WHEW - last chapter. Considering how much has happened in my life since I started this, it's pretty amazing that it got finished. So without further ado (except to point out that all reviews are of course received with gratitude) : here it is - the exciting conclusion of THE GREAT CAKE HEIST.
-Chapter 6 – Return of the Nutjob-
"Lemme see if I get this straight!" Numbuh 86 said, her scowling gaze magnified to horrifying proportions on the big communications screen in Sector W's treehouse. "Not only have you idiots lost the cake, you've also let that numb-skull, loose cannon Numbuh 363 run wild - AGAIN?"
"No, Numbuh 86, ma'am, whoever took the cake must have captured him too," Numbuh 83 said, trying her best to sound like she was still in control of the situation, an extremely difficult task when dealing with Numbuh 86, even at the best of times. "Look, his shirt was torn off in the struggle." She held up Numbuh 363's torn, ketchup-stained sweatshirt, the only trace of their comrade the remaining members of Sector W had found.
"At least he is out of our hair for a while. Stand by in the treehouse, I'm coming down there with a search and rescue party."
XXX
"So," Father said amiably, "are we comfortable"?
The tree members of the gang had been roughly tied to their chairs at one end of a long birthday-decorated table in the dining hall of Father's mansion, and were now helpless and alone with the most evil adult in existence.
But given the circumstances – well, it could be worse.
Soon it most probably would be.
"I guess a THANK YOU is in order", Father continued. "There I was, WONDERING how to get my CAKE back from those Kids Next Door BRATS - when all of a sudden I see YOU sneaking out of the treehouse with it. That was an IMPRESSIVE heist you pulled there – I could USE enterprising children like you."
"Really?" Egbert brightened. Could this really be about a job offer, instead of some kind of horrible punishment?
"Sure", Father said, flaring up. "As an EXAMPLE to other THIEVING little BRATS!"
Oh, right, horrible punishment it was then. Crud.
"Now you tree get a GOOD nights SLEEP, and tomorrow I've got some PARTY GAMES planned. Mwahahaha … Hey, hey HEY. There's a STAIN on that fork"
Father went over to fuss over the table settings, leaving the three kids to contemplate their future.
"I don't like the sound of that at all," Barry muttered. "He's probably going to use us as a piñata or something"
"Kyle. They didn't search us", Egbert whispered to Kyle, who was sitting to his right. "You still have a pocket knife, right?"
Kyle did not answer. He was pale and sweating and his eyes behind the thick glasses were fixed on some distant point.
"Kyle – I know it is scary, but we need you now. Wake up."
No reply.
"Kyle! Snap out of it," Egbert hissed, and tried to kick Kyles leg. No use, he was too constricted. And no reply from Kyle, no indication that he had even heard him.
"Dang it" Egbert muttered.
"So, Eggy," Barry whispered, "Do you have a plan?"
"Of course I have a plan, but we need to get free first. Have a little patience …"
"PATIENCE" Kyle suddenly roared with a voice that made everybody in the room, including Father, jump. "YOU BLOCKHEAD! GET US OUT OF HERE NOW! I JUST WANTED A CAKE FOR YSANDE AND THEN YOU CAME WITH YOUR PLANS AND YOUR REVENGE AND ALL THAT BALONEY! YOU USELESS WASTE OF SPACE…"
Barry and Egbert were dumbstruck. They had never heard Kyle as much as raise his voice before, and now he had lapsed out of his coma with a tirade that would impress the angriest man in Angryland.
"Hey, hey, hey – KEEP the NOISE down," Father said, rushing towards them "My Delightful Children are SLEEPING."
"LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR LITTLE, DEMENTED ATTACK OF THE CLONES!" Kyle roared, rocking back and forth with anger on his chair. "YOU JUST STRUT AROUND EATING CAKE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND DON'T CARE ONE BIT ABOUT ALL THOSE CHILDREN WHO NEVER GET A DECENT CAKE FOR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON IT UNTIL YOU'RE SORRY! YOU BIG WALKING MATCHSTICK! YOU OWERGROWN FIRECRACKER! YOU GREAT BIG BULLYING JERKASS! "
"Stop it, you idiot, you'll get us all killed!" Egbert yelled, a sensible piece of advice that Kyle did not even hear.
"YOU RAT-FACE! YOU SQUID-SUCKER! YOU BROCCOLI-EATING BEDWETTER! YOU…"
"ENOUGH!"
Father's roar shut Kyle right up. He seized Kyle by the scruff, his flames easily burning through the ropes that held him and lifted him up so they were face-to-face. "YOU NEED TO LEARN some MANNERS. I'll …." And then the big bottle of whipped cream in Kyle's pocket, overheated by Father's flames, blew up, sending a huge white cloud straight into Father's face. Father dropped Kyle, stumbled back and tripped over his legs. He hit his head on the edge of the table on the way down, said something about "Asparagus, my Master" and passed out on the floor.
Kyle slowly got to his feet and looked around, bewildered. Eggy and Barry just stared at him, as he slowly walked over and loosened their bands. Then, without a word, Kyle grabbed the cake on the table and the three kids quickly headed out the room.
The O'Reilly gang ran through the long, thicly carpeted hallways of Father's mansion, their hearts in their throats with the thought about running into ice-cream men or the Delightful Children. However, neither threat appeared and finally they came out to the big entrance hall. Their pace quickened as they moved towards the front door…
… which was suddenly kicked open with a tremendous CRASH!
Harvey McKenzie was standing in the doorway. He looked completely out to lunch. He was naked from the waist up, except for his helmet and two ammo belts, he had painted his face and chest with ketchup, his pants were torn and stained and he was trembling and breathing heavily.
He also had a GUMZOOKA in each hand!
"I KNEW IT!" Harvey screamed. "YOU SCUM! YOU'VE BEEN WORKING WITH FATHER ALL ALONG!"
"Harvey, you got the wrong idea …" Egbert said carefully and raised his palms towards him.
Only because Harvey's hands shook did the GUMZOOKA salvo hit the wall instead of Egbert's face.
"RUN!" Egbert screamed, and the three kids sprinted down a hallway to the right, followed by the screaming and shooting Harvey. They ripped open a random door, threw themselves into the room and slammed it behind them, a nanosecond before Harvey started hammering and kicking at the door with the strength of the pants-eating crazy.
"What the crud are we gonna do, Eggy?" Barry asked, as the three boys were stemming their backs against the shaking door. "Father can wake up at any moment, and then the fudge will really hit the fan".
Eggy was just about to answer, when he realized where they were. In Father's garage. 8 feet from his big black car.
"Barry, can you drive stick?"
XXX
A final kick from Harvey made the door fly open. Harvey catapulted himself through the doorframe and landed on his feet, GUMZOOKA ready.
"HEEEEERE'S HARVEY" he screamed.
Then he saw the big black limo starting to accelerate towards the open gate. "No…no…NOOOO!" he wailed, dropped the GUMZOOKAs and sprinted after the car.
"Did we lose him?" Kyle asked from the back seat where he was sitting next to the cake, both properly buckled up. Then he screamed as the back window exploded and Harvey's deranged face appeared.
"Back at school there are RULES!" he snarled "But in here there's only ME!"
"HIT THE BRAKES!" Egbert screamed to Barry, and Barry jumped onto clutch and brake with both feet. The big car screeched to a halt. Barry, Kyle and Egbert were held in their seats by their belts, but Harvey flew forward, hit the front seat with 20 mph and fell down in the bottom of the car, unconcious.
"And THAT" Eggy said in the sudden silence, "is why you should always wear a seat belt!"
Then a fireball struck the tarmac right next to the car. Barry automatically jumped to the speeder and the big car roared forward with three screaming kids inside, down the driveway. Eggy looked in the rear mirror and instantly regretted it. A giant black dragon with Fathers eyes were flying towards them, getting ready to hurl another firebolt.
"Give me back my CAKE!" Father's voice thundered.
The car smashed through the gates and screeched down the road.
Later, the O'Reilly gang would only remember the following chase as a distant nightmare. They were thundering up and down nameless unknown dimly lit roads at insane pace. Sometimes Barry was driving the car, and sometimes the big, black limo would more or less drive itself, only governed by the laws of physics. Walls, other cars and turns in the road would suddenly appear and be narrowly avoided. And all the time the hideous black silhouette behind them were roaring and raining fireball after fireball.
The chase didn't end until suddenly the bridge over the canal appeared in front of them.
And then the warning lights started flashing, and the barriers started lowering.
"They're gonna raise it! What now? What now?" Barry cried. He kept the speed up, not daring to slow down with Father right behind them.
"Keep going", Eggy shouted, "We can make it!"
The car smashed through the barrier...
"We can make it!"
The bridge started to rise in front of them...
"We can make it!"
It was rising FAST...
"STOOOP!" Eggy screamed.
Barry stomped on the brakes. The big black limo screeached over the tarmac, closer and closer to the rapidly growing gap in the road and the dropdown into the canal. All three boys screamed, closed their eyes and braced themselves. The front wheels slid over the edge, and the bottom of the car hit the tarmac with a CRUNCH.
And the car stopped, balanced on the edge of the abyss.
"I HAVE YOU NOW!" Father boomed triumphantly and bored down on the limo.
Then something whistled straight past his face and made him pause in the air. "What?"
The next salvo of ice-cream grazed his cheek and mouth.
"Arrgh! COOKIE DOUGH!" he cried. "That is SICK AND WRONG! I'LL …"
And then a direct hit with five 100 pound rum-raisin grenades quenched his fire instantly and send him spinning away into the darkness.
xxx
The O'Reilly gang slowly opened their eyes. Eggy leaned forward to see how close they were to the edge - and felt the car tilting slightly forward. He quickly moved back. "All …right" he said softly, as if heavier tones could make the car slip. "Now Barry and I … climb to the back seat … one at the time… and then we all four get out…SLOWLY".
The three boys undid their seat belts, each holding the buckle until it had rolled all the way back. Eggy got up very slowly, leaned back and poked the still unconscious Harvey McKenzie, whose body was still crumbled on the floor and blocked his way. "Harvey … Harvey … you need to move".
Harvey woke up with a start "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
They all felt the lurch. The car slowly started sliding forward….
"OUT!" Eggy screamed, and the four boys frantically threw themselves towards the back doors any way they could. They got out, landed on the tarmac and clattered away from the yawning abyss. Then they rolled over and looked after the car.
For a short moment the car seemed to hover in the air, the top of the Delightful Children's cake just visible through the broken rear window. Then it fell. And two heartbeats later came the sound of a large expensive car containing a really, really delicious cake hitting the dirty water of the canal.
The gang and Harvey slowly got to their feet. Harvey was breathing in shallow gasps, muttering "No … no .." Egbert had tears in his eyes.
"NUMBUH 363", a harsh voice shouted.
All four kids stiffened and turned around slowly. They knew that voice. It meant trouble.
Three large KND S.C.A.M.P.E.R.S had landed on the bridge behind them and well armed KND operatives were busy securing the area. In the door to the front line stood Fanny Fullbright – the most feared kid at Gallagher. She started walking hastily towards them, looking even more angry than usual.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused, you stupid BOY? You lost the cake, you bailed on your teammates and then you got Father all riled up, so we had to pull out all resources to save your sorry, pale butt – the Soopreme Leader is furious, and SO AM I! Do you have anything to say for yourself, you frigging idiot? "
Harvey's lips trembled. He got five extra facial tics, and his eyes got a glazed look.
"But …", he muttered in a choked voice, "it was Egbert…"
Then Egbert suddenly let out a loud, joyous holler.
"Look" he cried "It's the Kids Next Door! We are saved! GROUP HUG!"
And then he threw his arms around Harvey.
Harvey went completely rigid in Egbert's arms. There was a collective intake of breath around them. Then came the explosion. With an inhuman scream Harvey threw Eggy away, then jumped on top of him and started to maul him, wailing an incoherent stream of "DON'T TOUCH … YOUR FAULT … CRUDDY … MY CAKE…"
Fanny facepalmed. "Och, this is pathetic. Team 3 – restrain that fruitcake!"
In the end it took four burly operatives to restrain Harvey McKenzie and carry him, red-faced, screaming and crying, into a S.C.A.M.P.E.R.
"He doesn't like to be touched, you idiot!" Fanny scolded Eggy.
"Sorry, I … I forgot" Eggy said sheepishly, rubbing a bump on his forehead.
"Och, don't worry about it," Fanny said, sending a dark look towards the S.C.A.M.P.E.R that contained Harvey. "I've got a feeling that tomorrow he won't remember a thing. Now, what are YOU THREE doing here? "
Fortunately a long life of crime had left the O'Reilly gang masters of collective fibbing. They managed to tell their story about how Father had kidnapped them to have an envious audience for his Delightful Children's birthday, how Harvey had disrupted the situation, and how they had managed to escape with the cake in the confusion.
"And that's all? You look like you took quite a trashing!" Fanny said, scowling at Kyle's torn and burned coat.
"Well," Eggy said, "He called Father a broccoli-eating bedwetter."
"Yeh DID?"
Kyle gave a quick nod.
"Har!" Fannys angry scowl was replaced by an amused and slightly acknowledging look. "Well, there's more to you guys than meets the eye, Ah'll say." She turned to her operatives and waved an arm in the air. " ALL RIGHT, LET'S WRAP IT UP – THE CAKE'S LOST ANYWAY".
Quickly and efficiently the operatives left their posts and ran into the S.C.A.M.P.E.R s.
Fanny went up the ramp last. When she reached the top of the ramp she looked back at the gang, mouthed "broccoli-eating bedwetter"? and shook her head. The S.C.A.M.P.E.R.s took off with a tremendous roar. Egbert, Barry and Kyle stood and watched as the three vehicles quickly became nothing more than three more stars in the night sky. Then they started their walk home.
"She is kinda cute", Barry said suddenly.
Egbert and Kyle slowly turned their heads and looked at him.
" … in a shouty, bossy kind of way," he elaborated vaguely.
"Well, yeah, I guess so," Egbert said. Then he sighed. "Look, guys, I'm sorry the whole thing turned into such a mess."
"Arh, Eggy," Barry said, "don't be. I got to drive a cool car, Kyle got to blow off some steam, and you got your own back on Harvey McKenzie. It was totally worth it, I'll say."
"No, it wasn't", Egbert said. "We did not get a cake for Kyle's birthday."
"Aw, right. Yeah, that is a problem. But we'll still have time tomorrow. You come up with a plan and then we'll have the cake at noon."
"That's all right", Kyle said. He smiled his nervous smile, and looked quickly around. Then, from his remaining coat pocket he pulled a large, slightly squashed piece of cake.
"KYLE!" Barry yelled. "You saved a slice of the cake"
"Yes, I cut it out while we were driving. I had a feeling we might lose the cake, so … yeah."
"Kyle," Egbert said, "You are the brilliantest of all brilliant geniuses in the whole world."
"Oh, well – I haven't lost my touch either," Kyle said modestly.
-Epilogue-
Egbert O'Reilly was let out of the Detention wing Monday at 4.30 as usual. He saw, as expected, Barry and Kyle waving at him from the bench, and went straight over to them.
"Good to have you out, Eggy", Barry said and handed Eggy a fresh match.
"Thanks. It's good to be out", Eggy replied, put the match in his mouth and started chewing.
"And … you do have a plan, right?" Kyle said. "We'll need some candy for Ysande's tea party next weekend."
"Well – as a matter of fact, I do have a plan", Eggy said with a smile. "We're gonna need a candle, a piece of Limburger cheese, a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Let's get to work!"