Ianto was stitching carefully as he heard a knock against the door frame. He hadn't even heard the beaded curtain rattle, never mind the door to the hub open. However he looked up in shock at Toshiko and accidently stabbed his finger with the needle.
"Ow! Bollocks!" He put his finger in his mouth, tasting the metallic edge of blood.
"Sorry, I didn't realise you were…"
"No, Tosh, it's fine." Ianto said, his voice a little muffled by the finger in his mouth. He took it out and looked at her. "Are you all right? Do you need something…?"
Ianto had almost risen out of his seat but as Toshiko moved forward he was forced to sit back down again. There wasn't really much space to move about in his little office there. It didn't really need the space, this was the first time in a long time that anyone but him had entered it. Toshiko looked around. It was full, but very neat, files stacked along one shelf, carefully numbered. Jack's paperwork – all the stuff he hated – in a filing tray on a shelf over the desk. And everything he was currently working on set in a holder on the desk. The computer was working away on a programme that compiled every bit of data that went through the hub. How Ianto coped with it Jack didn't question. He was just bloody grateful most of the time that Ianto did it.
"No, I just came to see if you were all right."
"Oh, fine," Ianto put Barney down on the desk as he realised he was clinging onto him. Toshiko smiled as she watched Ianto automatically plump his stuffing to stop Barney rolling onto his back.
"And I'm sorry!"
"What?" Ianto looked up baffled to find Toshiko on the edge of tears. She gave a heavy sigh, that was clearly an attempt to control her emotions.
"I know what... when we talked... after Mary. I didn't tell anyone what Barney meant, and I didn't mean to..."
Seeing her distress Ianto got up in the confined space and went to hug her.
"It's all right. I guess they all know there's something. And it doesn't matter. Thank you for him. He was very comforting. Still is I think," Ianto mused, glancing down at the teddy on his desk.
"It's just made me think," Toshiko said.
"About what?" Ianto asked into the top of her head. She rested her cheek against his shoulder feeling very comfortable there with Ianto's arms around her. Over the last two days Ianto had come to appreciate there was something rather comforting about hugging. Feeling her relax against him he guessed he wasn't the only one, but she hesitated a little before answering.
"You know, families, having kids. You know I used to think this was the best thing in the world, seeing so much but you miss everything else, and I mean… Owen and…." She stopped again. Ianto winced. Had she every really thought about things like that? Especially with Owen. That was the problem when you didn't have much to do with real life, when it appeared and gave you a quick slap in the face it occurred to you how important it was.
"And I hardly ever see my own family. All my cousins, nieces and nephews. I send them presents and cards but it's like I'm sending them to strangers."
"Maybe you should go and see them," Ianto suggested, probably stating the obvious.
He didn't have anyone to worry about now, he was in a way as alone as Jack was. It rather made them very perfect for each other, Ianto thought mildly. Then he jumped a little at the sound of the hub door opening, a second later Jack stuck his head through the curtain.
"Hello." He raised his eyebrows as he saw Ianto with Toshiko in his arms. Ianto shot him a 'don't you dare comment' look. Jack frowned but as he looked at Toshiko, a little glassy eyed and using Ianto's shoulder to try and hide the fact he decided to stay quiet, about that at least.
"Weevil sighting… I think… sounds weevilish, could be a hoix though, out by the waste grounds by the warehouses, wanna go hunting?" he asked Ianto.
"Okay, are you sure?"
"I think I should get you out of here before Owen kills you, he's throwing a tantrum to equal one of yours."
Ianto smirked. Toshiko looked up. "What?"
Jack grinned at her. "Ianto's rearranged… or at least I'm guessing it was you…," He glanced at Ianto, who continued to look smug. "Ianto has rearranged his entire filing system and moved all his equipment round."
"That'll teach him to spank me."
Jack raised his eyebrows, and in typical fashion Ianto thought to himself, said, "You don't go rearranging my files when I spank you."
Toshiko snorted with laughter; Ianto felt her shudder as she got the giggles. Ianto felt his face flush and Jack grinned, completely unashamed of himself.
"Let's go weevil hunting," Ianto said, disengaging himself from Toshiko, who was still giggling. At least we've cheered her up, Ianto thought to himself.
"I'll go and help Owen," Toshiko said through her laughter. Jack grinned at her as she passed him to go down into the hub, before turning his attention back to Ianto.
"Well, you don't," he added.
Ianto raised an eyebrow as he pulled his gun from out of the desk to check it was loaded.
"That's different, I'm a consenting adult on those occasions."
"And you're a consenting adult now," Jack said. Ianto paused and gave him a sly look.
"Are you making up weevil sightings again?"
"No, we do actually have to go catch this weevil, or whatever it is. But can we play consenting adults later?"
"And how does that work?" Ianto asked feigning innocence.
"Well, it's a bit like…"
It took Jack precisely twenty-four seconds to make Ianto blush as red as a beetroot.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
It was quite obvious, when they reached the warehouse, that aliens had been using it as a residence on and off, for some time. Ianto wrinkled his nose at the smell and looked around. The building was not a large open space but instead it was split into several different rooms. A lot of the brickwork looked like it was crumbling, the mortar splitting and ivy was growing in random places, as were several clumps of ragwort and yarrow, along with the odd poppy. Jack picked one and put it in the button hole of his coat.
Ianto watched him but didn't comment. Jack caught the look.
"I like poppies."
Before Ianto could comment they heard a snuffling sound echoing around the building. Jack raised his hand to halt Ianto and they both listened. It didn't sound like a weevil. Jack pointed in the direction they needed to go and headed off first. Ianto followed along behind, his gun ready, weevil spray in one pocket and a syringe of all-purpose sedative in the other. Jack carried the same.
"Is this an area that get's much rift activity?" Ianto asked Jack in a low tone as he looked around again, seeing clusters of ragged clothes and blankets, even a child's doll. That made him shudder a little, what did an alien want with that? It was missing a leg, and looked old. He just hoped they didn't have to look into the fate of the owner.
"No, not that Tosh has picked up on," Jack murmured back.
"So why does it look like they are congregating here?"
"Weevils are social animals, they do have a tendency to congregate on occasion. Maybe in this case it's because it's quiet, sort of a safe haven."
"And the fact that they understand that could mean…"
"Or it could mean they are just following a strong scent, let's not read too much into it as yet. Shush." Jack raised his hand again, there was another snuffling growl, closer this time. Jack traced the sound and indicated to Ianto to go left, through the nearest crumbling doorway. Jack made a gesture with his hand to indicate to Ianto that he should circle round, while Jack took the direct route, through the large archway and down the corridor.
Ianto nodded at him and moved off, he had his gun ready and he touched his jacket pocket to check the sedative was still there. He tried to ignore the hammering of his heart and the slick feeling of his palms as he gripped the gun. He moved through the warehouse, into the back area. The shadows were a little darker here, the sun struggling to get through the filthy windows. One or two were shattered allowing better light in but not enough to lift the gloom of the room.
The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as he heard a growl behind him. Ianto slowly turned, his gun lowered, unsure of what he was going to find. He spun on his heel and his eyes widened as he looked at a Hoix. It tilted its head as it stared at him and then growled. Ianto felt his lower lip tremble and he backed up violently, quickly. The Hoix watched the movement, and like any predator it reacted, coming forward, following him.
The fear surged up through Ianto and he looked around, wanting to cling to Jack, like last time. The memory of the Hoix in the cell launching itself forward, seeing him as prey, something to eat, rose in Ianto's mind. This one didn't think any different. The last time Ianto had Jack, he had clung to him, feeling tiny and vulnerable, but protected. He knew Jack was somewhere close, but not close enough. Ianto couldn't even summon up enough sense to call him.
Instead he just forgot everything that Jack had been teaching him, slowly training him for this. More carefully than he had any of the others. But even Jack wasn't aware of that, how careful he was with Ianto. That was nothing more than a subconscious reaction.
The Hoix shot forward and Ianto froze, he gave a cry of shock and terror.
"Ianto!" Jack shouted as he ran through the door. Seeing the situation he did the only thing he could, instinctively as he ran forward. He grabbed the Hoix and threw it off balance yanking it away from Ianto, who was now cowering in a corner. The Hoix spun round at the sudden attack and it pushed Jack. It literally threw him across the room so Jack slammed hard against one of the walls. The bricks groaned under the impact, a few loose chips fell from the wall and dust floated down onto Jack as he slumped down against the wall. Ianto screamed in terror.
The feelings rushed through him. The fear swamped him, as he remembered how scared he had felt, and so incredibly small. Without thinking, somewhere in his mind an instinct still ran, he raised the gun and fired at the Hoix. He emptied the entire clip into it as it ran across the room and out of the door. Ianto started to cry and he huddled in the corner, trying to get his breath back. Then through a mist of tears he looked for Jack.
Jack was slumped against the wall that he had been thrown in to. His eyes were closed, his body relaxed and there was a trace of blood running down the side of his head.
"Jack!" Ianto roared his name and struggled across the room to him. Jack lay still, Ianto scrabbled to try and check him. Was he dead? Ianto asked himself. If he was it was all his fault. There was no fairy tale to make that better.
As he pulled at Jack, yanking on his coat, a little unsure of what to do, all his mind could process was the panic he was feeling. He felt so scared and helpless, and it was Jack that made it better.
"Jack!" Ianto shouted again. A small, sensible part of his mind told him that Jack would be fine. But Ianto wanted him fine now, he wanted reassurance he wanted…
"Whoa!" Jack opened his eyes and lurched up. Ianto held him still, his hands gripping tightly to the lapels of Jack's coat. Ianto clung on his fingers working against the thick material as they had when he had been clutching Barney and the nervous action had soothed him.
"Ow!" Jack said slowly sitting up, shifting to rest his back against the wall. He pressed a hand to his head, he felt a trace of blood but nothing fatal, but he was going to ache for a while. He snapped back to attention as he suddenly realised Ianto was crying frantically, and scrabbling at him.
"Hey, hey come on I'm fine." Jack grabbed Ianto's wrists to try and steady him. But like when Ianto had clung to his leg desperately two days before, Ianto thought he was being pulled off and that only made him cling harder. Jack watched him carefully and for a moment didn't fight Ianto's death-like grip on him. He slowly straightened up against the wall and realised he was dealing with someone who was reacting like a three year old.
He knew there was nothing wrong with the scan but that didn't stop Ianto's recent feelings and memories making an impression.
"Ianto, come on now, let go a little, it's all right."
"I'm sorry!" Ianto sobbed, still not able to get himself under control.
Jack gave up trying to prise Ianto's hands off. There was a much easier way to deal with this, especially if his most recent memories were driving his reactions. Jack gently put his arms around Ianto's shoulders and pulled him close. Ianto dropped against him. It made Jack wince, his back hurt, and he was going to be bruised, but he'd get over it.
He pulled Ianto close, holding him gently and guiding Ianto's head down onto his shoulder. Ianto's grip changed, he wrapped his arms around Jack and buried his face into his coat. Jack held him and gently wound a hand through his hair. He held onto Ianto gently, trying to ease him out of his panic.
"It's all right Ianto, it's all right, you're safe, I'm fine. Calm down now."
Ianto sobbed onto him, not exactly dramatically but it was incredibly heartfelt. Jack didn't try to rush him, he knew the Hoix was long gone and there was nothing else in the area. He had scanned for that. But he didn't feel much inclined to linger.
Still he didn't want to upset Ianto further by forcing him to move. So Jack, instead, sat there and held onto Ianto, running his fingers through his hair and keeping an arm around him.
"It's all right, come on, calm down now."
"I'm sorry," Ianto's breath hitched violently. "I just got so…." Ianto sobbed again.
"What?" Jack asked gently.
"Scared," Ianto whimpered his voice very childlike. Jack kissed him on the top of his head and held onto him, cursing himself. He shouldn't have taken Ianto out, even with something as simple as a weevil hunt, or Hoix hunt as it turned out. Jack should have known better, the last two days wasn't something that could be shrugged off that easily. But he had wanted to be with Ianto. It had been a little hard since he had come back from his infancy, trying to get a moment with him, and Jack liked hunting with him. Ianto was usually so instinctively good at it.
"Ianto, it's all right. I know, I shouldn't have brought you out, not so soon after… I'm sorry, I'm here."
He rocked Ianto gently. Treating him the only way he could, in an approximate way to when Ianto was a child. Ianto settled against him and Jack shushed him gently, murmuring endearments to him. They couldn't stay there forever, but Jack didn't want to move too soon, his back was throbbing. He'd be able to move in a minute. On the flip side, he didn't want to drive straight back to the hub, Ianto wasn't up to coping with that. Plus Jack didn't fancy facing the wrath of Gwen, Owen and Tosh combined. That was, when it was in action, a pretty formidable combination.
Very slowly, making sure he was up to moving and lifting Ianto with him Jack got them both onto his feet. Ianto held on, which Jack used to keep himself steady. His shoulder throbbed painfully. It had taken most of the damage but as he manoeuvred his grip on Ianto he realised he could still work his arm.
"Come on, let's get you out of here."
Ianto sniffed and nodded, his arms stayed around Jack, afraid to let him go. Jack wondered what the hell to do, where the hell could they go, just for a little while, so he could work out how to deal with Ianto.
Then he had a flashing moment of inspiration.
"Come on Ianto, it's all right. I'll look after you."
Ianto's sniffling paused long enough for him to say, very calmly. "I know."
That was something, Jack thought to himself, as he slowly led Ianto out of the warehouse.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
"Hello," Rhys said brightly as he picked up the intercom. He wasn't expecting someone to call on Sunday afternoon. When the buzzer had gone he had been cleaning out the cooker. Since Gwen had started working for Torchwood somehow the flat had become his responsibility. She was never around to do it.
"Rhys, it's Jack."
He frowned, that was the last thing he was expecting.
"Jack, what…?"
"Can we come in? Ianto needs…"
He didn't need to say anymore. Rhys hit the buzzer to allow them in, and then replaced the receiver back down. He thought about it for a moment. Why would Jack be bringing Ianto over, unless of course, he was back to being a child again? That was the first thing that occurred to Rhys. He opened the door and went out into the corridor. As he reached the top of the stairs he met them coming up.
Ianto was most definitely not a child, but he looked violently shaken up. Jack didn't look much better in Rhys' opinion. There was some kind of dust in his hair and a trace of blood on the side of his head. Chips of brick were lodged in the material of his coat.
"Sorry," Jack said, as he saw Rhys.
"It's fine," Rhys replied seeing the state of both of them. "Come in."
He led the way back to the flat and went down into the kitchen to close up the oven for a moment and pull off the pink rubber gloves he was wearing. Then he went for the kettle, thinking that the best thing to do was make tea.
"Ianto?"
He heard Jack's voice from the hallway.
"Take your shoes off," Ianto insisted in a rather stressed voice. Rhys went around the counter to intervene but he paused as he watched Jack carefully pull off his coat and hang it up then he pulled off his boots. Ianto was already out of his jacket and his shoes were on the mat. Rhys remembered making little Ianto take his boots off when the came back from the park. Before he could ask any questions Jack had his boots off and he was carefully leading Ianto into the flat. Rhys backed off and moved the cushions on the sofa so they could sit down.
Jack got Ianto settled and sat next to him, keeping his arms around him. Ianto blinked, almost sleepily and leant against Jack. Jack glanced over at Rhys.
"Sorry for barging in," Jack said. Rhys shrugged going into a cupboard for a teapot. He threw four teabags into it and left it by the kettle. He moved around the sofa to look at Ianto.
"That's all right, what happened?"
"A weevil hunt, well hoix hunt as it goes, that went awry," Jack said with a slight grimace. "I'm guessing Ianto's memory hasn't quite caught up with his return change just yet."
"Will he be all right? He said there wasn't any after effects, or ones that anyone knew about at least."
"I think so."
"Is he hurt?" Rhys asked, he moved closer to Ianto's other side to try and look him over. Jack had done the same several times, but Ianto hadn't come on the rough end of the Hoix, and Jack also noticed that Rhys didn't ask about him.
However as they both started looking Ianto over, he raised his head.
"He isn't deaf you know," Ianto said. "When I'm small enough for conversations to go over my head I don't mind, but I can actually hear you, you know."
"Sorry," Rhys said looking at Ianto. "What happened?"
Ianto blinked, "what Jack said really. I just felt like I did when the Hoix jumped at me down in the vaults. The memory just… things have been clicking into place, making more sense as I go along. It just kind of jumped out at me."
"Very literally. I'm sorry, I should have thought more about it before taking you with me," Jack said. The look on Rhys' face told Jack that he heartily agreed with him. Ianto turned to Jack and Rhys went to pour the boiling water into the teapot.
"It's not your fault Jack, I just… I'll be all right. Are you all right? I thought for a minute that you'd…." He stopped, thankfully before he could say too much in front of Rhys. Jack tightened his grip on Ianto but this time Ianto fought him so he could look at Jack's head wound. Jack winced slightly.
"It's all right, Ianto. I'm fine, just a bit of bruising. Please don't cry."
Ianto put his head down on Jack's shoulder. Jack held onto him tightly, feeling Ianto shudder.
"Come on, Ianto. Come on, it's all right."
Jack tracked Rhys' progress as he move round to his side of the sofa and he tentatively examined Jack's head wound. Jack winced as he felt the light touch.
"What happened, did you knock it?"
Jack shook his head. "Just a bit of debris from the wall. Nothing serious."
"I'll find the first aid kit and clean that up. I don't think you should go back with blood in your hair," Rhys said. He wandered away. "Unless Gwen's moved it…" he shouted as he disappeared into the flat. "… It should be in the bathroom."
Jack stayed where he was and tucked Ianto tighter to him. Ianto let him, clinging on. He gripped onto Jack, one hand clinging onto his shirt tightly, bunching up the material in his hand. Jack rocked him gently, running his hand up and down Ianto's back and he kissed him lightly on the temple.
"I'm sorry. I didn't really think that any of it was still lingering. I'll get Owen to double check you when we get back."
"Please don't tell him why, I just…"
"Shush, it's all right I won't." Jack said. "I guess it was my fault, well all of faults really."
"Why?"
"I think we all rather enjoyed having you running around as a little kid. You were very sweet."
"Oh God, Jack…" Ianto didn't sound angry, Jack noted, just a little resigned and slightly amused.
"You were, and we all rather indulged you. Maybe that made more than a lasting impression on you."
Ianto groaned into his shoulder. Jack hugged him tighter.
"And you just seemed so happy, when everything was so uncomplicated. It was a little hard to not want you to be like that."
Ianto stirred against him, bringing his head up so his cheek brushed against Jack's.
"But I am happy."
"What?" Jack let Ianto pull himself back so he could look into his eyes. Ianto's confused eyes met Jack's and for a moment Ianto did nothing but look at him, Jack saw the slight flicker of anger in there, but that faded away quickly.
"Jack, you don't think I'm happy?" The anger had changed to worry. Jack reached up to cup Ianto's chin, to make sure he kept looking him in the eye.
"I don't think it's as simple as that," Jack said gently. "There are so many other things to take into consideration that being happy, or not, kind of gets lost."
"No, it doesn't!" Ianto snapped at him. He frowned, gazing at Jack intently. "Of course I'm happy, with you, with Torchwood, it's… it's what I want. If I didn't I would have walked away, you know that."
Jack frowned, he actually didn't. He had just felt that Ianto was tied there by everything that happened and that sleeping with him was just another way for Ianto to hold on.
"Being with you, it's not just some desperation move for control," Ianto said.
There had been some of that at the beginning. And Ianto knew he had worked the situation over the last few days to his advantage.
"I want to be with you, so much so it's almost painful at times," Ianto said with utter honesty. "And not just because of your dashing hero persona, but because of you, the you that gets hurt, that has to do all the hard things because you don't want anyone else to have to do them, and the insecure, frightened you as well. I couldn't be anywhere else now, and it makes me happy that I am there."
Rhys lingered in the corridor. It had taken him a little while to find the first aid kit. Gwen had moved it again, which she usually did when she was hiding some sort of injury. Even minor things she now and again treated without him knowing, just so she didn't have to explain it.
He backed up a little as he heard what Ianto was saying. It was definitely not a moment to interrupt to bring them a first aid kit. Nor did he want them to know, or even think, that he was listening. As he moved back he made sure he didn't touch the creaky floorboard. He'd wait another minute or so before returning, with heavy footfalls and coughing.
For now, however, he thought that Ianto probably ought to get whatever he was feeling off his chest.
Jack and Ianto gazed as each other. Jack felt more than a little stunned. He had sometimes wondered when he returned if he had carried on his relationship with Ianto out of guilt, seeing the devastation he had wreaked on him. Or even if it had just been convenient, Jack didn't like being alone, physically anyway, being so out of his time, loneliness was an almost inevitable factor emotionally. What he hadn't realised was that he might have sought Ianto out again because Jack actually needed him. Someone that understood, that had suffered almost literally at Jack's hands, and yet somehow could forgive, and could love him.
With all that running through his mind Jack lent forward and kissed Ianto gently. Ianto responded, leaning into Jack and kissing him back passionately. Jack remembered the giggling little boy running around the water tower, who had seemed so happy, playing about. Was it really that simple? That Ianto was just happy to be around him, and be with him.
For a moment they stayed locked together until there was the sound of heavy footsteps and Rhys literally crashed into the living room. Jack and Ianto pulled apart and smiled at each other. Rhys moved across the room and handed Ianto the first aid kit.
"I'll let you clean him up, I'll pour the tea."
"Thanks," Ianto said. Rhys shrugged and moved around to stir the contents of the teapot and pour it out into mugs while Ianto mopped up the blood on Jack's head, making him wince on occasion. For a moment none of them spoke, Rhys just offered mugs around and Jack tried to sit still.
Rhys watched them for a moment. "So, I'm guessing this is something I shouldn't mention to Gwen."
Ianto grimaced but nodded. "Yeah, please don't."
Rhys rolled his eyes a little wryly. This keeping secrets was bloody hard work in his opinion. Still he didn't comment, he waited for Jack and Ianto to drink their tea, they talked about nothing in particular and then they went on their way.
As they reached the door, they paused obviously to thank him. Rhys decided to cut them off before they could start. He looked at Jack.
"You know, you might try joining us in the real world once in a while, you might find it's not as scary as you seem to think."
Very slowly Rhys closed the door on them and went to the window. He could just about see them as they made their way to the SUV. Jack was hobbling a little but Ianto seemed fine, which was good since he concerned Rhys the most. He watched Jack lean over and kiss him again, Ianto responded and then laughed at something Jack said.
Rhys rolled his eyes and sighed, going back to the nice normal job of cleaning the oven. That was as much drama as he wanted on a Sunday afternoon.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Later that afternoon, Gwen made her way out through the Tourist Office. As she reached the door the beaded curtain rattled and she jumped as Ianto appeared from the back, carrying a brown file with the Torchwood logo emblazed on the front.
"Oh, you made me jump."
"Sorry," Ianto smiled and held out the folder. "That's the information… Jack said you wanted to know about the maternity policy."
Gwen took the folder off him and offered a tentative smile in return. Ianto had been rather quiet that afternoon, after he and Jack had returned empty handed, and had gone about his work in his usual quiet way, retreating up to the tourist office as soon as he could. Jack left him alone, and ordered everyone else to do the same. There wasn't much else they could do after that.
She looked at the file, flipping it open to scan the sheets of paper, neatly printed out.
"It's all there," Ianto said. "I sent a copy to Jack earlier so he's added some corrections to it. I dare say if you want to try and make some changes of your own he'll be prepared to think about it."
"Really?"
"I should think so; he's tinkered with most of the policies at one time or another. I usually type them," Ianto added by way of explanation.
"No wonder you know so much about it," Gwen said. Ianto smiled at her, watching as she skimmed through some of the sheets, her face screwed up with confusion.
"Are you all right?" Ianto asked. He wasn't quite sure what else to say. He could have offered an opinion of Rhys' parenting skills, he was the one who had managed to experience them first hand, and really couldn't find anything wrong with it. Although it was only one afternoon Ianto had to say instinctively Rhys was rather good at dealing with kids.
"Yeah," Gwen said, her voice a little distracted. Ianto frowned, realising it might not be Rhys' skills she was worried about but actually her own. Or maybe it was something she didn't want to do now, since her life had changed rather dramatically. Torchwood did that to you, Ianto knew. It had happened to him when all was said and done.
Ianto was about to back off and leave her alone when her head came up and she looked at him with slightly wide, startled eyes. She slipped the papers back together and closed the file, hugging it to her chest.
"It's just…" she stopped and gave a slight smile.
She looked at Ianto almost as if she couldn't work out if she should actually talk to him or not. Maybe not, Ianto thought, he very clearly remembered the feelings he had for her over the last few days. He hadn't really thought about the level of distrust he felt for her and the jealousy. Ianto understood why Jack liked her, and flirted with her but he didn't have to like it. As long as he kept his dislike to himself it was fine, surely. Now he waited to see if she would actually speak what was so very clearly on her mind.
"Well, Jack keeps talking about not letting my life drift, like it's so important to him. If it's that important, why doesn't he do it himself? I mean has he ever thought about it…" she tailed off, realising Ianto was gazing at her with his usual impenetrable gaze. As he smiled he looked just a little patronizing.
"Gwen, he was born in the 51st century, and God knows where in the universe. He travelled around for this mysterious Time Agency, taking different people's lives and identities, probably for so long that he's completely forgotten his own. Then he got stuck here for over a hundred years waiting for, and trying to protect, someone who abandoned him but yet he still can't seem to live without. And who he ran away from us for, but then came back… for us."
Ianto paused to take a breath, his eyes never leaving hers.
"This is his normal life, Gwen. This is as normal and stable as it's ever going to get for him. Torchwood and Cardiff are what he considers to be normal, chasing aliens and technology, saving the planet. I can only guess part of that is what the Time Agency used to do and I've rooted out enough information to know that it's definitely what The Doctor does. Whether he's travelling or he's here, Jack is doing what is normal life for him."
Gwen listened open mouthed. She'd never really heard Ianto say so much, not in the one go. And he wasn't quite finished. He hadn't really thought that he needed to get anything off his chest but now he'd started he couldn't seem to stop. It was probably himself that needed to hear it, all the random odd thoughts that had been reeling around his head for years.
"Why do you think, from all of the Torchwood employees that he's seen die, probably just as unfairly, did he bring back Owen, just because he never really got a chance to say…." Ianto stopped, and re-collected his thoughts. Gwen was staring at him as if she had never seen him before in her life, with that wide eyed look that seemed to work so well on Jack.
"Jack chose us Gwen, not just when he came back, but he chose us way before then. We were the people that he recruited to Torchwood when he took it over. However he managed to find us, he chose us, other than his decision to hang out here to wait for The Doctor I think those are the only real conscious choices he has made."
"You don't know that for certain do you," Gwen snapped. She didn't feel like getting a lecture from someone who earlier that morning had been three foot tall. Ianto didn't react to her, he carried on talking.
"That's why he keeps reminding you. That's why he listens to you. Just because it's not his idea of a normal life doesn't make it any less valid. And he knows what normal comprises for all of us, and he tries to keep it that way."
"And you idea of normal is staying here, with him?" Gwen asked. She could hear the acidity in her voice. Ianto blinked, but didn't seem to be disturbed by the mild aggression.
"It's how I cope, it's my choice," Ianto replied mildly. "And I'm happy with it."
With that he was obviously finished. His face was a little flushed from his rant but as he stopped his face resumed his normal pleasant neutrality. He gave his usual smile.
"Good night Gwen."
Gwen blinked, almost as if shaking her self out of a trance. She turned to the door and went to leave the little office. She glanced back once to look at Ianto, but he was already gone, disappearing behind the curtain into his little office. Very slowly Gwen walked out into the late afternoon sun closing the door carefully behind her.