NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Yet another chapter of texting hilarity!
DISCLAIMERS: Not mine (except for my OC). All other OC's are property of their respective writers.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
DRUNK CANOEING
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Please text me if you survive.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
LAND HO BITCH
To: Edge
From: Christian
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Christian
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back:)
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Cooper Lawson
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
To: Stephanie McMahon
From: Ryan Shamrock
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
To: Everyone on his phone list
From: Matt Hardy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
To: Ryan Shamrock
From: Anna Hollenbeck
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
To: Kimo
From: Shannon Moore
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Subject: CM Punk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
To: Twitter
From: James Lawson
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Ryan Shamrock
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Jeff Hardy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
To: Ted Dibiase
From: Maryse
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
To: Maryse
From: Ted Dibiase
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To: Daniel Bryan
From: Evan Bourne
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
To: Matt and Jeff Hardy
From: Edge and Christian
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
To: Twitter
From: Maryse
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
To: Everyone on Matt's phone list
From: Lita
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
To: Twitter
From: Randy Orton
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Lita (College Setting)
Subject: Matt Hardy
I had to brake up with him.
To: Lita
From: Anna Hollenbeck
In my experience drinking helps.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Lita
You dont want to know why?
To: Lita
From: Anna Hollenbeck
Not really. I want to drink.
To: Everyone in her phone book
From: Kelly Kelly
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right?
To: Twitter
From: Randy Orton
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
To: Twitter
From: Melina
Subject: John Morrison
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
To: Mr. Anderson
From: Rob Van Dam
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
To: Wade Barrett
From: Justin Gabriel
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
To: Twitter
From: Jeff Hardy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
To: Twitter
From: Evan Bourne (high school setting)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
To: Twitter
From: John Morrison
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
To: Edge
From: Christian
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Anna Hollenbeck (High school setting)
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
To: Twitter
From: Ryan Shamrock
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Subject: CM Punk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
elevator sex. Pronto.
To: Twitter
From: Jeff Hardy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
To: Kimo
From: Matt Hardy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
To: Trish Stratus
From: Christian
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
To: Christian
From: Trish Stratus
are you seriously doing this over text message
To: Trish Stratus
From: Christian
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To: Lita
From: Matt Hardy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
To: Twitter
From: Randy Orton
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Ryan Shamrock
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Jeff Hardy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
To: Twitter
From: Shannon Moore
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To: Twitter
From: Jeff Hardy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
To: The Undertaker
From: James Lawson
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
To: Christian
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
To: Twitter
From: Rob Van Dam
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
To: Matt Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To: CM Punk
From: Anna Hollenbeck
Subject: John Morrison
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
To: Layla
From: Michelle McCool
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
To: Matt Hardy
From: Lita
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Shannon Moore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Shannon Moore
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
To: Stephanie McMahon (after the boob job)
From: Ryan Shamrock
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
To: Kane
From: Lita
happy early fathers day!
To: Lita
From: Kane
im not a father
To: Kane
From: Lita
about that...
To: Twitter
From: Edge & Christian
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Mr. Anderson
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
To: Mr. Anderson
From: Jeff Hardy
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Maryse
Subject: Ted Dibiase
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Chrstian
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
To: John Cena
From: Evan Bourne
Subject: Randy Orton
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Ryan Shamrock
Subject: Val Venis
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
To: Ryan Shamrock
From: Anna Hollenbeck
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
To: Randy Orton
From: Evan Bourne
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Shannon Moore
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
To: Matt Hardy
From: Kimo
Subject: Shannon Moore
I'm so sorry man. Shannon cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
To: Christian
From: Randy Orton
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
Subject: Rated RKO
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
To: Twitter
From: Shannon Moore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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