...in which stella gets REAL. :D

I was stuck in the infirmary for a day before Herschel decided I was well enough to go home, with the stipulation that I took it easy. That was pretty easy at first because Daryl was my shadow. He wouldn't let me do anything for myself; he brought food, kept me entertained, and pretty much treated me like I was made of glass. Other visitors, like Maggie and Marie stopped by too, but Daryl kicked them out soon after they arrived because he thought I looked tired. While it was really super-sweet, he was also driving me completely batshit insane. By day three of my confinement, I had had it, and told Daryl in the most loving way possible to go the hell back to work before I ended up strangling him with my bare hands.

When I finally had some time alone, I continued working on the song that had been forming in my head for about the past week, since Daryl had gotten me to spill my guts about my family. It had been years since I'd written anything new, but all of the sudden, it was like the floodgates had opened, and I couldn't keep my hands off my guitar.

I was able to go back to work at last, but I was dreading the disaster I was convinced I'd find there. My one day outside the gate had snowballed into almost a week, and I knew there would be a shitload of stuff that needed to be done. However, I was pleasantly shocked to find Marie, of all people, up to her elbows in dirt when I arrived for my first day back. She and Maggie had really stepped up in my absence and kept things going. I wasn't so shocked that Maggie was a hard worker, but I really couldn't believe that Marie had totally thrown herself into work for the first time in seven years.

By Saturday, I was ready to socialize. I suggested to Marie and the rest of the band that we play for everyone again. I didn't mention that I had a new song I wanted to unveil because I couldn't handle the scrutiny from them just yet. I was slightly terrified of playing it for everyone, since I would be doing it solo, and I wanted to preserve the option of chickening out at the last minute.

That night, Barney's bar was crowded with people. We hadn't made a big deal out of playing, but the promise of music really brought people out. Once again, we kept it casual, just playing through our usual songs and taking requests from the audience. I took me three drinks to build up the nerve to play my song. (Don't judge me.) Daryl was sitting nearby, so I announced so he could hear, "This one is for Daryl, because he thinks I can't be serious."

He gave me a curious look and his usual smirk. I guess it was pretty ridiculous of me to assume that this whole production would fly under the radar of the rest of the crowd, but within seconds they were all quiet and watching me raptly. Feeling slightly nauseous, I played the opening chords, closed my eyes, and started to sing:

Hang on, hang on
'Cause it's the little things
Yes, it's the little things that do us harm
I'm not a stranger
Ain't a mystery when we both get it wrong
Stay here for a little while more
'Cause it's a funny thing
Yes, it's a funny thing
I need a friend, not an angel
What do you do when the drowning stops?
And what you thought was a hurricane was just the rustling of the wind
Why you think we need amazing grace just to tell it like it is?
Well, I don't need no doctor to tear me all apart
I just need you to mend my heart
Hang on, I'll try to look you in the eye
You know I could apologize
Should I apologize? Is there an answer?
What do you do when the drowning stops?
Oh, what you thought was a hurricane was just the rustling of the wind
Why you think we need amazing grace just to tell it like it is?
Oh, I don't need no doctor to tear me all apart
I just need you to mend my heart
I need you to mend my heart

There was complete silence for a second when I finished and then the applause was deafening. I opened my eyes and looked immediately at Daryl, who had an unreadable expression on his face. It terrified me for a second, but then he got up, grabbed me up in his arms and kissed me, in front of the entire town. Seriously, people actually STOOD UP and cheered. I guess they must have felt like they did back in the days of TV when their favorite couple FINALLY got together.

Daryl went back to his seat, and I realized I was shaking like a leaf, but I was so unnerved by all the attention that I wanted to keep things moving. "OK, how about 'General Specific'?" The rest of the band were all standing there with their mouths hanging open in amazement, but they started playing and people mercifully got back to their conversations.

Later, Daryl and I were lying in the grass, looking up at the stars. The moon was full, and so everything was eerily illuminated. Daryl had me pulled close, my head on his shoulder, his hand in my hair. Suddenly, I had an idea. I got up and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. "Come on, I have a surprise for you."

"'Nother one?" he asked, but came along with me.

We went to the garden and down into the root cellar. I lit the lantern that sat inside the door and revealed a table covered with trays of perfectly red, perfectly ripe strawberries. "This is the first harvest," I explained. "But I think there's enough to share."

We started out sampling just a couple but quickly lost all restraint. I don't know if you've ever had a strawberry fresh from a garden, but there is nothing in this world like it. It's like summertime exploding in your mouth when you bite into one. It's like crack, if crack was a fruit. Watching Daryl eat them was kind of miraculous. There was this crazy juxtaposition of the sheer delight he was taking in the strawberries versus his hardass exterior. I was pummeled with a storm of different emotions and suddenly blurted out, "I love you, you know."

He looked up in surprise and then without a word took three steps to cover the distance between the two of us. My face was in his hands, and he was kissing me with such emotion, I almost cried. He stopped for a second and looked deep deep deep into my eyes, and replied, "I love you, too, you know."

Then we were kissing again. I quickly pulled off his shirt and pulled off mine, too, and pressed my chest up against his. He slipped my bra off and cupped my breasts with his hands, flicking his tongue across my nipples. I leaned back into the wall and gasped with pleasure. Soon we were both naked, in a mad frenzy of passion. He had his hand between my thighs and between groans, I panted, "I want…you…inside me."

Daryl stopped and looked at me curiously. "I don't have a condom or nothin'."

I did some calculations in my head. "The timing is fine. It will be fine." It wasn't just want, I NEEDED him inside me. I grabbed him by the hips and pressed him up against me.

"You sure?"

"YES!" And then he was inside me, and it was like he had reached that itch that I had been trying unsuccessfully to scratch. Ohhhmyyyyygooooooddddd. I was clawing the wall in front of me and cried out in rapture in rhythm with movements.

His moans accelerated, and he panted, "I'll pull out right before – uuuunnnnhhhhhhhhhh." I matched his groan with a scream of my own, and we collapsed into a sweaty heap on the floor.

0000000

Even later that night, we were in bed back at my place. I was wide awake still, but Daryl lay quietly next to me. I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or not, but I just started talking anyway.

"After the outbreak, Ty and I holed up at our farm, hoping to stay clear of the virus. Marie showed up about two weeks later to ride it out with us. She actually had driven cross-country from Seattle and had stories of what she saw that we didn't – COULDN'T – believe. I mean, how the hell could you? Who the fuck would ever have believed that the dead would come back to life?" Daryl didn't say a word, but pulled me close to him. "Ty and I had been glued to the news, but were still convinced that it was all just some kind of hoax. That it was an optical illusion or something. Or some kind of crazy, fucking sick-ass joke. When the power went out, we just kept hoping that it would all blow over, and things would get back to normal.

"In another week, we saw our first one. The first walker. Ty spotted it first, staggering across a field at the end of our property. He didn't realize what it was and shouted and waved to it. I guess he thought it was a person who needed help. Marie knew immediately it was a walker and completely lost her shit. She got one of our guns and gave it to Ty, and she was just screaming over and over, 'Shoot it shoot it shoot it shoot it!' But he wouldn't because he didn't understand. The whole time they were arguing, I couldn't take my eyes of it as it got closer and closer. Finally, Ty shot it. The expression on his face when he had to kill that walker…I'll never forget it. It was awful. He shot it in the leg first, I think 'cause he still wasn't convinced. But it just came right on coming like nothing. He unloaded the pistol into its head, and it finally went down. Then he went and threw up. I just stared at it, lying there in our front yard. Because I mean, how the fuck do you wrap your head around that?" In response, Daryl kissed me softly on the back of my neck. He still didn't say anything, but there really was nothing to be said.

"It got easier after that. Although it's not like it ever was easy. Marie didn't know how to shoot a gun, so Ty and I kept watch and killed the walkers that approached. At first it was just a couple, and then there were more and more. We were running out of food and ammo, and we started to get that we couldn't stay. So we started packing the car. We weren't sure where to go, but figured Indianapolis would be a good place to start. That was just a shot in the dark, though. We had no fucking clue what to do next. Then there was the day we ran." I broke off for a second. I wasn't sure I could keep going.

Daryl murmured, "You can do this."

I sighed and continued, my voice a monotone. "We woke up, and it was like a fucking flood of walkers had come from the woods. They were everywhere. Everywhere. We knew we had to get the hell out. Ty was going to distract them while Marie and I got to the car. Then we'd pick him up and go. Ty had one gun and gave me the other. He ran out the back door and made a bunch of noise to get their attention. Marie and I ran out the front door to get the car. We started the car and then he started screaming. Screaming and screaming and screaming." God, the screams echoed in my head even now. I shuddered and tears started streaming down my face. "It was the most horrible horrible thing I have ever heard." I stopped again. "We pulled around the house and saw him. They were eating him…alive." I let out a choked sob and Daryl held me even more tightly. "He stopped screaming somehow and told me he…he loved me. And then he begged me to shoot him. And I did." I couldn't say anymore. I sobbed and sobbed like it was happening again. Daryl didn't say a word because really, what could you say? Everything will be all right? I'm sorry you had to kill your husband? Words aren't good enough. He just continued to hold me, and I could feel his tears dripping down my neck.

Later still, Daryl told me his stories, so it was my turn to silently listen. He told me about this bastard they fought called the Governor, and how the Governor ended up killing his brother, Merle, when Merle ambushed him and his men. Daryl found Merle when he had turned and put him down. Daryl lay on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling as he talked. I curled up next to him and wrapped my arms around him. Then he told me about Rick.

"Rick was a brother to me, prob'ly more than Merle ever was. Workin' with him was the first time I ever felt like I was better'n worthless white trash. He RESPECTED me, which blew my mind." He paused. "We were out on a water run when he got bit. So fucking routine it was stupid." Angrily, he rolled over and silently fumed for a minute. When he started talking, he spit the words out harshly. "Not a walker in sight, and we're just shootin' the shit, hiking up to the spring. La-di-fucking-dah, just having a fucking good ol' time. Next thing I know, walkers were on us. We killed two, third bit Rick on the neck. Smashed that poxy motherfucker's head to a pulp and dragged Rick back to the prison as fast as I could go." He stopped again, and when he picked up his story, he talked more quickly, like he just wanted to get it over with. "Got him back to our group. Knew he was a goner. He said good-bye to Carl and Judith and died. Then I shot him in the head." He was staring dully into space, and I knew he was lost in the past as much as I was when I told about Ty. He suddenly sat up, trembling with fury. "FUCK! It was so FUCKING STUPID!" He found a cigarette and lit it up, taking deep drags until he relaxed again.

I just sat there, numbly. "Jesus," I finally said, "we all carry around such fucking baggage now." I immediately regretted how callous I sounded, but Daryl just laughed dryly.

"You ain't kidding, Funny Girl." He sat back down next to me. "Big ol' iron suitcases full'a lead." He put out his cigarette and lay back down, pulling me back with him. "Shackled to our ankles for us to drag around for eternity."

I had my face buried in his neck, so my voice was muffled when I said, "I love you, you know."

"Love you, too, Funny Girl."

the song is "Hang On" by dr. dog. fretting over the last chapter...