Chapter III
A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, loyal readers. Life got crazy, as it is wont to do. Enjoy!
"Ada!" Legolas half squealed, rushing into the room a moment later. "An adventure?! Really?!"
"Yes," replied Thranduil, looking stern, and completely ignoring Legolas' exuberance. "But it's not going to be a 'fun' adventure. It's very serious. You mustn't get carried away around Lord Elrond. If you go along, you'll have to behave yourself."
Legolas nodded, suddenly very serious. Then he grinned broadly, and asked, "Do you still want the biscuits? I've brought them – they're just outside!"
Thranduil's countenance grew pained, as he felt his "ruse" had gone a bit far, but decided to salvage it. "Uh, yes, dear son. Lord Elrond is fair famished! Isn't that true, Elrond?"
Caught off guard, Elrond stammered, "Uh… yes. I – uh – I feel faint."
Legolas scampered out the door and returned with another tray of biscuits. However, in his unbridled excitement, he uncharacteristically tripped on an exotic Easterling throw rug and the tray with its contents went flying. Being an elf, Elrond had no trouble catching the tray, but the biscuits were another story. Thranduil solicited a servant to clean up the mess, whilst Elrond unceremoniously brushed the floured biscuit remnants from his robes. Legolas looked apologetic, but Elrond still fumed.
While some servants set about cleaning up, Thranduil clapped his hands once for attention and spoke: "We – Lord Elrond, my son, Legolas, and myself – are departing to hunt down the vile Apes of Harad within the hour. I shall require several worthy escorts, as well as sufficient provisions, apparel, and canopies for at least a fortnight! See to it at once."
A servant scurried away to relay the message to its respective recipients.
A second later, a different servant came rushing in, breathless. "Milord!" he said, bowing slightly, "we have captured a bizarre creature that we found pilfering food in the royal kitchens. It is large and unruly…"
"Well, what is it?" Thranduil demanded. "Surely you must know what it is!"
"Well, no, actually, we, uh, don't."
"WHAT?" Thranduil boomed. "How can you not know what it is? I AM KING. You must identify this creature and report back."
The servant scuttled off, looking mortified. Several other servants looked at Thranduil before disappearing off to make more biscuits.
"Well then," Elrond said rather loudly, "whatever shall we do? My robes are slightly soiled with…. biscuit crumbs. But that is no worry. I shall survive."
Legolas looked like he wanted to say that it was not his fault Elrond was covered in crumbs, but his father silenced him.
Another servant rushed in, all in a sweat and panic. "Milord! The creature! It has escaped!"
"Oh, curses," said Thranduil. "Well, we must leave at once! We must catch this unknown creature as soon as possible and we must surprise it. Then we shall go after the vile Apes of Harad."
With that, they were off into the forest. It hadn't taken too very long to assemble the list of items and escorts that Thranduil had requested, especially since the servants could see he was in no mind to be delayed. The "several worthy escorts" turned out to be ten warriors – five swordsmen, two spearmen, and three archers – who stoically brought up the rear, leading two fully loaded packhorses, as Elrond, Thranduil, and Legolas forged ahead into the dense, overgrown forest. Perhaps "forged" isn't the best descriptive word. Maybe "slogged" would be more accurate.
Elrond wished he'd changed before departing. He felt somewhat undignified having to hike up his robes in order to keep from tripping over them as he labored through the mud, thick vines, and verdant undergrowth. To make matters worse, Legolas was prancing annoyingly cheerfully along in front of him, the rough terrain not hindering his progress one iota. Elrond muttered darkly and tried to increase his pace.
Thranduil, who was also in robes, seemed not to mind much, but he did request, once or twice, that the overeager Legolas decelerate. All at once, their keen, elven ears caught a strange, somehow distant noise coming from up above them somewhere.
"IT'S THE BEAST!" shrieked Thranduil.
"SILENCE!" boomed Elrond. "IF WE SCREAM, IT MIGHT BE SCARED AWAY."
Something materialized in front of them. Evidently, the two elves' loud voices did not scare "the beast" away. All members of the party stood in awe. The figure before them looked so familiar.
"Where do I know this person from?" Elrond wondered out loud.
"You don't recognize me?!" the beast yelled.
"Er, no," Elrond replied.
"Blasphemy!" the beast yelled again.
Then it hit Elrond. The wave of understanding also hit Thranduil at the same time. Both elves, thousands of years old, could not believe the mistake they had made. They also could not hide how foolish they felt. For the beast standing in front of them was none other than the Green Queen herself, Galadriel!
She was in the midst of her creepy transformation that she enjoyed undergoing to freak out strangers in her kingdom – you know, the one she used on Frodo when he tempted her with the Ring? At any rate, she was none too happy to be referred to by a fellow monarch as "THE BEAST," but she reminded herself of how much greater she was than the lowly Elrond and Thranduil and decided to let it slide for now. She had other matters that required their attention.
Quickly resuming her normal, regal form and a dignified air, she stared the two elves and their entourage up and down, then regarded them with a knowing smirk.
"Why, if it isn't King Thranduil and Lord Elrond, out for a lovely stroll!" she said with a reserved laugh. She looked very majestic and ethereal in her flowing, nearly diaphanous, white gown, and the delicate, skillfully wrought tiara that crowned her noble head and accented her lustrous, perfect waves of golden hair gave her an imperial aspect.
The two woe-begotten Elves stared, their mouths gone dry, wondering what the forest queen could possibly be up to. Legolas cowered behind them, not daring to say a word. Without taking his eyes off Galadriel, Thranduil surreptitiously nudged Elrond, as if to nominate him to speak. Elrond, still feeling abashed, finally stammered out some semblance of a reply to Galadriel's taunt. "We, uh, we were just, uh, off to see, uh… we just wished to inspect the, uh, Mirkwood, uh, scenery."
"I see," Galadriel said, again releasing a mocking chuckle. She drew herself up to her full height and gave them the full of her dazzling, scintillating gaze.
Elrond and Thranduil all but recoiled, struggling to maintain equanimity. "Lord Elrond," Galadriel said in a slightly deeper voice, "I sense that you are keeping something from me. Are my senses correct?" Her eyes bored into him so strongly that Elrond began to tremble – very unusual for him.
Thranduil gulped and watched helplessly as the elf queen mentally tormented Elrond. Finally, the elven king could take it no longer and blurted out melodramatically, "We're hunting for the Apes of Harad that stole Elrond's Númenórean pottery and my armor and other valuable items! Please believe me! We're not up to anything that would require your concern or intervention!"
Legolas finally peeked out and whimpered something unintelligible, which sounded rather like he was trying to plead for his life.
Galadriel ignored him and smirked once more at Elrond and Thranduil. "It so happens," she said, "that your story checks out. I am also bereft of a precious item – the circumstances surrounding its disappearance are remarkably similar to those you describe. My mirror – yes, THAT mirror – has been stolen."
"Well then, we are all in the same boat!" Thranduil clapped, overcome with relief.
"Yes, perhaps you would like to accompany us on our mission to recover out lost treasures!" Legolas squealed.
"Er, well, I don't know if that would be such a good idea," Elrond mused. "I mean, we must maintain secrecy of our mission. Adding another member to our ranks might… well… you know…."
"You are just looking for an excuse to leave me behind, alone here, in this dangerous forest," Galadriel huffed.
"Oh, of course not, my fair lady!" Elrond gasped.
"Good, then I am coming," Galadriel said.
Thus, the troop marched through the dense wood, then out onto an open plain, then through grassy fields, all day. When night came, it dawned on them that they only had enough camping supplies for two, as Galadriel and Legolas were unanticipated additions to their ranks.
"Well then…," Thranduil said.
"Er, yes, Thranduil and I will just begin setting up camp over here," Elrond said hesitantly.
"Oh no you don't!" Legolas and Galadriel screamed.
A brief scuffle ensued, which resulted in the men losing all their supplies. Night fell and the campers drifted off into an uneasy, but welcome, sleep. Little did they know, they were being watched.
The following morning found Elrond sprawled out prone on the springy turf, hair spiking from his head as if he had turned punk rocker, robes grass-stained and soaked with dew. The steady rise and fall of his back betrayed that he yet lived, but Thranduil and Legolas were loath to rouse him.
Galadriel stalked forward, looking like she had just bathed, groomed, and had a change of clothes, though she obviously hadn't. Her abilities to remain clean and unblemished, no matter her surroundings, were nauseatingly unfair. "Out of my way," she hissed at the two elves, aiming a massive kick for the snoozing elf lord's side.
"Don't do it!" Thranduil yelped, retreating backwards. "Haven't you heard how perilous it is to wake—?" He trailed off as Galadriel fixed him with a look that would have started a forest fire, had it been directed at any nearby trees. She then gritted her beautiful, straight teeth and lightly poked Elrond with her toe.
"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Elrond seemed to bypass the law of gravity, leaping to an astronomical elevation above the others' heads. When he at last plunged to the earth again, he instantly sprang up and into a fighting stance, hopping side to side with ready fists, eyes somewhat glazed over.
Lady Galadriel gave an exaggerated yawn and turned away. Elrond came to himself shortly after, and no one said anything on the subject, as their journey continued. As their armed escort had, apparently, deserted them, they had no supplies or provisions. Or any capabilities of defending themselves. This would have been more troubling, but both Elrond and Thranduil knew that Galadriel was easily the most terrifying creature that could possibly haunt the dark and sinister woods.
They had just passed a strange, languorous stream, when the elf queen suddenly halted. "Did you hear THAT?" she questioned, glancing side to side with an unreadable expression.
Thranduil and Elrond exchanged looks and shrugged. Legolas scurried behind a tree, peeking out in trepidation.
"What, milady?" Thranduil questioned, gently. "What did you hear?"
Galadriel stiffened. "You incompetent fool! How could you NOT hear that? Have your elven faculties abandoned you?" Finally, somewhat placated by the elven king's obvious shame, she heaved an indulgent sigh. "It was a shrill call, melodic almost, very high-pitched. Now let's spread out and ascertain what it was!"
Out of the blue, what looked like a massive polystyrene birdbath plummeted out of the trees, rending the ground right at Galadriel's feet with a deafening report.
"My mirror!" she squealed, uncharacteristically taken aback. "Oh my gosh! My mirror! My flawless makeup routine might be ruined because of you!"
She stopped for a moment, then collected herself. Elrond and the others look positively horrified. They realized that somehow, Galadriel would manage to blame them for the wrecking of a priceless elven artifact. They prepared for the worst. But it never came. Instead, Galadriel continued as if nothing had happened.
"Look, you three are the most hopeless 3 musketeers I have ever met. I am going to help you out," she said.
The three men wondered what "helping" in Galadriel speak equated to in relation to their lives. Hopefully it didn't literally mean their lives.
"I have decided that I am tired of watching you stumble across the landscape. I am going to show you where whatever was stolen from you is being held. Dear heavens, this has been going on for too long. My memory is hazy!" she started rambling.
"Erm…. Galadriel…. you could, like, show us…," Elrond suggested.
"OH RIGHT!" She almost laughed. She snapped her fingers. There was a flash of light. The four were transported across time and space. Only, not the correct time and space. Now they were stuck in an alternate universe.
"Oh dear," they all muttered.
-To Be Continued-