A/N: Thank you for all comments and criticisms. Although I failed to reply to them all personally, I appreciate all thoughts you've shared. While I planned to update since December, the year-end schedule didn't agree with me, so the update was delayed to mid-January and I apologize for that. I hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter as much as you did the previous ones. Happy 2013.

13: Kiss, Birthday and Insecurity

For a man who was supposed to have everything, Byakuya's life was surprisingly empty. He had spent the most part of his life going through the motions. Every path he had taken had been predetermined for him. All he had ever done was playing his part as perfectly as he could. It was easy; it was simple; and it was safe. He had everything anyone could ever need, but almost nothing that he actually wanted.

The one time he strayed from the path that he was supposed to be taking, it resulted in a huge uproar and cost his family a precious political alliance. Some said that he was foolish and that he was used, but he couldn't care less even if they spoke the truth. Because despite how his love was not returned, in the end, what really mattered to him was that he had loved and that he had found a kind of happiness that he never knew had been missing from his life. When that time was cut short, Byakuya was left so benumbed that it was not difficult to revert to the kind of life he used to lead – the one that was easy, simple, safe but empty.

Ever since then Byakuya couldn't find anyone who could touch, much less move his heart. He considered it a fortunate coincidence that no prestigious noble families wanted their ladies to be wedded to a widower, especially when the former wife of said widower was a mere peasant with questionable background, because if it were not the case, his family would have already tried to arrange a new marriage for him as soon as the mourning period for Hisana's death was over, and Byakuya would probably have no reason to disagree with the arrangement. However, since Byakuya hadn't been particularly interested in anyone and his family hadn't tried to find him a new wife, the subject of romance and marriage had not crossed Byakuya's mind again until very recently. And the subject was brought back to his mind by the last person anyone could have expected, Kurosaki Ichigo.

They first met in a summer night. The way they met was the worst first meeting imaginable with Byakuya stabbing Ichigo's twice in the chest, destroying the Shinigami power that was lent to the boy by Rukia and then leaving him to die alone in the falling rain.

In the world where anyone would hold a worse grudge for a lesser reason, Byakuya was more than a little surprised when he learned that Ichigo didn't fight him out of hatred or vengeance. That fight was not personal to Ichigo just as much as it was not personal to Byakuya. They were merely standing on different sides, with Ichigo fighting against the laws of Soul Society and Byakuya fighting to protect said laws.

After everything was said and done – despite the fact that Byakuya had attempted on his life, not only once, but three times – Ichigo had never asked for Byakuya's apology for what he had done to Ichigo. If there were anything that boy wanted from him at all, it would be for him apologize to Rukia. And Byakuya couldn't help wondering if the boy was always so forgiving or if it was because Ichigo didn't feel that Byakuya's apology was worth his regards.

Therefore, Byakuya began to observe Ichigo's behaviors from afar if only to find out what that human was truly made of. It didn't take long for him to realize that Ichigo was a type of person whose generosity was often extended to even his enemies. Although such kindness often it made him seem soft, Byakuya still admired that part of the Substitute Shinigami, for it took more strength to forgive and forget than to keep holding on to some old grudges. Ichigo had a good heart, and even though he was a hybrid of too many species than Byakuya cared to count and was viewed as abomination by some old, conservative nobles; the boy's soul was purer than the soul of those hateful nobles, and perhaps purer than most people Byakuya knew. Because of that, Byakuya had made a pledge to himself to do everything in his power to make sure that boy's spirit would never be broken or corrupted.

Even so, it was not in Byakuya's agenda to get close to the Substitute Shinigami. Ichigo, on the other hand, did not have that same agenda. He opted to address Byakuya so informally despite everything, and then he gradually wormed his way into Byakuya's confidence. Then, before Byakuya knew it, Ichigo had become quite special to him.

Byakuya never expected that Ichigo would develop any feelings of any kind for him, nor had he ever hoped that Ichigo would. However, somewhere along the line, the way Ichigo looked at him had gradually changed. For a long while, Byakuya thought his imagination had become overactive and brushed the idea that Ichigo might have looked at him in a romantic sense out of his mind. After all, Ichigo never struck him as a homosexual type, and should Byakuya be wrong about the boy's sexual preference, Ichigo had already seen Byakuya at his worst, so the nobleman very much doubted the Substitute Shinigami would be able to form a romantic feeling for him after everything he had known.

But then Ichigo had done yet another unexpected thing and confessed his feelings, and even after Byakuya had given him an unsatisfactory reply, Ichigo still stuck around with his usual can-do attitude.

Just as much as Byakuya knew that it would be in Ichigo's best interest if he were to keep his distance from the boy, Byakuya still allowed the Substitute Shinigami to remain as close to him as he had been before the confession, which was probably not the best move from his side because he ended up complicated things between them further by inviting Ichigo out for a lunch, which somehow ended with them spending the rest of the afternoon together, and then having that one kiss.

They were sitting by an artificial lake in one of the Kuchiki Family's private gardens, gazing at the stars while waiting for the firework displays to start. One thing led to another, and one minute they were discussing the legend of Altair and Vegas, and the next Ichigo's lips were already upon his.

The kiss was nothing sophisticated. In fact, it was no more than a gentle caress of lips – something very sweet, very chaste, and very inexperienced. From the way the kiss felt, Byakuya was almost certain that it was Ichigo's very first.

A darker, more primal part of Byakuya wanted to respond to that kiss, turn it into something far more passionate and far less innocent, and then teach Ichigo's the first lesson of untamed adult desires. However, a more responsible part of him reminded him that it was neither the time nor the place. It wouldn't be, at least not until the day Byakuya could honestly say without any reservation that he returned Ichigo's affection. If he were to allow things to go with the flow, he would only end up hurting Ichigo more than he suspected that he already had.

Hence, Byakuya let the kiss end without responding to it.

Ichigo pulled back a couple of seconds afterward. Byakuya could see it in that young man's brown eyes that he expected Byakuya to say something, possibly to scold him for that kiss. However, Byakuya had no reproach, so he just turned away and looked back to the sky where colorful fireworks were displayed. His mind was not in the show, but he kept his eyes there, for there was nothing else that he could have done unless he wished to throw away his conscience and let all consequences be damned.

And it seemed to Byakuya that Ichigo didn't pay attention to those fireworks either, since he sensed Ichigo's eyes on him throughout the whole show. Therefore, neither of them noticed that the firework displays were over until several minutes after it ended and some people were walking along the street just outside of the garden, discussing just how spectacular the fireworks had been.

'So what do you think?' Byakuya asked, breaking the silence.

He didn't look at Ichigo, so there was no way Byakuya could tell for certain what kind of expression Ichigo had on his face when he heard that question from him. However, his best guess would be that Ichigo would be blinking himself out of his reverie.

'About what?'

'The fireworks, of course,' Byakuya replied in a normal tone as if Ichigo had not just kissed him and they had not been in an awkward silence until just a moment ago. 'You said you would need to see them before you could compare Tanabata Festival here and in the World of the Living.'

Ichigo scratched the back of his neck as he searched for an acceptable answer.

'I don't think they are that much different.'

'I see. In that case, it's getting late, so shall we head to the Senkaimon?' Byakuya suggested.

'Yeah. I've bothered you for long enough for one day, anyway.'

'I wasn't bothered.'

'Then that's one more reason for me not to overstay my welcome.'

With that said, they both stood up. Byakuya took a short moment to straighten his clothes, whereas Ichigo couldn't seem to care less if his uniform got mussed from having sat and watched the stars and the fireworks. Once Byakuya was done straightening his clothes, he turned to Ichigo and gestured his hand towards the direction of the road.

They did not exchange any other words as they walked together to the location of the Senkaimon, for they both had quite a lot on their minds. The silence was awkward to say the least, but fortunately, it was not a long walk from the lake to where the Senkaimon was located.

'Thanks for today, Byakuya,' Ichigo said as they reached to the front of the Senkaimon.

'You're welcome,' Byakuya replied. 'I don't suppose you can tell when you will pay the next visit to Soul Society?'

Ichigo seemed to be surprised by the question. However, Byakuya would not blame him. After all, Byakuya had never asked him such a question before, and they would see one another whenever they would see one another. No promises had ever been made, and therefore, none had ever been broken.

'Not really,' Ichigo replied in all honesty, 'Why, Byakuya? Are you missing me already?'

'Now you're being cheeky,' Byakuya retorted.

Ichigo laughed at that.

'Well, since it's the first time you ever ask me when I'll be back here again, I think I'm allowed to be,' the Substitute Shinigami pointed.

If Byakuya were anyone else, he would have already rolled his eyes at Ichigo's response. However, since he was not anybody else, he simply shook his head slightly.

'Seriously though,' Ichigo continued, 'I can't really say when I'll be able to come again since exams are coming up, but I'll drop by as soon as I can."

Byakuya had a feeling that they could keep the banter up for the rest of the night if they really wanted to, so he decided not to drag it on.

'Take a good care of yourself until then, Ichigo,' said the noble. 'I'll see you when I see you.'

'Yeah, you too,' Ichigo replied. Although it was obvious that Ichigo realized it was his cue to leave, the Substitute Shinigami still stood there, looking at Byakuya as if he still had quite a lot more to say although he wasn't sure if he should really speak his mind.

'Well, then—' Byakuya began, deciding that since Ichigo couldn't make up his mind, he might as well say his farewell again to end their meeting or otherwise they would end up standing there, staring at one another for the rest of the night.

'I should get going,' Ichigo finished the sentence for Byakuya before he brought out a Hell's butterfly and then activated the Senkaimon in order to head back home in Karakura Town.

Byakuya acknowledged Ichigo's words with a nod, believing that Ichigo would simply walk through the gate. However, Ichigo took a deep breath and remarked:

'Just so you know, I really meant it when I said you were worth waiting forever for, and I really do intend to wait for as long as it'd take you to accept my feelings.'

Byakuya closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how to reply to such a statement.

'But I'm not sorry about that kiss just then,' Ichigo continued, taking Byakuya completely by surprise. 'See you later, Byakuya.'

And with that, Ichigo disappeared through the Senkaimon, not waiting for any reply from Byakuya who was staring after him with wide eyes.

It wasn't until after the gate had closed behind Ichigo that Byakuya managed to regain his composure and headed back to the Kuchiki Mansion, wondering if his assumption about Ichigo was wrong and the boy wasn't as innocent as he had believed him to be.

In any case, Byakuya had been left to wonder how to act around Ichigo in their next meeting because even though nothing had fundamentally changed in their relationship, it was not exactly the same either. Even so, he wasn't sure if he should be happy when Ichigo had not shown up in Seireitei again since that night.

It had been almost two months since the Tanabata Festival. While Byakuya wouldn't say that he missed Ichigo, he still wondered what the boy had been up to during the time that he had been absent, since there hadn't been any reports on the activities of the Substitute Shinigami for almost just as long.

Byakuya had considered asking either Rukia or Renji if they had heard from their friend. However, Rukia had once complained about Ichigo's disappearance, which meant that she couldn't have heard anything from the Substitute Shinigami either. As for Renji, for some reasons the lieutenant had been giving Byakuya weird looks whenever he thought Byakuya wouldn't notice, so if Byakuya were to bring Ichigo up in their conversation, he feared Renji would act even stranger; therefore, he never uttered a word to Renji about Ichigo.

Speaking of Renji, the lieutenant would have a birthday party later that night, and for the first time in the span of three years that Renji had been working under him, the lieutenant approached to Byakuya and invited him to said party.

"...Rukia, Kira, Hinamori and Hisagi-san will come," Renji stated, "and... well, I've also made a call to Urahara-san and asked him to invite Ichigo for me."

Byakuya wasn't sure if it was his own imagination, but Renji had that weird look on his face again when he mentioned Ichigo. And because of that look, Byakuya couldn't help wondering whether Renji had brought up Ichigo's name to make sure that Byakuya would turn down the invitation or he just thought he would mention it so Byakuya would not be surprised should he agree to join them and actually see Ichigo at the party. However, it didn't matter to him either way because he didn't intend to accept the invitation to begin with regardless of whether Ichigo was there or not.

"Thank you for the invitation, Renji, but there will only be your friends in this party, so I'd better not join."

"Actually, Rikichi and some other guys in our division will also join the party, taichō, so you would fit in just fine," Renji said, "but um... if it's because I've invited Ichigo...well, he hasn't given any reply yet, so he might not..."

Byakuya raised a hand as a gesture for Renji to stop babbling.

"It has nothing to do with Ichigo," Byakuya commented. "I just don't see how all of you would be able to have fun should I actually join the party."

Renji blinked at the reply, but the first thing he opted to ask was, "Did you just refer to Ichigo as Ichigo?"

Byakuya raised an eyebrow as if to ask Renji if it really mattered how he referred to people.

"Yes, I did," Byakuya replied. "Is there anything wrong with it?"

Renji blinked again. This time, it took him a little longer to get himself out of his stupor and then give Byakuya a sheepish reply:

"No, taichō, not at all."

Although he said nothing was wrong, Renji gave Byakuya yet another weird look that made Byakuya wonder if Renji had learned something about the development of his relationship with Ichigo. After all, it would explain why Renji had been given him all those strange looks.

"Enjoy your birthday party," Byakuya said, "now if there is nothing else..."

"Ah, I'll take my leave now, taichō," Renji quickly said before he had to be told to leave. "Sorry to bother you."

With that, Renji bowed at Byakuya and left the captain's office.

Byakuya didn't have any expectations whether Ichigo would come to Renji's birthday party or not, and even if he should have such expectations, he had no reason to believe that Ichigo would drop by to greet him before he headed to the party, much less afterward. The only reason he had yet to retire to his respective room in spite of the fact that it had already been late at night was that he wanted to make sure that Rukia returned home safely after the party. Therefore, the captain was quite surprised to see that instead of Renji or some other Shinigami that joined the party, it was Ichigo who actually accompanied Rukia back home to the Kuchiki Mansion.

"Ah, nii-sama! I thought you would have already been in bed by now," Rukia remarked, surprised that her brother was standing in the garden not so far from the front gate even though he had already changed into his nightwear.

"I planned to, but it seemed I have lost track of time," Byakuya replied. "How was the party?"

"It was fun until everyone got so drunk at the end and started to make a lot of fuss. It's a good thing Ichigo also joined the party or I would have to spend more time sending each of those drunkards home by myself."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"I see," he said. "In that case, you must be tired, so don't mind me and just go to bed."

"I will. Good night, nii-sama," Rukia replied. She then turned to Ichigo and remarked, "Thanks for seeing me home, Ichigo. Good night."

Ichigo responded with a nod. "Yeah, good night, Rukia."

Hearing Ichigo's farewell, Rukia turned to give her brother a bow and then waved at Ichigo before she went inside the house to get her rest. After Rukia was gone, Byakuya turned and looked at Ichigo, who had yet to excuse himself and headed for the Senkaimon.

"Hi, Byakuya."

Byakuya nodded slightly as greeting. "Ichigo."

"I know it's really late and you're probably planning to go to bed right after you see that Rukia is home safe, but can I talk to you for a moment?"

Byakuya furrowed his brows. He couldn't tell what was so important that Ichigo had to speak to him then, especially when Ichigo had waited until after Renji's birthday party to say it even though he could have dropped by before he went to said party.

"Of course," Byakuya replied, "but I must ask what is so important that cannot wait until the next time we meet?"

Ichigo sighed softly and looked down to the ground for a moment. His trademark scowl was deepened as the Substitute Shinigami searched for words.

"Well, for you, it's probably not all that important," Ichigo said. "It's just that I don't know when I'll get to see you next time."

"Is that not how it usually goes?" Lord Kuchiki wondered.

"Yeah, but going to Renji's birthday party tonight kinda reminds me of my mortality," Ichigo replied, and before Byakuya had to ask for further explanation, he added: "Of course, Rukia did mention it once that she was at least ten times older than I was, but I never really put any real thoughts into it until tonight."

"What made you think about it now?"

Ichigo shrugged.

"Well, everyone was teasing me how young I was compare to them at first. Then we talked about how people in Soul Society grew old at a much slower pace than humans did – like how you didn't look like you aged a day since the first time we met. At this rate, in less than a decade, I'd probably look older than many people I know here, including you."

Byakuya tilted his head and looked at Ichigo from head to toe before he allowed a slight smile on his lips.

"I would admit it would be interesting to see how well you would age."

"It's not even funny, Byakuya," Ichigo said, deepening his scowl. "Do you even reckon how weird it would be if one day I came here being old and gray while all of you remained pretty much the same?"

Byakuya thought about it for a moment before he allowed himself a soft chuckle.

"It would be stranger if you became bald," Byakuya pointed.

The teen growled at the noble before he opened his mouth probably to say something spiteful. However, he didn't have the chance to say those words as Byakuya cut him off first.

"But even if you should grow older, you'd still be the same on the inside, wouldn't you?" the noble stated, "and in the end, isn't that what really counts?"

Ichigo narrowed his eyes slightly before he shook his head.

"I'd like to think that I'd at least be calmer and wiser."

"Well, those are not bad qualities to possess."

Again, Ichigo sighed.

"What would you think of me then? You know, when I become old, wrinkled and gray or bald or whatever?"

Byakuya took a moment to study Ichigo. He could see insecurities in the young man's brown eyes, and he knew that even though Ichigo didn't speak so seriously about it, the subject had deeply concerned him.

"I would certainly miss the orange hue of your hair," said the noble, earning himself yet another earnest glare from the younger man. "However, your appearance is not what draws me to you. As long as you remained who you are now on the inside, it wouldn't matter to me how much you may change on the outside."

Ichigo's expression was softened when he heard the reply and there was even a flash of relief behind his chocolate eyes.

"Can I hold you to it?"

Byakuya responded with a slight nod of his head.

"Of course," he said solemnly.

"Then I'll definitely do that," Ichigo replied with a small smile.

Again, Byakuya nodded as a response.

"I'm sure you will," he said. "Now if that's all you're worried about, you should head back to the World of the Living before it gets any later. You wouldn't want to worry your father."

Ichigo grimaced when his father was mentioned.

"I don't think he's as worried as he's looking for a chance to lecture me about something I do," Ichigo pointed, "but yeah, I should go. After all, I've already interrupted enough of your sleep time as it is. So, I'll see you again later."

"Good night, Ichigo."

"Yeah. Good night, Byakuya," Ichigo replied. "Have a sweet dream. And don't forget to dream about me a little, too."

With that, Ichigo waved at Byakuya and disappeared with the help of his shunpo just before Byakuya could make any comment on his cheekiness.

Seeing that the boy had gone, Byakuya shook his head slightly before he stared into the darkness of the night. Although nothing had changed about him having everything that he needed but nothing that he wanted, at least with Ichigo coming around, his life would not be spent going through the motions again anytime soon.