!" Chloe replied, running a free hand down his abs just to make him cringe. "But I'm not so sure you like me doing that, right?"

"Meh, it's weird..." Another short giggle was drawn from the Brit.

"Aww.. Little Jazzy no likey? Aww..."

"Jazz?"

"Mm?"

"Why isn't Alexis here with us?"

Jazz winced.

"Ya know she's in the brig..."

"She's a bit messed in the head righ' now..."

"Why?"

"The 'Cons messed with her personality."

"Why?"

"'Cause Megatron's twisted like that."

"That's not fair..."

"Nope, not fair at all..."

"... Why're we out here again?"

Jazz sighed in annoyance and frustration for he'd already answered the question about why they were outside four times before. "Ya know what?" Jazz asked, "I don't know any more myself. I don't." He stood and started back into the base.

Chloe could feel tears pricking her optics for the seventh time these past few days. She'd forgotten. Again. No matter how hard she tried to hold on, she'd always forget. One time, she'd even forgotten Jazz. But then she remembered about an hour later. But this was getting ridiculous. Four times before?! No way!

"Primus I feel like I'm losing my mind..." Chloe sniffed as she set down her sketchpad and hugged her knees tightly, losing her grip on reality again; briefly seeing the lake before her as a pool of blood and the trees around her made of bones and flesh.

Jazz paused at the door and looked back at Chloe, unable to remain upset with her. "Chloe, you coming?" he called to her.

"I... I don't know..." Chloe said, wiping her tears away quickly and looking out over the lake again, seeing it as normal people would. She could feel Jazz's gaze on her back still. "I don't know! I just... don't know..." Chloe nearly shouted, burying her face into her knees and digging her nails into her head, needing the pain. She heard Jazz approach again, and within second his arms were around her.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap," Jazz whispered.

"I... I'm sorry for making you snap again... I just don't know why I keep forgetting... I hate it... I feel like I'm losing my mind... Going insane..." Chloe whispered back, turning and hugging Jazz tightly as if he were about to fall off the face of the Earth

"You're not goin' insane. You're gettin' better..." Jazz stated gently.

"I wish... But it feels like I am... I keep on pushing you away sometimes when I need you most and I don't get why..." Chloe replied. Her optics were filling with tears again behind her visor.

"I don't know. But you're not goin' insane. We'll get through this," Jazz repeated firmly.

"Ok... Please don't leave me Jazz..."

"I won't... I couldn't... I love ya too much."

"I love you too..." Chloe said, burying her face into Jazz's warm skin. "Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go see Alexis?"

"Uh... I'm... not... sure that's... a good idea," Jazz answered. He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Please? I want to show her my drawing..." Chloe said, holding up her sketch of the lake. Jazz debated it and finally sighed.

"Yeah... If you wanna see her... But I'm warnin' ya, she's not the same," Jazz replied. Chloe's shoulders sagged, the sketch dropping to her lap.

"Aww..."

"Sorry Babe... Still wanna see her?"

"Yeah... If that's ok..."

"Come on. I'll take you..."

"Ok... Thanks Hun..." Chloe said, packing away her pencils into her pocket and taking after Jazz, sketchbook tucked under her arm as she walked.

Jazz led Chloe to the brig where Ironhide was. The black mech had taken to trying to help Alexis, as well as keep an optic on her, since the first night she'd been left along in the brig she'd harmed herself.

"Hey 'Hide... Can we see Alexis?" Chloe asked, looking up at the weapons specialist. Ironhide glanced over at Jazz with a frown.

"Ah don't think that's a good idea," Ironhide replied.

"Chloe'll forget. Don't make that happen." Jazz stated flatly, not impressed with the warrior's answer. Ironhide sighed and moved, unlocking the cell holding the Xyleon.

"Be careful..."

"Will do..." Jazz said as he stepped inside, gently pulling Chloe after him.

"A... Alexis?" Chloe said shyly, nervous about being in the same room as someone who everyone claimed was mentally unstable. The Xyleon was curled up in the farthest corner. She hissed slightly and curled up tighter, not replying to Chloe's call. Her optics were off, leaving her coated in darkness, making it hard for her to be seen.

"Alexis?" Chloe called again, hoping to talk her friend. Alexis didn't move, but her optics came online showing that she was listening.

"Alexis, do you wanna see what I drew?" Chloe said, trying to be her usual overexcited self.

"W-Well... uh..." Chloe looked to Jazz for help, her optics wide behind her visor and not knowing what to do or say. Jazz nodded slightly, trying to encourage Chloe to continue. "D... Do you wanna... w... wanna draw... with me f... for a bit?"

Alexis made a sound and shifted, her form shuddering slightly. Her optics flickered in the darkness.

"A... Alexis?" Chloe said, biting back a whimper.

"Ch-Chloe?" Alexis called softly.

"Alexis?" Chloe replied, her visor brightening with hope.

"Chloe... It is you..."

A smile painted its way onto the child's face as she moved closer to Alexis, holding the sketchbook tight.

"Yeah... It's me..."

Alexis only shifted away, a light moan leaving her lips as she moved.

"So... D... Do you wanna... d... draw?" Chloe said again, moving closer again.

"N-no... y-you sh-shouldn't b-be h-here..." Alexis whispered.

"I'll be ok... I promise..." Chloe said, sitting down near the foot of Alexis' berth and taking out her pencils. "What should we draw Alexis?"

She shook her head and moved as far from Chloe as possible, her optics wide in fear.

"What? Why?" The Brit's optics were wide behind her visor as she looked up at the Xyleon. Alexis turned away from Chloe and covered her face with her hands, beginning to tremble badly. She sobbed into her hands in misery.

Chloe slowly set down her pencils and sketchbook and stood, cautiously approaching the crying alien. Gently, she put her hand on Alexis' ankle, a sign of trust. It took all of Alexis' strength to not pull away; since the last time Chloe had touched her it had included pain.

"Sorry... I guess... we'll go... then..." Chloe said uncertainly, pulling her hand from the blue skin of her friend and turning away, doing her utmost best to not break down.

A look of pain crossed Alexis' face and her optics started to change between blue and red as the fight between personalities returned full force. She reached out to Chloe but didn't touch her. "I'm... trying..." she whimpered.

"I know Alexis... And I'm sorry I can't do much to help you..." Was all Chloe said before a quick 'goodbye' and running out of the cell.

"Chloe!" Jazz yelled before running after his bondmate, leaving Alexis alone. The Xyleon was stunned to silence at the actions of the girl that had once been her closest friend.

"Lexie?" Ironhide said gently as he entered the cell. Alexis flinched and stayed silent, looking up at Ironhide wide dull blue optics. "What's wrong?" Ironhide coaxed.

"I-I... don't know..." Alexis replied. She uncurled slightly and reached up to her neck to where the black collar was resting. It was on its lowest possible setting to keep from making things worse for her. Ironhide's optics softened, wishing he was allowed to remove that blasted collar from the Xyleon's neck.

"Am I dangerous?" she asked. Her optics flickered between colours but stopped on blue like it had for the past few days.

"It's hard to say, Alexis..." Ironhide said, being careful with his words, "Until Ratchet can replace your missing personality chip, it's hard to say..."

"I-I could never hurt him 'Hide... J-just like I could never hurt you or Chloe..." she responded.

"I know, Lexie, I know..." Ironhide replied. Alexis looked down and continued to feel the collar. She felt very weak and helpless. Ironhide could only watch her, even as he left the cell and locked it again.

She winced at the sound of the cell locking. It hurt to know that the Autobots were afraid of her. "I'm sorry..." she whispered. She raised her head to reveal blood red optics. She stood, walking over to the bars and holding onto them. Her sharpened nails clicked on the metal of the bars as she looked at Ironhide. Ironhide looked up.

"What are you doing?"

"Am I threat? A real threat?" Alexis asked.

"..." Ironhide didn't know what to say.

"How much you've changed, Ironhide..." Alexis snapped suddenly, her optics flashing, and her teeth bared. Ironhide stepped back, slightly surprised by the sudden change in the normally docile girl. Alexis hissed. "I scare you now, don't I? Amazing how easy it is to scare an Autobot. To startle them."

"It ain't easy to scare an Autobot. But it is when their closest friend and ally is a total fruit loop!" Ironhide retorted, not being able to help himself at the dig. He earned himself a threatening growl and Alexis reached out to make a swipe for his optics with her nails with certainly would have shattered his optics.

"I'm not crazy!" she snapped.

"Who said you was? I'm sayin' that there's a certain part of ya that IS a nutter! And it ain't the blue-opticed twit I know!" Ironhide said, hoping to provoke a reaction from the friendlier side of Alexis. She growled and pulled her arm back in, flinching as if he'd harmed her. Her optics went between the colours again but stayed red in the end.

"You won't get her back... The old Alexis is dead," she stated.

"Wrong, nutcase!" Ironhide laughed before returning to his post, smiling like an idiot.

Alexis dragged her nails across the metal of bars, causing a squeal from the friction. She was crying again, and the cruel side faded again.

"Ironhide... I'm sorry..." she said, leaning against the bars, drained of energy.

"It's alright Alexis, you can't help it... That was my fault too... Tryin' tah provoke a reaction from ye..." Ironhide admitted.

"I don't want to hurt anyone... And I'm scared I will..."

"You won't. Cos we know you won't. Ok?" Ironhide said gently, trying to calm Alexis down.

"I already have..." Alexis whispered, sitting and curling up against the bars.

"Nah you ain't... She's just forgettin' a lot..." Ironhide said gently still, staying at his post.

"I have! I saw the blood... on my hands... And I've hurt you..."

Ironhide growled slightly.

"Nuff of that Alexis. Ain't gonna help your mental state if you're thinkin' like that... Ok?" Ironhide said gruffly.

"My head's already a jumbled mess. It's hard to tell what's real and what's not anymore. But I'm not blind. I saw the blood on my hands. And the only human I've interacted with is Chloe. So I know I hurt her... And I can see the marks in your armour where I tried to do the same to you," Alexis responded.

"But that weren't you... That was Megatron's crappeh excuse for "perfect". An' that's a fact..." Ironhide said.

"It's still me!" Alexis cried in frustration. She put her hands on her head and dug her nails in harshly, trying to clear her mind. Nothing was working.

"Alexis! Stop that! Don't make me get Ratchet again..." Ironhide was forced to growl out. Alexis hissed but didn't comply. Ironhide sighed, reluctantly comming the Autobot medic to the brig.

::Ratchet? We gon' need that sedative again...:: Ironhide all but sighed into the comms.

::Again? What did you do?:: Ratchet responded. He grabbed the sedative and started to the brig.

::Me? I didn't do anything. Alexis is clawing at her head again..:: Ironhide replied, an edge in his tone at the Xyleon still clawing at her head.

::Might I suggest trying to stop her then? You're stronger than her AND you're armoured. Her claws are sharp, but not enough to go through your metal::

::That's why I asked for you and that fraggin' sedative COS I DON'T WANT HER DOIN' IT AGAIN!:: Ironhide roared into the comm, his anger and frustration getting the better of his calm mood. Sighing, he opened the cell door again and grabbed Alexis' hands.

"Stop it."

Alexis sighed and listened this time, looking up at Ironhide with tear filled optics.

"Yes sir..."

Ironhide's optics softened before saying, "Thank you..."

"I won't do it again. I promise," she said with a defeated tone.

"Thank you..." Ironhide said as he privately commed Ratchet, telling him the sedative was no longer needed. Slowly Alexis nodded and her hands curled slightly in Ironhide's so her claws were closer to her palms rather than the gaps in his armour.

"Bettah now? I don't wanna have Ratchet come to sedate you..." Ironhide said quietly, keeping a tight grip on Alexis' hands.

"Yes sir."

"Thank ya..."

"Maybe you should just kill me... You'd be doing the Autobots a favor," Alexis said, looking off to the side.

"Absolutely not! Ratchet said we should do that if we can't save you, but everyone was in uproar about it. No one wants that. Optimus would be torn.. And this war wouldn't be finish-able if you died..." Ironhide said, disgust in his optics at the suggestion and thought of it.

"Oh? And why is that? The war doesn't rest on whether I'm alive or not. And it would give the drive to just kill Megatron," Alexis snapped, a distinct growl in her voice.

"Because you're perhaps the only thing that keeps peace between a lot of Autobots here! You die, they start fighting! They're only not fighting is because there's royalty here and they know better than to do that!" Ironhide snapped back, glaring. "We all swore to keep you alive, no matter what. So we ain't ready to let you go just yet."

"You're protecting someone whose mind is broken! Even if Ratchet manages to find a way to 'save me' I'll still be broken. Confused for life by the twisted views Megatron made me understand. I stopped being royal when I left Xylia. It means nothing anywhere else!" she hissed in frustration, looking up at him.

"So that's what you're thinkin' now? Says someone who never gave up, never left her friends in the dark. Never gave in. You're a fighter, Alexis, and we know you're gonna recover..." Ironhide said softly, letting go of the Xyleon's hands and stepping back out of the cell. She shook her head and stood.

"I don't think I can this time..."

"Well tough. Ratchet's close to getting your mind back where it should be. So just wait." Ironhide said, locking the cell again. Alexis gave up with Ironhide and put her hands back on the bars. She pulled at them in anger as if she was trying to break them, and screamed in frustration. Ironhide reluctantly called Ratchet again, hoping to silence the Xyleon again for the fifth time.

She quickly stopped and moved further into her cell, curling up against the berth. There was nothing she could do that would save her in this situation, when she wasn't safe in her own thoughts. She couldn't get away from what Megatron had done, and doubted that she ever would. It was hopeless, and she knew it.

She looked up when she heard someone approaching the brig but didn't move. Her optics narrowed slightly, since she didn't exactly want a visitor after Chloe's brief visit, and she was the only prisoner at the moment. The footsteps came closer to her cell until they stopped. A mech much taller than Ironhide was stood in front of her cell. Alexis only stared for a moment before her optics widened in terror.

"You shouldn't be here..." she whispered.

"I know... But it isn't fair I don't see you..." Came the baritone response.

"I-I... N-no... P-please..."

"Alexis... Please..."

"Please what?" Alexis asked, moving away from the berth to instead curl up in the corner as far from the bars as possible.

"Please... Don't push me away again..."

"I... I'm trying to protect you! This is different!"

"I understand that Alexis... Really I do... But I don't want to lose you again..."

"You already have..."

"Don't say that. And I haven't"

~Why else would this bond still be here?~

~I don't know... But it was his choice, not mine... He decided to leave it alone. I don't know why...~

~Just be glad he didn't interfere... I know I am...~

"Didn't interfere? He entered my head! He made it so I want to kill you! Don't you understand...? I still love you, but it's countered by the fact that if you're within reach I'll try to kill you..."

"I understand that Alexis... Really I do... He only removed part of your personality... Ratchet has almost got it back..." The mech said, staying calm as ever despite her words.

"I don't think that's the only thing he did... He tortured me... He changed me... And not just through my personality... I'm a monster."

"You are not. Don't say such a thing."

"I am. I always have been. Or did you not notice that Xyleons come with built in weapons?" Alexis said. She raised her hands to show the long claws.

"*Le sigh* As do Autobots... But you are not a monster... You never could be..."

"The Autobots use their weapons for good. Xyleons form weapons and use them because they can."

"Doesn't mean they aren't used for good. You always use yours for good..."

"Until Megatron messed with me..."

"Until you let it get the better of you. It can be fought Alexis... No doubt about it..."

Alexis growled and stood, approaching the bars. Her optics turned red and narrowed. This alone was enough to make the Prime back away from the cell.

"I suppose I may leave you now..." Was all he said before he turned and left the brig, a painful splinter in his spark.

"Optimus, wait!" Alexis cried out, reaching for him, though not to harm him. He stopped, turning back with a slight spark of hope in his optics.

"Yes?" He said plainly, no emotion left.

"I'm sorry... I love you..."

"I love you too Alexis..."

"Please... don't give up on me," she said, her red optics dulled.

"I won't... I wouldn't dream of doing that..." Optimus replied, staying where he was and out of Alexis' reach.

"I'll beat this... With, or without Ratchet's help... I promise..."

"Thank you... I know you will..."

Alexis nodded slightly, leaning against the bars. Tears slid down her cheeks and she lowered her gaze to the ground. "I never meant to hurt you..." she said softly.

"I know Alexis... I know..." Optimus said gently, soothing his sparkmate over their bond.

"It's all I seem to ever do."

"You don't. You really don't."

"You can't even come near me Optimus... How is that not hurting you?" Alexis asked. Her hands tightened around the bars to keep her from trying to harm herself further.

"Because it is keeping us both safe..."

"Prime..." she whispered.

"I'm here... And I always will be..." Optimus said just as quietly. Alexis sighed and moved off. She sat on the berth and pulled her knees up and against her chest. She fell silent. Optimus sighed too, leaving the brig without another word.

"You still should've killed me when you had the chance," Alexis said to no one, very aware of the fact that Optimus had left.