Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold!, its characters, and setting.

A/N: The idea for this fic first came up in a Facebook conversation with Vanessa aka HelgaButtercup aka "That-French-Tsundere-Girl". This fic is a PARODY, with all the most cliched, overused, worn-out plot elements and tropes commonly seen in HA! fanfictions. This is also a parody of all the most terrible fanfictions I have read in the past. If you find this fic terrible, it's okay, it's supposed to be terrible! So let the crapfest begin! ^^,

Helga's Crappy Start

It was a beautiful September morning. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and MTV finally decided to cancel Jersey Shore. It's the first day of school for the students of Hillwood High. Everybody was excited for this new school year. New school year, new beginning.

Hillwood High was just like any cliched high school you could expect to see from a bad 90s teen film. There's a strict stereotypical caste system being followed by the students. At the top of the caste were the jocks, cheerleaders, popular girls, and douchebags. Then there's the nerds, geeks, and freaks. And then the goths and emo kids. And then there's the rest of the general population that wouldn't even bother to know about because they will not be mentioned anywhere in this fic, and they would serve no other pupose but to be onlookers and extras in this story.

Helga Pataki did not miss this opportunity to make a grand entrance at her first day in this school. After all, she had been gone from Hillwood after so many years of absence for reasons that would not matter because it will not be mentioned again or referenced again in the future chapters of this story. She decided to be extra-girly for today. She chose an off-shouldered dress to expose her broad shoulders, pink pleated plaid miniskirt to show off her long legs, and high-cut boots because it looks cool. She decided to get rid of her unibrow because duh, any self-respecting teenager knows that unibrows are sooooo out.

Harold, Stinky, and Sid were playing NBA 2K13 on ad hoc mode in their PSPs on the school quad, with the Lakers finally winning even with Kobe out the game, when their gazes fell upon the lovely tall, long-legged blonde emerging from the bus. They almost dropped their handheld gaming consoles as they gawked upon the blobnde.

"Is that...?"

"Helga G. Pataki?!"

"Wow! Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster! She's a hottie!"

"Suddenly, I'm having dirty thoughts about her, even though I always thought she's butt-ugly back in grade school," Harold declared.

"You said it, Harold. After seeing her, I have an uncontrollable urge to run to the men's room and touch myself impurely," Sid concurred.

"I'm with you Sid. I reckon Helga would be the new darling of Hillwood High," Stinky added. The two boys nodded in agreement.

As Helga made her way across the quad, each and one of the male students almost had their heads almost twisted off their necks as their eyes followed Helga Pataki. Two cars even crashed head-on behind her and burst into flames, roasting their drivers who were distracted by this blonde beauty into crisp. No one paid attention to the smoking, burning cars, as everybody was fixated by this newcomer who instantly enchanted the whole Hillwood High studentry with her wicked beauty.

But not everybody was pleased by Helga's return. From afar, Lila and Rhonda, together with their gang of cheeleaders, were seething upon the sight of the new and improved Helga Pataki captivating the whole Hillwood High.

"So this girl thinks she could simply waltz in and charm the whole studentry, and eventually become the prom and homecoming queen? Ha! Fat chance!" Rhonda said.

"I'm ever so certain that we need to do something to bring that Helga Pataki down! Let's show who's the boss here in Hillood High" Lila added.

"Yes, Lila dear. That Pataki skank is going down. Because we are cheelearders, and we are popular, and we have no other purpose in this fic but to be the convenient antagonists for Helga Pataki, who is obviously the heroine of this fic!" Rhonda said.

"Yes, Rhonda. I'm oh too certain that we need to hatch an evil plan to torment her, and that involves me stealing Arnold from her, because the author of this story has no imagination, and is getting hungry from waiting for his Junior Whooper burger from Burger King! Mwahahahaha!"

Both of cheerleaders laughed maniacally, their gang of cheerleaders joining them in their evil laughter as lightning struck at the background.