Disclaimer- I don't own it. Thankfully.

Enjoy! :)

They found seats with relative ease, and Gandalf had even managed to procure a large drink and a handful of napkins for Elrond, who was grumpy, irritable, and had a bad taste in his mouth when he returned. He snatched the drink from Gandalf's outstretched hand. Bilbo hopped off his leg and squashed himself in a seat between Galadriel and Gandalf. The two avoided looking at the hobbit.

"You know, you're not going to be able to rely on my superior throating abilities forever," grumbled Elrond, sipping at his drink angrily. "One of these days I'm not gonna be there, and who's gonna give the blow-jobs then, huh?"

"There there," comforted Gandalf, patting Elrond on the shoulder.

Frodo timidly raised his hand. Bilbo slapped it down. "No child of mine will be a whore." he croaked.

Elrond burst into tears and ran out of the room. Galadriel shook her head. "He always was a temperamental little bitch."

Gandalf suddenly felt that the room was getting a little warm.

All of a sudden the lights dimmed. They gripped their armchairs in anticipation.

"What's a freak show?" asked Frodo.

Several people shushed him.

"I'll tell you when you're older," hissed Bilbo.

A man walked onto stage. He was a scary man. Bilbo was scared. Frodo was scared. Gandalf was scared. Galadriel was...a little turned on.

After several acts involving ketchup, toothpaste, and the author's level of sleep deprivation, the pinnacle of the show was about to begin. Several suave acrobats flipped about being pretty, doing stuff and wagging their butts.

And then...the Elves. All of them leaned forward when they saw the blonde Elves dance onstage, wearing very little and being most un-Elvish-like indeed. Galadriel gasped every time she saw an exposed thigh.

Bilbo drooled. "Meat."

Finally the lead performer came out. They all squinted at the thing he was riding. They caught a glimpse of blonde hair from atop it.

"What the hell is it?" asked Frodo finally. "Some kind of moose?"

Gandalf and Galadriel groaned.

"It's an elk," they said in unison, to faces stricken with horror. "Aw, shit."

Galadriel buried her face in her hands. "Oh no..."

"What? What is it?" asked Frodo frantically. "I'm so confused!"

"It's..." Galadriel hesitated, feeling that she was about to utter a dirty word. "It's..."

"Thranduil." finished Gandalf morosely.

Elrond walked back in, toilet paper trailing on the bottom of his shoe. "What'd I miss?"

I feel like a sellout for including Thranduil...Reviews are love! :)