Chapter Eight

Their desks faced each other but neither looked up; they didn't want to risk catching the other's eye. Olivia sat at her desk. She was bored. Cragen wasn't treating her like a helpless victim, but wouldn't let her work. Especially on her case. Elliot was left to baby-sit her. Munch and Fin worked the case. They wanted to discuss it with them, but they couldn't. It was an on-going investigation.

"Man, they're fighting like an old married couple," Munch whispered.

"You'd know. Your old and you've been married so many times," Fin responded meaning that he agreed.

Elliot rolled his sleeves up. He was hot. It was from being nervous and anxious. Olivia couldn't help but watch him roll up his sleeves. Around his muscle between his elbow and shoulder she noticed something.

"New tattoo," she said shocking everyone in the room with the sudden break of silence.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I got it that day when you, uh, didn't shoot the guy."

Olivia got up to go look at it. It was a band that went all the way around his arm. It looked like one of those Livestrong bracelets everyone wears, except the fact that it was on his upper arm. She never thought of Elliot as the kind of guy that was into Lance Armstrong's fashion bracelets. But it didn't say Livestrong like it should have. It said LIVstrong.

"Oh, that sucks. They spelled it wrong," she said clueless as to what was going on.

"No, they didn't," Elliot said rolling his sleeves down and his face turning pink. Elliot Stabler was blushing.

"But Elliot, there was no E, it was LIV- oh," she understood, but she couldn't believe. Yeah they were best friends, but do you get a tattoo that has you best friend's name- nickname- on it, or is that something you do for someone that's more than a friend? Was there something more?

Olivia leaned in and kissed him on the cheek before walking away. She didn't even look at him.

"What the hell? I thought they were fighting," Don said standing between all of the desks.

"Munch, Fin, Benson, Stabler, my office. Now."

They all filed into Cragen's office. On the way in Elliot grabbed Liv's hand and led her to a corner where they could sit down. Casey was already waiting in the office. She stood up immediately.

"Oh, God, Liv. Tell me what they're saying is not true."

"Casey, I was raped three times and I didn't report it until last night."

"Last night?!" Casey repeated then turned to Cragen, "this could've waited!"

"No, Casey. Now is fine. We all know that if we want a chance at catching him I have to suck it up so you guys can find him."

"Yeah, but so soon?"

Elliot squeezed Olivia's hand.

"We could do this another time," Cragen said.

Olivia shook her head.

"Okay well Huang and Hendrix will be here soon. They want to hear what happened so they can put together a profile for the guy."

"You know, since I am a detective and I was the one that was raped, I could help come up with the profile," Olivia said.

"But you'll compromise the case. They'll say you're biased. We can't let this guy slip away… not that we aren't biased. If I meet him I'll probably kill him," Munch said grimly.

"Wow, didn't think ya had a heart," Fin said to Munch holding his hand up to his heart.

Huang and Hendrix both came into the room at the same time. Cragen's office was now becoming very crowded. Everyone looked around unsure of where to begin. Elliot was about to say something when Casey stepped up to talk.

"Olivia, we won't be able to charge him for the first two unless she confesses to them, because you didn't report it…"

"I know," Olivia said calmly, "It would be my word vs. his. That's if we catch him."

"We will," Rebecca assured her.

"But if you're up to it, Olivia, we need to hear about all three. We need to build up a profile."

"Yeah, DNA didn't turn up anything yet. He must be new or we would've found someone to compare it to." Fin said.

"I'll start from the beginning…"

Olivia just got home- well home to New York. She no longer had her apartment. She got a nice room in a decent hotel and laid on the bed going through the newspapers for a new apartment. She didn't realize it was so late until she realized how hungry she was. Why she went out so late, she didn't know. Of all people you'd think she'd know not to go out in the city alone at night. She decided on one of her favorite coffee shops.

"Olivia! You're back!" said the owner cheerfully. Olivia was a well-known regular at this café.

"Yeah, I couldn't stay a way for too long, could I?"

"Where've you been?"

"I took a little bit of vacation time,' she replied as she had rehearsed over and over to tell people she knew. She took a seat at the counter. The same stool she always sat on.

"We're glad to have you back. Whatever you want is on the house,"

"Awe, no I couldn't do that."

"I'm not gonna let you pay," the manager said bringer the usual coffee; already filled with half a container of crème and half a packet of Splenda.

"Thanks, Tom, I really did miss this," she said taking a long sip. It was very good; better than the crap they drink at the station. She smiled remembering the almost daily team up with her and Elliot against Munch for putting the top back on an empty can of coffee.

"Hey Olivia, the usual?" called a voice from the kitchen. She looked through the window that opened up the kitchen to the diner area.

"Hey, Bobby! Yeah that sounds good. You know I always get the same thing… Oh and do people still call you Bobby?"

"Yeah," the young man smiled, "Bobby's good."

Tom's son came out of the kitchen holding Olivia's plate. As always, it was salad, Caesar dressing on the side, and a piece of sourdough bread. He sat on the stool next to her to talk. They weren't great friends, but Olivia's been going to this café for a long time. Maybe even since she was out of college. Bobby's worked here with his father his whole life, so they've had time to get to know each other. He asked Olivia out a couple of times, but she let him down lightly. She was genuinely sorry, so he let it go. Somewhat. He asked about her job, but not like other people. He didn't pull back as soon as she told him she was sex crimes. Most men either think she's tainted because of it or they want to know too much about it. He didn't do that either. She didn't go into detail about things and he didn't ask. He didn't turn away or get weird. He just respected her for what she did. He understood that someone had to do it.

After a little bit of small talk and a couple of jokes, Olivia felt like she never even left New York.

"Okay, I eat salad to try to keep my figure and you feed me cake. You are an evil person," Olivia said jokingly.

"Well, you don't even need to watch what you eat. You look perfect."

"Awe, thanks Bobby. I haven't heard a compliment like that in a long time, and trust me I needed it," Olivia looked at her watch, "Oh, God, Tom, Bobby, your café was supposed to close an hour ago. I've really gotta go."

"It's really okay," said Tom with a half sleepy tone.

"No, I'll see you guys later, thank you so much," she laid the money on the counter and left before either of the men could protest.

She stepped outside and hailed herself a cab. When she walked in the lobby of the hotel she really noticed how late it was. No tourists were still up and about. The lobby was almost completely deserted. She got into an elevator, but as the doors closed she saw a man getting into the elevator across the way, or at least she assumed it was a man. He was tall with dark hair, brown probably. She could only see his profile. He had his face turned away. He didn't want to be seen. Young male in his… thirties?

stop your not a cop right now she thought to herself.

Like everyone else in America, Olivia couldn't open her hotel room door on the first try. The first time just never works. Finally the light showed green and she opened the door. Without warning a man had pushed her into her room covering her mouth. He threatened to kill her if she made any sounds allowing him to use both hands to tie a struggling Olivia down on her bed. When she was secured to the bed, he backed away into the shadows. Between the shadows and the hood over his face, he couldn't be recognized.

"Hi, Liv. Ms. Olivia Benson. Ms. S-V-U detective. You investigate sex crimes, right?"

"Please untie me. Whatever you want, we can work this out. You obviously know me so maybe I know you… I can help you please let me go…" Olivia said with her fear growing, but she managed to remain calm.

"No, I really don't feel like talking, but if you scream…" she heard him cock his gun, "I'll shoot you, and we both know that NYPD needs a good cop such as yourself," he said and threw a blanket over her face. It was an extra bit of security, he couldn't risk being identified. Then he raped her. Her legs were free, she could've fought back but that would anger him. From being at SVU, Olivia learned the last thing you want to do is piss them off. If you don't anger them, there's a small chance they'll let you off easier. Very small chance.

"He snuck up on you at the hotel?" Casey said shocked. Everyone turned to Hendrix and Huang waiting for them to start the analysis. Neither said anything.

"We need to hear more," Huang finally said.

"But… but it can wait, Liv," Rebecca said genuinely concerned for her friend.

"No," Olivia said simply, leaning against Elliot just a little bit. Then she started another story.

Olivia had just finished moving into her new apartment. She didn't have much to move in. She's been depressed lately, since she saw Elliot with his new partner. She saw him kiss her, too. And not too long before she returned to the SVU squad. Now she only goes to work. Nothing too specific to look forward to. Though there never was much; you can't look forward to rape victims and molested children, but you could look forward to Elliot, something she could no longer do. Not while he was mad at her.

The first day back was a little awkward, but everyone welcomed her back with genuine smiles, all but Elliot. Elliot remained awkward and uptight about it. She attempted to get things back to normal… back to the way things were, but conversation was strained. She made a joke once that was never intended to insult Elliot, and the normal Elliot never would have taken offense, but he did now. She didn't intend it to be hurtful and spent the rest of the day beating herself up about it. He was mad at her, but he couldn't resist; he did eventually go back to the old ways, even if it was only for a split second.

Before shift ended, Elliot said, "I'd donate you a kidney."

She couldn't hide her smile, "Not if I gave you mine first," she said as the elevator doors started closing.

Then there was that other case. A young woman dumped her baby daughter in the Hudson. Both detectives worked the case like any other, and both had a sensitive spot when it came to kids or babies. They kept their personal feelings of the subject to themselves until they found out the why. The why. Olivia lost it. She wish she didn't know the why. The baby was a product of a rape. Olivia was hurt by this. She was the product of a rape. She knew this very well; her mother was always drunk, and though Serena loved Olivia, she also had that feeling of hatred towards Olivia's mystery father's side of her. The side Olivia couldn't help. She would always be part of her father. Part of the violent, evil rapist. At least she remained professional enough to excuse herself from the courtroom without completely breaking down.

Elliot found her in the back of the station. She took a cab rather than wait for Elliot. Cragen wasn't back yet so she couldn't request time off and had no choice but to wait for his return. She was finished crying by the time Elliot walked in. She always remained strong in front of other people.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Elliot screamed at her surprising her with his sudden rage. He didn't mean to. She had every right to feel the way she did. He just couldn't help but pick a fight with everyone he saw.

"I… this one got to me!" Olivia defended with her hand covering her teary eyes.

"Olivia, you have to remain professional. Don't compromise the case for the squad just because you can't keep it together!" wrong thing to say…

"You're afraid of me making you look bad. I cannot believe you, Elliot Stabler!" Olivia said hysterically.

"I can't deal with this," Elliot said throwing up his hands. He wasn't meaning a word he said, but he couldn't stop saying it. This is probably why people keep trying to get him into an anger management program.

"You can't deal with this?! You can't deal with this?" Olivia screamed now getting in his face, eye to eye.

"Benson, you're going home now!" Cragen interrupted angrily. He was now standing in the doorway. Olivia brushed past him quickly without a word. She left right away.

"Elliot, how dare you,"

"Cap, she was being-"

"Since when did you feel this way? You've always defended Olivia's situation. Just before she came back you convinced at least three victims to keep and love their baby. Since when did you lose your heart?"

"She was completely unprofessional."

"She was hurt!"

"She's dealt with it before, plus her mother was never there for her."

"That's exactly why she's hurt. And of course she's dealt with it; you've always had her back. Now you don't so how can she deal with it? What about when someone you know gets involved in a case and you get overprotective of your kids? You think just because her 'family' was dysfunctional and now there's none left of it, it doesn't matter to her? Damn it Elliot, you will apologize. I blame no one but you for her condition."

"But Don…"

"This isn't just about today, Elliot!" he yelled as Elliot started storming out of the room.

The last thing Olivia could remember about that night was taking a beer out and already hating herself for doing the same as her mother would do. She passed out without even finishing the bottle. She was drugged. She woke up to Elliot's voice on the answering machine.

"Liv, this is my third message, I know, I'm really sorry. Please I need to talk to you… I don't even know where to start, I-"

When the message ended cutting him off, she got up to call him back. The first thing she noticed was she was lying on the ground. The next thing she noticed as she straightened up was how sore she was. She put her hands on her stomach but immediately had to take them off. She wasn't wearing anything. All she could see on her stomach was a large, purple bruise in the shape of a handprint. Oh crap. She was drugged and raped, and she knows it had to be the same person. That almost never happens.

"Olivia, getting up so soon? I wasn't finished," he said.

Oh, no, it is him… and she blacked out again as he hit her over the head knocking her out once more.

"And the third time, last night…" Huang said encouraging her to keep talking.

"Well, by the third time, Elliot and I were working things out… we were almost back to the things used to be."

He was hurt. He found out she avoided him… that she was back in New York longer than she told him. They became friends again but now he was hurt… again. She was upset that he was hurting, and she didn't even know why yet.

"What happened, Liv? You kept leaving and coming back, but then you left and well, you didn't come back. I was so upset and I tried to get over it then, once again, you came back. I admit, I wasn't easy to deal with when you came back the last time. I was angry, but I eventually let it go. Let you back in my life. I trusted you again, but now I don't even know what to say. Why didn't you come see me, or at least pick up the damn phone, Olivia?"

"El, I don't know why. I-"

"I think you do know why. I just wish that I knew," he said sadly and walked out of the room. He left.

"Jealousy," he said. Her stalking rapist. He guessed what she was thinking, or maybe he didn't need to, maybe she was just that easy to read.

"Hi, Liv," he spoke again.

This time Olivia saw more of him. She was right, dark brown hair, and his eyes were dark. She still couldn't tell what color they were. She was sure they were brown, but he had dark glasses over them. She couldn't tell. She knew him from somewhere, but he didn't show enough of his face to let her think about where it might've been. She recognized him, but that's all. She even knew his voice, but it was different. She remembered the accent and the way he talks, but he was trying to disguise his voice, so there was no way of her being able to compare it to someone she knew. This time she didn't pass out. She pretended she didn't even know the difference… As soon as he was gone, she put her trench coat over what was left of the torn and ripped clothing that had managed to stay on.

"The rest you know," Olivia said finishing her series of difficult stories, "But I do think I know him," She added after a thought.

"Elliot, who was struggling through the stories, was angry at himself. It wasn't only the rapist that was her enemy; he was a bad guy, too. Everyone in the room felt a little twinge of guilt. All of them have known Olivia, some better than others, and none of them knew this was going on. There are signs to look for without the victim telling you directly, they all felt like they should've known.

Elliot quickly stood up causing Olivia to almost fall backwards form leaning on him, and he left slamming the door behind him.

"You guys have enough?"

"Yeah, go talk to him," Cragen answered with Casey nodding in agreement wiping the tears from her eyes.