Chapter Six

"Blaine, I can't do this again," Kurt argues, closing the door to Sebastian's hospital room and rubbing his tired eyes. "I can't be so far away again if something happens. We've been driving back and forth for a week." Kurt lets out a deep breath and takes Blaine's hands. "Honey, between getting you to and from school and work, getting myself to work and getting everything in order, I haven't slept for more than two hours this week."

Blaine nods and squeezes Kurt's hands. "What do you want to do, baby?" He sounds exhausted. "Do you want to move in tonight? We've got the key."

It has been exhausting and it's easy to see the toll it's taking on Kurt. His eyes are sunken and bloodshot. He looks miserable. Though, Blaine thinks, he's sure he doesn't look much better. It's hard not to be miserable when his boyfriend is laid up in a hospital bed after he tried (and very nearly succeeded at) killing himself.

Sebastian has been out of ICU for three days and the doctors are going to send him back to the facility in the morning, but the fact remains unchanged. While he and Kurt were two hours away, the doctors had been trying to save Sebastian's life. Two hours is simply too far. Hell, Blaine doesn't even remember the car ride to the hospital but he knows Kurt had to be going at least eighty miles per hour on the highway.

They've waited to move for as long as they can and they both know it.

Kurt sighs heavily and nods. It's not particularly ideal, but what about this situation is? "When I drop you off at work, I'll get the car packed. Do you think you can skip school for a day so we can get moved in?"

"Of course, Kurt," Blaine answers, quiet as a whisper. Kurt nods and starts to walk away but Blaine pulls him back. "Come here." Kurt turns and lets Blaine envelop him in his arms, sighing as he rests his head on Blaine's shoulder. "It's okay, sweetheart," Blaine soothes, resting a hand on Kurt's back. "I know this is bad, but we'll get through it because of you. Seb and I would be completely lost without you. Hell, if it was just me dealing with all this, I'd have cracked months ago."

He nudges Kurt's shoulder with the heel of his hand until Kurt rocks back on his heels and is looking at him with suspiciously bright blue eyes that never fail to take Blaine's breath away. "You are so strong, Kurt. I love you so much."

Kurt frames Blaine's face and kisses him, full and deep, tears sliding down his cheeks. When he pulls away, it's with a soft wet sound and almost imperceptible whine. All Kurt can answer is, "Thank you."

Hearing the words come from Blaine's lips is enough to pick him up and give him the strength to move forward. He hasn't even had time to sit down and just breathe for almost a week, and he feels about two seconds away from just falling to the ground and screaming but he can't, because he knows that Blaine and Sebastian are depending on him.

Blaine leans forward and kisses him on the lips, soft and chaste. "I'm going to call into work. You're not doing this on your own, sweetheart. We're going to get the bags to the apartment and then we're going to go to sleep, okay? Sebastian is here and everything is fine now. The worst is over. We're not doing anyone any good here right now."

"God, I hate to leave him here." Kurt looks over his shoulder toward Sebastian's door and Blaine's hand slides down his arm to take his hand.

"He's asleep, Kurt," he says sagely. "He's going to be asleep until morning and then they're taking him back to the facility. There's nothing we can do until tomorrow afternoon except sit and worry, and I think we've done enough of that to last us a lifetime." He squeezes Kurt's hand. "Hey, Kurt, look at me," he prompts, turning Kurt's face with the pads of his fingers. "Baby, there is nothing we can do right now, and I know that kills you-it kills me, too-but that's the way it is."

There are tears in Kurt's voice. "We almost lost him, Blaine."

"But we didn't," Blaine returns quickly before pausing and stroking Kurt's cheek. "Honey, Sebastian is in there, alive and well. You kissed him goodnight and told him you loved him just like I did, and I know it's not going to stop you from worrying, but he is safe, Kurt." Kurt is crying in earnest now and Blaine pulls him into another hug, feeling Kurt's body wilt against his own. "It's okay, honey."

It's all Blaine can offer because he knows that Kurt needs this. He needs to break down in order to process everything that's happened. He's been going non-stop since they got the call that Sebastian was being taken to the hospital, and he hasn't taken any time to think about it, he's just pushed through to be the pillar of strength that he always is, refusing to show any cracks. Blaine ushers them awkwardly into the nearby waiting room-empty with the lateness of the hour-and drops them both on a small couch.

He pulls Kurt against his side and murmurs into his ear. "He's okay, Kurt. Everything is going to be okay."

Kurt just clutches the front of his shirt as he cries into his collar. And Blaine lets him.

-x-

He doesn't wake Kurt up when they get back to Lima. Even though he knows that Kurt is going to be pissed, he cracks the window of the passenger's seat and lets him sleep as he goes inside to grab some of their things to load into the Navigator. They only have a few big bags, so he figures that, if he can carry a superhuman amount on each trip, he'll only need to make three. The hope is that he can get all the bags loaded into the car without waking Kurt.

Again, Kurt will be pissed, but he honestly doesn't care. Kurt's asleep for the first time in days and Blaine is hell-bent on keeping it that way.

With Finn's help, he manages to carry all of their things to the car in one trip, even if Finn doesn't understand the meaning of the words, "Put it carefully in the trunk." The car shakes but Kurt only stirs a little before nuzzling closer to the hoodie he's using for a pillow. Blaine sighs in relief and shuts the hatch carefully before dusting his hands off on his jeans and turning toward Finn.

"Thanks, man, I owe you for waking up at almost midnight to help me load bags in the car," Blaine says honestly but Finn waves his hand in dismissal.

"Nah, I know how much Kurt's been freaking out. He needs to sleep." Finn's voice is more serious than Blaine can really ever remember hearing it and his brow is creased with worry. "I know you don't like to talk about it or anything, but is he gonna like-you know-get better?"

Blaine takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh. "I know it may not look like it because of all the things that have happened recently, but he is getting better. He's remembering things that have happened in the past, really bad things, and it's been hard for him. Imagine thinking that your life was one way only to wake up one morning to find out that you actually experienced something so traumatic that your body went into self-preservation mode to block it out."

"Man..." Finn breathes, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I didn't know. He seemed like a pretty normal guy to me-"

"He is normal, Finn. He's just been having a really hard time lately coming to terms with what happened in his past, but he's getting there." Blaine pauses and kicks at a loose gravel in the driveway before looking up to meet Finn's concerned gaze. "He's still the same Sebastian. He's an argumentative pain in the ass who makes shamelessly lewd comments just because he can. Nothing has changed."

Finn nods and rests a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "I really hope he gets better soon."

"Thank you, Finn. I'll tell him you said so." Blaine's voice is earnest and quiet. He extends a hand toward Finn. "I really appreciate everything you've done for us."

Finn takes his hand and shakes it. "Don't worry about it. That's what a brother is for." Blaine tries a small smile as Finn claps him on the back. "Now you'd better get down the road before Kurt wakes up and tries to kill us both for doing this without him."

Blaine does laugh at that. "Yeah." He rubs the back of his neck nervously and nods toward Finn before making his way to the driver's side of the car. Finn watches as he pulls out of the driveway.

When he stops at a red light, he turns to look at Kurt, face relaxed in sleep with his head resting on Blaine's favorite hoodie and covered from the waist up by Blaine's jacket draped over him like a blanket, and the way the streetlight plays off his skin makes Blaine's heart ache. He's never seen anyone more beautiful than Kurt and he aches down to the core to protect him from all of the badness in the world, to make everything that's ever made him cry disappear.

But he can't.

He wants to wrap Kurt in his arms and give him everything he's ever wanted. To keep him safe, sound, and happy.

But he can't. At least, not right now. For now, he has to take his own advice and go with the flow, because there's nothing anyone can do. For now, they have to take the little victories.

He wants to give Kurt everything he's ever needed and right now, he's letting Kurt sleep. And that, he thinks, is as good a place to start as any. He reaches across the console and takes his boyfriend's hand where it rests on his knee. The light turns green and Blaine settles into his seat and turns onto the highway.

-x-

"Sebastian, can you tell me what you were thinking when you attempted?" Dr. Harris asks, shifting in his chair and adjusting his notepad on his knee.

"I was almost asleep and I felt X taking over my head and trying to come out. I did everything I was supposed to and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. And then it was like it usually is when he comes out-It's like I'm watching what I'm doing but I can't control it. It's like a movie or something." Sebastian rubs the back of his neck and sighs, staring down at the bandages on his wrists. "And then it felt like I was passing out and I woke up in the hospital hooked up to machines with people telling me that I almost died."

The doctor nods. "And you don't remember anything about actually attempting?"

"No."

"Were you having suicidal thoughts before you felt your alter taking over?"

Sebastian shakes his head. "I would never do anything like that."

"Sebastian, may I speak to X, please?" the doctor asks and Sebastian shakes his head.

"No. I don't want to let him out. He's quiet today." He swallows thickly and shakes his head again.

Dr. Harris sets his notepad aside and leans forward. "I know that you're scared to let him out, Sebastian, but it's very safe here. If I can't talk to him, we won't know what he truly wants, what his purpose is."

"His purpose is to fucking kill me," Sebastian snaps.

"It goes deeper than that. There has to be a deeper motivation behind his actions, and if we don't find out what it is, then we won't be able to make him stop." The doctor sounds sure and he takes a deep breath. "You don't need to be afraid. I have every confidence that you will be one-hundred percent safe."

Sebastian looks unhappy but his posture softens.

"Can you see if he'll come out, please?"

"Fine." Sebastian closes his eyes and takes a breath. "I can't." He pauses and tries again. "He knows what you're trying to do and he won't come out." When Sebastian speaks again, it's to himself. "No, I don't care. You're not coming within ten feet of them again."

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian opens his eyes. "He says he'll only come out if Kurt and Blaine are here. He's just doing it to be an asshole. I don't-"

"Then let's get them in here."

"What?" Sebastian is affronted. "No fucking way."

The doctor smiles as though he's had an epiphany. "He just made a deal with you. If he's willing to compromise, then maybe he is willing to be cooperative."

"The last time he was out, he tried to hurt Blaine and that is not okay." Sebastian crosses his arms and shakes his head again. "Unless you can promise me that they'll be completely safe and I'll be entirely restrained, no way."

"We can put you in restraints, though I don't think it's necessary," the doctor says, but Sebastian won't budge. "Alright. Let's get them in here."

Luck would have it that Kurt and Blaine were on their way in the building when Kurt's phone rang. They climbed in the elevator and went straight to where Sebastian was waiting in the therapist's office.

"Hi, sweetheart," Kurt says, his eyes taking in the image of Sebastian sitting with his arms and legs restrained to a chair. "Why are you all strapped down?"

"X said he'd only come out to talk to Dr. Harris if you and Blaine were in the room. I think he was just saying it to be a dick, but the doctor wants to call his bluff," Sebastian answers unhappily.

Kurt kisses the top of his head and sits down in a nearby chair as Blaine rests his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "But that still doesn't explain this." He points to the arm restraint.

"This was my compromise. I'll only let him out around you if I can trust that he won't try and hurt you again. And right now, I don't trust him." Sebastian nods his head. "Okay. Let's get this over with."

Dr. Harris takes his seat and greets Kurt and Blaine before picking up his notepad and nodding toward Sebastian. Sebastian closes his eyes. It takes less than a second before he shakes his head. "Not until I can trust you."

Kurt casts a glance toward the doctor who is intently watching the scene.

It is mesmerizing to watch someone have an entire conversation in his head.

Sebastian shakes his head. "Not the arms. I'll have them undo the leg restraints but if you do anything, I swear to god, I'll have them keep me completely restrained for a week." There's a beat of silence before Sebastian's voice comes back, sure. "Yes, I cando that. Just you watch." Another second of silence. "Fine."

He opens his eyes and sighs. "He's pissed because he'd be in restraints. I told him that I'll let him out of the leg restraints and that if he doesn't try anything, he could come out of the arm restraints when Kurt said it was okay."

"Me?" Kurt asks, his voice coming out higher in surprise.

Sebastian shrugs and a small but genuine smile touches his face. "I guess he knows who runs the show."

"If he's not going to take this seriously and honestly answer our questions, there's no point in him coming out," Kurt says forcefully and Sebastian nods.

"He's serious."

Kurt reaches over to squeeze Sebastian's hand for comfort, receiving another small smile before Sebastian closes his eyes and Kurt pulls his hand away. Dr. Harris undoes the leg restraints and returns to his chair. He clears his throat before addressing the alter.

"Are you going to cooperate?" he asks sternly.

X nods, but his bitter resignation is written clearly on his face. "I'll tell you what you want to know."

"What is your purpose?"

"I hate Sebastian. He's hurt us over and over with his actions. He hurts us and he hurts others. He has no control over his own life and just lets people run over the top of him. He is weak. He let his brother die, he was too stupid not to let himself get roofied like a drunk girl at a party and fucked into oblivion, and he was too weak to stand up to his father." The words are cold and cutting and strictly business, sounding very much like they were being read from a list.

Kurt turns to the side. "That doesn't tell us your purpose."

"He has no control, so I am the one who took control of his life. He hurt us so I'm going to hurt him. It's justice. I'm not a bad person. I just want to give him what he deserves. He never tried to take control of his life and ended up hurting everyone."

Blaine shakes his head. "He's not the person you think he is. Sebastian is an amazing person and none of those things were his fault. It's not that he didn't take control. When Matthew died, Sebastian was just a little kid, he couldn't have saved him. And as far as getting drugged, he was young. He didn't know to check his drink."

"And what the fuck would you know about it, you privileged little rich boy?" X snaps.

"Because the money my parents have has nothing to do with the facts. A little boy was left alone with a child who could go into a seizure and die at any moment. How is that his fault when his parents were the ones who were irresponsible enough to leave him alone? They fucked with his head and convinced him that it was his fault, but it wasn't and you know it!"

"Then he should have stood up to them instead of being a weak little bitch and just taking it!"

Blaine is on his feet and shouting now. "He wasn't a 'weak little bitch' he was a little boy who had just lost his baby brother. He had so much guilt inside of him and he internalized it just like all little kids do and made it easy for his father to convince him that he as the one at fault. None of this is Sebastian's fault!"

X crosses his feet at the ankles and glares down at the floor. Kurt clears his throat and squeezes Blaine's shaking hand. He takes a deep breath and addresses the alter. "You hate Sebastian. You say and write the most vile things, and you'll yell at Blaine and try to hurt him," he starts. "But you'll talk to me. Why?"

Silence stretches on and Kurt prompts again. "You said that you'd answer our questions. I'm not going to yell at you or anything. I just want to find out why."

"I hated you," X answers simply before turning to face Kurt, anger still in his eyes. "You have everything I've ever wanted and I hated you for it."

"What do I have?" Kurt asks, hoping to keep X talking.

"Everything. Family, confidence, and control in everything you do. If you want something, you get it."

The doctor cuts in. "And you take control of Sebastian's life by trying to end it?"

X nods. "It's the best way. He hurts people-"

"No, he doesn't," Kurt breaks in. "You're the only one who has hurt people. Sebastian has a life and is trying his hardest to take control of it. But he can't get control when you keep putting him in the hospital. You're the one who is making him feel hopeless."

Kurt takes a deep breath and nods to the doctor. "Will you take him out of the rest of his restraints, please?"

X turns his head to look at Kurt, a look of surprise on his face. "Really?" It seems to come out before he has a chance to stop it.

"Yes. I'd like to talk to you like a civilized human being and I can't do that if you're strapped to a chair, but if you try anything, like Sebastian said, I'll have you strapped down for a week."

The alter rolls his eyes but nods. "I won't."

Dr. Harris undoes the restraints and Kurt gestures toward an empty spot on the couch. "You can sit with us if you're willing to cooperate and listen."

"It depends on what I'm going to have to do," X says, crossing his arms. "How do I know you're not going to try and screw me over?"

Kurt's lifts his chin. "It seems like we're just going to have to trust each other. Can I trust you?"

There's silence for a moment before X speaks in a clipped tone. "Tell me what you want first."

"Fine," Kurt says, crossing his arms. "I want you to stop hurting Sebastian. If you give him a chance to control his own life, he'll do it. But he can't if you're constantly trying to end it." Kurt's words are stinging and bitter. "If it's control you're after, that's how you can exhibit it. Knowing that you have full power to try and end his life, but not using it."

X says nothing, contemplating, so Kurt tries again. "If you have any respect for me, you'll do this. I know that you know that I have Sebastian's best interests at heart and I don't really think that you believe that he is at fault for everything you say he is. I think that you're just scared and grasping for any facet of Sebastian's existence that you can control."

"You can't know that," X snaps, but he swallows convulsively before falling into silence. "What do I get if I agree to this?"

"We'll listen to you. When we can trust that you're not trying to hurt Sebastian or us, Blaine and I will listen to you. We'll talk to Sebastian about trying to give you the answers to the questions that you have, because if you keep hurting him, he's not going to. He's going to cut you off and the only way you're going to have to communicate is to come out, and even then, if you keep hurting everyone, you're going to be restrained," Kurt states diplomatically.

"And stop scaring Skylar," Blaine cuts in.

X shakes his head. "I only scare Skylar because I hurt Sebastian. The kid worships him."

"Then he must be doing something right," Blaine says, prompting. "If Skylar looks up to him then he must be okay. They say that kids and dogs will only gravitate toward good people."

X sits in silence for a moment before breathing out a resigned sigh and standing up. He keeps his eyes locked on Kurt as he moves to the couch and sits down beside him. "What do you want?"

Kurt shifts until he's facing the alter. "Please, please stop hurting Sebastian. You're not doing yourself any favors by making us and him distrust you." X nods so Kurt continues. "If you want to hurt Sebastian, talk to him. Tell him why you hate him and work with him. You want him to be a better person and that's not going to happen unless you talk to him. Just hurting him isn't solving anything. And if you kill him, you'll be dead too."

"Is that all?" X asks, seeming to grow a bit irritated with compromise.

"That's all for now," Kurt answers with a nod. "Can Sebastian hear us?"

"Yes. He's annoyingly close." The alter rolls his eyes. "He knows the deal. Can I go?"

Kurt stands up and extends his hand. "I want your word that you won't try to hurt or kill him again. Shake my hand and promise me. I know you want control and we're willing to let you have it, but on Sebastian's terms. You work with him."

"Fine," X answers, extending his hand toward Kurt to shake. "Can I go now? Sebastian wants to come back out and apparently we're a team now." X rolls his eyes.

Blaine reaches over to shake X's hand. "Thank you."

"I didn't do it for you. I'm sick of being strapped down to a fucking table and if this is how I get out of that, then fine. But I didn't do it for you," he snaps, but he shakes Blaine's hand anyway before closing his eyes.

When he opens them again, the hard planes of his face have relaxed to resemble Sebastian's comparatively boyish features. They'd all but forgotten that Dr. Harris was in the room until he clears his throat.

"Sebastian, did X tell you what just happened?" he asks, still scribbling notes down on his notepad.

Sebastian gives the man a small smile. "Yeah. I was watching. He said he's not going to hurt me anymore."

"You have to keep up your end of the deal, too. He agreed to stop harming you if you listened to him and came to an agreement with him," the doctor reminds, setting his pen and pad aside and standing up. "You're free to go. I think we've done more than enough for today."

Blaine takes Sebastian's hand and the three of them file out of the office. The moment they're outside the room, Blaine throws his arms around Sebastian's neck, his eyes suspiciously bright. "I can't believe that just happened!"

"Let's just take things one step at a time," Sebastian cautions, dropping a kiss to the top of Blaine's hair. "He's going to have to make me trust him and that's going to take awhile. He tried to hurt you, Blaine, and that's not something I intend to let happen again."

Kurt squeezes Sebastian's hand. "Then I want you to tell him that. Come up with a list of demands that you have and tell him to do the same. Make it like a contract."

"That's what I was thinking," Sebastian says, scratching his head. "I think I'll do it when it's quiet. It's easier to just focus on listening to them when I can really dedicate time to it, where I can talk to myself and not have people staring at me like a side-show freak."

They meet the nurse assigned to escort Sebastian and follow her through the heavy wooden doors and into the now familiar room. She smiles as he takes her leave and Sebastian throws himself backwards on the bed, sighing and rubbing at his eyes as Blaine lays down next to him. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"Just tired," he breathes out, shifting closer to Blaine and wrapping his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders to pull him flush against his side. "But I haven't gotten to be with either of you like this in a week, so I don't really want to waste any of the time sleeping."

Kurt sits down and rests his hand on Sebastian's knee. "If you're tired, sleep, Sebastian," he chastises. "Blaine and I will still be here when you get up."

"I've got a better idea," Sebastian says with a crooked smile. He reaches out and pulls Kurt down beside him. It takes a bit of maneuvering but eventually they all fit somewhat comfortably and Sebastian kisses Kurt on the tip of his nose. "Since you both look absolutely dead on your feet, I've decided that you're going to sleep with me."

Kurt laughs out a disbelieving sound. "Oh, you've decided that, huh?"

Sebastian hums out in the affirmative.

"Well, I'm not going to argue with him," Blaine says sleepily, nuzzling against Sebastian's chest. "We haven't all shared a bed to sleep in months."

And really, Kurt doesn't want to argue either, so after a bit of obligatory halfhearted protesting, he relents and lets Sebastian pull him against his side and kiss the top of his hair. All three are out cold within minutes.

They sleep until the nurse comes to tell them that visiting hours are over. With a quick kiss each to their still sleeping boyfriend's forehead, Kurt and Blaine leave, feeling like they're finally able to breathe.

A/N: Reviews are always appreciated. :)