A/N: I have a feeling that this series should be renamed to "The Author Takes Time", as the frequency of my update has dramatically dropped from biweekly to bimonthly. (Well, at least, it only takes a month for this chapter, if that's even an excuse.) In any case, thank you for all thoughts and supports so far, though I can't promise to update any faster even if I want to. Still I hope you'd enjoy this chapter more than you did the last. Till next time.
14: Doubt, Mask and Parting
The weather was getting chillier as autumn had almost ended and winter was approaching. Captain Kuchiki did not waste any time to admire the picturesque scenery, as he hastily flash-stepped all the way to the First Division.
Just a few minutes earlier, he was still up on a mountain in East Rukongai with two squads from his division, having a training exercise which should last for two more days. However, the Captain Commander had sent a Hell's Butterfly to summon him to the First Division, which only roused Byakuya's curiosity as to what kind of mission he was urgently summoned back to do when any other captain should be equally qualified for the task, if not more.
Kyōraku had to summon him for a specific reason, which he believed he would find out as soon as he reached to the First Division. After all, despite his flashy appearance, Kyōraku was one of the most respectable captains in the Gotei 13, and he always made sensible calls, except when he was drunk – which he had rarely been since he succeeded the position of the Captain Commander from the late Yamamoto "Genryūsai" Shigekuni – so he wouldn't have summoned Byakuya when he could have easily assigned other captains for the task. Therefore, instead of wasting his time to question the logic of the order, Byakuya simply put Renji in charge of the training exercise and then went back to the First Division as quickly as he could.
Once he entered the ground of the First Division, Captain Kuchiki was led straight to the Captain Commander's office where Kyōraku had already been expecting him.
"Thank you for showing up so quickly, Byakuya-kun," he said. "I'm sorry for summoning you here when you're still in the middle of training exercise with your division."
"You can spare the formality, senpai. What is the emergency?"
"We have a Hollow situation in Karakura Town," Kyōraku stated. "Urahara Kisuke has contacted me for the Gotei 13's assistance. He and I agreed that you have the best chance at dispatching this Hollow. Of course, you can use any methods that you see fits."
Byakuya nodded.
"Kisuke-kun will fill you in with the rest of the details when you get there. All you need to know now is that you'll be heading to the World of the Living without the limiter just in case."
Byakuya briefly wondered how strong the Hollow had to be if a captain was to be sent to the World of the Living without the limiter and if it was a type of Hollow whose ability was weak against a certain type of zanpakutō, as that was the only sensible explanation for him to be called back. Still, since it was an emergency mission, he decided not to ask.
"I'll head straight there, then."
With that, he bowed at Kyōraku before he left for the mission. He would just find out when he was there.
It wasn't as if he had expected to be greeted with total chaos, but for a town where there was supposed to be a Hollow situation that was bad enough to request for an assistance from a Gotei 13 captain and for said captain to come to the World of the Living without the limiter; Karakura Town appeared to be surprisingly quiet and peaceful when Byakuya arrived.
Of course, it was possible that Urahara Kisuke and his team had already been able to dispatch the Hollow during the time that it took to summon Byakuya back to Seireitei and then send him there. However, since he had a mission, he still needed to make sure that the Hollow that he was sent to dispatch had already been taken care of before he could return to Soul Society and reported back to the Captain Commander.
Thanks to whoever was responsible for setting the Senkaimon to open right in front of Urahara Shop, Byakuya was saved from the hassle of having to travel there. To his surprise, there seemed to be some kind of force field set around the candy shop. However, before he had the time to put any thoughts into it, the shop owner had come out to greet him.
"Ah, Kuchiki-san, you've finally arrived! Please come in."
While Urahara didn't sound as if they were in any dire situation, Byakuya could still see a troubled look on the man's face.
"I was told there was a Hollow that required my assistance in dispatching; however, I cannot sense anything strange in the atmosphere," Byakuya said, cutting to the point.
"Well, you wouldn't," Urahara said.
"So you have already taken care of that Hollow?"
"Not exactly," the shop owner replied. "Follow me in, Kuchiki-san. You'll understand once you get inside."
Once again, Byakuya's curiosity was piqued, but at the same time, he was also annoyed by the fact that everyone didn't seem to have any intention to tell him anything at all even though they claimed to need his help in one way or another. Still, the captain kept his expression neutral as he followed Urahara into the shabby-looking shop and then down a hatchway to a large underground area which was, once again, protected by a thick spiritual barrier which was maintained by none other than the former Captain of the Kidō Corp, Tsukabishi Tessai.
There was something very odd about the whole setting, but Byakuya couldn't quite put a name on it until after Tessai had opened the barrier to allow both Byakuya and Urahara to walk in.
He could feel a Hollow presence once he walked inside the barrier, and although the spiritual pressure that he felt didn't seem to be so powerful that it should require that much of barrier, it was still familiar. It was so very familiar that Byakuya's heart sank even before he was led to the area where a certain Hollow that he never expected to see again was bound to the ground by what appeared to be Bakudō 99, Kin.
The Hollow could have passed as Ichigo, for there was no trace of a Hollow mask on the Hollow's face. However, no matter how much he looked like Ichigo, the yellow iris and the black sclera of his eyes and the twisted aura of his spiritual presence still gave his identity away. Therefore, Byakuya didn't need Urahara to tell him that the person who was in charge of the soul at that moment was not Ichigo but the Hollow within the boy.
"What happened?" Byakuya asked quietly.
"Well, the shortest explanation is Kurosaki-san died, and he took it quite badly," Urahara explained.
Byakuya closed his eyes and drew a sharp breath. He could easily understand why Ichigo would not be able to take the news that he would allow his emotions to overwhelm him to the point that the Hollow reappeared because Byakuya also felt that Ichigo's death came too sudden that he couldn't quite decide how to take the news himself.
"How?"
"How did we die?" the question came from the Hollow who looked at Byakuya with his eyes narrowed. "You really can't guess? I expect a little better from you, joō."
Byakuya narrowed his eyes when he noticed that the Hollow had dubbed him as "queen". However, instead of answering back to the Hollow, the Shinigami simply ignored him and turned to Urahara for his answer.
"You know that a strong spiritual energy often has negative impacts on people who are exposed to it such as weakening or killing them, right?" Urahara begin, and when he saw an absent nod from Byakuya, he continued, "Kurosaki-san's power has grown at an exponential rate since, let's say, we returned that power to him. I guess it now reaches the point where his physical body can no longer withstand the amount of power that it has to contain, so basically it gives out – you know, like a light bulb that is burned out after having been exposed to too high voltage of electricity for too long. Now his spirit can't return to his physical body without burning it out again."
Again, Byakuya closed his eyes and sighed. While he couldn't honestly say how he actually felt to learn about it since the news had yet to sink into him for the most part, it was still very depressing to learn that Ichigo was killed by his own power.
"Just like that?"
Urahara nodded in confirmation.
"Yes, Kuchiki-san, just like that. A human body isn't built to withstand spiritual power, after all, even for someone who's a half Shinigami like him."
"I see," Byakuya said softly.
If the news had been a shock to him and had him feeling numbed for that long, Byakuya couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like for Ichigo, especially with that certain cause of death.
"Very anticlimactic, don't you agree?" the Hollow observed. "To be killed by our own power. And I was thinking with his personality, maybe he'd die a little more heroic death, like being hit by a truck while helping an old lady cross a street or something."
Byakuya furrowed his brows slightly as he wasn't too sure about the Hollow's concept of heroic acts; however, he once again ignored the Hollow's presence and spoke to Urahara:
"Do you any idea how to turn him back to his normal self?"
Urahara nodded. "Well, that's the reason why we sent for you, Kuchiki-san."
"I'm listening."
The shop owner took a deep breath before he explained:
"I suspect that the reason the Hollow managed control of him is because Kurosaki-san had fallen in the depths of despair after he died. So, if he were to be given some solace-"
Byakuya closed his eyes for a moment. However, he resumed a neutral expression when he opened his slate eyes again and remarked, "If you cannot tell, I am not good at consoling people."
Urahara laughed humorlessly.
"I figure that much, Kuchiki-san. However, the Hollow has refused to speak to anyone but you, so you are our best bet. Unless, of course, we are to dispatch him here and now."
"Hey, you're not supposed to talk about murdering someone when you're right in front of them, you know?" the Hollow protested. "It's bloody rude."
For a brief moment, Byakuya looked at the Hollow who was bound on the ground. He then closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose softly.
"If that's the case, you can leave us here then, Urahara Kisuke," Byakuya said. It was probably a foolish choice; however, he had no other option, as he couldn't just kill the Hollow and hope for the best that the act would merely purify Ichigo's hybrid soul and send him to Soul Society as a normal Plus rather than kill him permanently. "And you might as well try to find other means to deal with him in case I fail."
Urahara simply nodded before he quietly left the underground training area, and Byakuya appreciated the fact that the man had enough courtesy not to pretend to try to convince him to change his mind.
Once Byakuya was alone with the Hollow in the vast basement of the candy shop, Byakuya finally turned his attention to the Hollow.
"Now that he's left us, you can drop the pretense and get out of those restraints," Byakuya said blandly. "We both know you can break free whenever you want."
The Hollow shrugged before he began to struggle against the bondage and after a moment, the Hollow broke free from the binding spell that had been put on him. He then got to his feet before he took his time to stretch his arms and legs.
"Can't really fool you, eh?" the Hollow asked while he rolled his shoulders to get rid of the numbness he felt from having been tied up for a long period.
"I might have believed you if you were to fake a struggle or tried to look a little more concerned that you were captured and could be killed," Byakuya remarked. "If anything, I suspect you wouldn't have been captured at all if you had not allowed yourself to be."
The Hollow laughed.
"Looks like nothing ever slips by you, eh?" he commented, "Though that makes me kinda wonder why you agreed to talk to me knowing all this. Aren't you afraid of me at all?"
Byakuya eyed the Hollow coldly.
"I'm not easily scared," Captain Kuchiki stated, "Besides, I was hoping that you would try to attack me."
The Hollow raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I have no idea you are masochistic. What an interesting info!"
"I am not," Byakuya denied. "It is simply that right now I cannot find other means to bring Ichigo back to the surface aside from battling you and hoping for the best that he would come out before either one of us is killed."
The Hollow tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.
"You know there's a huge chance that you'll end up as the one who gets killed, right?"
To that question, Byakuya gave the Hollow a cold nod.
"I'll take that chance."
The Hollow looked at the Shinigami for a moment.
"As expected, you're still cool, calm and collected even when we're discussing the possibility of your death," the Hollow remarked. "I guess that is one thing the King and I both love and hate about you."
"Should I take that as a compliment?" the captain asked blandly.
The Hollow shrugged but didn't reply to the question.
"Take it however you want. But in any case, I didn't go through all the troubles to get you here just so that I could have a rematch with you," the Hollow stated. "It would be fun, of course, but if the King would resurface because I attack someone he loves, it would be more effective for me to go after his sisters. I mean, what do you reckon is his lingering attachment here in this world? But if I did that, he would probably alienate me more and we might never get to see him again."
"You spoke as if you wish for him to be back in control," Byakuya observed.
"That's because I do," the Hollow claimed. "Let's be honest here, joō, I never asked to be out here. Every time I came out, it was because if I didn't, he would just be killed by his enemies. Now I'm probably out here because he was depressed by his fate and then blamed everything on Zangetsu and me, and thus lost his control over me as a result."
Byakuya studied the Hollow's for a long moment, and once he was certain that it wasn't some kind of trickery from the Hollow, he nodded.
"So, what is my part in this?"
The Hollow shrugged.
"I was just thinking that maybe seeing you would remind him that his death isn't the end of the world, and Soul Society isn't such a bad place to be?"
Byakuya said nothing as he closed his eyes and sighed, and because of those actions, the Hollow narrowed his eyes and glared at him.
"Or has it all been a lie? When you said you only turned the King down because he was human? Did you say so just to buy yourself some time, hoping that after a while, the King's feeling for you would fade so you wouldn't have to reject him yourself? Is this why you look so damn troubled? Because unlike how you pictured it, the King dies very young and his feeling hasn't even begun to fade?" the Hollow pressed. "Have you ever had even a slightest feeling for the King at all, Kuchiki Byakuya?"
Again, Byakuya sighed. However, this time he opened his eyes and turned to fully face the Hollow.
"So you've always doubted me."
The Hollow rolled his eyes. "Have you ever given me any reason not to?"
"I suppose not," Byakuya admitted, "which means, Ichigo also doubts me to a certain degree."
"So?"
"So even if I were to get down on my knees and say that I love Ichigo now, neither you nor Ichigo would truly believe me," Byakuya replied.
"It'd still be a good start," the Hollow noted.
"In any other circumstances, perhaps," Byakuya remarked noncommittally, "however, now you'd just think I said those words to manipulate you both into coming with me peacefully to Soul Society."
The Hollow sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right, but right now maybe we're willing to be manipulated."
Byakuya stared deep into the Hollow's eyes as if to try to find out whether the Hollow actually meant those words, and as he saw that the Hollow probably did, he reached his hand out to touch the Hollow's shoulder.
"Don't ever sell yourself so short," said the Shinigami. "You deserve much better than that."
Just when Byakuya let go of the Hollow's shoulder and was about to pull his hand back, his wrist was seized.
"And what exactly do we deserve, huh? Some meaningless hints and empty promises?" the Hollow asked with a stern look. "You can be honest with me. I can take your answer. What exactly do you feel about the King?"
Byakuya wasn't sure if it was a Hollow's instinct to try to leave its mark on everything it had touched or the Hollow really didn't know his own strength when he squeezed on Byakuya's wrist tightly as if to prompt for an answer.
"All you need to know is that I'm not playing him," Byakuya said calmly, placing his free hand above the Hollow's in a wordless request for the Hollow to release his wrist. "As for what my feeling for him is, I will only answer that to Ichigo himself."
"Fair enough," the Hollow said as he released Byakuya's wrist.
Once he was free, the Shinigami turned and made his way toward a large rock in the middle of the underground chamber before he sat down on that rock. The Hollow soon followed him there, but unlike Ichigo who was usually more reserved and often asked before he would sit down next to Byakuya, the Hollow simply sat down right next to Byakuya, invading the Shinigami's personal space.
"So what now?" the Hollow asked, tilting his head upward to look at the fake sky of the underground chamber. "Are we just going to sit here like this until the King decides to make his return? It could take a long time for him to get over his depression, you know?"
"Then I suppose this is my turn to wait for him," said the noble.
The Hollow chuckled. "Seems the timing is never right for you and the King, eh?"
Byakuya sighed softly but he didn't say anything else in response.
They simply sat there in silence, as Byakuya considered all possibilities of dealing with the Hollow whereas the Hollow kept switching his attention to and fro between the fake blue sky and the Shinigami's troubled expression.
Seeing how the noble didn't seem to have put up his guard even though he was sitting right next to one of the strongest Hollows in history, the Hollow couldn't help wondering just how deep the trust ran between the Shinigami and his King, especially when Kuchiki Byakuya wasn't a gullible person who would place his trust in just about everybody. He was a veteran Shinigami who knew better than to lower his guard around any Hollows, much less the one that was generally perceived to be dangerous. But no matter how deep such trust ran, the Hollow was still touched by the fact that the trust had been extended to him because he was used to being distrust and feared by most beings he had encountered, including Ichigo himself.
"I seriously wanna kiss you right now," the Hollow mused.
Byakuya expected the Hollow to wear the smug grin he always wore when he was trying to get on someone's nerve; however, he was somewhat surprised when he glanced sideways to the Hollow and saw that such a smile wasn't there. In fact, the Hollow was looking at him with an uncharacteristically soft gaze.
Before Byakuya could respond to the comment, the Hollow narrowed his eyes and growled.
"Of all the time you could have come back, you've gotta butt in now?" he muttered. "Protective much, aren't we, ō?"
Byakuya furrowed his brows as he watched the changes in the Hollow's expression during the time he was basically talking to himself.
"Che! Whatever," the Hollow said, rolling his eyes. He then turned to Byakuya and remarked, "Oh, well, it looks like this is a goodbye for us for now, joō, and just when we're getting to a good part, too."
Byakuya raised an eyebrow and then watched as the black in Ichigo's sclera began to fade to white, and his irises gradually umbered. The dark, heavy atmosphere at seemed to have disappeared along with the Hollow's presence, and because of that, Byakuya was certain that Ichigo was back in control.
Ichigo blinked twice to regain his focus then he took a quick look at Byakuya. Seeing the nobleman safe and sound, Ichigo let out a deep sigh. His shoulder sagged and his head was hung as he whispered, "I'm sorry, Byakuya. Did he do anything to you?"
"No," Byakuya replied, but he could tell that his answer didn't relief Ichigo in the slightest as the young man's still clenched his hands together so tightly that his knuckles were almost white. "But more importantly, how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Ichigo replied softly, turning slightly to give Byakuya a smile as if to prove his words.
However, the smile was very strain and the sadness was very evident behind Ichigo's brown eyes that Byakuya had to be blind if he really were to believe that the young man who was sitting beside him was truly fine.
At a time like that, Byakuya wished he were someone with a warmer, gentler personality because if he were that kind of person, he would at least be able to say something sentimental in order to console Ichigo and make the young man feel better if only for a short moment. However, being a type of person that he was, all Byakuya could offer was a gentle touch on Ichigo's sagged shoulder.
"There's no need to force yourself to smile and say that you are fine when you're not," the Shinigami remarked softly, feeling Ichigo's muscle relaxed under his touch. "You don't need to pretend with me, Ichigo."
Ichigo kept his eyes on the ground, and while he appeared somewhat unsure whether he should speak his mind, the warmth that the touch offered made Ichigo feel like it would be okay to confide in Byakuya.
"I don't know how I should feel now, Byakuya," he confessed. "I used to think that whenever my time comes, I'd be able to accept it just fine. I mean, it's not like I don't know what awaits me in the afterlife or that I'd be left alone in Soul Society, but when the time really comes—"
"You felt it was too early and you wanted more time to live," Byakuya finished the sentence for the younger man.
Ichigo nodded and chuckled humorlessly.
"It's weird, right?"
Byakuya shook his head although he knew Ichigo wouldn't be able to see it when he kept his head down.
"If it was that easy to leave everything and everyone you love behind, no souls would ever turn into Hollows," said the Shinigami. "And considering your involvement with Soul Society is what gets you into this situation, I can't blame you if you feel that Soul Society is the last place you want to be right now."
Ichigo closed his eyes.
"But I can't stay here now, can I?"
"Not if you don't want your spiritual power to affect other people in this town in one way or another."
Ichigo nodded, understanding Byakuya's point.
"I figured as much," he said softly. "So what's gonna happen me? Are you gonna give me the konsō and then send me off to whichever part of Rukongai that my soul is assigned to?"
"That is the case for a Plus," Byakuya replied, "but you haven't been a Plus since you received your Shinigami power, so we will just crossover through the Senkaimon like all other times you visited Soul Society, except you will become Soul Society's resident and won't be allowed to return to the World of the Living by whims."
Ichigo acknowledged the information with a nod.
"In that case, can I ask you a favor, Byakuya?"
"Anything."
"Can you take me to somewhere in Rukongai where nobody would know who I am?"
Byakuya blinked once before he replied, "Of course, but at a time like this, would you not feel better to be in the company of the people you know than to face it all on your own?"
Ichigo shrugged.
"Maybe," said the teen, "but at this state of mind, I don't think I'd be able to handle it if anyone were to show any sign that they feel sorry for my situation or worse, that they're happy to see that I've finally become a permanent resident in Soul Society. I'd probably snap and say or do something that I'd regret. So I'd rather not see them until I sort my feelings out and can truly tell them that I'm fine and that I'm happy to see them, too."
Also being a kind of person who kept his deepest thoughts and troubles to himself rather than confiding in someone, Byakuya could tell where Ichigo was coming from. Since it would be very hypocritical of him to advise Ichigo otherwise, the captain nodded.
"If that's your decision, I'll support it," Byakuya replied. "At any rate, shall we head to Soul Society?"
Not only did he ask, Byakuya also stood up and proffered his hand out for Ichigo to take. However, instead of taking the hand, Ichigo stood up and pulled Byakuya into a brief, tight embrace.
"Thank you, Byakuya," he said just before he let go and took a step back.
Byakuya nodded. "Let's go."
Although Ichigo said he wouldn't mind being dropped off at any random district of Rukongai, Byakuya wouldn't be able to feel at ease to leave the young man on his own in a new environment. Thus, Byakuya arranged for Ichigo to stay in the care of Byakuya's old nanny, Hanae, who had been living in the first district of South Rukongai since her retirement, so that he would have nothing to worry about when he left to resume his Shinigami duty.
Byakuya then returned to Seireitei to make a report the result of his mission to the Captain Commander, who - much to Byakuya's surprise - didn't want to hear any details on how the Hollow was dealt with even though it was obvious to Byakuya then that Kyōraku knew that the Hollow was actually Ichigo. After that, Byakuya spent the next two days up in Rukongai's mountain to oversee the rest of the Sixth Division's training exercise.
Although Byakuya had tried to keep his focus during the two days of the exercise, it seemed he didn't do the best job at masking his worries, since Renji noticed it and even pointed it out to him after the training exercise was complete.
He managed to convince the lieutenant that he was merely exhausted from the mission he had been summoned to do, which was the reason why after they returned to the headquarters of their division and then dismissed their subordinates, Renji insisted that Byakuya should head right back to the Kuchiki Mansion and that they could review the result of the training exercise in the next day.
Not seeing the use of arguing with his own lieutenant on the subject other than to get himself yet another headache, Byakuya took Renji's advice and left the Sixth Division. At first, he thought about going out to Rukongai to check on Ichigo, but then he decided against the idea, believing that he should give Ichigo some space for the time being.
When he reached to the main house of the Kuchiki Mansion, the butler approached to him with a bow.
"Welcome home, Byakuya-sama. Hanae-dono is here to see you. She has been waiting in the living room."
Byakuya acknowledged the report with a nod. He then furrowed his eyebrows as he reckoned that the reason his old nanny came into town to see him had to have something to do with Ichigo. He took a deep breath and then made his way to the living room.
"Good afternoon, Hanae," Byakuya said as soon as he entered the room where the old woman was sitting. "What makes you come all the way here? I thought I have told you I would drop by again soon."
"You have, waka-sama, but I thought you would want to know that Kurosaki-dono has left."
Byakuya closed his eyes briefly before he opened them again and asked, "Has he?"
The old lady nodded.
"He left a note for you," the old woman said before she pulled a sealed envelope out of the fold of her kimono and then presented it to the man she regarded as her young master.
Byakuya blinked once before he reached out to accept the envelope which was addressed to "Kuchiki Byakuya-sama." However, instead of opening the envelope to see the note right away, the captain simply trace his finger along the edge of the envelope.
"Thank you for bringing it all the way here, Hanae."
Taking the hint that her young master probably didn't want anyone around when he looked at the note, the old lady decided to give him a bow.
"Since my business here is done, I shall take my leave now, waka-sama," she said. "There is no need to show me the way out."
Byakuya nodded. "Have a safe trip back."
Once the old nanny had left, Byakuya stared at the envelope for another long moment before he took a deep breath and opened it before he pulled out a letter which read:
Dear Byakuya,
Thank you for everything you've done for me and sorry for leaving without saying goodbye to you in person, but if I saw your face, I might not be able to leave.
Right now my mind is still in total chaos. I need some time and space away from all Shinigami business so that I can sort my feelings and figure out what I really want to do now that I am here in Soul Society, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do that if I were to stay so close to Seireitei and could easily be found.
I don't know how long it would take me to figure everything out or when and if I would ever return, so I'm not asking you to wait for me. But I do hope that when that day actually comes when I drop by at your place again, you will still welcome me to your house and offer me tea and some of those weird-looking cookies, and we will still be able to sit down and have some random conversations like we used to.
Until then, take care of yourself and don't forget me too soon.
Yours always,
Ichigo
Byakuya refolded the letter and put it back into the envelope after he finished reading Ichigo's message. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. It looked like their timing was still not right as always. However, that time, it seemed their roles had switched and Ichigo would be the one to decide when the right time would be, if there was such a time at all.
Placing the envelope in the fold of his kimono, Byakuya got to his feet and headed out of the living room. Once again, they did not give nor ask one another for a solid promise, and only time could tell when and if Ichigo would ever return and how they were going to proceed from then onward.
"I'll wait until that time comes then."