DISCLAIMERS: See Chapter One
Chapter Eight
To: Twitter
From: Randy Orton
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
To: Evan Bourne
From: Evan's Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! -mom
To: Twitter
From: Edge
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Matt Hardy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
To: Matt Hardy
From: Chris Jericho
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
To: Twitter
From: The Shield
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
To: Val Venis
From: Ryan Shamrock
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
To: Ryan Shamrock
From: Val Venis
I don't deserve you.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Lita
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
To: Lita
From: Anna Hollenbeck
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
To: Colt Cabana
From: CM Punk
Subject: JoMo (Domestic)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now he's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
To: Everyone on her phone list
From: AJ Lee
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renaissance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
To: Twitter
From: Stephanie McMahon
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
To: Cody Rhodes
From: Dustin Rhodes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
To: Twitter
From: Anna Hollenbeck
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
To: Twitter
From: Shannon Moore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
To: Seth & Roman
From: Dean Ambrose
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
To: The Bella Twins
From: Anna Hollenbeck
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
To: Stephanie McMahon-Calaway
From: Undertaker
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
To: E & C, Shannon Moore, The Hardyz, and Shane Helms
From: Anna Hollenbeck and CM Punk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
To: Twitter
From: Christian
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
To: Twitter
From: Evan Bourne
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
To: Zack Ryder
From: Daniel Bryan
Subject: Kane
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
To: Randy Orton
From: Evan Bourne
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To: Twitter
From: Dean Ambrose
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
To: Twitter
From: Lita
Subject: A night with Kane
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
To: Twitter
From: Anna Hollenbeck
Subject: Christian
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
To: Alberto Del Rio
From: Ricardo Rodriguez
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough."
To: Heath Slater
From: Justin Gabriel
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
To: Christian
From: Edge
Subject: A night with Jeff Hardy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
To: Undertaker
From: Kane (college setting)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
To: Kane
From: Undertaker
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
To: AJ Lee
From: Mickie James, Maria Kanelis and The Bellas
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
To: Twitter
From: R-Truth
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Wade Barrett
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
To: Wade Barrett
From: Justin Gabriel
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
And it tastes incredible.
To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
And I have chest pains.
To: Twitter
From: Anna Hollenbeck
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
To: Christian
From: Trish Stratus
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
To: Randy Orton
From: Cody Rhodes
Subject: John Cena
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Stephanie McMahon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
To: Twitter
From: Beth Phoenix
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
To: Twitter
From: Lita
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To: Twitter
From: Michael Cole
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Stephanie McMahon
Subject: A date with Mark (Undertaker)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
To: Stephanie McMahon
From: Anna Hollenbeck
I'm so proud, I have tears
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
Subject: Trish Stratus
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
To: Ric Flair
From: AJ Styles
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
To: Anna Hollenbeck & CM Punk
From: Jeff Hardy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Anna Hollenbeck & CM Punk
Only way we could keep you from running into traffic.
To: HHH
From: HBK
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I'm on the job.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Shannon Moore
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To: Shane Helms
|From: Matt Hardy
I'm drunk at 3:28
To: Matt Hardy
From: Shane Helms
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
To: Twitter
From: The Shield (Ryback is also involved)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Jeff Hardy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
To: Cooper Lawson
From Jeff Hardy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Cooper Lawson
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
To: Twitter
From: Mindy Stratus-Lawson
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: AJ Lee
Subject: Dolph Ziggler
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
To: Anna Hollebeck
From: AJ Lee
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
To: Ryan Shamrock
From: Val Venis
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
REVIEWS = LOVE:)