Disclaimer: If I owned Sailor Moon, Sailor Stars would have been translated word-for-word into english a long time ago!
Hi! Sorry for the slightly longer wait than usual; the holidays were hectic and I was so busy! Plus I just finished midterms and had to study like crazy. But things have slowed down and I have more writing time. Read and review; the more who review the faster I update. Enjoy the longer than usual chapter made just for all you readers!
Thank you to all my wonderful, special, amazing, absolutely fantastic reviewers! serenity11287, cardcaptor eternity, mae-E, fan gurl, and FrostyAKF. Y'all rock!
Self Destruct
Part 8: "The Girl in the Mirror"
It was a couple days after the car crash, and Raye's head felt much better after a lot of rest. She suggested they go for a shopping spree; something they hadn't done in ages... or, more precisely, after 'The Break-Up', as it was dubbed. The oh-so-long time ago when Serena was normal, happy, and carefree, and very much in love. Perhaps they could bring back some exuberance into Serena.
Now, the Scouts were lined up outside Serena's house.
"SE-RE-NA!"
"Mina, shh!"
"SEEEEERREEEEENAAAA!"
"Mina, shut up!"
"Why?"
"Why? Because it's 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday and people are still sleeping! That's why!" Raye yelled at the blonde, completely doing the opposite of what she was preaching. Amy giggled on the priestess' right.
"Oh, stop bickering you two!" Lita scolded, beside Mina with a hand on her hip and a humorous look on her face. "Let's just knock on her door and save the neighbors the trouble of calling the police for noise problems."
"Oh, ha ha," Mina retorted, sticking out her tongue.
Serena's mother appeared at the door though before they could knock. "What on earth-"
"Hi, Mrs. Tsukino!" Mina cried in greeting, bounding up to the door as the other Sailors followed at a less frightening pace.
"Um, hi? Was it you who was yelling for my Serena?"
"Yep! We're wondering if Serena wants to go shopping with us! Is she there?" Mina responded cheerily, all grins as she gestured to the other girls.
"She may still be sleeping, but I'll get her out..." Ikuko's face took on a sadder glaze. "She needs to go out for a while..." Then she shook out of her stupor and said she'd get her daughter right away.
oOo
Knock! Knock!
Serena sighed from her comfortable position under the covers. "Come in."
Her door was pushed open to reveal her kindly blue-haired mother. She sidled over and perched herself on the edge of Serena's bed.
"Your friends are here, honey."
"So I heard," Serena replied, with an old glint of her cheery sarcasm soaking through.
"They want you to go shopping with them," Ikuko went on, fidling with Serena's sheets with one hand as her serious eyes never left Serena's. She saw the sorrow circling their crystal blue depths.
"I don't want to."
"Serena, please, you haven't done something like this since-"
"No. Mom, no, I don't want to," Serena cut in with a bite of anger at the subtle, if not accidental, mention of that day. "I want to stay in bed."
Ikuko's features took on one of a desperate mother's look. "Serena, that's all you've really done since the break-up, except for going with your friends to Fruit Parlor Crown and getting in that stupid accident."
Serena winced at another mention of the break-up, but remained obstinant. "I'm tired."
So Ikuko saw. The bags under her daughter's eyes told the woman that she'd been dreaming about him again, and hadn't slept since.
Ikuko stood up. "Serena, please." Serena looked into her mother's eyes and saw pleading within. Her resolve crumbled. Her mother truely wanted her to go and be with her friends. To at least act like everything was OK.
"Fine," the blonde grumbled, throwing back the covers. Grudgingly, she said, "I'll go." Ikuko gave a genuine smile.
"Thank you, Serena. They're waiting for you outside."
oOo
The day dawned bright and beautiful as Serena walked alongside her friends, on the way to Juban Mall. The rain had finally let up for a while and the green grass shone with pearly moisture in the early morning sun. Mina swung her purse as she walked beside Serena.
"This is gonna be so fun! I can't wait to blow all my money!"
"Reminds me of someone else I know," Raye jabbed teasingly, elbowing Serena who gave a tiny smile that for once looked real rather than fake. Being in the sunshine after all the dreary weather lately seemed to have perked up her mood, if even just a little.
"Yah, we haven't had a real shopping spree for a while," Lita replied eagerly, fingering some money in her pocket. She patted it. "My money's been building up and burning a hole in here."
Amy laughed. "Well, I think I'll just content myself with window shopping. I'm saving my money."
The girls sighed. "Typical Amy."
Serena smiled genuinely again, and everyone took it as a good sign. If they felt happier under that little grin that always seemed to light up the whole world.
The large shopping mall came into view and the girls cheered, even Serena. Her heart was high and she was happier than she'd been in a long time. Hope sprang up in her heart. Maybe she could get through this. Her friends were doing a pretty darn good job cheering her up. Maybe her mother was right. This shopping trip with her friends would be good for her.
Right as they entered, Mina dragged them all into the clothes beautique. It was tradition that they spend (a lot) of their time trying on dresses, even if they were completely out of their price range. It made them feel older, and prettier, seeing themselves in such gorgeous, ballroom style dresses.
"Oooooh, Raye! You're going first! I've just found the perfect dress for you!" Mina squealed. "Tada!" She held up a beautiful, glittering red strapless.
Raye sighed and posed. "My beauty will set its beauty off even more!" Amy chuckled from beside her at the awkward sentence. Obviously, she didn't have the beauty of word choice! Raye punched the blue highbrow playfully.
"Raye, you've got to try it on," Lita begged, and Serena nodded. Despite her quietness, she was acting more cheery than usual.
"Please, Raye?"
"How could I possibly say no to something so elegant as that!" She grabbed the red dress from Mina and swirled into the dressing room stall with a wink. "Prepare to be amazed!" They watched as the dress was pulled up over her bare feet then disappeared as the door blocked their view. Then Raye pushed it open with flare and curtsied.
"OH MY GOD!" Mina screeched, arousing an odd look from a nearby cashier. "It's perfect!" Raye studied herself in the full length mirror behind her. It was so pretty. She sighed, tucking her black locks behind her ear.
"To bad it's so expensive."
"But a girl can always dream, can't she?" Lita responded. "Hey, can I go next? I see a pretty forest green halter-top I just gotta try on."
"No need to ask!" Mina exclaimed, bounding off to the said gown and pulling it from the rack. "Oooh, Amy, there's a pretty blue dress for you here too!" The bubbly blonde grabbed both as Raye dislodged herself from the dress and put her regular clothes on.
"Lita can try hers on first," Amy said generously, holding the long blue one Mina handed her. Lita went into the stall, but it took her longer than Raye.
"Next size up!" she called, handing the green halter-top over the top of the door. Raye grabbed it as Mina rushed for the next size. Like their tradition of trying on dresses, it was also tradition to say "Next size up!" or "Next size down!" when a dress was either too small or too big. Then they'd be handed another dress, as Lita was now.
A minute later, the brunette opened the door, a small blush on her cheeks. "How does it look?" The girls were awstruck with the perfectness of it. The green set off Lita's eyes and she looked so slim and figuresque. It defined her womanly features well.
"Amazing," Raye breathed in, eyes wide. Lita blushed more.
"That good?"
"Better," Mina nodded. Serena smiled at her friend and nodded too. She looked so... mature.
"Amy's turn!" Mina said, and Lita undressed and put the dress back. Amy was in there for only half a minute before she spoke, voice drifting over the door shyily, "Next size down." She traded in the larger for the smaller and then said again, "Er, next size down again, I think." Again, she got a smaller size and then pushed open the door.
"Wow, Amy!"
"So sophisticated!"
"I like it on you. Suits your hair and eyes," Serena put in quietly, and the others beamed. She was started to talk more and was becoming her old self more and more.
"Mina's turn!" Serena said, turning to her friend with gleaming, alive blue eyes. Mina chuckled and pushed Serena towards the cream-colored stall.
"Absolutely not! It's your turn, girl!"
Serena laughed and returned, "I don't even know what dress to try on!"
"This one's pretty," Raye said, fingering a soft pink colored one. "But there's only one size, and I know it's not yours."
"I like the white one, next to it," Serena said.
"Hmm, it probably would look better on her. It's... almost similar to the frilly style of Princess Serenity's dress!" Amy commented, cocking her head to examine it carefully. "It would be just right on her figure too."
"Then bring it over!" Serena giggled, face shining in a way it hadn't for a long time. For once, she had not thought even once of Darien or the break-up. It was handed to the blonde and she went into the stall.
A few minutes later, her voice called, "Next size down!"
A trade took place once again and Serena put on the dress. She regarded herself in the full-length mirror. The dress was very pretty, but baggy and was definitely too big. "Next size down."
The next size lower was still too large. "No, next size down again."
Again, the next dress just didn't seem to fit her properly. It slipped over her shoulders and was still sort of baggy, especially around the middle. Serena was beginning to become desperate. Why didn't any fit? She could have sworn her size was around those of the larger ones she'd tried on before...
With a sigh, the Moon girl stripped herself of the dress.
"Next size down."
But this time, there was no dress thrown over the door. Serena tapped her bare foot impatiently, clad only in her bra and panties as she waited.
"Guys? Next size down."
Outside, the girls were exchanging horrified glances. Because there was no size lower. The one Serena had in there was the lowest size you could get in this store.
"Guys! Are you there?"
Raye licked her parched lips, mind racing as she thought up excuses, all not plausible. "Se-Serena. There... isn't a smaller size."
"W-what?" Serena's tiny voice questioned behind the door, sounding almost scared. They all knew that just a couple months ago, the last time they'd been here, Serena had only needed to say "Next size down" twice, like Amy. In fact, as the Senshi had heard those words spoken over and over again, their hearts had plummeted. Exactly how skinny had Serena become? Clothes hid a lot.
"Then... just get me another dress in a smaller size," Serena said.
"There isn't another smaller size in this store," Mina replied quietly, then looked like she immediately regretted saying it.
Silence reigned for a few minutes, and in that time Serena really truely gave her semi-naked body a good look over in the mirror... something she hadn't done since she had first stopped eating very much. And what she saw scared her to death.
A lifeless girl of fourteen stared back at her. She looked malnurished, even starved. Every rib could be counted and every bone accounted for. Bags from lack of sleep were under her dull eyes. Her hair held not the life it used to, or shine it did previous... previous...
Previous the break-up with Darien. The happy life. The time of love and hope. The time where everything mattered and the world was good and bright.
Serena touched the reflection with a shaking hand. This isn't me... This is somebody else... I am not skin and bones; I am not her, that isn't me...
But reality sunk in, as it always is prone too. No one can truely live in denial.
That is me.
The truth hit like a thousand tons; a thousand knives imbedding themselves into her heart.
That is me... that is me... that is me...
The heartbroken mantra ran through her head; she couldn't get those horrible words out, she couldn't get the horrible image of her emaciated body out of her mind, it just kept staring back at her in the mirror...
"No, no, no, no," Serena moaned, beginning to sob without even really realizing it. "Not me, not me, no no no no..."
She didn't even hear the voices outside the dressing room, of her friends calling her name desperately and an unfamilar voice asking if they needed help and if their friend was OK.
"She's fine, please, can you just leave us alone for a minute? We can take care of her," Amy said to the cashier who'd looked up before when Mina'd yelled.
"Are you sure you don't want the manager or something?"
"No, we're fine," Amy said firmly, glancing over at her friends calling to the heart-wrenchingly sobbing Serena.
"What'd we do?" Mina questioned finally, after Serena it seemed still hadn't heard them.
"I'll go in there," Raye said. "I can help her, I think." Lita looked to Mina, who looked to Amy. Raye was the best with Serena, and was probably the closest to her of the four. She always seemed to find the right words when Serena was down.
"OK," they said. Raye crawled under the tiny open space under the door with a grimace at the tight squeeze, but she made it and straightened up. Her face registered revulsion and shock as she saw Serena, back turned to her, sobbing at the mirror, at her reflection. The blonde was crouched on the ground, hunched over and rocking in only her underwear. But that wasn't what was causing Raye revulsion. It was the fact that the girl's bones were sticking out and she, like Serena before, could count every rib.
Oh God, Serena, we never knew it was this bad... your clothes hid so much from us... Raye thought. She crounched down to the hysterical blonde's level.
"Serena?"
The blonde started and a pale tear-stained face shot to hers. "Raye?"
"What's wrong?"
"Her," Serena spat in revulsion, gesturing to herself in the mirror. Raye understood perfectly well what she meant and asked nothing else, only opening her arms to the Moon Princess. The girl lunged into them, crying even harder than before as her sobs wracked her small body into shudders. Raye just held her and whispered things into her ear, like "We'll get through this" and "It'll be OK".
It wasn't until Raye looked up at herself in the mirror that she was shocked to see she was crying herself.
A/N: I know, sort of a cliffhanger to leave off on, hmm? I loved writing this bittersweet and angsty chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it!
Review, and I will update faster!
Yours always,
AngelMoon Girl
Oh, P.S. If you're really liking this story, I have plenty more Sailor Moon ones that I know you'll enjoy! (hint hint). Just go to my profile and they'll be listed- just click on them!
ReViEw!