Stolen Stars
Chapter Five
"I can't wait forever" is all that you said
Before you stood up
And you won't disappoint me
I can do that myself
But I'm glad that you've come
Now if you don't mind
Leave, leave,
And free yourself at the same time
Leave, leave,
I don't understand, you've already gone
(Leave – Glen Hansard)
0o0o0o0o0o0
"Am I allowed to leave the palace?"
"Yes, of course," the guard who introduced himself as Hermod. "The All-Father wished to make it clear that you are to be treated as a guest, not a prisoner."
"But you're gonna follow me everywhere, aren't you?"
"You are correct."
Rose sighed, but simply tugged the too-loose blouse. Someone left a change of clothes in her quarters. She didn't dare try to sneak away to the TARDIS just yet, even to get a pair of her own underwear, and Odin seemed to catch on that she was intelligent enough to stay away from the green box. She knew she would be watched every step.
"Alright, if I'm going to have a shadow, you might as well make yourself useful. Can you lead me to the library?"
After the stunt at the prison yesterday morning, the king drilled her with questions on the nature of her relationship with Loki and her new-found abilities. Rose was hesitant to give too many answers beyond what she had already told him, and soon asked to be left alone in her quarters for the rest of the day. She was too panicked to speak in clear sentences, and whatever she did to Loki made her feel weak and her head throb.
She was undisturbed aside from the meals sent to her room by servants, but was told to expect to be escorted back to the prison the next day. Since they had yet to call her forth, Rose wanted to take her mind off the whole ordeal some other way.
The library was immense and, according to the tiny woman hovering over a large scroll in a corner, hardly a dent into the vast wealth of written knowledge that Asgard held. Rose browsed the acres of shelves, again grateful for T-Too's translation unit. She learned simply by scanning through pages that history was, to the Aesir, an integral part of their society. Legends, songs, prophesy, all laid out for anyone to read and learn. Rose could almost hear the shouts of thousands of years.
Yeah, this body loved books.
"Well, hello."
Rose looked up to see a handsome blond man (was everyone here blond and blue-eyed?) smiling at her from the other side of the bookshelf.
"Hi," she replied, a tad wary.
"I have not seen you in the palace before, and I am sure I would remember such a pretty face."
Rose cocked a brow in amusement.
"I sorta…just arrived. I'm Rose."
"You're Rose?" he said, his voice rising in surprise as he walked towards her. "The Rose Tyler the whole of Asgard has been whispering about?"
"I hope not," she replied, her mood wilting. Great. All she needed now was gossip.
"Well, I can assure you that you are not the frightening bloodied Valkyrie that we all thought you were."
"And you would be?" Rose asked, her fingers scratching at the binding of the book in her hand as she suppressed her irritation.
"Ah, yes. Please excuse me. I was distracted by your remarkable beauty." The expression on his face was not unlike a cat about to catch its hapless prey. Rose found it oddly familiar.
He moved to pick up her hand, and Rose looked on as he brushed his lips against her knuckles.
"Fandral of the Warriors Three—at your service, Lady Tyler."
When Rose realized who she was trying to place Fandral with, she laughed.
"What?" he asked, dropping her hand.
"No, no, it's just that you remind me of someone," she said, controlling her giggle. "He couldn't help but flirt with everything that moves, either."
"He was a fool to let a jewel such as yourself get away."
"I was otherwise engaged," she replied, unable to resist a grin. "Listen, I don't know if you can help me out here…"
The guards would not allow her into Loki's cell alone, but perhaps she could recruit this man into helping give her a few moments of privacy. After a few minutes of eyelash batting and teasing, Fandral was fully onboard to help her.
Within the hour, they were in a gallop towards the prison. Rose was beginning to feel the repercussions of riding horseback for three days in a row, and wearing a skirt wasn't making the travel any easier. It took a few words from Fandral to allow Rose to enter unaccompanied.
She found Loki much as she did the first time she laid eyes on him; pale, still, and dressed all in black. He was barefoot along with the plain tunic and pants, and the image brought up much more domestic memories. His eyes now were what kept Rose from the warmth that threatened to overcome the reality of the situation.
"So. Rose Tyler, back from the dead," he droned. "I was wondering where you disappeared to."
His tone unnerved her. Her mind went to an old movie about cannibals and moths.
"Your father and I agreed that I should visit you once a day. At least for now. We still don't know what exactly it is we're dealing with."
"Oh, I do not think Odin has ever had the slightest idea," Loki told her, his legs stretched out in front of him as he slouched with his back to the wall.
"You could have told me what you did," she blurted out. She instantly regretted it, but it was the one thing that was swirling around her mind the past 24 hours. Loki seemed to catch onto her meaning and cocked his head to the side, studying her with the same horrible look in his eye. Like he was about to bite her.
"What was the point? You would have tossed me to the wolves of Torchwood. Couldn't have a rogue alien loose on the city, could you?"
"That's not what would have happened. I know—knew you."
"No, you don't. You really don't."
"That's a lie. I spent fifty years thinking about what happened to you, Loki. I thought you were lost forever, you bloody git." Decades of pent up frustration were beginning to mount. And as hard as she tried to push down past anger and regret and unsolved mysteries, Rose could not ignore the fact that she could finally get some answers for herself.
"Oh I'm sure you did. And started a big happy family with the Doctor as well. How heartwarming."
"I don't think you're in a position to criticize my life choices after the stars came back."
"And how do those fifty years sit, Rose? How does it feel to have to watch your family die as you continue on, young and strong?"
Rose was unable to hide her flinch.
"I am here to help you, Loki, not reminisce."
"Why not?" A grin, sharp and humorless. "I mean, you were the one who decided to hunt down the old ghosts of your past life."
"Yes, and I am happy to see you alive," she insisted. "But you're sick, and according to some woman in a white dress I am the only one—"
"I do not want your help, you pathetic child," he spat.
"I felt it, Loki. I saw what's inside your mind. You can't fight that alone!" It had been like pitch, sticky and black and choking. Nothing less than a miracle and a testament to Loki's willpower kept him remotely sane.
"I can. And I will not have some blundering human invade it as well." There was something else though, in his expression. Rose caught on. It was the same look Loki gave her when she first entered and told him who she was. Fear.
"Dammit, I'm not trying to mess with your head! I'm here as a friend." Why won't he believe her? "And unless I'm wrong, you don't seem to have many of those at this point."
That seemed to silence Loki for a moment. Rose rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"You know what? Fine. I'm gonna go. Figure yourself out, because I'm not like them." The steady, calculating stare she was given assured her that he knew who she was talking about. She saw that much as well. "I won't touch you or get in your head. Not until you want me to."
"You're not."
"What?"
"You're not a friend to me, Rose Tyler." Loki looked at her, speaking through gritted teeth. He was no longer trying to hide his fury behind cutting words and sarcasm. His voice was shaking with anger. And fear. God, the fear that was locked behind those sea-green eyes properly terrified her as well.
Rose hesitated as she began to step towards the door, desperate to escape, to hide from the impossible task that had been given to her.
You owe him this much, a small voice that sounded too much like her past self echoed in her mind. Rose swallowed, and then began to slowly walk closer to Loki's cot and the only place to sit in the stone cell. As carefully and warily as possible, she sat on the far edge on the cot.
"What are you doing?" he asked, shifting away from her.
"Sitting," she replied calmly, folding her hands onto her lap. "Might as well. I have nothing better to do."
There was no sound from him as the two of them sat side by side on the cot. Rose knew it would be a battle of wills. Loki had thousands of years of practice, but she had a clear mind.
It was there, just for a second. A twitch of a finger in her direction, his blink slower than normal. She wouldn't have been able to pick it up in her other body, but this one was attuned to small details.
Rose placed her hand, palm open and welcoming, in the empty space between them; a silent invitation, and a wordless wish for his trust. It stayed there, for minutes or hours. Time seemed to shift as she waited.
Finally, Loki moved. Rose watched his impassive face as his hand lifted and paused over her hand. After a second, though, he made the decisive motion down. Rose saw the slight tremor in his wrist, and gently squeezed his hand when it made contact with hers.
"What are you waiting for?" Loki murmured, his eyes finding hers once more. She licked her dry lips nervously, and then nodded. With eyes closed, Rose mentally reached through and into Loki's fractured mind.
She saw it, the madness wrapped around the plan to use her to get to the TARDIS and escape. She saw the plans to use the ship to wreck havoc on all the Nine Realms, the twisted satisfaction he would receive as the worlds burned and people ran from him in fear. She almost reached out to wipe the idea from his mind completely. But then Rose realized that the poison did not create these thoughts, nothing beyond the disturbing thirst for blood. They were coming from Loki himself, and the fog was only fueling it.
And she had no right to change him. Help him erase the poison, take out all that the Other had shoved in there, but as frightening as the violence inside him was…Rose knew it was wrong to erase the anger and grief and narcissism that made Loki.
After a few more moments, Rose slowly withdrew from the depths of the god's mind.
Loki's face came into view, and he had that same dazed look as before as he stared at her. Sweat beaded his temple, but the rigidity in his shoulders seemed to have disappeared.
"You alright?" Rose asked, slipping her hand off of his. Loki flexed his fingers, and then leaned over to rub, hiding his face.
"You're still not my friend," he muttered absently as he rested his forehead on his hands. Rose gave an irritated huff, but the venom that was in his tone earlier had also left.
"You're welcome."
"Leave."
Well, most of the venom.
"I'll be back tomorrow," she promised, standing once more. Loki did not reply, and he did not look up.
This was a mess, the whole thing. As she pretended to be interested in Fandral's small talk, Rose couldn't help but feel helpless.
The Valiant Child, the Bad Wolf, the Defender of the Earth; all these titles fell flat in her heart. Even after surviving the vanishing stars, facing the Devil itself, keeping the Doctor happy and whole (at least in one universe), humanizing a Dalek…
Rose felt that saving Loki from himself might be the only thing she would never be able to do.