CHAPTER SIX
They were nearly out of the Feywood when Ashe snapped.
They all knew it was coming and it was only a matter of time. Despite initial appearances, the revelations of The Occuria had clearly rattled the Princess. In the few days it had taken to escape Giruvegan and make it through the mists of the Feywood she had become increasingly distant and incredibly snappy. Even Balthier, who was used to the sharp side of Ashe's tongue, had been tiptoeing around her.
They had just stopped for the evening, setting down their packs and assigning tasks. Ashe had been sitting quietly, hands on her knees, staring into the distance, tension in her face. Then, without warning, she stood, picked up Basch's axe and hurled it into a tree.
Everyone froze. Ashe stared at the where she had thrown the axe, her body heaving with fury. Breathing heavily, she turned towards her friends. None of them dared to say a word, though Basch wore a look of severe concern. Penelo appeared almost terrified and Vaan's face was full of shock. Fran and Balthier shared a look between them but their faces gave nothing away. Ashe felt suddenly ashamed, especially upon seeing Penelo.
"If you'll please excuse me." She said, her voice shaking. She took her sword and walked off into the mist. Basch instantly retrieved his axe from the tree and, after throwing a meaningful look to Fran, followed the Princess.
Immediately Balthier made to go with him, as did Vaan - also feeling the need to protect his friend - but they were both stopped by a word from Fran.
"Give her time." She simply said, and so the remaining four quietly continued to make camp.
Fifteen minutes or so had passed and Ashe and Basch had still not returned. Penelo found herself constantly searching for them but with no sign, she decided to turn her attention to the man she was beginning to refer to as 'brother'.
She had noticed that Balthier had also become more subdued after Giruvegan and while she knew it had something to do with The Occuria and their demands on the Princess, it also had something to do with being lured to the city by Doctor Cid.
Penelo was no fool. She had easily deduced the two men must be related from how Balthier talked about the Doctor and the way he knew about him. She'd figured his father from the age difference and the fact that they looked so similar. 'Though his nose is different.' She smiled to herself. 'That must be his mother's.' And while she didn't know what had caused the animosity between father and son, having encountered the Doctor herself, she could certainly understand it.
It also wasn't hard to see that Balthier cared for Ashe (and visa-versa) and he was feeling distressed for his part in her current predicament. Taking heed of Cid's words in Archades, insisting they travel to Giruvegan to stop the man and ultimately delivering the Princess to The Occuria, just as the scientist wanted. They couldn't go on like this, he and Ashe, with these troubles that were slowly eating at them both. Not when they could help each other with them.
Steeling herself, Penelo decided she would have a talk with her 'big brother'.
Balthier was apart from Fran and Vaan, securing the last tent down when Penelo came and sat beside him looking pensive. Balthier offered her a quick smile but didn't stop from his task.
"They've been gone a long time." Penelo said, more thinking out loud then anything. Balthier didn't look up.
"Do you think Ashe is okay?" The young girl persisted and Balthier was forced to respond.
"I'm sure Ashe is safe, Pen. The Captain's with her." He grumbled. He adored Penelo but he was not in the mood to reassure her with idle chit-chat. Apparently though, neither was Penelo.
"That's not what I asked." She said and Balthier stopped to consider this. Finally, he turned to face her.
"I think you should go talk to her." She pressed. The Sky Pirate just sighed.
"She doesn't need me, she has Basch." He stressed. A tough day's travel, coupled with worries about Ashe had left him with a headache and Penelo, and own brand of psychology, was not helping.
"Basch is guarding her. You should talk to her." She insisted. Balthier returned to the tent-peg.
"Why me?" He asked, a little harshly. "Why not you, or Vaan or Fran?"
"Because you're worried about her."
"We're all worried about her, Pen."
"Yes, but it's different with you." Stopping suddenly, Balthier eyed his surrogate sister cautiously as Penelo continued to speak. "She's different with you. She needs you Balthier. And right now I think you need her too. You understand each other."
Penelo was being worryingly astute and it unnerved him. He wasn't fully ready to admit his feelings for Ashe and all their implications to himself yet, the idea that the others might be picking up on them as well down right terrified him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He said sullenly, brushing her off. Penelo was not giving up so easily however.
"Balthier, will you stop being so stubborn!" She said, incensed by the man. Balthier sat back, a little stunned. This was not side of Penelo anyone but Vaan usually saw but it was certainly not one you messed with.
"She listens to you." She went on. "She'll talk to you about this and she does need someone to talk to. Basch only has the one axe, he can't keep loosing it to trees." Balthier gave a snort of amusement at that. The young girl refused to give up and took a risk.
"And you like her. Don't worry it isn't obvious!" She quickly lied upon seeing his face tense. "But you do, you can't deny it. And you want to be over there with her right now. So why don't you just grow a pair and go to her!" She finished.
Balthier eyed her quizzically but couldn't stop his grin caused by her choice of wording.
"You've got to stop spending time with Ashe, you're starting to get bossy." He said, sounding more like himself at last, adding a teasing note to show he wasn't really annoyed. Penelo gave him a sarcastic smile.
"It's what little sisters do. They interfere in their big brother's love lives."
"In that case I think I prefer being an only child." Balthier muttered but at her urging he stood, giving Penelo a quick squeeze on her shoulder before leaving the camp after the Princess.
Basch stood in the background and watched as his young charge took out her dilemma on a nearby tree. He listened to her furious cries as she attacked the trunk with her sword over again. He kept a watchful eye out for fiends but considering the anger radiating from Her Highness, it wouldn't be a surprise if even they were keeping their distance.
He wished he could help her, offer her council and help ease her mind but she would not allow him. Before ambushing this unsuspecting tree, she had paced the area, blocking out his every attempt to aid her. So he had just let her be, there to protect her if necessary, as he always had.
A noise from behind made him turn suddenly, raising his axe, he found himself facing the Pirate. Balthier instinctively raised his hands to him in surrender and Basch relaxed, allowing him to approach. Together, they watched the Princess.
"She does know she'll blunt her sword like that." The younger man eventually spoke. Basch grunted in response.
"I would have offered her my axe but for fears she would have felled the entire forest by now." The Knight replied, earning him a soft chuckle from the Pirate.
"I would rather she dull her sword then her spirit however." He continued. "Swords are much easier to re-sharpen." Balthier contemplated the Knight's insight as Ashe paused to catch her breath. Basch turned to the Pirate.
"Perhaps you can offer her some wisdom…or comfort I cannot." He said. Intriguingly, the normally cocksure Pirate looked apprehensive. Basch chose to over-look this change of character and clapped a hand on Balthier's shoulder as a show of faith.
"I will entrust her to your care, Balthier." He could do no more for the Princess in her current state of mind and hoped that the bond she had with the Pirate would be strong enough to help calm her. He left them and returned to the camp. Balthier took a deep breath and approached the angry Royal.
Ashe was exhausted and her arm ached but her frustrations were not spent. Finding some strength, she raised her sword again to strike the bark when she heard him.
"Is it not dead yet?"
Balthier. She closed her eyes and felt her posture drop. 'Not now.' She thought.
"You're going to feel that in the morning." He said from somewhere behind her.
"I'm not in the mood for your mockery, Balthier." She stated, without turning.
"I'm not here to mock you, Ashe." She could hear that his voice was sincere. He wasn't there to irritate her. Summoning the strength she had found just a moment before, she faced him.
His face was neutral, no trademark smirk and his usually clever and laughing eyes were full of concern. Seeing those eyes almost broke her.
He said nothing as Ashe tried to compose and explain herself. But she was at a loss.
"I just…" She suddenly felt so tired. "It's just not fair, Balthier." It was pathetic and she knew it. She felt like a child having a tantrum. Sheathing her sword, she began pacing again.
"I don't know what to do." She started. "I know I need to find the Sun-Cryst, but then what? The Occuria want me to take my revenge against the Empire. Destroy it! 'Deliver judgement'. But we have seen with Larsa, there is more to the Empire then the enemy is there not?" She asked rhetorically. Balthier listened to her rant willingly.
Running her hands through her hair, Ashe carried on.
"These Occuria would see me do their bidding. Destroy the Empire and this 'Venat'. Become another Dynast-King but then what would that make me? Their puppet to be manipulated? A monster for creating such chaos? And if I do not use the Sun-Cryst how can I possibly defeat Vayne Solidor and take back Dalmasca?" She stopped, trying to gather her thoughts. Balthier pursed his lips.
"Ashe, I have to ask, do you truly want revenge? Consider what that means." Ashe just looked at him, deflated.
"I don't know anymore." She admitted. "For two years it was all I thought about. I lost everything, Balthier, everything! My home, the life I knew, my father, my husband, who I loved and was my best friend. All taken from me. Would you not also want revenge?"
"I'd want justice." He said simply. Ashe scoffed.
"There is no justice when Vayne Solidor is concerned!" She spat. Silence fell between them again.
"I just feel so…trapped." She quietly and the emotion began to show on her face. "I just…"
Balthier didn't know what to say but he knew words were inadequate anyway. Ashe needed more than words right now. He was aware he was probably inviting a slap but he didn't care. He walk straight to her and did the only thing that felt right in this situation.
He hugged her.
Ashe's whole body stiffened instinctively when Balthier wrapped his arms around her. She didn't know how to react.
"Balthier-" She made to object but he just shushed her, as if she had had a bad dream.
"It's alright, Ashe." He told her.
Her hands hung limply at her sides. This much contact felt so foreign. Slowly, feeling the warmth of his body and the safety of his arms, together with his soothing stroking of her hair and back, she began to ease into his embrace. Her hands moved to his sides, then eventually moving around his back to hold him fully. Her breathing became inconsistent as she tried to keep her emotions in check but it was becoming difficult as she found more comfort in his hold.
Pulling him tighter, she tried to remember the last time she was held like this. The last few people she allowed this close and made her feel this secure. They were all gone now. Rasler, her father…
Her mother.
Gods, she missed her mother so much at this moment.
Ashe felt the familiar burning sensation in her eyes. It had been so long since she had cried, even longer since she had cried in front of somebody. She had gotten very skilled at fighting it. She couldn't today though. She buried her head in Balthier's shirt, hoping that he wouldn't see her tears and inhaling all the scents that made him Balthier in the process. Try as she might though, she couldn't fool him.
"It's alright, Ashe." He repeated. "I've got you."
Ashe let out a proper sob at that and clutched at him tighter still. She gripped him so fiercely, he let out an involuntary gasp of discomfort.
"Ooh. Ashe, I'm sorry to spoil the moment but that's a little tight."
Ashe was immediately embarrassed and loosened her hold on him, though he wouldn't let her pull away completely. "Oh Gods, Balthier, I'm so sorry!" She started to apologise.
"It's okay, Ashe. I just kind of need to breathe, that's all." He said, some of usual humour returning. "I'm quite fond of breathing, you see. I plan on doing it for a while."
That made her laugh, which considering she was also crying, resulted in more of a splutter. She pulled back slightly so they could see each other but then she realised the state she was in.
"Oh Gods, I must look such a mess!" She shied away from him. "Don't look at me, please."
Balthier just frowned at her foolishness. He raised his hand to her face and gently wiped away her tears.
"How can I not look at you, Ashe?" He said tenderly. "You're beautiful."
He said the words without even realising it. Ashe's eyes widened and he had to fight to keep the surprise out of his own face, all the while he was screaming inside his head. 'What the hell are you saying?! You idiot!' He had finally managed to earn her trust completely, they were so comfortable with each other, the last thing he wanted was to frighten her away, especially now when as she was vulnerable. He was usually so careful about what he said as well but Ashe had a way of making him forget himself when she looked at him. 'Gods, I hope I haven't blown it.'
Quickly reverting to his well-practiced persona, he desperately tried to do some damage control.
"I mean, of course, when you're not covered in snot that is." He smiled. 'Smooth'.
Ashe did laugh but it was a nervous laugh. For she couldn't pretend she hadn't seen the look he gave her a moment before. It was so…loving. In an instant her mouth had gone dry, her breath had stopped in her chest and her heart was beating so loudly she could hear it thudding in her ears. It was a wonder he couldn't hear it.
It was a wonder they couldn't hear it in Rabanastre.
She tried to break the awkwardness that settled between them. "I'm truly sorry, I believe I may have ruined your shirt." She said, pointing to the wet area on his sleeve where she had been crying. Balthier looked down at the offending area and made a face.
"Ah, no matter, Princess. I'll just add this to the mental tally I'm keeping, along with all the other ruined shirts you owe me from this journey. I think we're into double digits now." He joked and their mirroring smiles were genuine ones.
"I'll make it my first command as Queen." She teased back. "Never mind about establishing a cabinet or securing the city; 'fetch this Pirate some shirts!'"
"Well, it's good to get your priorities in order early." He grinned, relieved his earlier faux pas had not done any lasting damage to their relationship. He turned serious.
"And about the other thing, The Occuria. Don't worry about it. Nothing is worth making yourself ill over, especially not them. And remember you aren't alone in all of this. It may be your burden to bare but we're all here for you. I'm here for you. And I know you don't know what to do yet but whatever happens, whatever decision you decide to make I know, when the time comes, it'll be the right one." He brushed her hair away from her face. "I believe in you, Ashe. I already lost one person to The Occuria, I don't intend to lose you too."
If Ashe's heart was beating loudly before it was nothing compared to the volume it was now. It could almost rival Penelo's snoring. Gazing up at him, all she could say was "Thank you, Balthier" before her mouth went dry again.
He could easily kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and damn, if it didn't look like she wanted to kiss him right back. But it was not the right time, not after the emotional whirlwind she had just gone through. Instead, Balthier just smiled at her, softly.
"And as for feeling trapped, don't forget you've got the best Sky Pirate in Ivalice at your side. We pirates are pretty good at getting out of tight spots, you know." He winked at her and she couldn't help her next line.
"Thank the Gods for Fran then." That earned her a bark of laughter and she settled back against his chest, returning to his embrace.
"Balthier?" She asked after a moment. He made an enquiring noise in response. "We don't have to go back yet, do we?"
"No, Ashe." He replied "We can stay here as long a you like."