Look at me, two updates in a week. Woo! Truth is I haven't had any homework for the past couple days cause of tests and events. Which, of course leads to me writing! ^_^ yey!
So my inspiration for this week isn't from a song. And actually, it's kinda sad where I got the idea to write this. Over the weekend, a boy in my class killed himself. No one really knows why. All we know is that it was a huge surprise to everyone and we all miss him terribly. I, personally, did not know him that well; I was kinda friends with him in middle school and only had a couple classes with him in high school. But still, it's incredibly sad. I don't if any of you guys know anyone who's died, whether by an accident or not, but I share your sadness. Well, anyways, I felt like I needed to write this in leu of this week. Please understand I'm not at all trying to be disrespectful to suicide victims. I just wish that there was a way for them to see how much people care about them and that it can, and will, get better.
This is set from Katniss' POV and it's after the war and stuff, just for background's sake. Also I'm sorry it's kinda short
Again thank you for reading. Please review, add to your favorites/alerts list, and remember that you are loved. Graceling42.
It Gets Better
I think about it.
I think about it all the time.
It's one of those things that is just so familiar to me that I can't imagine it not being part of my life. And it is always there. Everyone has experienced it at some point. Some have even delivered it. People like me.
Death.
It haunts me. Shows me the people I've killed or even seen killed. They stand there, staring at me with hollow eyes. Like they expect me to do something. Sometimes I think they want me to help them. Move on or something, but I don't know how. But mostly, I think they want me to join them.
And I want to.
I want to die.
I want to die more than I've ever wanted to do anything in my life. There's no point in my life anymore. Prim is gone. My mother hates me. Gale won't even look at me, let alone speak to me.
I think about how I would do it sometimes. I imagine myself getting shot like in the square in 2. Or with an arrow in my chest like I did to Coin. It'd be fitting, me dying from an arrow wound. Ironic, but fitting. Sometimes I think of just doing it to myself. Taking a pistol to my head or an overdose of morphling.
But every time I get the will to actually do it I think of Peeta. He's only thing I have left worth living for. And he needs me just about as much as I need him. The winter months for some reason bring on more of his relapses than before. Something tells me it's the cold and the dreary feeling in the whole district. But whatever it is, it's caused him to break down at least once a day.
He wants it too. He wants to die just about as much as I do. He tells me to make it stop, make his pain go away. I'm the only one that can pull him out of his fits anymore and it hurts me, seeing him like that. Every so often he asks me to kill him. But I can't. I can't kill the boy with the bread any more than I could in the first Games. And he knows it. Because he can't kill me either. Even if I asked for death.
So we help each other through our pain. Little steps, he says, just to show ourselves we can. Some days it's easier than others. Like when the sun is warm or when we see the progress 12 is making. But there's always the bad. The days where I think death is the only option to this hell we live in. Peeta just tells me to think of the better. I think of him. I think of me and Peeta together and I make it through.