Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.
Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , mildly blasphemous in terms of my depiction of heaven. Not a death fic… ish. Usual 1x2, 3x4, and with 5 hanging in the wind. The poor darling.
Notes: This was entered into the Hatsukoi fic contest and betaed by the extremely talented Keiran-sama!
Chapter One: Heaven is also a place of bureaucracy
Duo fell to the ground. "I. Am. WHAT?" He stared up at Solo in shock. He didn't know people grew up in Heaven, at least he hoped this was Heaven, it was annoyingly white enough to be. It disturbed him for some reason… "Heero!" He realised with a jolt. "Where is Heero?"
Solo smiled sadly, hunkering down in front of Duo. "Heero's on the living plane. It isn't his time yet."
"How did I… die?" Duo spat the last word out. He found it hard to believe he was dead. He knew his heart should hurt, being separated from Heero, but oddly enough, he felt nothing. He was worried about his lover, he missed him but the odd twisting of his heart whenever he didn't see Heero wasn't there. There was something wrong.
Solo frowned. "You don't remember?"
Duo shook his head slowly, trying to search deep within him for some sort of knowledge. He had heard stories that people who died weren't supposed to remember how their lives were ended. It was supposedly too traumatic. Was this the case with him?
The other man sighed. "I think I should write a proposal to change our shipping company. They damage the merchandise a lot. All that banging around is sure isn't good for the souls. I mean I know they are fast but please, we are the ones that have to take care of them. That teaches us to let New York cab drivers be our courier drivers."
"Huh?" Duo blurted. "I'm not merchandise!"
Solo laughed, helping his 'little brother' up and draping an arm companionably around him. "Aah, you have so much to learn. Other PAs have been complaining about amnesia as well. We should just return all of the souls to them and let them handle it. See how they like it."
"P… A?" Duo was definitely dazed. Was this really Heaven? Should Heaven be this… bureaucratic?
"'Positioning Angels'," Solo announced proudly. "We help you assimilate into Heaven."
"Guardian Angels then?" Duo corrected.
Solo growled at him, changing the angelic countenance to one of pure annoyance. "Don't lump us PAs with the babysitters."
"Baby… sitters?"
"Those wimps can't accept the fact that they lost to us during Heaven's Sports Day, over a round of baseball. They don't seem to understand the concept of teamwork," Solo finished hotly.
Duo was certain now that this was not Heaven but some warped mental institute capable of bringing back the dead. Sports Day? Heaven had a Sports Day?
"Of course, did you think God would allow his angels to sit around and watch TV getting fat and flabby?" Obviously, angels could read minds as well. "It takes a long time to be promoted to an angel so we can't screw it up. If we do, to the mail room we go."
Duo continued to shake his head in pain. This was not happening. This was definitely how he pictured Heaven to be.
Solo took a long look at the stunned Duo. "Alright, enough culture shock for now. We need to get you registered."
"Re… gistered?" Duo was frantically chasing after his scattering wits to little effect.
"Yes," Solo nodded, ushering Duo toward a door, that the long haired man swore didn't exist before. "This is just the transition room, where our souls rest from their long journey into the afterlife. We still have to register you with the administration department, get you passes and then prepare for you orientation programme. After that, I will work closely with you as your tutor cum counsellor to find out what is the best way you can serve in Heaven."
Duo tripped after Solo, his mind absorbing all the odd terms that he never expected to be spewed from an angel's mouth. "So the Positioning Angels are a job agency?"
Solo missed a step and almost landed face down on the clean marble floor. "Don't you ever use that term on us again," he hissed in annoyance, his eyes boring deeply into Duo's. "And don't let the babysitters hear it either, we won't ever hear the end of it."
Aaaaah, Duo thought, squelching a smile. He nodded obediently and watched as his 'big brother' stalking through the 'transition house' in a huff. If Solo was a cat, Duo was certain the hair of on the back of his neck would be standing straight up. Then it hit him. "Heero! Oh God, how is he? How is he taking my… erm… death?" This sure didn't feel like death to him, more like a cheap sitcom.
"He's obviously upset," Solo said with a sad sigh. "He blames himself."
"For what?" Duo asked, perplexed.
Solo peered carefully at Duo. "Do you remember how you died?"
Duo frowned, staring at the spot behind Solo's shoulder and wincing as the whole 'white room effect' stabbing painfully into his eyes. He searched his mind for something, anything prior to waking up. The only thing he heard were soft echoes of screeching tires and screams of fear before everything faded away. His violet eyes snapped open and he looked beseechingly at Solo. "I can't remember anything. Please, help me."
With another sigh, Solo shook his head. "I am sorry, but I can't help you there. You will have to ask the Records Officer for your Living File. It is private and confidential." He motioned toward a set of walkalators. "Come, don't think about it first. Let's get you registered."
Duo grabbed hold of Solo's shirt, staring up at him. In the back of his mind, it rankled that Solo had grown so much taller than his 5'8. Must be this wholesome Heaven air. Wait, did dead people need air? "I need to see him, Solo, please. Let me just see how he is."
Solo tucked an arm around Duo's shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. "Don't worry, little brother. Once you are registered, I will help you fill the leave forms, alright?"
"Le…ave forms?"
XXxxXX
Duo was of the belief that Father Maxwell's lessons on flying cherubs and fluffy clouds floating in Heaven were a big mistake. Heaven was nothing like what he imagined it to be. Once Solo had assured him that he would help him see Heero, Duo had quieted down a little and allowed his friend to bring him to get 'registered'. It seemed a big deal and Solo kept repeating that over and over again. Apparently there had been cases of runaways prior to registration and returning to earth to cause havoc.
So that was what ghosts were.
Heaven was, in Duo's slightly confused mind, a mildly chaotic government building. The favourite colour theme was, of course, white, coupled with other shade of pastels. Duo felt his hands itching to take a bucket of dark grey paint and sloshing the walls with it.
There were long conveyor belt looking things that they stood up and were transported from one room to another. And so far, Duo had been standing there for the past day.
"Just how big is this place?" Duo complained to his guide.
Solo shrugged. "I am not sure, why?"
"This trip is taking forever!" Duo eyes widened as he was led into a huge cavernous room packed with people.
"Aaah, here we are," Solo ushered Duo toward a small ticket dispenser and a Chinese man standing next to it.
"Wecome to Heeven, homayI hepchuu?" The Chinese man asked in a bored tone.
"Huh?" Duo blurted frowning.
Solo rolled his eyes in amusement. "New registration."
The man pressed a button on the ticket dispenser and thrust it at the angel who took it, steering the dazed Duo away.
"Was he even speaking English?" Duo asked, expecting Solo to spout out how everyone speaks the same language in Heaven, which was the language of God.
Solo shrugged, looking mildly sheepish. "Sorry about that, we had no choice, Equal Employment Opportunity."
Duo was about to try to kick his brain into action to say something in response to that when a mechanical female voice resounded all over the large hall.
"Thank you for waiting, you are important to us." There was a slight pause before it began again. "Number 251 counter 2."
Duo dropped his eyes onto the small slip of paper he was holding. "20, 343!" He shot a gaze to Solo who had produced a sleeping bag from seemingly thin air and was shaking it out. "What are you doing?"
"Getting some sleep, we are going to have a really loooong wait."
XXxxXX
Duo wasn't sure how much time has passed while he waited in that chamber with probably a million others. He was just glad that in Heaven, there was no such thing as perspiration or the smell of a million unwashed bodies would be enough to push him towards homicide. In this place, there was no day, no night and no way to tell time. He wasn't even sure that there was time. It was just always white. No sun, how heat, just this perpetual whiteness and annoying gardens of flowers, that pop up everywhere, and didn't need tending whatsoever.
"Is it our turn yet?" Solo asked, sitting up from God knows how many days of sleep.
Duo shrugged, disturbing the cobweb that had been erected on his shoulder. "I just need to see Heero and this is taking such a long time." His mind was telling him all the horrible things Heero would have done from the day he died. And he still couldn't remember how he died. It was so damn frustrating.
"You are supposed to have eternity right?"
"Why is it so damn white here?" Duo groused, his impatience getting the better of him.
Solo looked slightly embarrassed. "It's our interior designer's fault."
"Huh?"
"Well," the angel was definitely sheepish about something. "Remember when I said that you had forever?"
Duo nodded slowly, wondering where this was going.
"The interior decorator also thought he had forever. He has been revising his designs since the beginning of time. We couldn't just have Heaven look like air, you know. So we slapped on some white paint and hope that the incompetent idiot would get things done quickly."
Duo swallowed convulsively, glad that he was dead and therefore needed no water. He hadn't had a bite to eat and a sip to drink since he arrived here. Besides, waiting in line didn't allow for that and his PA didn't seem to think it necessary to bring any food or water. But this cleared something up. He wondered why Heaven was always pictured as white. It was because of an incompetent interior designer. "So... why… why can't you get another… interior designer?"
"He won the tender."
"Aaah."
"Thank you for waiting, you are important to us. Number 10, 862, counter 2."
Duo was about to scream.
XXxxXX
Duo was ready to tear his hair out and if he wasn't so proud of his long rope of hair, he probably would have. He was feeling panic settling into his bones now. He needed to see Heero and he needed to see him two weeks ago. Knowing his partner, Heero might have found a way to join him in the afterlife by now. And he didn't want to be a cliché like in the movie where that guy had to go through Hell to find his wife. He would do that for Heero but he would also be severely pissed and in a kick ass mood. He would kick the Japanese's ass all the way back to Earth.
"What is taking so long?" He groaned.
Solo was jerked awake from sleep. Angels slept a lot didn't they? "Wha?" The sleep mussed angel sat up, rubbing his eyes in irritation.
"Why is this taking so long?" Duo waved his hand vaguely to indicate the whole waiting process.
"Oh, well, there is only one counter open. Budget cuts. There are more atheists in the world today."
"Aaah."
"Thank you for waiting, you are important to us. Number 15, 004, counter 2."
XXxxXX
"Hey, Solo?" Duo called out.
"Hmm?" Solo murmured, his eyes still closed.
"Is it true that every time you masturbate, a kitten dies?"
The silence between them grew and lengthened.
"Do you see any kittens here?" Solo asked finally.
"No."
"Then?"
"Aah."
"Thank you for waiting, you are important to us. Number 20, 150, counter 2."
XXxxXX
Duo resisted the urge to thank God when his number was called, because, technically, God was the one who got him into this mess in the first place. He heaved a huge sigh of relief as he shook Solo from sleep again. Now he knew why his big brother had such a wonderful complexion, it has to do with all that sleeping on the job he does.
Typical.
He bounced to his feet, suddenly excited and filled with energy. His day of meeting Heero again was drawing ever closer.
"Come on, Solo," Duo whined like a child, pulling his friend along. They approached the long table as his number was repeated once again. "I'm here," he announced a little too loudly.
Sitting behind counter 2 was an extremely harassed middle aged man with a bald pate and combed over hair. From where Duo was, it looked like a spider climbed onto the man's head and died there. Then someone rolled a steamroller over the poor man's head. The man probably had small beady eyes but because of the thick heavy glasses the man wore, it acted like a magnifying glass.
"Hello," he droned. "Welcome to Heaven. I am Gay…"
Duo immediately brightened. So God doesn't hate homosexuals after all! "Really?" He chirped excitedly. "So am I! I never thought you would just come out and admit it like…" He trailed off as the man glared at him.
"…lord…" the man behind the counter jabbed at his name tag. It read 'Gaylord'.
To his right, Solo dissolved into giggles and was met by a sharp elbow in the ribs.
"Solo," the man greeted sourly.
"Gay…" Solo paused for the longest time. "…lord."
Gaylord rolled his eyes as if to say that this is a really old joke and started looking at the files in front of him. "Died in Westpoint Medical Centre, six months ago from a heart failure." He read mechanically from his papers.
"Six months? I have been waiting in line for six months!" Duo yelled, ignoring about the heart failure at the moment. He couldn't understand that since his heart was as healthy as a horse's.
Gaylord shot another piercing look at Duo and rummaged his rather cluttered table for a piece of paper and read from it. "I am sorry that our services are not to your standards. We value your views immensely. So please fill up this complaint form," he shoved a piece of paper at Duo. "And allow us to investigate the nature of your complaint." He threw the paper over his shoulder and pointed to a spot behind Duo's shoulder. "Suggestion boxes are over there. I am sure God would love to hear how you dislike his service oriented environment he worked so hard to build."
Duo gulped and tucked the paper into his back pocket.
"Okay, Mr Adrian West," Gaylord, which was the most misnamed person ever alive, since Duo doubted gay was ever in his vocabulary, took out a stamp that said 'admitted'.
Then it hit Duo. "Whoa… wait a minute… My name is Duo Maxwell. Who is Adrian West?"
Solo's jaw dropped and all signs of humour drained from him. "Wait, isn't your name Adrian?"
Duo shook his head vehemently. "No! It is Duo." He stressed, trying to banish the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something was very wrong here and the pallid colour Solo and Gaylord turned only affirmed that feeling. "Solo, you don't even know my name?"
"Excuse me," Solo burst out. "I knew you only as my little brother. You didn't really have a name back then!"
Gaylord was hunched over his table, typing furiously at his computer. Yes, Heaven was not left out in the race for technological supremacy. "The courier boys were supposed to pick up a Mr Adrian West suffering from a heart disease at Westpoint."
Solo paled. "He died in an accident."
Duo's mind's whirled as he saw Gaylord reaching for his phone, punching in numbers furiously. He wasn't meant to die, he wasn't meant to leave Heero alone. Heaven screwed up the delivery… "How can you be so incompetent?" He yelled, making a lunge for Gaylord. He was dimly aware of Solo reaching for him, holding him still.
"You picked up the wrong package," Gaylord yelled into the phone.
"It was signed and acknowledged. We are not accepting returns or taking responsibility," came a rather loud and rude answer from over the phone.
Tbc…