Monster – skillet
Wake up, roll out of bed, go downstairs, and feel their glare. Nobody trusted him except for one. Not that Eren blamed them; he didn't trust himself either. With each transformation it was harder and harder to come back to human form. With each transformation his anger grew and so did the casualties whose deaths were his fault. Sure, he managed to kill plenty of titans and was a great aid for mankind. But in the end, the number of casualties was just as large. Instead of being exhilarated at the thought of battle, Eren found himself terrified. He began to believe that any battle could be his last. That the next time he went into battle he might never make it out of the titan's body.
The hostility of the elite troops he was surrounded by during the day rose with each mission. If it were up to them, he would be locked up in the basement with shackles around his ankles and hands, just as a monster should be.
Yes, he was a monster.
In the beginning, he had refused to believe it. He hadn't understood why everyone in Wall Shina was so quick to lock him up and regard him as a dangerous monster. He remembered fighting against his shackles, shaking with anger, attempting to find justice in the madness. Looking back on it, Eren realized that nobody had treated him like a human ever since that. Everyone except for Rivaille. Yes, Rivaille did tend to treat Eren shittily, but he regarded him as a shitty human, not a dangerous monster.
Rivaille was really the only force preventing Eren from staying in confinement. Ever since the trial Eren had hoped that he would be able to prove himself during the various missions he had been on since. If only his performance had improved instead of becoming worse. Eren got people to believe that he was completely unconscious when he lost control of his titan self, but that wasn't the case.
He regained his complete state of mind. He remembered what it was like to tear the flesh of a human cleanly apart. He remembered swinging his huge arm into buildings, destroying both the buildings and the troops on top of them. His anger was taking control of him. Consuming him. It was coming to the point of most people were unable to even talk to him without him losing his temper. The only one who seemed to be exempt for Eren's ever-present anger was Rivaille, and sometimes Hanji. Hanji was often exempt only because she was much more understanding than everybody else.
Hanji's kind words and Rivaille's unspoken (half)trust weren't enough to keep Eren from feeling like a monster, though. What if in the end he couldn't help humanity at all, but instead, hurt it? There were so many bad situations that could happen. For god sakes, he could end up killing all of the survey scouts. And that thought made Eren hate himself. Self hatred was becoming a common mentality for Eren. Before, he believed in himself. He had the determination to kill every single titan in existence. Now, he just hoped he wouldn't kill too many humans during the next mission.
Eren was sitting at the table with everybody else (although sitting a fair distance from anyone else) when his thought process was interrupted by Rivaille striding swiftly in.
"Titans by the break in the hall are gaining numbers. We're going immediately." With that, Rivaille was already gone and out the door. That one line was enough to make everybody spring into action. Eren also got up, sighing as he made sure he had all of his equipment. Not that it mattered, considering his orders were almost guaranteed to be to fight of as many titans as he could in titan form.
Within minutes, everyone was on a horse and following Corporal Rivaille quickly through the streets. Eren was near the center of their little formation, mainly due to the need for protection in battle before he went to his titan form. Rivaille began shouting orders to everybody, and after everyone else had their orders he adjusted his strider to match Eren's.
"You're going to fight the titans in your titan form. Don't screw up, brat."
Eren desperately wanted to fight those orders, claim that it was a bad plan and that he should fight as a regular survey scout. But everyone else was around, and that would just add to their suspicion that Eren was losing control of himself.
Soon enough, the titans came into sight and immediately the elites were off to fulfill whatever orders Corporal had given them. Eren noticed that Rivaille had planned for them to be alone together. Eren took the opportunity to voice his concerns to Corporal.
"Listen, Corporal, I don't know that it's such a good idea for me to fight in my titan form right no-" Eren was cut off at the end of his sentence with Rivaille already replying, "Listen, kid, it's all in your head. You'll be fine. If you have that many doubts about being able to keep yourself under control, I'll kill you right now. So either you fight it and help humanity or I kill you right here and now. Which will it be?"
Eren didn't respond. He knew a response wasn't necessary. They both knew that Eren had a determination like nobody else. Rivaille's words were, in a strange way, just what Eren needed to hear. He didn't need a signal to transform, that was for him to decide.
I can do it. I can help humanity by using my titan form. I'll kill all of the titans! As Eren thought that, he bit his hand and as the blood began to splay from the wound, Eren could feel the transformation. In a matter of seconds, he was a fifteen meter tall titan. Now all I have to do is fight. For the first time in a while, Eren felt like his usual determined self. He could do this.
He sprinted towards the first titan he saw, roughly seven meters, and raising his fists, punched it down. The titan landed with its neck facing up, allowing Eren to finish it off almost immediately with a few swift kicks to the neck. He turned to find another titan stumbling stupidly towards him. His first punch stunned it, and his second punch finished it off.
So far, things were going perfectly smooth. A knocked down titan here, a dead titan there. Eren lost himself to the adrenaline rush of battle.
And then a few survey scouts landed on a rooftop a few buildings away from where Eren was standing. Something clicked in Eren's mind, almost like a switch. And suddenly, he was bounding towards the scouts. They realized he was running at them and the panic on their faces was unmistakable. Because every scout had been warned that Eren could turn against humanity at any time. Eren tried to run away from them, to focus on killing the titans, but he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to turn away from the scouts. His arm was swinging at them. One of them escaped the massive arm but one received the blow. Blood and a sickening crunch, and that scout was dead. Oh god no this is bad this is really bad no, Eren frantically made himself run in the other direction. My only targets are titans. I need to kill the titans.
Eren came into contact with a smaller titan and relief flooded through Eren. He was in control, and he could handle this. He would help humanity and make Rivaille proud. Three hits and a kick later, and the titan was gone.
More scouts arrived in places near Eren.
Yes. I'll definitely kill them all!
Eren wasn't entirely sure that we has still talking about titans.
He leaned down, and stared at a young woman scout. She screamed as she would in a confrontation with any other titan. They believed Eren was a monster. Eren could feel the anger rising within him. A murderous rage was coming to the surface. In the blink of an eye, he had the young woman in his jaws. He clamped his mouth shut, and with a deafening crunch the woman was torn in half. Eren didn't eat her; instead he just spat her other half out. The other scouts were frozen in terror, and it angered him. Stop looking at me like that, I'm not a monster! He was desperate. He would control himself. He could calm himself and forget that he had just killed another person.
A feeling on the back of his neck. A prick of sorts.
They're going to kill me just like any other titan. Eren shrieked and reached behind him, grabbing the scout who had raised their blades with the intent to kill Eren. A toss, and that scout was another scout dead.
Eren was conscious but he most definitely was not in control.
Anger had consumed him. Rage fueled all of his motions.
A shriek. A punch. A kick. A bite.
Suddenly the survey corps had lost several more members.
Everyone near Eren was dead, both titans and humans. But Eren felt no interest in killing titans any more. No, humans needed to die much more than titans did.
He ran.
And he ran.
Maybe he could scale the wall. There was a chance he could get away. This was his last chance; he had blown it. Kill them all. I'm going to destroy them all! Eren shrieked again, and kept running. The next human he was confronted by was Hanji. She shouted at Eren to calm down, to try and escape his titan form. Her words sounded foreign – did she really think he could simply get out of his titan form? It wasn't that simple. Not anymore. Fueled by hate, Eren lunged at Hanji. She screamed, the first scream he had ever heard from her. With his claws, he scratched at her until she was lifeless.
Hanji was the first kill of the day that Eren had felt a shred of remorse over. Hanji had more trust in Eren than anyone else besides Rivaille. She didn't completely hate him and regard him as a soulless monster. But that didn't matter. He hated her. In Eren's mind, she didn't deserve to live.
More people tried to tame him, calm him, kill him; they all failed miserably.
He was almost to the wall.
All Eren could feel was fury. Fury at everything that lived.
There was nobody around. No titans, no humans. Eren could escape, or so he thought.
Suddenly, Rivaille was there.
-x-
A whirlwind of emotions was happening within Rivaille in that moment. He was torn between two equally strong thoughts; one was a murderous rage towards Eren. Because Rivaille was fully aware of the havoc Eren had caused today. Hanji and countless others were no more because he had lost control of himself. And that angered Rivaille. Because he had placed his trust into Eren. He had truly believed that Eren could conquer his inner demons and be a savior of humanity.
How foolish to believe in that goddamn brat.
But on the other hand, he sympathized with Eren. Rivaille was fully aware of the contempt the others had for Eren. He knew the way they looked at Eren was the way they would look at any monster. Rivaille wanted to protect Eren, in a way he had never experienced before. He had a lot of contempt in his heart for people and he even had a lot of contempt for Eren. But still, something about Eren made Rivaille want to keep Eren around. Eren's determination was unmatched and he truly did want to destroy the titans and help out mankind.
However, Eren could not conquer his own anger, and in Rivaille's mind, that made Eren weak.
Eren was within sight now. Running towards the wall, of course. Eren was still himself inside of that titan, conscious enough to know that running away would be his only chance at salvation. Eren looked his way, and his eyes sparked in worry. So even then, he remains to have human emotions as mundane as worry.
-x-
Rivaille had found him. Eren lunged towards Rivaille, but was too slow. Rivaille was soon on Eren's neck. He could kill Eren at any time he pleased, and Eren was still human enough to know that.
But am I still really human?
"Eren! Listen to me right now!"
No.
Eren tried to grab at Rivaille to snap him in half. Just like a twig.
Rivaille swung around to the front of Eren, right on his nose.
"Listen, you goddamn brat."
Another swipe, another miss.
Rivaille returned to his spot on the back of Eren's neck. He stabbed through the weak spot, although she missed the most vital spot. Of course, this was on purpose. It was meant to return Eren to his typical state of mind, the one without being blinded with rage.
It didn't work. Eren shrieked and reached Rivaille in enough time to put a wound into Rivaille's arm.
"What happened to helping mankind kill all of the titans?"
Rivaille wasn't even sure he had meant for Eren to hear that. It was more of a thought spoken out loud, if anything.
That had reached Eren, and Eren tried to escape his titan self. He had made it as far as freeing his head, neck, chest, and arms; but everything below that was a lost cause. He couldn't feel any other parts of his body, they were fused with his titan body.
In this process, the titan body had fallen and Eren was looking up at Rivaille, who was standing on the titan's neck. For once, Rivaille had a sliver of emotion in his eyes.
"Rivaille, I-" Eren tried to begin an explanation. But how could he possibly explain this?
"You lost it. You're destroying mankind and ignoring titans. Is this really what you want?" Rivaille's tone, while still hollow and somewhat emotionless, lacked its usual scornful edge.
Eren's eyes were weary. Weary, but also full of rage at the same time. "Don't you understand? I'm nothing more than a monster. Just like everyone else believes. I can't control it. You may as well stay away from me before I kill you too."
"Do you want to kill humans or titans?"
Without thinking, Eren responded, "Humans."
Rivaille's eyes widened in genuine shock.
Eren's eyes sparked with contempt.
Eren bit his hand again, at an attempt to transform into a titan one more time and kill Rivaille.
Rivaille knew what was coming. He knew what he had to do.
He had to kill the one person in this world he cared about, if only a little.
As Eren drew blood on his hand, a sharp silver blade was dug right through his heart.
Eren's eyes widened in disbelief and his final seconds were spent staring at Rivaille.
Rivaille had fulfilled his orders. His orders to kill Eren if he turned against humanity.
For the first time in his life, Rivaille lost composure. A tear rolled down his cheek and as the sun set and night began, he screamed, "I fucking trusted you!" and threw the blade that had killed Eren away from him in disgust. It was over. Eren was gone, and so was a sizable portion of the survey corps. Humanity was as good as doomed without its one beacon of hope. As night fell, so did Rivaille's belief in the future of humanity.
Eren Jaeger had turned against humanity and was killed with the blade of the person he cared the most about.
"I believed in you, brat, I really did."
-x-
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster.