Neon Genesis Evangelion as well as all Characters affiliated with the IP are copyrighted.

BRAVO and all the stuff around it belongs to Heinrich Bauer Smaragd KG.

I own nothing, not even the machine I'm typing this on.

To make it clear: This is a parody and is not intended to be taken serious. Mucho of it my mind produced and some parts are inspired by (and blatantly ripped off) various sources. The main inspiration was Neon Exodus Evangelion by Benjamin D. Hutchins. Look it up, it's a good read as well as the spiritual father of Shinji 40K.

Interview – R. Ayanami

Transcript of a german interview, courtesy of BRAVO.

Interviewer: First, thank you for taking the time doing this interview on such short notice, Miss Hayashibara. We don't even know how we could make it up to you!

(The interpreter is about to start, but before he is able to M. Hayashibara interrupts him.)

M. Hayashibara: Buy me a strawberry parfait! (laughs) No, seriously, you're welcome.

I.: (confused) You're speaking German?

M.H.: (smirking) I ought to, being German and all. (addressing the interpreter) Why don't you get a drink for yourself while we talk? (Interpreter nods agreement) Great!

I.: (shaking head) Well, lets begin, we don't want to keep you too long. (makes a sweeping motion with hand) What brought you to NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?

M.H.: Oh, that was totally unexpected. My Dad read in a paper someone was looking for an actress with japanese background about my age and height. Berlin – they held the audition there – was only an hour out by train so we talked about it and decided 'sure, why not?'

I.: So you're not from Japan?

M.H.: Nope. My parents had already been living in Germany for five years prior to my birth. Why did YOU think I was answering in German? I'm not crazy enough to learn such a hard language just to talk to Yuko. And by the way, she got the role I was auditioning for – strange world, huh?

I.: That's surprising. You were auditioning for Asuka Langley Soryu?

M.H.: Yep. As you probably know, Yuko's character will have a lot of ups and downs in this season. Of course the description didn't have a lot of information on the role but I thought Asuka was the more interesting character. Unfortunately I was too 'japanese-looking' for the casting agent so she made me try another text. They had to transcribe most words into Hiragana and Katakana so I could read them! (laughs)

(Translators notes: Hiragana is the Japanese syllabary used to help in the pronunciation, Katakana is used to transcribe foreign words.)

I.: So Japanese isn't even your native language?

M.H.: I was raised bilingual, more or less. But German manifested as the main language. Rei being monosyllabic keeps the difficulties in reading the lines in check! (laughs)

I.: I can't help but notice: your personality differs wildly from that of your role. Do you have some special techniques or tricks to change from your obviously happy personality into 'Rei'?

M.H.: (voice and face devoid of any emotion) The possibility of a reversed modus operandi are yet not enwombed in your thesis. (changes back to regular personality; laughs) I honestly have no idea how I do that. I read the script and was wondering "Emotionless? That's when I'm sleeping" and made a sleepy face while being awake, and voilà, Rei-face. I obviously had to train keeping my emotions out of my voice but it didn't take long. Also, like I said – I don't have a lot of lines.

I.: Since our readers can't see that, you've got black hair down to the shoulders and brown eyes. Are you wearing a wig and contacts on set or how do you guys go about that?

M.H.: Well, that's easy. The day before shots start I scurry down to Central Dogma, transfer my soul to a red-eyed, blue haired clone and vice versa as soon as we're done shooting. (Interviewer stares dumb-struck) Okay, that what maybe TMI. Actually, it's contacts and a wigs. Took a while for me to figure out how to put these d$&% things on but by now I'm kind of used to it.

I.: Miss Hayashibara, thank you very much for the interview. We hope to see more of you in the future!

M.H.: It was my pleasure. And you won't unless you're my age! (winks)

This scenario featured Megumi Hayashibara being the 15 years old German actress of Japanese origin taking the role of Rei Ayanami in the acclaimed and ongoing show NEON GENESIS EVANGELION.

In reality Megumi Hayashibara is an critically acclaimed Japanese voice actress who voiced Rei Ayanami. She was 28 years old during the running of the show. This interview never happened. BRAVO is a youth magazine in Germany aimed at ages 11 to 19.